How to handle past tense

[jackokent]

Just wondering how people handle long passages of past tense such as a flashback.

I find the repeated use of "had" sounds incredibly clumsy. For example

He had flashed her a sharp glance.
"What's wrong" she had demended etc etc etc

But if you don't use had it's not gramatically correct is it?

 

[Urien]

"What's worng." She demanded.

That's perfectly fine.

 

[HoopyFrood]

Yeah, if I do flashbacks, I usually just do it in past tense like how AVS says, rather than using an excess of "had"'s. I think if you clearly show it's a flashback, it works fine.

 

[jackokent]

But if you are trying to differentiate that passage from something that's hapenning now then "she demanded" wouldn't do it.

Imagine a character is reminiscing:

Jane recalled the first time she'd entered the inn with Steve. From the way he had tensed, she knew he'd recongised the stranger standing at the bar.
She had put a steading hand on Steve's arm. He had flashed her a sharp glance.
"What's wrong" she had demended etc etc etc

Oh so I know I've hammed up the "had's" but I was making it up as I went along to illustrate the point. If you didn't have "had" the action could be happenning now. If you see what I mean.

 

[Urien]

You have to avoid that...

What is the context of the flashback/recall.

"Jake walked into the room, she remembered the last time they met."

Then you can go right in, or leave a space between the sections denoting scene shift.

Jake was drunk. He sat slumped over the bar.

Not

Jake had been drunk. He had sat slumped over the bar.

 

[jackokent]

Yes you're right. I wondered if people minded writers not using had even when I think it is more technically correct.

Thanks for the advice Andew / Hoopy

 

[mosaix]

Just wondering how people handle long passages of past tense such as a flashback.

I find the repeated use of "had" sounds incredibly clumsy. For example

He had flashed her a sharp glance.
"What's wrong" she had demended etc etc etc

But if you don't use had it's not gramatically correct is it?

Jacko

He'd flashed her a sharp glance.
"What's wrong" she'd demanded etc etc

sounds less clumsy.

 

[jackokent]

Hi Mosaix

So do you think I'd need the "had" then, even in it's abreviated form. Others seem to imply they'd leave it out altogether and tell the reader it was a flashback and leave it at that. If this piece went on for any length even the "He'd" and "she'd" would start to sound clumsy.

This conundrum has always bothered me.

 

[mosaix]

Hi Mosaix

So do you think I'd need the "had" then, even in it's abreviated form. Others seem to imply they'd leave it out altogether and tell the reader it was a flashback and leave it at that. If this piece went on for any length even the "He'd" and "she'd" would start to sound clumsy.

This conundrum has always bothered me.

I suppose it does depend on the length of the flashback. But if it's overley long then perhaps a flashback isn't the best way of doing it anyway. Perhaps you're going into too much detail in the flashback (conversations etc.). A flashback is usually dragged up from memory and so is likely to be superficial rather than detailed.

Maybe you need to examine the the reason for having the flashback at all.

 

[j d worthington]

Frankly, it depends on the flashback. Mosaix is right that the reason for the flashback is quite important. However, there have been entire stories and even novels where, save for an opening and closing few paragraphs, the entire tale was flashback -- very successful tales, for that matter. It depends on how you structure it, and the purpose of the flashback itself. Take a careful look at a selection of stories that you find effective, or that have achieved considerable fame, as a guide to help you find the balance you want to achieve ... if it's a technique followed by good professional writers, then it's certainly acceptable practice.

 

[chrispenycate]

Technically, if you've multiple layers of time, you have to go into the pluperfect to distinguish different "distances" from the present. This jumps out of the page at me; admittedly, I'm possibly exceptional in this, but it's not that difficult to get right; and is it really that clumsy to use correct grammar?

 

[jackokent]

I do think getting it technically right ie going into the pluperfect, for long periods of time does sound clumsy.

Obvously the answer cannot be to avoid long flashbacks so I guess it is about doing it technically wrong

 

[flynx]

I'd say flashback was a different thing to what I'd call rememberence. If the flashback is a couple of lines or some bits of dialogue then it's not going to get to be boring just by length.

quite apart from which I think you may be confusing correct grammar with contractions. As Mosaix demonstrated.

If the flashback is a whole scene (I use them regularly) then just indicate that it is from the past.

I remember the first time we met...

"Hello beautiful. What's your name?"

She smiled, but not with her eyes and turned her back.



The ellipsis is the wavy screen thing they do in films and on telly. These days they don't even bother with that, they open with black and white and fade to colour or simply put wigs on the actors and change the scenery.

 

[Dean F. Wilson]

"Had" changes it from active to passive (which is generally a no-no, but can be broken in some cases) - it would also change a lot of past tense words, such as:

He did

He had done

As you can see, the first suits perfectly well, though a word like "demanded" is more tricky to work with here. I would only use "He had demanded" if the sentence was something like "He had demanded the paycheck a week earlier, but he was still waiting for it". This is present action referring to past events, whereas flashback is transporting to past events to describe it as present action (all in past tense, of course - confusing? ).

I'd advise another method for distinguishing flashbacks, not only to avoid this, but because this doesn't, to me, give a clear indication that it is indeed a flashback.

Hope this helps!

-D

 

[jackokent]

CHeers all

I think the way people have suggested doing it ie explaining that it's a flashback then going into the past tense but not the pluperfect is the way I do it anyway. However ( and it won't be evident from my posts) i am a bit of a stickler for proper grammar and I could work out if that was technically wrong. But I don't think it matters and it's the only way it's going to sound readable.

 

[Dean F. Wilson]

I think a few "had"s are okay if you're just referencing the past in relation to the present, but if you're going to have a large scene there like a flashback, then it's just going to kill the scene entirely, so I'd go with Andrew's suggestion, definitely

-D

 

[mosaix]

Jacko,

Now here's a coincidence. I belong to a book club and this months book is The River by Tricia Wastvedt.

There are so many flashbacks it's difficult to tell which bits are supposed to be the present time.

However, each flashback is written as a separate chapter with appropriate title.

I think this has led to more chapters than there would normally have been (36) and they are fairly short - average about 8 pages.

Here's the titles for the first ten chapters:

1958: Catherine and Jack
1946: Xavier and Adelie
1958: Sarah
1986: Anna
Cameldip
February 1987: Anna
May 1987: The River
1958: Isabel and Robert
January 1988: Isabel
July 1987: Anna

And so it continues.......

I've read a little of the book and it appears that each flashback is written in the past tense.

Hope that helps.