Just been on this really cool site (
http://tmar.za.net/trek/qlquote.htm) and found all these quotes! Hope you like them!
Sam: Can't you just fade in or something?
Al: You tell me how to fade in agitated carbon quarks and I'll make the scientific journal!
Al: Do they have 'Be-Bop A Lu La' on there? Got me through some long, cold nights at MIT... 'Be-Bop' and a little Lithuanian girl named Danessa!
Al: How can you write Colonel Rojahowitz in hieroglyphics?
Al: Don't give me that sick puppy look... stop it! I'll never scratch you behind the ears again.
Al: Denise, get in the closet! No, there's nobody here, Tina.
Al: You have to stop Scarlett O'Hara there from being squished by a choo-choo.
Sam: Al, where did you dig up that costume?
Al: Sam, wake up and smell the seventies! You're looking at genuine, 100% high grade virgin polyester. The only thing that got me more women was my space suit. I had outer space behind me, Starbright Project ahead of me, and I was a dancing machine!
Sam: You had a purse!
Al: Get outta here! Purse! This is a man bag.
Sam: You had a man bag?
Al: Yeah. My pants were always too tight to carry a wallet.
Sam: I'm sweating here, Al.
Al: Well you didn't the first time.
Sam: I'm married?
Al: Just kidding.
Al: If it was anybody else, Sam, I'd be all over you like a cheap suit.
Sam: This is great, you know. Gloria won't talk to me, my best friend's got a crush on me, and I'm a woman.
Al: I hope you never leap in as a Rockette.
Teresa: That's not my mommy, that's a man. And so is the guy in the yucky shirt.
Sam: Say something to me in Spanish.
Al: Tu casa o mi casa.
Sam: 'My place or yours?' Al!
Al: Every time we leap in we gotta go talk in the men's room. It's disgusting.
Sam: Can you think of a better place?
Al: The ladies' room!
Al: You grew up on a farm, I grew up in an orphanage. You had a mother and father, I had a probation officer. You had a cow, I had a - roach... unfortunately the boy in the next bed had a pet lizard. I'll never forget him. His name was Kevin.
Sam: The kid in the next bed?
Al: No, the roach.
Al: Am I ever wrong? Marriages don't count.
Al: Sometimes, once is enough. But personally, that's not my opinion.
Al: ...You should be swimming.
Sam: Swimming.
Al: Swimming. Bobbing around in the water. Making your arms go in circles. Glub glub.
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Captain Galaxy: Our last letter comes from little Sam Beckett in Elk Ridge, Indiana, and Sam writes, 'Dear Captain Galaxy, Could you please explain your theory of time travel to us?' Well, Sam, our lifetimes are like a piece of string...
Little girl: Are you an angel?
Al: Would you like to help the angel, honey?
Sam: Do you have to sneak up on me?
Al: Well, I'm sorry. D'you expect a hologram to knock?
Al: Oh, great. I'm tuned into dogs, I'm tuned into little kids, now I'm tuned into the mentally absent. Why not blondes?
Kid: It's a ghost!
Kid: It's not a ghost, it's an angel.
Kid: No way! Not with those clothes!
Al: Swoon.
Sam: Huh?
Al: Swoon. Faint. Pass out. Take a dive. Wilt.
*CLUNK*
Al: That was a good swoon, Sam.
Al: I don't care if it's raining! I'm a hologram, you nutcase!
Al: You pump your arms and you pump your legs and you drive through the tape.
Sam: You were a runner, too?
Al: No. But it sounds good, doesn't it?
Al: Boxer shorts? You're wearing boxer shorts in bed? Ah, it's with hearts on 'em and little bearsies, isn't that cute?
Sam: They were a gift, okay?
Al: Mac's body is found in the desert in 1982... in 1985... in 1989... He's lizard food.
Al: I'm Daddy's invisible friend.
Daughter: But that's not Daddy.
Al: Yes it is. It's Daddy in disguise.
Al: He's got all the markings of the undead!
Sam: And you have all the markings of the brain dead!
Al: He's got all the classic signs. He's got the pale complexion, the beady eyes, the lustful stare.
Sam: Al... you just described yourself.
Al: That's a helluva woman.
Sam: Well hell is one word I would use.
Sam's great grandmother: Not only do I have to nursemaid a Yankee, I get one who's crazy to boot.
Al: Go get her, Rhett.
Confederate soldier: To victory!
Al: Up your nose with a rubber hose.
Al: Uh, Sam, watch out. You're gonna be wearin' her lunch.
Al: But Sam, the world is not ready for Sonny and Cher. As a matter of fact, the world was never ready for Sonny and Cher.
Al: Gushie, I'm gonna ralph.
Gushie: Ralph?
Al: Barf. Spew. Upchuck. Make like Mount Saint Helens. I'm... I'm gonna blow chunks.
Gushie: Oh. Regurgitate.
Al: Jeez, Sam. I sure hope you don't ever leap in as a cat burglar.
Hope you liked it!
