Tyranny

[hellborn]

This is only a short peice but its more to see what people think of the idea and if anyone wants would you let me know where you thin this might be going

“A great darkness covered the land, as the corruptive powers of magic and alchemy gripped the people in its tyrannical fist. Then the emperor came, he marched out of the wilderness and armed the people with technology, lifting the veil of their ignorance. He made war on those who ruled the land. HE IS YOUR SAVIOUR!!!”.
The video ended and the hologram blinked out. The same video was played on each day at the beginning of school before the lessons began. First, History for two hours, a look at the injustices in the world when magic was freely used and how the Emperor waged the war of salvation. Then a prayer to the Emperor, to ask for help in keeping their soul pure and clean. Second, three hours physical education, competitive sport, hiking and weapon practise as well as military drills. Last, an hour of mathematics, English and science.

 

[chrispenycate]

This is only a short peice but its more to see what people think of the idea and if anyone wants would you let me know where you thin this might be going

“A great darkness covered the land, as the corruptive powers of magic and alchemy gripped the people in its

if it's "powers" it's "their tyrrannical"

tyrannical fist. Then the emperor came, he marched out of the wilderness and armed the people with technology, lifting the veil of their ignorance. He made war on those who ruled the land.

HE IS YOUR SAVIOUR!!!”.
The video ended and the hologram blinked out. The same video was played on

no need for "on"

each day at the beginning of school before the

no need for "the"

lessons began. First, History for two hours, a look at the injustices in the world when magic was freely used and how the Emperor waged the war of salvation. Then a prayer to the Emperor, to ask for help in keeping their soul

just one soul for all the pupils?

pure and clean. Second, three hours physical education, competitive sport, hiking and weapon practise as well as military drills. Last, an hour of mathematics, English and science.

One does rather gather from this start that the Emperor and the magic users are Scylla and Charybdis, or the oposing totalitarian systems of the nazis and the communists, each as bad as the other, and opposed but equivalent. I suppose we're going get a hero who rejects first the one he's brought up in, then the other before starting a peaceful. co-operative… sorry, I've no right to prejudge something from so small a sample.

 

[Tred_Stone]

I like it although I (thin) it needs a little bit more to make a real opinion, I like the premise though and could see where it could go.

 

[ereviscale]

I thought that is was a very gripping beginning but i was just wondering if there is any introduction to a character, or if it is just a narration of a world. if it is a narration of a world then i think that it isnt going to go any farther then it has. Cool wording too. But then again what do i know my own work is mediocore at best. just thought i might pipe in.