A foray into the unknown

[polymorphikos]

This is my first attempt at a hip-hop piece, or atleast the first I've ever been brave enough to show anyone. It's fairly akin to Ugly Duckling, but everyone needs a starting-point. I'd apreciate any opinions and the like (nothing special, just basic meter/impact/lyrics stuff), and would be happy to reciprocate.

The Penultimate Solution



Knocking at a door.



The sounds of door opening.



(Yes?)



Good day to you, sir,

Oh, wait, you’re female, err.

Well then I must say, Madam,

That you don’t know how glad I am

To be seeing you this morning

Beneath the veranda awning

And with this briefcase in my arm

Now there is no call for alarm.



Madam I see that you have children,

Yes, I stalk you, and that they are all growing

At a rate that’s quite alarming.

So I’m asking if you need help with a single little whelp

In the control of their behaviour

You do? Well I’m your saviour.



In this briefcase is a bottle, ornately-printed wattle

Is evident on the label, and the company is Mabel.

Mabel medications I represent,

And I’m bringing you a present

See this – small as a five cent –

Is a miraculous advent



With a single application

Of this potent medication

It will improve the relation

Twixt you and your coital creation



(What’s the substance?

Is it Ridilin, aspirin or mescalin?

Crack-cocaine or opium

Yes I’ll admit that I am desperate then.)



Aspirin? Ridilin?

Why madam, are you joking?

You must be coking,

Lady, what are you smoking?



(Marijuana, but that’s not the point,

Are you offering a joint?)



Your postulations are rather quaint,

To the balm with which I shall anoint

Your wounds – emotional and financial-

And all your problems will be cancelled



(Then answer me, you little jerk,

With your self-satisfied smirk

What is this medicinal perk

And can you promise it will work?)



Madam, it is simple,

Problem gone like a popped pimple,

And the answer I am brewing,

That the lab-boys have been stewing,

And for which mothers are queuing

Is arsenic.



(Arsenic?

But isn’t that rather drastic?)



Yes, arsenic. Nice and slow.

The little buggers really feel it.



(I don’t think that I could bear it)



Would you like a writ?

I can give you two pills to a child,

In dosage strong or dosage mild



(Sir, you are a maniac!)



Quite, now we’ve them white or black,

Or stylish, well-mixed orange pigments.

I suggest the whites, look like mints.



(Help, police! Police!)



That isn’t very nice.



Sirens



[It’s him!]



Christ, the cops! I’m sprung.



[Get him, catch him by the legs. Use the taser!]



Zaps and sizzles



Nyaaaaargh!



(Bloody salesmen.)



Door swings shut with a sharp snap.

 

[Silk]

I am actually listening to Ugly Duckling "journey to anywhere" at this moment...strange coincidence me thinks!

I thought it was very funny; do you have a particular tune in mind?

 

[polymorphikos]

Da-da dee-dee da-daA very rough transcription of meter, and that's it, no chorus or anything. It really just seemed like a good idea after listening to "The Drive-Thru". Thank you for the vote of confidence.

 

[Silk]

no worrys

 

[Jayaprakash Satyamurthy]

ooh. Are you planning to record this?

 

[polymorphikos]

*stares acidically at the sub-continental*

If I had money, talent and any knowledge of how to do so, I'd do it and throw my hat in the ring for Victoria Unearthed when it comes along ( = big competition by the national youth radio station Triple J to find unsigned artists).

You have forced me to reveal my secrets. I feel rather sheepish.