The Fairy and the Gnome---A funny little Poem

[dustinzgirl]

A mischevious gnome plans to salt a country wive's soup.

The Fairy and the Gnome

There is a certain gnome
Who carried the fairy home,
When he saw
The last twilight died slow,
With haw and yaw,
The wood cottage's warm glow.

He turned to the small,
Frail thing,
And wasted words not wanted:

"See this, the home of man-
To what surprises they can
Be taunted!
The scent of baby's breath,
Potatoes and myth,
A quiet country cottage,
A soupy thing, to be salted."

The fairy was sure true,
Slapped her leafy shoe
On his head
The gnome bared a grin
With pretend dread,
And called her a lambkin

Fairy snorted a fairly
Small sound,
And wound whispers not warmed:

"See now, groping grape face,
To no surprises you will
Give them!
The babies bounce a knee,
Mother and earth,
A simple life they do lead,
Not for you or I to impede!"

And with that, another smack
For the gnome,
Who relented, and carried
The fairy home.

 

[j d worthington]

Feel a bit odd doing a critique on this one, as I get the feeling it's more of a joie d'esprit than anything else. Still:

A mischevious gnome plans to salt a country wive's soup.

The Fairy and the Gnome

There is a certain gnome
Who carried the fairy home,
When he saw
The last twilight died slow,
With haw and yaw,
The wood cottage's warm glow.

That last line seems to stumble over the extra syllable (unless you're intending "died" as a dissyllable). A nice image, but the added syllable rather jars.

He turned to the small,
Frail thing,
And wasted words not wanted:

"See this, the home of man-
To what surprises they can
Be taunted!

I think I'd suggest an inversion here: "can they" rather than "they can" -- but that's just me.

The scent of baby's breath,
Potatoes and myth,
A quiet country cottage,
A soupy thing, to be salted."

The fairy was sure true,
Slapped her leafy shoe
On his head
The gnome bared a grin
With pretend dread,

Again, the extra syllable calls attention to itself here; how about "feigned" instead?

And called her a lambkin

Perhaps leave out the "a" here? Again, number of syllables

Fairy snorted a fairly
Small sound,
And wound whispers not warmed:

"See now, groping grape face,
To no surprises you will
Give them!
The babies bounce a knee,
Mother and earth,
A simple life they do lead,
Not for you or I to impede!"

And with that, another smack
For the gnome,
Who relented, and carried
The fairy home.

I think that, if you can manage to get the syllabification more in order, this is actually quite a charming little poem, with a nice sense of mischief and schoolma'armish chiding. Very different from your usual, but rather nice.

 

[dustinzgirl]

Thanks, great ides! I removed the "warm" from the last line first stanza, and the apostrophe, as well as the "A" and switched the words around. It does work much better now. thank you!

 

[j d worthington]

As always, mah pleasuh, ma'am...