Decomposition

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BookStop

If you see a stranger...
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Here is the first part of a short horror story that I have actually finished! I know, y'all didn't ever think I would finish one - Ha! I wrote this one for my 11 and 13 year olds, trying my darnedest to expand their reading repertoire to include genres other than just high fantasy. Any contructive criticism is welcome.



Tamarine turned from the punch table and looked toward the surprisingly full dance floor. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to replace the image she had just seen with bursts of yellow light in the nothing. It didn’t work. The lights were there, but so was his hand, trailing over Lydia’s bare shoulder. It would’ve been a tender moment, if it weren’t for the fact that Lydia had been dead three days already.

There are more stages of decomposition than most people think. Over the last sixteen days, Tamarine had become personally acquainted with four.

October 1 – Initial Decay


Riding the bus to school was always a great way to get the day started. Lydia sat next to Tamarine, and Paul and Kevin sat opposite them in the very last seats. The four had been best friends since kindergarten when Tamarine, a mid-school transfer, was seated at their table. She fit right in with them and ever since they had been inseparable except when Kevin caught the chicken pox the others had been vaccinated against.

As Tamarine made her way back to her bus seat, Kevin and Lydia were already throwing their hands up and shrugging their shoulders. Paul’s seat was empty.

“You didn’t notice he wasn’t at the stop?” she accused Kevin.

“Naw, I was late. Almost missed the bus myself.”

“Well this is a first; wouldn’t he have called one of us if he was sick?”

Lydia, the most level headed of the group, raised one eyebrow dramatically, “He’ll probably come strolling in during first period claiming aliens abducted him or something.”

They spent the rest of the bus ride contemplating what the aliens would look like, and whether or not Paul had been implanted with any tracking devices, and if so, where the aliens implanted it.

When Paul didn’t show up by lunch, the three turned their thoughts instead to concern.

“Don’t you think he would have called if he was just sick? I know something happened. He’s probably trapped in his house under something heavy and can’t get to a phone.”

Lydia patted her arm,” Tam, don’t be silly, I’m sure he just forgot to call or something.”

“Hmmm,” Kevin pulled at his bottom lip, “ I don’t know. In the nine years we’ve been hanging out, not one of us has ever forgotten to call when something is up.

“I think we may have to bug out early and check his house out. “

“Sounds good to me.” Tamarine leaned in close to the other two, “Besides, I don’t think I can stomach sitting next to Andrea Meers in band. She sits in front of me in Algebra, and I almost passed out from the smell.”

#
Skipping school and not getting caught was really easy as long as you got counted in the morning attendance. After that, all you had to do was slip out the back. Behind the school was heavily forested since a bunch of city engineers decided it was better to plant scores of trees in the name of beautification, than lose all that money to the roads at the beginning of the fiscal year back in 1972. In the eighties there were a rash of crimes committed right in those woods and a fence was put up between it and the school, but over time kids had pulled back fence pieces and worn a track through the forest floor that lead all the way around to Martinez Road, which was well out of sight of the school.

Since so many people in the area home-schooled their kids, and Martinez Road had the best used bookstore with a huge area for kids to study and read in, it was common to see kids in groups walking along, and adults in the area never questioned why they weren’t in school.

“Oh, look, Bookstop is open. Let me just pop in to see if they have any copies of book six in the Rick Taylor series yet.” Lydia was a hopeless book nerd and it figured that seeing the bookstore would sidetrack her from their mission of stealthily avoiding school and checking on their friend.

The door to the store opened and a woman stepped out into the sunshine holding her squirming young daughter’s hand. She looked dead-tired with purplish circles under her drooping eyelids and she had pasty, chalklike skin. She looked up and smiled at the group, holding the door wider so they could pass. Tamarine looked into the woman’s pale blue eyes and got a little freaked when a fly landed on the inside corner of the woman’s right eye, who didn’t even blink, much less shoo it away.

She grabbed Lydia’s jacket and Kevin’s hand and pulled them back before they could pass. “No thanks, we’re not going in.”’

The woman nodded vaguely, let the door go, and proceeded down the sidewalk away from them. The little girl glanced back over her shoulder and shuddered.

“Come on, it’ll take just a second to ask about the book.” Lydia turned back, annoyed at her friend until she saw Tamarine’s face had gone slightly green.

Kevin saw it too, “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing, I just…I just thought,” Tamarine smiled weakly,” I just thought for second she was dead.”

Lydia rolled her eyes, “Girl, you had me totally freaked out for a sec. Forget the book, let’s just go see about Paul.”

#
Paul’s street was right off of Martinez, and even though Martinez was a pretty commercial road, Forest was not. All down the street trees towered two and three times as tall as the houses, sheltering them from the busy road. In the summer months, the trees provided much needed shade but this time of year, the fall, they left a mess of pine needles up and down the street. Paul was out front systematically raking pine needles toward the base of the tree in the center of his lawn.

“Dude,” Kevin called when he spotted him, “What’s up? Today national blow your friends off and do yard work day or what?”

Paul turned, smiled and waved to his friends. “How are you doing today, Kevin, Tamarine, and Lydia?”

The three friends looked at each other then back at Paul. He was staring at them waiting for an answer. His hair was parted and combed. He was wearing khakis and a t-shirt, both of which looked like they had been ironed. His face was frozen in a smile, as if he was amused by their dumbfounded expressions.

“Dude, are you alright?” Kevin took a half step forward, then rescinded instead.

Lydia pushed past Kevin and continued walking toward Paul. “What Kevin means is, you don’t seem quite like yourself. Are you feeling ok?”

She paused and looked back at Kevin and Tamarine, giving them the don’t-be-such-big-babies look she usually reserves for them when they are about to do something really stupid. As usual, it worked and they joined her on the lawn just 6 feet from the funny acting Paul.

Now that they were closer, they could tell something was really, most definitely wrong with the boy. His skin was ashen with a greasy sheen. His lips were dry and cracked and pale purple in color. His normally chocolate eyes were a pale, yellowing, tan color.

Paul took a step toward the trio, “ I am doing alright. My mother let me sleep in this morning because she thought I was ill, but I feel fine now. I got bored cleaning inside the house, so I thought I would take care of this yard work she has been asking me to get to for the last three weeks.

“And you? You did not answer my question about how all of you are doing.”

Lydia stepped even closer to Paul, “Paul?” She reached for Paul’s arm.

Tamarine stepped forward as well. She was immediately assaulted by a putrid rotting odor that made her gag. She tried to say something to stop Lydia touching Paul’s arm, but it was too late. Lydia placed her hand on Paul’s forearm and pulled it back as if she had touched a hot iron.

Lydia stumbled backwards and threw up on Tamarine’s boots. Kevin got to Lydia and pulled her hair back from her mouth.

Paul stepped forward too with a look of deep concern on his face. “Oh my goodness, Lydia. Let me help you.”

The three friends looked up at Paul in shock as a blowfly crawled out of his open mouth.

Kevin grabbed Lydia and pushed her and Tamarine away from Paul. He didn’t give much more than a slight shove, but the girls needed no more than that to start running back up Forest towards Martinez Road again.

When Lydia, Kevin, and Tamarine left Paul they rushed back up to Bookstop where Mrs. Wade was sure to have a phone. When they pulled open the door to the shop, the same rotting flesh smell oozed into their nostrils. Mrs. Wade smiled and invited them in, but her normally pale-blue eyes were almost completely white now. She had to be dead too.

Everywhere the trio went to get help it was the same; all the adults along Martinez Road seemed to be dead. Finally, Lydia broke down, “They’re dead – they’re dead – they’re dead…” she kept chanting.

Tamarine’s house was the closest. With Kevin’s help to guide Lydia they were able to get there without seeing another dead person.


#
Kevin walked into Tamarine’s bedroom carrying a glass of water and some Tylenol. He’d looked in the medicine cabinet in Mrs. Wood’s bathroom hoping to find some sleeping pills or something. His mom always had a stash to help her through her migraines, but Tylenol was the strongest thing Tamarine’s mom had.

“Shhh. She’s already asleep.”

Tamarine backed out of the room and partially closed the door. She slid down the wall and started weeping. Kevin slid down next to her and put his arms around his friend.

“It’ll be alright. We’ll just wait here until it all stops. Your mom gets home at four, right? She’ll know what to do, or at least who to call if it turns out we’ve just gone looney-tunes.”
 
I love the premise, but it needs quite a bit of work in my opinion. I will give a more step-by-step review/critque tomorow.
 
I added my comments in an attachment because it's easier that way.
 

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Mark - Thanks for the awesome feedback. I would love to read what you have to say about the rest of the story, that way I can get all my thoughts in order before I start revisions. Would it best to post it in sections for all to read or is there a way I can email you direct? It's nearly 4500 words total.
 
BookStop

If you intend to submit the story for publication then don't post it all on here. Publishers would not take kindly to a story that has already been posted on a public forum. :)
 
Well, I think if you post it in total here, and when satisfied with the ammount of comments, and ready to shop it to a publisher (if that's the aim), you can ask Brian to get rid of this thread. The way I know Brian he's very helpful with matters like these.
 
Here's another bit - the continuation from the first post - this is meant for 10-13 crowd so it may seem a little simple and not nearly gross enough considering the circumstances - maybe too simple - what do ya think?


October 10 – Putrefaction


Tamarine’s mom had come home from work on time, but she, like all adults and most kids over five, turned out to be walking dead.

At first Kevin and Tamarine tried to get Lydia up to run anywhere the dead were not, but Lydia was too exhausted, probably in shock. So Lydia slept, Tamarine watched over her, and Kevin ran home to check his family, only to return thirty minutes later with the bad news.

“They’re all dead. Mom, Dad, even Rex.” Kevin shook his head. “You know what’s even weirder? They don’t seem to know it. When I walked in, Mom asked me what I wanted for dinner.”

“What’d you tell her?”

“I told her I was gonna spend the night at Paul’s. What else could I do? She was so normal, but not. Calmer, ya know? Rex was lying on my bed when I got my backpack together. He didn’t even jump on me or anything, just laid there wagging his tail whenever I would look at him.”

“What are we going to do?” Tamarine would of wept but she was all wept out.

Kevin managed to make excuses to stay at Tamarine’s house for the next nine days. His folks were just so calm and compliant about the whole thing. Lydia’s mom called to find out where Lydia was, but Tamarine just told her mom Lydia was staying with them for a while. Everyone seemed ok with that too. Life just went on as if everyone were alive, only calmer.

By day ten, Lydia, who had come back to her senses, Tamarine, and Kevin had exhausted all avenues to get out of town. They had systematically circled the entire city only to find a twelve-foot tall, electrified fence around it. Had the rest of the country known what happened in town? Had they taken precautions to make sure this disease or whatever didn’t spread? Whatever the reason, the trio had no way out.

Things wouldn’t have been so horrific if folks had just been walking dead, but it turned out they were rotting more and more every day. Now the dead were bloated, and gases and body fluids escaped every pore. The stench was almost unmanageable. Lydia had suggested rubbing menthylatum under their noses so they wouldn’t smell anything. She had read about it in some book or another. It worked a little. Score one for the book nerds.

The trio tried to convince the few others in town that were still alive to stick together, but things got rather chaotic and violent by day eleven. Jim Benton took a steak knife from his kitchen and tried to kill his sister. She was already dead of course and getting stabbed more than twenty times didn’t have any effect other than to make Jim go crazier than he had already gone. The kids that witnessed it and told everyone else about it, said he cried while he was stabbing her and when she tried to comfort him with a hug, he tried to push her away, but her flesh was now so soft, his hands just sunk in. He turned the knife on himself after that.


Some teenagers kept watch over his corpse for a couple of days, curious to see if he would come back to be walking dead, or Dubya Dee, but he stayed dead.
 
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