Story idea --- Kincaid the Vampire

[Hawkshaw_245]

Forgive me, Mods and Admins. I posted this in the Workshop Section by accident. Please delete that double post.

I've been kicking around ideas for a modern-day vampire story. I need some input and commentary.

Nick Kincaid is a Newborn, in vampire society. Only 15 years ago, he was a mortal, a mundane human like the rest of us. After he was turned, he reluctantly accepted the fact he was a bloodsucking creature of the night. But he rejected the vampiric lifestyle.

Unlike the stereotypical Gothic vampires of old, he doesn't live in a castle in a remote part of the world. Nor does he have a fortune to maintain it. Kincaid must (GASP!!) work for a living. Even the undead have bills to pay. And when you can only work nights, that's not easy.

He shares an apartment with Baxter, an old friend. Baxter is not only his faithful sidekick and beer buddy, but was enthralled by Kincaid in an act of mercy, some years ago.

Kincaid pursues human women, too. Of course, that presents problems, too.

All is well, relatively speaking, until two things happen.

First off, he kills his greedy, profit-skimming boss in a heated altercation.
Second, his old sire, the mad Charlemagne, reappears after a long absence, looking to bring him back into the fold.

Something's missing. The basic premise sounds great, but the story itself seems blech! I welcome comments and input.

 

[HoopyFrood]

It seems you could get many stories out of this! You could have one about a vampire just stuggling to be normal (quite a witty story I would think, it's a great idea), or a story about the retaliation and consequences he would face from killing someone...or the final one about his old sire turning up! I think all three ideas could possibly have enough for whole books!
However, I do agree that the this basic premise does sound good. I'm sorry I can't be of more help, but I hope you make a go of this because I think it would make an interesting read! I love vampires.

 

[Urien]

How about this?

Kincaid is a cabbie, at night obviously. Unfortunately supernatural blood calls to supernatural blood; it's his adventures with his more dubious (supernatural) fares that form the premise for his adventures. Usually preventing, getting caught up in or putting right the mischief caused by his supernatural brethren.

Throw in the domestic complications, his constant struggle to be normal and maybe something kicks.

 

[Hawkshaw_245]

Thanx for the input. There are potholes that he will have to contend with.

After killing his boss, he can't very well return to work at the store. Money becomes an issue.

His current girlfriend has no idea he is a night-crawler. She just thinks he's the typical bad boy.

I like the return of his sire. However, it is a bit of a cliché in the genre. Do you think that should be a separate story line? Apart from the other subplots?

 

[dustinzgirl]

Actually night jobs are very popular now days. I have trouble finding day jobs. There are factories, mills, and so on. Mabye as a night security guard?

 

[Paradox 99]

I like the return of his sire. However, it is a bit of a cliché in the genre. Do you think that should be a separate story line? Apart from the other subplots?

Vampire stories are generally pretty cliche anyway. And, as most writers know, the majority of stories have already been told many times. I guess the trick, usually, is to make sure that you're telling the story well by generating believable and intersting characters that the reader can empathise with - as you already have the premise, the rest of the plot will probably solidify around your well-crafted characters.

Sounds to me that the strongest part of this story would be the central character's struggle with his instincts as opposed to a normal human lifestyle. maybe Nick hasn't truly decided who he is yet? Plenty of room there for building on an inner conflict which the reader has no idea which way he will eventually go. Certainly has promise - the old sire appealing to his instincts vs his girlfriend appealing to his humanity.

 

[Hawkshaw_245]

Sounds to me that the strongest part of this story would be the central character's struggle with his instincts as opposed to a normal human lifestyle. maybe Nick hasn't truly decided who he is yet? Plenty of room there for building on an inner conflict which the reader has no idea which way he will eventually go. Certainly has promise - the old sire appealing to his instincts vs his girlfriend appealing to his humanity.

I like the sound of that. Instinct vs. Humanity. I could play that angle to the hilt. Thanks a bunch.

Other vamps rag on Kincaid.

"Oh, look at poor Nicholas. He still thinks he's human."
"Why, Nicholas, are you shacked up in an apartment with your familiar?"
"You mean to tell me, Nicholas, that you're actually WORKING for mortals? How quaint."

Such banter provides humor for the reader, and conflict for Kincaid.

 

[Hawkshaw_245]

OK. I've brainstormed over the 'blood bond' that a vampire holds over vamps and thralls he/she has sired.

In my work, I've laid it out that the bond is overstated in folklore. While a sire might have influence a Newborn or thrall, due to the blood exchange, it's not a ball and chain, per se. The sire's own personal charisma plays a big part.

So even thralls can say 'no'. It just depends on the degree of enthrallment, and the character of the sire.

In my universe, there are precious few slobbering wackos like Dracula's Renfield.

 

[SpamValiant]

Hi there.

Hope this isn't too presumptuous, but I've been lurking for a while so I decided to do something constructive with my inaugural post.

Thinking about your desire for a little personal conflict for Kincaid, I figured he might be a good, conscientious, intelligent guy who is seemingly capable of far better things than he is currently achieving (apologies to any cab drivers or nightwatchmen who read this.)

The only thing which holds him back from getting a 'better' job and more money is the insurmountable but illicit fact of his vampirism.

So it's entirely possible that his oblivious but pushy significant other might be massively frustrated by his constant refusal to attend interviews for day jobs. Just one more little difficulty for him to manage as he struggles to maintain a semblance of normality despite getting nosferatu'd.

"Remember Kincaid, lifestyles are for the living. We just have style."


PS

In my universe, there are precious few slobbering wackos like Dracula's Renfield.

I envy you. I seem to have to deal with them every day...

 

[Hawkshaw_245]

Hi there.

Thinking about your desire for a little personal conflict for Kincaid, I figured he might be a good, conscientious, intelligent guy who is seemingly capable of far better things than he is currently achieving (apologies to any cab drivers or nightwatchmen who read this.)

The only thing which holds him back from getting a 'better' job and more money is the insurmountable but illicit fact of his vampirism.

So it's entirely possible that his oblivious but pushy significant other might be massively frustrated by his constant refusal to attend interviews for day jobs. Just one more little difficulty for him to manage as he struggles to maintain a semblance of normality despite getting nosferatu'd.

quote]

Yes! You're getting it. That's what I was trying to portray...the all-too-human needs conflicting with the vampiric nature. Kincaid's an average guy, a working-class dog with everyday troubles. Oh, and BTW, he's undead!

 

[Hawkshaw_245]

I thoroughly appreciate the comments/input.
Thanks, guys.