March 2015 75-word Writing Challenge -- VICTORY TO CAT'S CRADLE!

[TheDustyZebra]

RULES:


Write a story inspired by the chosen theme and genre in no more than 75 words, not including the title​

ONE entry per person


NO links, commentary or extraneous material in the posts, please -- the stories must stand on their own
​

WHEN WRITING YOUR STORY, PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IS A FAMILY FRIENDLY FORUM​

All stories Copyright 2015 by their respective authors,
who grant the Chronicles Network the non-exclusive right to publish them here


The complete rules can be found at Rules for the Writing Challenges



Contest ends at 11:59 pm GMT, March 23, 2015​

Voting Ends at 11:59 pm GMT, March 28, 2015​

You do not have to submit a story in order to vote --
in fact, we encourage all Chrons members to take part in choosing a winner


The Magnificent Prize:

The Dignified Congratulations/Grovelling Admiration of Your Peers
and the challenge of choosing the next month's theme and genre

​

Theme:

Urgency


Genre:

Comedic Space Opera ​

This thread to be used for entries only.

Please keep all comments to the Discussion Thread.
We invite (and indeed hope for) lively discussion and speculation about the stories as they are posted,
so long as it doesn't involve the author explaining the plot.

** Please do not use the "Like" button in this thread! **​

.

 

[Ashleyne]

SPACEBORN

Ronald gripped the steering wheel with one hand, his arm around Jessica's shoulder. “Shush. We're almost there.”
“Don't tell me to shush! I'd like to see you shush when a baby's trying to claw its way out of ya!”

Finally, they arrived at The Midwife: a planet-sized, many tentacled creature.
Ronald opened the window. A tentacle descended onto Jessica's belly. A baby floated out from between her legs.
Ronald scowled: “It's a girl.”

 

[holland]

In Reverse

Frank activated the time-cube at the last moment, and the time moved in eeesrever...

.resal eht derif eH
"!ekas s'yxalaG rof rethguaddnarg ruoy s'ehS ?dad ,uoy dluoc woH"
.rood eht no deraeppa rehtaf reh ,retal sdnoces tsuJ
.efiw dna dnabsuh emaceb yeht ,nekops erew sdrow ehT
.ynomerec eht degnarra dna tseirp a dnuof knarF
.ylkciuq tca ot dah yeht os ,tenalp eht no devirra rehtaf reH
.neddibrof saw pihsnoitaler riehT

 

[Luiglin]

Not on time? It's on us!

The Minion waited on the tower. Thin pale fingers, the only sight of flesh, tapped out a jaunty beat on a gargoyle's head (much to the gargoyle's consternation).

A battered spaceship corkscrewed out of the sky at high speed, coming to a halt with a scream of void brakes and sparks.

Urgent order? Failed again.

Voluminous robe billowed with a deep sigh. Free pizza would not make Him happy when they'd forgotten the astral anchovies.

 

[Jo Zebedee]

DAMN MARKETING


Brent pulled back the curtain revealing, in all its silver Buck Roger’s glory, the MK-IX.

“Any new features?” Selina from Channel 15, the minx.

He straightened. Masculine smile. Slight wink. “Grav-regulator. Magnetic tool kit. And this little baby.”

“Which is?”

“For moments of urgency. We call it the …willy-flap.”

Selina snorted. The hall broke into laughter. His cheeks flushed. Damn marketing, he knew he should have went with the Johnston-toggle.

 

[Juliana]

Haste Makes Waste

Linus strode through the bustling spaceport, pack on his back and the world at his fingertips. He couldn’t wait any longer. He was 21, and ready to see the Universe. He patted the striped towel he wore around his neck like a scarf and muttered, “Don’t panic.”

Three Months Later…

Slaggerfartle the Third wiped his lips with the stripy cloth and burped. “Tasty! And all come with such handy little napkins.”

 

[willwallace]

Needful Things



Three weeks into the delivery run, Fry checked the storeroom only to make a horrifying discovery.

“Empty? How can they all be empty?” he cried.

Cans skittered around the floor as he tried to find one that wasn’t drained.

“Two months! We won’t arrive at Deneba for two months! We’ll never survive!”

The captain slapped his face.

“Fry, you don’t need beer to live.”

Two hours later the Planet Express crew mutinied.

 

[Victoria Silverwolf]

The Plague From Earth

Folnep slithered into the royal chamber. Empress Cloyn turned an eyestalk toward him. “What is it?”

“The human cultural invasion is worse than expected. It has obsessed our finest minds. The arts and sciences are stagnating.” Folnep saw the small object Cloyn held in her tentacle and realized she was already infected.

“Never mind that,” Cloyn said. “I’ve got more important things to worry about. Remind me; is this a Knight or a Bishop?”

 

[ratsy]

Dump me? You're fired!

Divinity floated in orbit above the small, orange planet. The mission was clear.

Garth opened the comm-line. “This is Captain Vale of the CPPH. You’re harboring an enemy of the Council.”

The voice in the speaker laughed. “Garth, I dumped you. Get over it.”

He placed his hand over the mic and whispered, “Fire, Lt. Casey.”

The planet erupted in an ochre explosion.

“She always said I was too quick on the draw.”

 

[Perpetual Man]

Where No Man Wanted To Go Before

“There’re Hangons right across tactical!” Commander Checkout cried.

“Why, would they, ruin galactic peace now?” Captain Birk gasped, “Lasers and missiles online!” To avert war he was going to have to pull something out of his…

Science Officer Spick, half breed, calmly crossed the bridge, looked at Checkout, raised a pronounced eyebrow. He leaned over, calmly brushed the biscuit crumbs from the screen.

“Going to war over messy eating is not logical Captain."

 

[Tywin]

The Hero

Senator Zanost could smell the returning starfighter, smoke wafting from glowing blaster barrels and a sizzling hole in her armor.

“Amazing,” Zanost gushed to Admiral Kratos. “A thousand Qelgar ships disintegrated in minutes. We are saved! I must congratulate our hero!”

Commander Zipzod flew past the official’s outstretched arms, up the ramp, and out of the hanger.

Kratos smiled, Free supersize drinks and a faulty onboard toilet. The best plans are the simplest

 

[farntfar]

Urgency is changeless. (Or how I learned to relax and love the stereotypes)


“People of earth! My destructor beams are aligned. Pay the price now or pay the ultimate price.”


Meanwhile on the red telephones.
“3 Ningis, Dimitri. What in hell are Ningis?”

“Iss monny Jack. Iss alvays monny vis zees green monstors.
Oh for some nice red aliens.”

“Mr President! It’s Captain Fantastic. He’s found some Ningis.”

“People of Earth, you are reprieved. With three Ningis, exchanged for 1 Pu the public Megaloo is mine.”

 

[HareBrain]

Undelivered Male


Commander Warcrave woke in terror.

His anniversary! And his wife was on Procyon 6!

He bought space-flowers, jumped into his craft, floored it.

No time to skirt the robot fighting chickens’ church picnic. He blasted through the gelatine dessert nebula, calling “Sorry!” but triggering interstellar war.

He rushed to Susan’s home. Ten to midnight. Phew.

She slapped him. “You never remember! Anniversary’s tomorrow, idiot!”

He’d sped so fast he’d reversed time.

Bloody physics.

 

[Dan Jones]

A Wig And A Prayer

I play Uptown Funk at double speed so Captain Krunk can comb his mullet wig quickly.

“Can’t be late for the Heavenly Bodies Disco, Zog,” he says. “Princess Quinto has an ear fetish; this’ll parade mine like radar.”

I shoehorn him into his girdle and we speed across the Quadrant.

Too late. Quinto’s already dancing with an earnest, blue-shirted, magnificently-eared specimen.

“Him again. Why would she choose him, Zog?”

I shrug. “It’s logical.”

 

[Cascade]

The Best Medicine

The imperial flagship pinwheeled through space. Broken. Burning.

Throughout the ship, klaxons wailed, emergency lighting flickered and the few survivors rushed to repair damaged systems.

The attack had been so sudden, so brutal.

Doctor Vordan knelt beside the Empress. A jagged piece of metal jutted from her chest, blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. Saving her would take all of his skill.

He leaned close and whispered, “Two nuns walk into a bar…”

 

[Cat's Cradle]

First Contact--Why You Laughter?

(Two ships of mutually alien design float in interstellar space near a vacuum-protected conference cube. Inside, representatives from Sol’s Homo sapiens species and Betelgeuse’s Cephalopoda rulers face each other.)

"Our lingo hard--clicks, squeals, ink. We study Earth television sniggles...signals, learn Earth lingo, culture. I introduce Betelgeuse astronauts--again, must emphasize, we learn from Earth television. Here Captain Jerry Seinfeld. There Lieutenant McDonald’s. Him Scientist Shakira. I Linguist Maxi Pad...why you laughter?"

 

[StilLearning]

Dedicated fan.

Every early warning system on Ensign Olos's console went off at once. All around the starship Century Sparrow enemy capital ships decloaked and began firing.
Panicking, Olos yelled to Admiral Rabkca - who, incredibly, was wearing a beatific smile: "Admiral, it's a t-"
Rabkca drew his blaster, shot out Olos's knee, and snarled: "I joined the space navy for one damn reason," He turned the blaster toward the other crew "That's my line"

 

[Droflet]

The Kleenex Maneuver


“Cap’in she canna take no more.”

“Hold her together, Snotty.”

“Mister Spook, report.”

“Captain, we are bracketed by fifteen Klingon fecal class battle cruisers. As humans would say, we’re in the poop.”

“Oh yeah? Captain Kook never loses. I’ll think of something.”

“Shields down. Reactor critical.”

“Mister Spook, load all torpedo tubes with industrial grade toilet paper.”

“You don’t mean …”

Captain Kook stood, his teeth bared. “Today we finally wipe out the Klingons. Fire!”

 

[Mr Orange]

Fate of the ESS Vortludo


“Approaching Alpha Urshen 3 Kapitano…

…entering lower atmosfero.”

“Reverse propulsors.”

“Jes Sir.”

Clunk

“Propulsors failed! We’re falling!”

“Komenci emergency landing protokolo on grasslands.”

“Grasslands?”

“There.”

“…Kapitano, that’s not gr-”

Splash!

~​

“Results of the inquest are in. Says here ‘Captain Kuniklo didn’t understand the importance of fast reactions to thruster failure and also didn’t realise that oceans on the planet were in fact a greenish brown colour.’”

“He didn’t recognise the Urshen Sea?”

“Exactly.”

 

[Bowler1]

Viewing Figures


Buck Rogers blasts his way onto the alien command deck, stepping over dead reptilian bodies. ‘Zog of Bog, I have you now.’


‘Hold it, puny human,’ as a large tentacle hovers over a flashing red button. ‘One more step and I will blast Earth to rubble.’


Our hero poses dramatically, RAY GUN aimed at Zog’s ugly bloated head. What to do, as Buck Rogers weighs the up future of all humanity.


Tune in next week….