Not What We Usually Do.......

[mosaix]

Usually, when we write, we write to avoid confusion.

Let's try the opposite. Write two or more paragraphs. Each paragraph is one side of a communication. These can be a letters, e-mails, or two sides of a telephone conversation.

The important thing is that the first paragraph is written in such a way that, although clear to us, it is misunderstood by the recipient and this is made obvious by the reply. The resulting situation can be funny or have serious consequencies. By the way the parties don't have to be human. By that I mean one (or both) could be a computer or a large impersonal, organisation.

Paradoxically I think the writing has to be even more exact that usual in order to make the misunderstanding absolutely clear to the reader.

I'll post my contribution in a couple of days.

 

[mosaix]

Monday 14th August 2032, 9:02am

This is an automated, final demand issued by the Recovery and Fines Department of your local Library Service – We Deliver But We Also Collect.

Mr and Mrs Jefferson we believe that you are the parents of Tim Jefferson registered as a ‘junior borrower’ at the Municipal Library. He borrowed two books on 8th December 2007 and fines are now due.

Your son has ‘Kidnapped’ by Robert Louis Stevenson and ‘The Accomplice’ by Elizabeth Ironside. This is our final demand for $15,428.

No contact is necessary – this is an automated service. Please just pay up.

Note we always issue a copy of demands over $100 to the Sheriffs Office for preparation of preliminary court paperwork should you fail to co-operate.



Monday 14th August 2032, 2:24pm

Mr and Mrs Jefferson this is a ‘Investigation Closure Report’ issued by the Computerised Crime Profiling and Automated Action Unit of your local Sheriff’s Office – Quick Justice is Effective Justice.

First, may we congratulate you on your bravery in forwarding us the ransom note despite being warned not to contact us.

We have investigated the kidnapping of your son Tim, by Robert Stevenson and his accomplice Elizabeth Ironside. We have traced criminal records for Bob Stevenson and Liz Ironside and, although these were for minor misdemeanours and there have been no indications of them working together before, the fact that they tried to flee when our ‘Shock Squads’ stormed their hideouts proves to us that they were the guilty parties. Fortunately neither perpetrator survived the raids so there will be no need for you to attend a trial.


We found no trace of your son at either hideout but trust he will soon return home safely. Please contact us again if we can be of further help.

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[SpaceShip]

A couple go on holiday to the Caribbean but at the last moment the man has to stay at work to tie up the loose ends of a job he had almost finished. He told his wife to go on ahead and he'd follow next day. "Send me an email when you get there," he asked her.

The wife of a vicar dies and is buried. After the wake, everyone leaves and the vicar closes the front door, sighs and walks into his study. He notices that his computer tells him he has mail.

Clicking on the open mail button he passes out as he reads:

"Hello darling - arrived safely and just getting used to the place. Looking forward to your arrival tomorrow. Phew - sure is hot down here!"

It's amazing what happens when you get one digit wrong, eh?