Lacedaemonian
A Plume of Smoke
This critique contains adult language and expletives.
Just a scrappy piece I strung together. I enjoy the potential angle this short dialogue adds to my overall story. It reconfirms the nature of the magical Yi and once again builds on the relationship between the two central characters. They are chatting before facing an unknown enemy, which has been tracking them through the woodlands.
Please be as critical as you want, and I thank those that take the time to read this.
“Rumour tells of a wind that battered the Yi’Lian Heights for seven seasons straight. Not a hurricane. A mad, howling, ghoul whispering gale. Cimprid described it in her journals as ‘Voca a fa entre’ – The voices at the door. Those who saw the eighth season, and whose brains were not completely addled or had only half chewed the tongues from their heads named it simply ‘Karam’o’ which loosely translates as…. . not sure how to describe it – God’s Revenge?”
“Revenge for what?”
“Settling on the Heights. The sacred ground of the Yi.”
“But the Yi have not been among us for several millennia.”
“Aye it is so. But their blood still courses through many a vein, elfin and clan both.”
“So they say”.
“I hears the scepticism in your voice but I knows you knows it must be true. Does the think that it was chance that we were gifted with invincible life?”
“We are not invincible Emerald. When have you been grievously injured?”
“I aint never. Not even been cut deep enough to be called anything other than a scratch by you fighting folk. Sees what I mean? I canst even be injured.”
“What if I were to drive this sword through your guts?”
“Why not tries it Danae? A pale of silver says you canst. I am protected by the Yi.”
“You do realise that if I was a greedy man you would be staring at a hole in your guts now?”
“Ah so true, I bless the Yi for making you such a selfless creature, Danae.”
“The Yi? I will die one day Emerald and then you shall know clear as dew that you wagered and lost and that the forest witch was nothing but a foolsayer.”
“I shall hold you to that.”
“Aye no doubting you will. Just stand behind me and play me something old.”
“An Elfin dirge for the Fallen.”
“Seems appropriate.”
“Assuming that the Yi ever fell.”
“C**t!”
Danae lifted up the crooked make shift staff and braced himself, testing the weight of it in his hands. ‘might win myself that wager today, Emerald. This is the poorest weapon I have ever had to wrought war with.’
“Then take one of their weapons.”
“You know I cant.”
“F**k clan law, Danae.”
“No I mean I can’t.”
It came then crashing through the trees, a huge Traporian.
“I aint never seen one that big, Danae.”
“Nah?”
“The Yi protect us.”
“F**k the Yi!”
………….
‘F**k the Yi indeed. Danae stove the Traporians head in with his mailed fist after his staff broke across the beast’s ankle. I tolds Danae after that it was only a young Traporian and that the adult Traporians in the northern reaches were twice as big. The truths was in all the books I read and all the tales I had heard – never been a Traporian so big. Never. ’
Just a scrappy piece I strung together. I enjoy the potential angle this short dialogue adds to my overall story. It reconfirms the nature of the magical Yi and once again builds on the relationship between the two central characters. They are chatting before facing an unknown enemy, which has been tracking them through the woodlands.
Please be as critical as you want, and I thank those that take the time to read this.
“Rumour tells of a wind that battered the Yi’Lian Heights for seven seasons straight. Not a hurricane. A mad, howling, ghoul whispering gale. Cimprid described it in her journals as ‘Voca a fa entre’ – The voices at the door. Those who saw the eighth season, and whose brains were not completely addled or had only half chewed the tongues from their heads named it simply ‘Karam’o’ which loosely translates as…. . not sure how to describe it – God’s Revenge?”
“Revenge for what?”
“Settling on the Heights. The sacred ground of the Yi.”
“But the Yi have not been among us for several millennia.”
“Aye it is so. But their blood still courses through many a vein, elfin and clan both.”
“So they say”.
“I hears the scepticism in your voice but I knows you knows it must be true. Does the think that it was chance that we were gifted with invincible life?”
“We are not invincible Emerald. When have you been grievously injured?”
“I aint never. Not even been cut deep enough to be called anything other than a scratch by you fighting folk. Sees what I mean? I canst even be injured.”
“What if I were to drive this sword through your guts?”
“Why not tries it Danae? A pale of silver says you canst. I am protected by the Yi.”
“You do realise that if I was a greedy man you would be staring at a hole in your guts now?”
“Ah so true, I bless the Yi for making you such a selfless creature, Danae.”
“The Yi? I will die one day Emerald and then you shall know clear as dew that you wagered and lost and that the forest witch was nothing but a foolsayer.”
“I shall hold you to that.”
“Aye no doubting you will. Just stand behind me and play me something old.”
“An Elfin dirge for the Fallen.”
“Seems appropriate.”
“Assuming that the Yi ever fell.”
“C**t!”
Danae lifted up the crooked make shift staff and braced himself, testing the weight of it in his hands. ‘might win myself that wager today, Emerald. This is the poorest weapon I have ever had to wrought war with.’
“Then take one of their weapons.”
“You know I cant.”
“F**k clan law, Danae.”
“No I mean I can’t.”
It came then crashing through the trees, a huge Traporian.
“I aint never seen one that big, Danae.”
“Nah?”
“The Yi protect us.”
“F**k the Yi!”
………….
‘F**k the Yi indeed. Danae stove the Traporians head in with his mailed fist after his staff broke across the beast’s ankle. I tolds Danae after that it was only a young Traporian and that the adult Traporians in the northern reaches were twice as big. The truths was in all the books I read and all the tales I had heard – never been a Traporian so big. Never. ’
I will definitely give them proper attention asap, though. The titles remind me of Erikson (which is a good thing).
