Here is the first 400 words of my novel, The Last Stand-first draft. Any feedback would be great, thanks.
Surrounded by darkness-that’s what he was, what they all were until the light split it in two. The burning flare from the torch cut the black like scissors, tearing it away until the body was illuminated on the stone bed. Ethan had found him, it was a miracle, and he knew their prayers had been answered. All the hunting had finally paid off; the lost warrior was in their possession.
The sweat dripped from Ethan’s brow as the flame danced just inches from his face. The fire crackled, then swayed in the gentle breeze that rushed through the murky tunnel. It danced around the damp tube, breaking the silence of the small room. Time was short and valuable but Ethan couldn’t do anything; he was frozen standing still and gazing in disbelief at the fact that the search was over.
Disbelief dissolved into duty as Ethan collected his thoughts. “We have him, let’s go!” Ethan exalted while motioning his hand forward. “Hurry, they’ll be here any second!” Ethan watched as the soldiers behind him slid in closer to the table, wondering why he had brought two incompetent fools along to help. “If you don’t move faster, I’ll kill you myself!”
The men with their speed began to irritate Ethan even more so while they lifted the man from the granite. He knew that they weren’t the only ones aware of his location, everybody knew. They knew about the mission and they knew about the plan. That was why Ethan and the soldiers had to hurry, once the plan was in motion, it couldn’t be stopped.
His consciousness began to stir as the soldiers sat him up on the tablet. His arms erupted with motion, waving sporadically as he staggered back to life. Ethan held tight as he struggled to remain under control. “Hold still!” shouted Ethan, his anger reaching higher. Ethan pulled the man from the slab and pushed him to the ground. He fell over onto the rocky surface, the pain finally awakening him. “Pick him up!” commanded Ethan until the soldiers forced the man to his feet. “You sure can be a pain, Dakin.” Ethan cracked, “C’mon.”
Ethan led the way; the two soldiers with Dakin between them sprinted toward the exit of the tunnel. The distance from the soldiers to Ethan was increasing but he kept turning to check on their progress. He didn’t want Dakin to exit the tunnel without protection. Better he take the blunt of an assault than Dakin. The shadow that haunted the tunnel gave in to the light as Ethan pursued the exit of the cave. Ethan only thought of accomplishing the mission as his heart and feet raced outside.
Surrounded by darkness-that’s what he was, what they all were until the light split it in two. The burning flare from the torch cut the black like scissors, tearing it away until the body was illuminated on the stone bed. Ethan had found him, it was a miracle, and he knew their prayers had been answered. All the hunting had finally paid off; the lost warrior was in their possession.
The sweat dripped from Ethan’s brow as the flame danced just inches from his face. The fire crackled, then swayed in the gentle breeze that rushed through the murky tunnel. It danced around the damp tube, breaking the silence of the small room. Time was short and valuable but Ethan couldn’t do anything; he was frozen standing still and gazing in disbelief at the fact that the search was over.
Disbelief dissolved into duty as Ethan collected his thoughts. “We have him, let’s go!” Ethan exalted while motioning his hand forward. “Hurry, they’ll be here any second!” Ethan watched as the soldiers behind him slid in closer to the table, wondering why he had brought two incompetent fools along to help. “If you don’t move faster, I’ll kill you myself!”
The men with their speed began to irritate Ethan even more so while they lifted the man from the granite. He knew that they weren’t the only ones aware of his location, everybody knew. They knew about the mission and they knew about the plan. That was why Ethan and the soldiers had to hurry, once the plan was in motion, it couldn’t be stopped.
His consciousness began to stir as the soldiers sat him up on the tablet. His arms erupted with motion, waving sporadically as he staggered back to life. Ethan held tight as he struggled to remain under control. “Hold still!” shouted Ethan, his anger reaching higher. Ethan pulled the man from the slab and pushed him to the ground. He fell over onto the rocky surface, the pain finally awakening him. “Pick him up!” commanded Ethan until the soldiers forced the man to his feet. “You sure can be a pain, Dakin.” Ethan cracked, “C’mon.”
Ethan led the way; the two soldiers with Dakin between them sprinted toward the exit of the tunnel. The distance from the soldiers to Ethan was increasing but he kept turning to check on their progress. He didn’t want Dakin to exit the tunnel without protection. Better he take the blunt of an assault than Dakin. The shadow that haunted the tunnel gave in to the light as Ethan pursued the exit of the cave. Ethan only thought of accomplishing the mission as his heart and feet raced outside.
