Challenge!

S

Sliverblade

It rasps
Joined
Mar 10, 2006
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10
Write a short (no more than a paragraph or two) description that gives the reader a sense of enchantment.

Good Luck
 
‘Who is that girl?’ Derran stammered, looking to the door. She had come into the room like she owned it and everybody there. Not a pair of male eyes failed to turn and drink in the sight of her, and not a few female ones did the same. She was dressed in clinging silk, as soft and pale as tears. Her face was half obscured by a glittering mask crafted to resemble a songbird, but her eyes showed through, as clear and blue as stormy skies. A scent seemed to follow her through the arch, reminiscent of cool rain on spring blooms. The tiniest hint of a knowing smile played about the corners of her lips.

‘Gods, there must be some magic there,’ Eve murmured.

Gareth threw her a smile, wise eyes gleaming. ‘That woman needs no magic to enchant, my dear.’

--------

I'm not sure it's the enchantment envisiaged, but there you go...
 
She was dressed in clinging silk, as soft and pale as tears.
This such a great line. Well done, excellent way of describing the dress.
 
I agree, lots of great desciptions, very colourful and invocative. Just a thought though guys, when I did this I lent towards describing things alot too, but I think that drawing the reader into a scene is key, lots of sensary description smells, tastes, feelings. I also think that suddenly plunging a reader into an unfamiliar landscape or scene can have a sharper impact and leave a more lasting impression than a drawn out rounded description.


What do you think?
 
I also think that suddenly plunging a reader into an unfamiliar landscape or scene can have a sharper impact and leave a more lasting impression than a drawn out rounded description
Click to expand...
I think it'd have more impact, but whether it leaves a more lasting impression depends on the scene.

Anways, heres my attempt:

As he stepped into the room it was as if a mass of rocks he never knew he’d been carrying had been lifted from his shoulders and tossed over the horizon. He felt weightless, tensionless; as if at any moment he’d look down to find his feet no longer touched the marbled floor. Whereas only moments before his mind roiled with countless musings and considerations, he now felt calm and at peace without a worry or concern. He was energised; hell, he could wrestle an alligator like Tarzan in the movies! His heart leapt and a joyous laugh, held in check from years of anguish and strife, burst out uncontrollably.

“Wow! I feel great!” he realised, “I think I’ll just stay here for a while…”
 
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Here's one of my attempts:

A slim silhouette arched it's back against a deepening red horizon. Sleek and delicate it raised a slender arm to the moon. Sea deep, blue eyes sparkled in the failing light and azure skin seemed to shimmer as billowing silk robes rippled in the elemental breeze. There was magic here, they could all feel it as they panted silently at the treeline peering with burning eyes as the form moved upon the gleaming onyx ridge. Bare feet slapped the smooth sharp rock as the enticing form danced high above them within the wind's breath. Strong as they were, not one of the group moved; their hearts beat faster and their ears twitched at the slightest sound. A sweet scent reached them and hair prickled upon their necks sending delightful shudders down their spines. A strange arousal took hold of them as they felt the press of soft, moist lips upon their tired, worn faces. A crisp breath swept their eyes and tears trickled down crackedd cheeks wetting their gruff stubbled chins. Time slowed as the form shifted silently before them locking them with its crystaline eyes and seductive smiles. Every blade of grass stood taught, pollen paused in the air and the failing light froze. Then, suddelny, the silk robes were ripped free and drakness decsended upon them all.
 
His eyes closed, the sorcerer held his hands, open-palmed, in front of the fireplace. His apprentices watched with great focus and anticipation, and all was silent.

[exercise]

The master started chanting. It started as inaudible as a whisper, then grew louder and more pleasant and synchronized like an ethereal being, like the glowing fireflies, like the full moon. Though they could not understand the Tongue of Mages wholly they recognized words such as Tier, spirit of movement, and Arya, spirit of calling, among others familiar and unfamiliar. As he sung his hands moved, forming shapes with their shadows; and the students watched, being lulled into an attentionless trance as they listened to the droning.

First a bird. Then a fish. Then a wolf. Each figure rippled on the wall, slowly disappeared, took the form of another. Countless other creatures appeared and disappeared. Each spectator drifted into a day dream about being in the wild, living among the creatures, petting them, speaking to them, feeling love for them and all of nature, the flowers, the trees, the rivers, the seas, the deserts, the mountains, the skies, the oceans....

[/exercise]

A sudden hissing broke them from their daydreams. There they were, back in the room, inside the home of their master, inside civilization again. They were dazed as they tried to remember themselves, and then shocked when they saw their old teacher grinning with a snake coiled on one shoulder. Eisha screamed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The two middle paragraphs are my enchantment paragraphs, but I also decided to put them into context as well, because I can't write any other way. So I left the paragraph before and after as well as the actual requirements of the exercise.
 
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Imagine Birmingham. Dark, troubled, heart of the black country. Imagine 1975. Cold, promising a hot and sultry summer that would go on for ever.
See me. Bundled against that cold and hiding a cassette tape recorder beneath a heavy greatcoat. Fear doubled. Taping a live performance and seeking to hide a suspicious device one week after the bombs went off.

Hear the throng, the crowd, the thousand and odd metal heads strangely muted voices dulled with apprehension and promise. See the lights go down and the stage light up. A thunderous roar to rival a lightning strike of opening chords as they take the stage. Close your eyes, it's about to begin. That throaty blue voice settles easily into words wound around the softest fuzz and faintest wah of the sunburst custom strat. The song glides away to whisper under the eaves of the hanging balconies and his voice leaves us spellbound.
 
Here we go... :D

The window was supposed to be closed and locked and left untouched, but Seoras knew it had been opened. The breeze made the window's white curtains dance like the lace of an invisible woman's dress. Seoras sat on his bed, watching intently, as if the curtains had a message to pass, or a secret to tell. They beckoned Seoras to walk through them, to seize what remained of twilight to guide him back the forest before darkness conquered the land.

Surely the wizards were watching. They had been watching for hours to see when Seoras would notice their invitation.

Seoras bowed his head to thank the wizards he had not yet met. He stood from the bed and walked to window, ignoring the warm carpet under his bare feet, the blaze and crackling of the fire heating the room, the gentle and reliable ticking of the old clock on the fireplace's mantle. The house longed to keep him, but even against the coldness of the night, it was no match for the lure a wizard's summoning. And so Seoras pulled back the curtains and peered out at the forest below, where the wizards were waiting. Most people would never see them, never know of their existence, their influence, or their magic. Very few children had the wonderful sense to look through doors and walk through windows.

Hmmm... that took me an hour to write... but it was irresistably fun. :)
 
Lt. Commander Alli of Barada didn't simply walk onto the bridge. She danced onto the bridge. She had the grace of a gazelle, the charm of Aphrodite, and a beauty that surpassed even her own peoples standards. Being the only Yajeebian female on board the USS Leyte Gulf was certainly enough to warrant the attention of the ship's male population. She had the emerald green skin, greenish-blond hair, and deep emerald eyes common to her species. But, it was the former exotic dancer's movements, coupled with the hypnotic bounce of her triple breasted chest, squeezed tightly into her United Systems Navy uniform, that really turned the human men's heads.

Human males, so typical Alli thought, as she took her place at the science station. As she turned toward the sensor screen, she could feel the eyes of every male on the bridge, looking at her. So very typical.
 
They got to the top of the hill. A gust of wind blew at them as they looked around standing on the green grass in the warm summer wether. It looked like they could see everything above the tropicle tree tops that surrounded them from under neath the tall hill. The sunlight shined through a cloud above them. John and Galnor stood in amazment ant the beutiful view.

Ah, it was a try
 
i tried to do this again its really hard >>> anyone that can do this i can imagine they will become god writers but now i am gonna be working on this and when i do i will post my ideas >> if anyone has any tips culd they plase quote thnx :)
 
Summer; heat striking out from the tarmac, cooking the forms sat or sprawled on the crackling grass. Haze rising past the air-conditioned aquariums, where those condemned to work glanced enviously at the browning student limbs below. Lazy heat, the books protecting faces more than filling minds, when suddenly, in an instant, everything stayed the same, and, at the same time, changed completely. The humming bees, rattling cooling fans and the traffic's buzz still there, but distant, irrelevant, a thousand miles away. The broiling sun let shivers travel down a hundred spines; inhabitants of windows froze. The browning lawn exuded death, the trees' shade sucked the colour out of all they touched. Voices; chattering youth, ponderous age and territorial bird, or cat, ceased; the silence ate the urge to speak. And, though no-one could say why, or how the knowledge came, all knew that something different had joined the world.
 
Lady Vanwalote looked out over the walls of Minas Tirith. It was a beautiful day. The Pellinor field was coming to life. It was hard to believe that, to the West, in Rohan, war was waging yet again. King Elissar had seen the beacons, and was leading an entourage, in answer to Eomer King's summons. How can there be war, amid such beauty? she wondered. She then turned to look at her Queen. Arwen's face was fraught with worry.

"Your Majesty." she said, "Do not fret. The King is an able warrior, and he shall emerge from this threat most victorious." The queen turned to her, and smiled. "Lady Vonwalote,' she said, "You are a good friend and dear. But, I cannot help but worry. It has been more than a fortnight since they left, and I fear the worst." Lady Vamwalote looked deeply into Arwen's sad eyes, and said to her. "Your love shall always return safely to you." It was at that moment that both of them spied the Banner of the King of Gondor, and King Elissar riding tall in the saddle, leading his soldiers home.
 
It was one of the most beautiful places in the world, and yet it was hidden from the sight of so many. Standing at the mouth of the cave, she saw veins of dark purple crystal streaking the walls, softly reflecting the light that filtered in from behind her, and casting an amethyst glow on her face. It felt as though there was magic here, as if this had been the place where a great power had once resided. Her spirits soared.
Her footsteps seemed to ring out as she walked, awestruck, into the cavern, filling the air with music. It was like a dream, and when the echoes died away as she stopped, a voice, just as lilting, spoke to her from the depths of the crystal.


My attempt. I hope it's isn't all that bad.
 
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