Everyone Should Have One!

[Hatshepsut]

These amused me, so I wanted to share...
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Forwarded from:

MICHAELSHANKSFANS@yahoogroups.com
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Coming this August to the SG-1 shop:

Tired of hearing "Dial Home NOW! I don't care if they need saving!!  That's an order!!!"???

This mains powered DIAL HOME DEVICE has an added bonus!  Press the symbols to dial to your gate of choice, and inform your superior officer the Gate Activation Control is not responding.  He will come and press the glowing red globe. 

This will give him a mains voltage ELECTRIC SHOCK, rendering him unconscious for about 3 hours, giving the rest of your team enough space to easily save the day without hassle.

Save worlds at your own pace with no snide comments from your C.O.!

Only £149.50 + P&P

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Coming this November to the SG-1 shop:

Sick of being sent on stupidly reckless missions through the
Stargate?  Want to have some time off to relax?

Announcing the cure to all your problems.  This box of six MECCANO CLOCKWORK REPLICATORS will scare the pants off most sentient beings.  Just wind 'em up up release in the Gateroom. 

The slow release clockwork motor gives these metal meanies about an hour of activity before more winding is needed.  Guaranteed Staff Weapon and Zatnickertel proof! 

Scare your boss, and amuse your friends!

Only £59.99 for a box of six.
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Best wishes,
Hatshepsut :wave:
--

 

[imported_space monkey]

oh i just gotta have my own DHD!!!!

 

[summershake]

LOL, that's really great! I'm gonna get some of the replicators...

 

[spookypumpkin]

ohh, i gotta get some of those replicators, they sound gr8!! don't like the sound of the electric shock tho......

 

[Rowan]

gadgets

Not fair! The UK gets all the good stuff.

Row

 

[Hatshepsut]

Hey! Who's got the Stargate, then....?! :aliengray

Best wishes,
Hatshepsut :wave:
--

 

[Texane]

Coming this August to the SG-1 shop:

Tired of hearing "Dial Home NOW! I don't care if they need saving!!  That's an order!!!"???

This mains powered DIAL HOME DEVICE has an added bonus!  Press the symbols to dial to your gate of choice, and inform your superior officer the Gate Activation Control is not responding.  He will come and press the glowing red globe. 

This will give him a mains voltage ELECTRIC SHOCK, rendering him unconscious for about 3 hours, giving the rest of your team enough space to easily save the day without hassle.

Save worlds at your own pace with no snide comments from your C.O.!

Only £149.50 + P&P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coming this November to the SG-1 shop:

Sick of being sent on stupidly reckless missions through the
Stargate?  Want to have some time off to relax?

Announcing the cure to all your problems.  This box of six MECCANO CLOCKWORK REPLICATORS will scare the pants off most sentient beings.  Just wind 'em up up release in the Gateroom. 

The slow release clockwork motor gives these metal meanies about an hour of activity before more winding is needed.  Guaranteed Staff Weapon and Zatnickertel proof! 

Scare your boss, and amuse your friends!

Only £59.99 for a box of six.[/B]

I've got my credit card out, and I'm ready to spend! :laugh:

 

[Tabitha]

Now that is officially the funniest thing I have heard all week!

:rolly2:

I want the DHD!

 

[Highlander II]

very funny!


anything else on that catalog list??

 

[Hatshepsut]

Originally posted by Highlander II
anything else on that catalog list??

Funnily enough, yes.
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Again forwarded from DaletheTimeLord <DaleWho1004@msn.com> on
MICHAELSHANKSFANS@yahoogroups.com
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Tired of clichéd old Colonels who can't seem to get in contact with their feelings?  Then this is the present for you!

The O'NEILL PANSYFIER will affect the outcome of any TV programme you watch.  Just point at the character you wish to soften up a little - or a lot - and press the big red glowy button. 

The device shoots out a beam of chronometric particles that genetically alter the personality of the character.  During tests, we made Batman hug the Joker, and the Daleks come to terms with their power fetish.

The O'NEILL pansyfier is guaranteed 100% effective at a range of several thousand light years. 

Satisfied customer Dr. D. Jackson says: "I bought one of these and now Jack wants me back for the Abyss in Season Six."

Available for Meridian showings worldwide - price £19.99

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Fed up of being left to die on alien planets because your boss is too stupid to save you?

Never get killed again!  This replica GOA'ULD SARCOPHAGUS will restore your health, clothes and even your glasses to full working order. 

Presented in a fabulous gold effect, this amazing piece of technology weighs in at just under one metric tonne and is just over two metres in length, so it's both compact and portable. 

Previous customers say " One week of sarcophagus usage at nighttime, and you'll be HOOKED!" 

Comes complete with hieroglyphic instruction manual.  (Batteries not included)

Only £499.99

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Well worth it at twice the price!

Best wishes,
Hatshepsut :wave:
--

 

[summershake]

Thank you so much for that...it's priceless :rolly2:

 

[Hatshepsut]

Here are a couple more bargains not to be missed from Dale's S.G.-1 Emporium:
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Fed up of others being in your parking space?  Wish you could go a little further than the supermarket for your shopping?

This FULLY FUNCTIONAL REPLICA ASGARD MOTHERSHIP can solve all your shopping, parking and many other problems.  Powered by twin BLEEDIN' GREAT ENGINES, this spacecraft comes with a full MOT and is taxed for twelve months. 

Now you can BEAM UP your shopping, LAND ON TOP of anything you wish, and use the trendy WHITE LIGHT LASER BEAM THINGY to get rid of next door's cat.

This ASGARD MOTHERSHIP comes with instructional video, cryogenic pods and quite probably a replicator problem.

Own this amazing item for only £159.99 plus Post and Packing.

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Are you fed up and lonely?  Wish you had a friend who was both protective of you and exceedingly violent?

Our new ADOPT AN UNAS scheme may be the answer to your problems! 

Recently liberated from some planet or other, these ORPHAN UNAS are in need of loving homes.  THE UNAS comes with a supply of energy bars, a HUMAN<>UNAS DICTIONARY to help understand your friend, and A LARGE AMOUNT OF BANDAGES AND ANTISEPTIC in case he decides your lunch guest really should be lunch.

The ADOPT AN UNAS sheme is expected to be extremely popular. Satisfied customer Dale Who said "I adopted Cha'Ka. He's ever so friendly when you get to know him.  So far he's eaten most of the neighbourhood pets, and all of next door's relatives..."

Don't miss this amazing opportunity to own one of these lovely creatures.

Only £99.99 a year plus Vets bills and legal costs if your neighbours actually liked their offspring that your Unas ate last Thursday.

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Best wishes,
Hatshepsut :wave:
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[Hatshepsut]

No offers on the Unas? Maybe this is more up your street - from Dale's Emporium again:

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Sick of being wallpaper?  Fed up that in the most important scenes you're usually at the back of the group fiddling with something inconsequential?

This BRIGHT BLUE GLOWING NEON ARROW fits over your hat, and has a downward pointing arrow to let people know where you are in a scene. 

Also available is the "I'M THE ONE WITH THE TALENT" t-shirt, for when the chap at the top of the credits seems to be getting all the best lines, scenes and episodes.

Suitable for archaeologists and linguists alike this amazing piece of technology can be yours for only £75.99

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Sick of having to cave in because your archaeologist has issues?

This attractive matt grey SEMI AUTOMATIC REVOLVER settles most arguments within seconds of its introduction into a stand-off.
 
Useful for Goa'uld termination and threatening colleagues alike. 
Nurti threatening your daughter's life? 
Your team member having a hissy fit over sound sensitive plants? 

Just point and wait for the peace and respect you derserve. 

We now carry a staggering array of will-enforcing weapons, from Zats to P90s, all carrying the O'Neill "I use this because I'm too stoopid to talk it through" seal of approval.  Enforce your ignorance today!

Only £75.55 each, comes with six clips and an attractive red
leatherette pouch.

Best wishes,
Hatshepsut :wave:
--

 

[Texane]

Who is this Dale human? Does he have a catalogue I can look at? Does he have an additional army available?

Hathor (defrosted)

 

[Hatshepsut]

Dale is not a human. He is a Time Lord. From Gallifrey.

HTH

Best wishes,
Hatshepsut :wave:
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[Gemsong]

Do you think they accept credit cards?