Title: Regrets
Author: Risa (risa@ilovechocolate.com)
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from Charmed (I wouldn’t be slogging away in school if I did) – no copyright infringement intended.
Spoilers: Takes place immediately after the Season 4 finale - after that everything's off-canon.
Author's Note: I finally got around posting my story on this forum.
It's actually finished, but I'm posting it a few chapters at a time. Any comments/reviews are greatly appreciated.
Chapter One
“I’m not giving up on us.â€
Damn you Cole, Phoebe cursed as she pulled vehemently at the loose threads of the pillow that she was holding. Why did he always have to come back? Why couldn’t he just move on and leave her alone?
Because he loves you, a small voice from deep within her consciousness said, just like you love him.
Oh shut up, Phoebe told the voice. God, she was talking to herself. She had finally fallen off the deep end. She laughed softly to herself before her mood turned serious again and she sighed, staring out at the dark, quiet street, pensive.
She had reconciled herself with the idea that Cole was dead, gone forever. Phoebe was well aware that she’ll never be the same again now that he was gone. He was her soulmate, she knew that with a bleak certainty. He made the world brighter, more beautiful and more alive. When he was gone, Phoebe felt as if a mist had fallen over her eyes, everything seemed duller. But Phoebe knew that she could carry on with her life. She still had her sisters. She might never know the bliss she knew before, but she could be content.
And then he had returned to her. Out of the blue, ruining all her good intentions. For Phoebe knew that she couldn’t let herself get involved with Cole again. They had too much baggage. Phoebe didn’t trust herself with him. He was a wide open door with a neon sign spelling vulnerability and risk to her sisters. She had already caused them so much pain.
But more than that, she was afraid, afraid that he might turn evil again. Afraid of what might happen. Afraid for her sisters. Afraid for herself. That she would give in to temptation, be seduced by the darkness within her.
Afraid.
So she didn’t know what to do now that Cole had come right back into her life. She was grateful to him for saving her life and that of her sisters, but she didn’t need all of this right now. She wanted her life to return to normal.
Then just tell him, the voice said again, tell him that it’s over. If you refuse to change your mind, he’ll eventually give up and leave. If you’re really sure that’s what you want to do, it shouldn’t be that difficult, should it?
That was the problem. Every time she saw Cole, all she could think about was how much she wanted to be held by him, to fall into his arms, to hear his voice whisper words of love, to feel safe and comforted. She knew that perversely, her heart was rejoicing at seeing him again, safe, sound, and alive. But she didn’t know if she could go through all the pain again – she had gone through it three times already. She didn’t want a fourth.
Most of all, she didn’t know if there was enough of her left to give.
It was irrational, really. When he was gone, she had missed him so much. So often at night, she would toss and turn, reaching out for him only to wake up to find that she was alone. With him back though, everything was different. Confronted with the realisation of all her dreams since his death, Phoebe discovered that she couldn’t just run into his arms and forget everything that happened and continue where they left off. She allowed herself to wish for his return, allowed herself to let her love for him because she had thought that there was no way that he would ever be able to return to her.
But he had.
And Phoebe knew that the love between them, great as it may be, wasn’t enough to get past all the scars and hurt. It wasn’t enough.
She also couldn’t put her sisters at risk again because of her and Cole. She would prefer it if she was the only one hurt rather than Piper and Paige.
What about Cole? What about the pain you’re going to cause him?
He’d get over it, Phoebe thought bleakly. She got up and walked to her cupboard, withdrawing a box where she kept everything she had shared with Cole. She took out a picture of her and Cole that had been placed in a beautiful antique frame. She caressed Cole’s face in the picture, as if it was real. I’m sorry Cole, she said silently, as the tears finally began to fall. But I can’t do this again.
Tomorrow. She looked up from the photo, her expression resolute and determined. She’ll tell him tomorrow.
Cole watched as the lights of Phoebe’s room went off. He had been standing there, along the street outside the Halliwell Manor, carefully cloaked in the darkness of the night. He used to do this when he was still under the Triad’s orders, after he first met Phoebe. Initially, he thought it would help him focus on his target – at least that’s what he told himself. Later, it was simply because of the need he felt to be near her, yet knowing that he couldn’t.
He fit the part of a stalker from a bad movie perfectly, Cole smiled to himself.
After all the running and hiding from the Beast and the fear, he finally managed to find his way out. For the first time in a long time – even taking into account the time he spent as a human – Cole felt balanced, whole within himself, confident and assured of his own self-identity.
What had kept him going all this time was his love for Phoebe. In a kind of cliché way, he was a spirit with unfinished business. Cole knew he couldn’t let go of the physical world until he had a chance to make amends, or at least to apologise to Phoebe for all the hurt that he had caused her.
The past few months had been pure and utter agony. Cole had been reduced to nothing but a passenger in the backseat as he saw everything the Source did using his body. He felt helpless and frustrated, but there was nothing he could do. Everyday he had to put up with the Source’s constant scorn and triumph. His heart ached whenever he saw Phoebe, wishing desperately to shout out to her but always squashed down fiercely by the Source
Then the Source was gone and Cole once again was in control of his own body. But he had been lost in a place filled with barrenness, desolation and fear. He clung to the thought of Phoebe like a desperate man clinging to a torch in the pitch-black darkness of a cave. And finally, he managed to return. Just in time to save Phoebe’s life.
Looking at Phoebe now, Cole knew that she didn’t want him in her life any longer. He couldn’t blame her. Granted, he felt hurt, but he understood. She had been through so much because of him…
A part of him told him that he should just leave her alone and let her live her life in peace. But Cole knew he couldn’t. Phoebe was his sole purpose for living. She was all that he had. His brief fling with death told him that life was precious, that life should be lived without regrets. Cole didn’t want to look back and regret that he had just given up Phoebe without trying.
He knew that she still loved him. He knew that all too well. Selfish though it may seem to want her back with him, he knew that separation would basically kill them both. The two of them needed each other. Without the other, they were only half a person. Separation would starve them both, leave their lives as one filled with what-could-have-beens. Cole had to get Phoebe back.
Fate had been a cruel, fickle creature to the two of them, bringing them together only to force them apart again. Cole however, was not a man who would passively submit to the vagaries of fate.
God, he was turning into a sappy Romeo. Shakespeare would have been proud.
Cole smiled to himself. He already had an idea of what he was going to do. Someway, somehow, he was going to win Phoebe back.
Chapter Two
The next morning, Phoebe woke up to the smell of flowers. When the first waft of the sweet smell registered on her mind, her eyes immediately opened wide and she quickly sat up, looking around the room to make sure that she hadn’t imagined it.
She hadn’t. In front of her, on top of the large dresser was a large bouquet of daisies in a glass vase. Phoebe sprang out of bed and inspected the bouquet with suspicion. She found a simple, plain white card in the middle of the daisies. Written on the card, in a confident, clear script that was hauntingly familiar to Phoebe, were these words:
Dear Phoebe,
I hope you like the daisies. I thought that roses were too traditional. We need to talk. Dinner tonight at 7? I’ll be waiting.
The card wasn’t signed, although Phoebe didn’t need a signature to identify its author. It was as she suspected.
Cole.
She turned the card over and written neatly at the back was an address. She recognised it. It was the address of Cole’s apartment when they had first met. Before she had found out that he was a demon – it seemed so long ago now. Phoebe sat down heavily on the bed, as she became lost in a tangle of emotions. Longing, yearning, fear, sadness, tension…
Should she go? Or should she just pretend she had never seen the damned thing? If she went to meet him, what was she going to say? What was she going to do?
Phoebe didn’t know. She ran her fingers through her hair as she took a deep breath. All she was certain of was that she couldn’t get involved with Cole again.
No matter how much she wanted to.
She sighed as she got up and carried the vase downstairs to throw them away. As she walked into the kitchen, she was greeted cheerfully by Piper and Paige. Then, Piper noticed what Phoebe was carrying and her expression turned serious. “Is that from Cole?†she asked gently.
Phoebe nodded.
“What are you going to do about Cole?†Piper asked in the same, gentle, sympathetic tone.
“I don’t know,†Phoebe confessed.
“If you ask me,†Paige said bluntly, “he’s going to bring you more pain. Who knows if he’ll turn evil again – “
“Paige, hush,†Piper interrupted with a glare. “Phoebe, your decision about Cole is something that you have to make alone. Whatever it is, we’ll still be here for you.â€
“Thank you,†Phoebe said gratefully before she sighed. “I know it can’t work anymore. I still love him, but… it’s too much. Too much pain, too much baggage… I don’t know how much more I can take.†The tears were beginning to cloud her eyes.
Piper hugged Phoebe and said softly, “You still have us.â€
“Yeah,†Paige said as she joined the hug.
For a while, Phoebe allowed herself to relax in the comfort, warmth and support of her sisters. A small, tired smile appeared on Phoebe’s face as she pulled away from them. “I know I can always count on you guys, but thanks for the reminder anyway.â€
“What are sisters for?†Paige said, grinning.
“You have to tell him, Phoebe,†Piper said, “Dragging it on further would just cause more pain for the both of you.â€
“I know,†Phoebe said, “I’m going to tell him tonight.â€
“Tonight? You know where he is?â€
“He asked me to meet him for dinner, I’ll tell him then.â€
“Do you need us to go with you?†Piper said in concern.
Phoebe shook her head. “Like you said, this is something between the both of us that we have to settle on our own.â€
“If you need us, then just call, okay?†Piper said.
Phoebe nodded and smiled.
Cole leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes, letting himself get swept up in the soft music that was playing in an effort to relax. Gradually, he began to feel the tension and nervousness in him fade away.
He had chosen to meet Phoebe at his old apartment partly because it was empty, quiet and Cole needed a place fast. Moreover, the place contained important memories for both of them, of all they had shared together, the joy and the pain. He wanted to remind Phoebe of all of it, implicitly asking her if she really wanted to give all this up after all that they had been through.
The afternoon had been spent in preparation, buying the food, furniture and music. Cole sighed as the music flowed into a simple piano piece. It was the soundtrack to the film Amelie, which he and Phoebe had watched a while back, before everything began to fall apart. He remembered being totally enchanted by the innocence and the quiet beauty of the film. It was something he had never imagined in all his years as a demon. Now, the music relaxed him, soothed him.
Cole knew that the ball was now in Phoebe’s court. He could do all he can to persuade her otherwise, but the choice was ultimately hers. Whether he should stay or go, it was all up to her now. The frustration he had felt earlier had faded into simple acceptance.
The bell rang. Cole walked to the door and opened it to find a slightly nervous Phoebe standing in front of him. “Hi,†she said, hesitantly.
“Hi,†Cole said as he opened the door wider. “Come on in,†he said, hating the polite, talking-to-a-stranger tone of voice that he had unconsciously adopted.
Phoebe entered the apartment warily. For a while, the two of them just stood by the door, looking at each other in an awkward silence, caught between the desire to say something and the inability to say anything.
“Look Cole – “
“Phoebe – “
The two of them stopped and stared at each other. Finally, Cole said, “You first.â€
Phoebe took a deep breath. “Cole, I’ve thought about this. There’s no way this can work… not now, not after all that has happened. It’s just too hard… it shouldn’t be this hard…†she looked into his eyes pleading for him to understand what she couldn’t convey adequately in words.
Cole moved closer to Phoebe and held her hands in his. “I know,†he said softly, “I know it hasn’t been easy on you. But this time it’ll work out. I’ll make it work.â€
Phoebe shook her head as she pulled her hands away from his. “No, Cole. We don’t know for certain what’s going to happen. I don’t have the strength to take this again. I love you, Cole,†the tears began to well in her eyes, “but it isn’t enough. It’s better if we just end it now.â€
“If we love each other, it should be enough,†Cole argued. “We’ve been through so much together; can you bear to just see it go to waste?â€
“I can’t, but I know that whichever way we choose, that’s the way it’s going to end. This way, we spare ourselves the pain.†Seeing the look of obstinacy on Cole’s face, Phoebe’s voice softened, “I’m afraid, Cole. For you, I’m willing to do almost anything – even turn evil. I could hurt my sisters, even destroy the world in the process and that frankly scares me. I could stop myself this time, but what about the next? There’s too much at stake, things that are much more than just the two of us.â€
Cole sighed. He knew that Phoebe’s mind was set. What hurt him all the more was that he understood her reasons and knew that she was feeling as much pain as he was. “There’s no changing your mind?†he said softly in resignation.
Phoebe shook her head.
Cole managed to force out a small smile as he reached out for Phoebe’s hands, “One more dance? For old times sake?â€
Phoebe knew that she should say no, that it was better they ended it as cleanly as possible, but a part of her just couldn’t resist. Just one last dance, one last memory for her to store away. She let him pull her into his arms as they danced slowly, as they had so many times before. Her arms tightly around him, his arms tightly around her. Her head against his chest, the feeling of warmth and comfort. His head on her hair, smelling the sweet smell of her.
Slowly, Phoebe raised her head to look into his eyes. The visible pain and sadness in them went straight to her heart and she saw her own tear-filled eyes reflected in them. Cole leant into her and their lips met in a kiss that conveyed all the desperation and grief that they felt that at their parting.
Afraid that if she let the kiss go on any further,e’ll lose all resolve and give in, Phoebe pulled away from Cole. She cupped her hand against his cheek, “Take care of yourself,†she said softly, “I’ll see you around?â€
“Yeah,†Cole said just as softly. Both of them knew that they wouldn’t see each other again unless circumstances forced them to. It would only cause them unnecessary pain, being reminded sharply of something that they wanted and couldn’t have.
As Phoebe walked out of the door, she turned back to look at Cole, a last sad lingering look before she left. Cole watched her go, knowing his life would never be the same again.
*~ To Be Continued ~*
http://members.fortunecity.com/windjade
Author: Risa (risa@ilovechocolate.com)
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from Charmed (I wouldn’t be slogging away in school if I did) – no copyright infringement intended.
Spoilers: Takes place immediately after the Season 4 finale - after that everything's off-canon.
Author's Note: I finally got around posting my story on this forum.
It's actually finished, but I'm posting it a few chapters at a time. Any comments/reviews are greatly appreciated. Chapter One
“I’m not giving up on us.â€
Damn you Cole, Phoebe cursed as she pulled vehemently at the loose threads of the pillow that she was holding. Why did he always have to come back? Why couldn’t he just move on and leave her alone?
Because he loves you, a small voice from deep within her consciousness said, just like you love him.
Oh shut up, Phoebe told the voice. God, she was talking to herself. She had finally fallen off the deep end. She laughed softly to herself before her mood turned serious again and she sighed, staring out at the dark, quiet street, pensive.
She had reconciled herself with the idea that Cole was dead, gone forever. Phoebe was well aware that she’ll never be the same again now that he was gone. He was her soulmate, she knew that with a bleak certainty. He made the world brighter, more beautiful and more alive. When he was gone, Phoebe felt as if a mist had fallen over her eyes, everything seemed duller. But Phoebe knew that she could carry on with her life. She still had her sisters. She might never know the bliss she knew before, but she could be content.
And then he had returned to her. Out of the blue, ruining all her good intentions. For Phoebe knew that she couldn’t let herself get involved with Cole again. They had too much baggage. Phoebe didn’t trust herself with him. He was a wide open door with a neon sign spelling vulnerability and risk to her sisters. She had already caused them so much pain.
But more than that, she was afraid, afraid that he might turn evil again. Afraid of what might happen. Afraid for her sisters. Afraid for herself. That she would give in to temptation, be seduced by the darkness within her.
Afraid.
So she didn’t know what to do now that Cole had come right back into her life. She was grateful to him for saving her life and that of her sisters, but she didn’t need all of this right now. She wanted her life to return to normal.
Then just tell him, the voice said again, tell him that it’s over. If you refuse to change your mind, he’ll eventually give up and leave. If you’re really sure that’s what you want to do, it shouldn’t be that difficult, should it?
That was the problem. Every time she saw Cole, all she could think about was how much she wanted to be held by him, to fall into his arms, to hear his voice whisper words of love, to feel safe and comforted. She knew that perversely, her heart was rejoicing at seeing him again, safe, sound, and alive. But she didn’t know if she could go through all the pain again – she had gone through it three times already. She didn’t want a fourth.
Most of all, she didn’t know if there was enough of her left to give.
It was irrational, really. When he was gone, she had missed him so much. So often at night, she would toss and turn, reaching out for him only to wake up to find that she was alone. With him back though, everything was different. Confronted with the realisation of all her dreams since his death, Phoebe discovered that she couldn’t just run into his arms and forget everything that happened and continue where they left off. She allowed herself to wish for his return, allowed herself to let her love for him because she had thought that there was no way that he would ever be able to return to her.
But he had.
And Phoebe knew that the love between them, great as it may be, wasn’t enough to get past all the scars and hurt. It wasn’t enough.
She also couldn’t put her sisters at risk again because of her and Cole. She would prefer it if she was the only one hurt rather than Piper and Paige.
What about Cole? What about the pain you’re going to cause him?
He’d get over it, Phoebe thought bleakly. She got up and walked to her cupboard, withdrawing a box where she kept everything she had shared with Cole. She took out a picture of her and Cole that had been placed in a beautiful antique frame. She caressed Cole’s face in the picture, as if it was real. I’m sorry Cole, she said silently, as the tears finally began to fall. But I can’t do this again.
Tomorrow. She looked up from the photo, her expression resolute and determined. She’ll tell him tomorrow.
Cole watched as the lights of Phoebe’s room went off. He had been standing there, along the street outside the Halliwell Manor, carefully cloaked in the darkness of the night. He used to do this when he was still under the Triad’s orders, after he first met Phoebe. Initially, he thought it would help him focus on his target – at least that’s what he told himself. Later, it was simply because of the need he felt to be near her, yet knowing that he couldn’t.
He fit the part of a stalker from a bad movie perfectly, Cole smiled to himself.
After all the running and hiding from the Beast and the fear, he finally managed to find his way out. For the first time in a long time – even taking into account the time he spent as a human – Cole felt balanced, whole within himself, confident and assured of his own self-identity.
What had kept him going all this time was his love for Phoebe. In a kind of cliché way, he was a spirit with unfinished business. Cole knew he couldn’t let go of the physical world until he had a chance to make amends, or at least to apologise to Phoebe for all the hurt that he had caused her.
The past few months had been pure and utter agony. Cole had been reduced to nothing but a passenger in the backseat as he saw everything the Source did using his body. He felt helpless and frustrated, but there was nothing he could do. Everyday he had to put up with the Source’s constant scorn and triumph. His heart ached whenever he saw Phoebe, wishing desperately to shout out to her but always squashed down fiercely by the Source
Then the Source was gone and Cole once again was in control of his own body. But he had been lost in a place filled with barrenness, desolation and fear. He clung to the thought of Phoebe like a desperate man clinging to a torch in the pitch-black darkness of a cave. And finally, he managed to return. Just in time to save Phoebe’s life.
Looking at Phoebe now, Cole knew that she didn’t want him in her life any longer. He couldn’t blame her. Granted, he felt hurt, but he understood. She had been through so much because of him…
A part of him told him that he should just leave her alone and let her live her life in peace. But Cole knew he couldn’t. Phoebe was his sole purpose for living. She was all that he had. His brief fling with death told him that life was precious, that life should be lived without regrets. Cole didn’t want to look back and regret that he had just given up Phoebe without trying.
He knew that she still loved him. He knew that all too well. Selfish though it may seem to want her back with him, he knew that separation would basically kill them both. The two of them needed each other. Without the other, they were only half a person. Separation would starve them both, leave their lives as one filled with what-could-have-beens. Cole had to get Phoebe back.
Fate had been a cruel, fickle creature to the two of them, bringing them together only to force them apart again. Cole however, was not a man who would passively submit to the vagaries of fate.
God, he was turning into a sappy Romeo. Shakespeare would have been proud.
Cole smiled to himself. He already had an idea of what he was going to do. Someway, somehow, he was going to win Phoebe back.
Chapter Two
The next morning, Phoebe woke up to the smell of flowers. When the first waft of the sweet smell registered on her mind, her eyes immediately opened wide and she quickly sat up, looking around the room to make sure that she hadn’t imagined it.
She hadn’t. In front of her, on top of the large dresser was a large bouquet of daisies in a glass vase. Phoebe sprang out of bed and inspected the bouquet with suspicion. She found a simple, plain white card in the middle of the daisies. Written on the card, in a confident, clear script that was hauntingly familiar to Phoebe, were these words:
Dear Phoebe,
I hope you like the daisies. I thought that roses were too traditional. We need to talk. Dinner tonight at 7? I’ll be waiting.
The card wasn’t signed, although Phoebe didn’t need a signature to identify its author. It was as she suspected.
Cole.
She turned the card over and written neatly at the back was an address. She recognised it. It was the address of Cole’s apartment when they had first met. Before she had found out that he was a demon – it seemed so long ago now. Phoebe sat down heavily on the bed, as she became lost in a tangle of emotions. Longing, yearning, fear, sadness, tension…
Should she go? Or should she just pretend she had never seen the damned thing? If she went to meet him, what was she going to say? What was she going to do?
Phoebe didn’t know. She ran her fingers through her hair as she took a deep breath. All she was certain of was that she couldn’t get involved with Cole again.
No matter how much she wanted to.
She sighed as she got up and carried the vase downstairs to throw them away. As she walked into the kitchen, she was greeted cheerfully by Piper and Paige. Then, Piper noticed what Phoebe was carrying and her expression turned serious. “Is that from Cole?†she asked gently.
Phoebe nodded.
“What are you going to do about Cole?†Piper asked in the same, gentle, sympathetic tone.
“I don’t know,†Phoebe confessed.
“If you ask me,†Paige said bluntly, “he’s going to bring you more pain. Who knows if he’ll turn evil again – “
“Paige, hush,†Piper interrupted with a glare. “Phoebe, your decision about Cole is something that you have to make alone. Whatever it is, we’ll still be here for you.â€
“Thank you,†Phoebe said gratefully before she sighed. “I know it can’t work anymore. I still love him, but… it’s too much. Too much pain, too much baggage… I don’t know how much more I can take.†The tears were beginning to cloud her eyes.
Piper hugged Phoebe and said softly, “You still have us.â€
“Yeah,†Paige said as she joined the hug.
For a while, Phoebe allowed herself to relax in the comfort, warmth and support of her sisters. A small, tired smile appeared on Phoebe’s face as she pulled away from them. “I know I can always count on you guys, but thanks for the reminder anyway.â€
“What are sisters for?†Paige said, grinning.
“You have to tell him, Phoebe,†Piper said, “Dragging it on further would just cause more pain for the both of you.â€
“I know,†Phoebe said, “I’m going to tell him tonight.â€
“Tonight? You know where he is?â€
“He asked me to meet him for dinner, I’ll tell him then.â€
“Do you need us to go with you?†Piper said in concern.
Phoebe shook her head. “Like you said, this is something between the both of us that we have to settle on our own.â€
“If you need us, then just call, okay?†Piper said.
Phoebe nodded and smiled.
Cole leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes, letting himself get swept up in the soft music that was playing in an effort to relax. Gradually, he began to feel the tension and nervousness in him fade away.
He had chosen to meet Phoebe at his old apartment partly because it was empty, quiet and Cole needed a place fast. Moreover, the place contained important memories for both of them, of all they had shared together, the joy and the pain. He wanted to remind Phoebe of all of it, implicitly asking her if she really wanted to give all this up after all that they had been through.
The afternoon had been spent in preparation, buying the food, furniture and music. Cole sighed as the music flowed into a simple piano piece. It was the soundtrack to the film Amelie, which he and Phoebe had watched a while back, before everything began to fall apart. He remembered being totally enchanted by the innocence and the quiet beauty of the film. It was something he had never imagined in all his years as a demon. Now, the music relaxed him, soothed him.
Cole knew that the ball was now in Phoebe’s court. He could do all he can to persuade her otherwise, but the choice was ultimately hers. Whether he should stay or go, it was all up to her now. The frustration he had felt earlier had faded into simple acceptance.
The bell rang. Cole walked to the door and opened it to find a slightly nervous Phoebe standing in front of him. “Hi,†she said, hesitantly.
“Hi,†Cole said as he opened the door wider. “Come on in,†he said, hating the polite, talking-to-a-stranger tone of voice that he had unconsciously adopted.
Phoebe entered the apartment warily. For a while, the two of them just stood by the door, looking at each other in an awkward silence, caught between the desire to say something and the inability to say anything.
“Look Cole – “
“Phoebe – “
The two of them stopped and stared at each other. Finally, Cole said, “You first.â€
Phoebe took a deep breath. “Cole, I’ve thought about this. There’s no way this can work… not now, not after all that has happened. It’s just too hard… it shouldn’t be this hard…†she looked into his eyes pleading for him to understand what she couldn’t convey adequately in words.
Cole moved closer to Phoebe and held her hands in his. “I know,†he said softly, “I know it hasn’t been easy on you. But this time it’ll work out. I’ll make it work.â€
Phoebe shook her head as she pulled her hands away from his. “No, Cole. We don’t know for certain what’s going to happen. I don’t have the strength to take this again. I love you, Cole,†the tears began to well in her eyes, “but it isn’t enough. It’s better if we just end it now.â€
“If we love each other, it should be enough,†Cole argued. “We’ve been through so much together; can you bear to just see it go to waste?â€
“I can’t, but I know that whichever way we choose, that’s the way it’s going to end. This way, we spare ourselves the pain.†Seeing the look of obstinacy on Cole’s face, Phoebe’s voice softened, “I’m afraid, Cole. For you, I’m willing to do almost anything – even turn evil. I could hurt my sisters, even destroy the world in the process and that frankly scares me. I could stop myself this time, but what about the next? There’s too much at stake, things that are much more than just the two of us.â€
Cole sighed. He knew that Phoebe’s mind was set. What hurt him all the more was that he understood her reasons and knew that she was feeling as much pain as he was. “There’s no changing your mind?†he said softly in resignation.
Phoebe shook her head.
Cole managed to force out a small smile as he reached out for Phoebe’s hands, “One more dance? For old times sake?â€
Phoebe knew that she should say no, that it was better they ended it as cleanly as possible, but a part of her just couldn’t resist. Just one last dance, one last memory for her to store away. She let him pull her into his arms as they danced slowly, as they had so many times before. Her arms tightly around him, his arms tightly around her. Her head against his chest, the feeling of warmth and comfort. His head on her hair, smelling the sweet smell of her.
Slowly, Phoebe raised her head to look into his eyes. The visible pain and sadness in them went straight to her heart and she saw her own tear-filled eyes reflected in them. Cole leant into her and their lips met in a kiss that conveyed all the desperation and grief that they felt that at their parting.
Afraid that if she let the kiss go on any further,e’ll lose all resolve and give in, Phoebe pulled away from Cole. She cupped her hand against his cheek, “Take care of yourself,†she said softly, “I’ll see you around?â€
“Yeah,†Cole said just as softly. Both of them knew that they wouldn’t see each other again unless circumstances forced them to. It would only cause them unnecessary pain, being reminded sharply of something that they wanted and couldn’t have.
As Phoebe walked out of the door, she turned back to look at Cole, a last sad lingering look before she left. Cole watched her go, knowing his life would never be the same again.
*~ To Be Continued ~*
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