Embracing the madenss.

[Hawkshaw_245]

Throughout my adolescence, and well into my adult life, I felt odd, out of place.

I was always an intensely curious,opinionated, quirky person who lusted for information and experience.

I often thought out loud. People took jabs at me for 'talking to myself', and always picked on me for being crazy.

But then i found this was part of the creative process, and many creative souls did just that. Poets recited prose aloud. Song-writers and singers mumbled lyrics tot themselves. Actors whispered dialog to themselves while waiting in line a the bank.

It's not lunacy. It's just part of the creative brain.

Also, I'm dreadfully moody. Prone to bouts of depression, headaches, and melancholy,

I thought this, too, was 'abnormal' how ever others might define it.

And then i found this, too, was part of what creative souls endure. Read the memoirs and biographies of many writers, poets, artistic types, and you'll see that this is common.

But what has helped in dealing with all of this is simply embracing the madness that goes with being a creator.

Forget what others say is 'odd' and use it for something constructive.

Analytical, perfectionist, nit-picking habits might be troublesome in other circles, but they are virtues in the creation of art or entertainment. One needs to work out details, and dot the 'I's, and cross the 'T's. One must simply remember not to get swamped by the minutiae.

Lastly, I've learned to use the trials and tribulations of everyday life as fodder and grist for for the creative mill. Personal traumas, misadventures, and SNAFUs can all be combined and refined into viable story elements.

In short, I've learned to Embrace the Madness that is everyday life, and use it to help in my creative work.

 

[j d worthington]

Not sure whether this "technically" belongs in Workshop or not; if not, it ought to. Bravo!

Actually, this is "abnormal" -- supposedly "normal" people don't do it. They also don't feel an urge to create very often. But how many people are "normal"? At any rate, well said; and a valuable lesson for any who are still struggling with that feeling of being an "outsider".

 

[yebastick]

Creative people has been more sensitive than usual than the normal ones. Sometimes this heightened sensitivity cause us more trouble than what is necessary.

Sad to say, this moodiness and seeming lunacy has sometimes become a prop to project an image of "creativity". And creativity has often become a cushion to justify our misery.

We creative need not suffer unnecessarily. The props should be dropped and learned to be true to ourselves. If we are cranky and moody because it is us, that's is fine. I respect that. But if the appearance of madness merely a prop, that is sad.

Again, if we are to be mad, because it is truly what we are.

My 2-peso.

 

[Chabio]

There is more reality in madness, than people realise.
It's just another tool in creativity.

 

[kyektulu]

Well said Chabio.

I too have been bullied for being, what others term 'a nutter' and daydreamer...

Hawkshaw, I suffer from the same bouts of depresion and moodiness as you, I have had years of extensive therapy trying to work out my reasons for being this way.

Im glad that others can see these symptoms as a normal part of the creative mind, as it has never been told to me before, I came to this conclusion myself after many years of wondering why I was a freak.

 

[Hawkshaw_245]

There is more reality in madness, than people realise.
It's just another tool in creativity.

I like the way your warped mind works.

 

[j d worthington]

I mentioned elsewhere an experience I had while writing several years ago: I'd been having trouble getting this one scene down; I knew exactly what I wanted to say and all, but it just came out sludge. After about the fourth or fifth attempt, I quite literally had one of the characters in the scene turn to me and say "F*** off. Just let us handle this." I sat back in my chair, and just sat there for a minute, thinking seriously about making that phone call. Then my fingers hit the keys, and flowed; oh, my, how it flowed. Same sort of thing, more or less, happened to me with one of my favorite stories (at least so far, I've not quite finished this oddity). One morning, after nearly 72 hours without sleep, sitting and talking with a friend about writing. He went into the other room for a minute, and a line popped into my head: "If wishes were penguins, we'd all be running around wearing tuxedoes". And I was off. What I ended up with was a cross between Damon Runyon, Harlan Ellison, and Lewis Carroll. Make that a train wreck. But it was hilarious, and everyone who's seen what I've done on it has fallen down laughing (almost quite literally). I've never written in that tone before nor since (hope I can recapture it to finish this off); but I literally felt like a stranger had simply stepped into my brain and taken over and I was just watching this lunatic come up with the most insane piece of nonsense I'd ever seen -- but it worked!

Point being -- yes; embrace the madness. It's part of how creativity works. At least insofar as it aids the process, embrace it. Don't worry about the fits of depression; learn to cope with them (yes, I have them too; quite horrendous ones at times, of near-suicidal intensity) and ride the wave and feed that part of you that turns all that into beauty and wonder. That's what makes all the rest of the "normal" lunacy worthwhile.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

Eccentricity seems to go hand-in-hand with creativity, but I have serious doubts about whether depression and other mental and emotional disorders are intrinsic to the creative temperament. They are just more obviously debilitating in creative people. It's quite possible to function in an outwardly normal fashion at vocations and avocations that require little or no creative thinking, but depression, as I know well, can be deadly to the creative process. I certainly wouldn't advise anyone to embrace that.

My doctor and I were recently discussing the way that it seems that every other person is diagnosed with depression these days. That makes it easy for some people to dismiss it as a sort of trendy imaginary illness. They say, what did people who were depressed do in the old days, before all these pills and all this therapy. They just got on with their lives and got over it, didn't they. But the fact is, most of them did no such thing. They just went right on quietly suffering for years -- or they were institutionalized -- or (if they could afford to) they isolated themselves -- or they died (either by committing suicide, or due to alcoholism, drugs, eating disorders, or other self-destructive behaviors). There is plenty of evidence to support this.

So while I'm very much against stigmatizing or dismissing these problems, I'm also against glamorizing them or accepting them as a necessary expression of the creative mind. Depression can be a deadly disease; wiser to fight it than to welcome it, or treat it like a badge of honor.

Being an oddball or a dreamer or an eccentric is another matter entirely. That, I would say, is a very healthy expression of a creative imagination.

 

[j d worthington]

Perhaps I was unclear on this. I did not mean to imply embracing the depression: I know how debilitating it can be. But cope with it (meaning get help, learn what you need to so you don't feel so isolated, or as if you are a nutter because you suffer from depression, take medication, etc.); but it seems to be a fact that such states have a higher incidence than in the general populace; and there's still some pretty strong evidence, from what I understand of the studies I've heard of, that the two may indeed have a strong connection. The jury is still out on this, but the evidence seems to be pretty strongly favor of this being one of the aspects of a high percentage of creative minds. My point is more to embrace the unconventional views and actions when they feed creativity, and don't let the depression make you feel as if there's "something wrong" with you ... that you're somehow "sick" or "twisted". That only increases the power of the depression itself. Find support groups and find ways to help you understand it, and techniques to help you get to the other side of depression. It's hard work; I know from bitter experience, having had more than one suicide attempt in my life. (It runs in my family, apparently; my sister tried seven times; the last time with a shotgun -- if her aim hadn't slipped about a quarter inch, it'd have gone right through her heart. As it is, she still carries shrapnel in her spine.)

So, if I wasn't clear on this, I apologize. I would never tell someone to embrace depression. But I would tell them that this is often a part of a very creative individual, and it does not mean anything bad about them. If it helps, I'd try to encourage them to try learning to see everything as temporary, including the worst depression. It may take a long time, but it does eventually pass, sometimes with help, sometimes without. It doesn't have to rule your life. But that's what works for me, and may not work for someone else, and it was a hard road getting to that view. It's still a struggle, sometimes a very difficult one. Embrace who you are, recognize that depression is something you have to deal with, yes. But not to embrace the depression itself.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

That wasn't aimed at you specifically, j. d., but at the topic (and particularly the thread title) in general.

I know too many young people who act as though there is something especially clever about being moody and unhappy -- and who even say that it helps them to be creative. (Having seen some of the work they produce, let's just say I have my doubts.)

There's a big difference between accepting yourself as a person with the disease, and accepting the disease and allowing it to rule your life instead of doing everything in your power to overcome it and get well.

I've been fighting (and losing) the battle for a long time, but I'm not ready to give up, because I know that if I do all the creativity (and the quirks and eccentricities that make me who I am) will disappear into a dull grey blur.

 

[dustinzgirl]

Do most of us suffer from depression or other mood disorder? Clinically, I am bipolar 2 with hyperfocus disorder....basically I have bouts of serious depression (there are times where I have no cleaned or done laundry for weeks because it is all I can do to get out of bed) and bouts of serious intensity (there are times where I don't sleep for days, cleaning and writing) and, the hyperfocus disorder means that there are times, infrequent, where I am almost in a catatonic state, lost in my own mind. Crazy? mayhaps. Medication makes me dumb. I mean, drooling on myself dumb all the time. Instead of medicine I use counseling and writing to help myself, which has been working for quite a while. I was very suicidal when I was a kid and spent time in the lovely lock down facility for crazy people. That was fun, juice and crafts...best meds ever! LOL. I think my children saved me from suicide, really getting pregnant at 16 was the best thing that could have happened to me because that gave me hope and purpose in life.

There is a fine line between unhappiness and depression. If it takes over your life and is constant, it is depression. If the constancy is overrun by bouts of super highs, its bipolar. These are chemical imbalances, and not faulty behavior. You have to tell yourself that. Recognize the thoughts that are self harming..."I will never" "I should be" "I can't live" ect. for what they are...your brain's chemical reactions and NOT your soul or spirit or humanity.

 

[j d worthington]

That wasn't aimed at you specifically, j. d., but at the topic (and particularly the thread title) in general.

I wasn't sure about that, but I wasn't offended; I just felt I might not have made the distinction clear, and wanted to be more specific.

I've been fighting (and losing) the battle for a long time, but I'm not ready to give up, because I know that if I do all the creativity (and the quirks and eccentricities that make me who I am) will disappear into a dull grey blur.

I seem to have been in something of the same boat, especially the last 4 years, when it seems everything I'd gained over the years -- quite literally everything -- melted away like snow in a July heat wave. An entire life wiped out, scrabbling to find a reason to not go ahead and throw in the towel. So, lame as it may sound, I empathize with you, and all I can say is I wish you the best -- and that I can tell you, if it's not too presumptious or forward, that you're very important to us around here.

D. -- what can I say? I've never been officially diagnosed with these, but the symptoms sound awfully familiar; but, then, so many disorders share various symptoms. It may be that there has actually been an increase in the incidence of such disorders; or it may be that we're only now recognizing many for what they are. Posthumous diagnoses is chancy at best, when it comes to such things. Good luck and best wishes to all concerned.

 

[littlemissattitude]

Well. This thread has certainly gone a long way toward explaining why I fit in so well around here. Or, perphas, it should be .

I do agree with you, Teresa, that things like depression, or as in my case, anxiety and OCD, are not really conducive to the creative process. I know what it is like to be so paralyzed by anxiety that I'm afraid to do anything; I was so agoraphobic at one point some years ago that I didn't go outside my house unless forced to do so for nearly a year. That wasn't a very creative time for me, to say the least.

I've also always been the "different" one, the daydreamer, the one with all the odd interests, the one who refused to "go along to get along". And I sometimes wonder how much of my anxiety problems go back to that, or more accurately having been teased and bullied so much because of those traits.

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

I can tell you, if it's not too presumptious or forward, that you're very important to us around here.

It's kind of you to say so. The sad thing (from my viewpoint -- people who have known me for many years might consider it fortunate) is that with the exception of Carolyn, no one around here has had a chance to meet the "real" me. When not going through a years long depression, I can be quite pleasant and playful.

Does anyone else feel like they've lost (or, I still hope, just misplaced) some significant parts of their personal identity?

 

[j d worthington]

OH, GOOD GOD, YES!!!! I won't go into it much -- at least not at this juncture -- but, yes, very much so. Now I feel a little less alone, as well.....

 

[Susan Boulton]

I must be the odd one out. I am just a overweight, middle-aged English housewife, who works part time. I am semi-handcapped as the result of an illness I had three years ago. This has been harder I think on the family than me, I can't do as much as a used to and walking any distance is hard. So I tend to sit on my backside much more, hence the over weight bit... Have two kids and among the various hobbies I have had over the years is writing. I just love the research, writing and even now and then editing.

I just think it was something in the water where I lived as a child. (I was born and brought up 200 yards from where Tolkien once lived for awhile and began writing LOTR, )

 

[yebastick]

When I suffer bouts of depression and sense of missing some parts of my identity, I often ask I myself, who in the hell in this time and generation doesn't suffer from that?

Even the overachiever, suffer from deep sense of insecurity. Even the so called normal ones suffer from daily sense of coping with identity. We all carry psychological baggages in one form or another, it is not monopoly of the creative. Even the bully is expressing the neurosis.

In way, that all people suffer from this, is sort of comforting.

In a generation, where everyone want to feel unqiue, I take comfort that we share simillar things.

Point is, the basis of creativity is not being odd or moody, but the created work. The hardest thing to do is taking stock of our creative works, looking at them if they are freaking worth a thing to others.

I heard someone said, "One may have the trappings and trimmings of Clint Eastwood, but none the talent."

In all these years, I continue struggle with this Eastwood crap, for though it is trite, it cuts a question right through a creative soul.