Hey all,
After everyone telling me I had way to much 'introduction' in my first chapter, I decided to create a new chapter one that had more action to provide background. The old chapter 1 will now be chapter 2, and all the intro stuff cut out. Let me know what you think, I need to fatten it up, so any help would be great!
Onboard CSF Uriel, medium orbit Acre
“The defense platforms just went offline sir!” Sub Commander Allen screamed.
“What do you mean offline? Who gave that order?” Captain Mendes quickly brought up the Orbital Defense Grid status readout on the Holonet. “Dear God, the entire Grid is down, that could only have come from planetside command! Raise Praefectus Bakr and ask him what the hell is going on!”
Captain Mendes was loosing his cool. The operation had gone perfect up to this point, the Alliance fleet was charging right into the ‘grids coverage zone. The defense platforms would then open up on the enemy ships with PAC10 cannons and hundreds of torpedoes. With the ‘grid down, the already battered Crucible fleet didn’t stand a chance.
“Seneschal Cooper, this is Captain Mendes, the ‘grid is down, trying to contact planetside to see what is going on.”
“Roger that Captain, I am moving the fleet into a defensive formation, make sure you are ready to open fire.” Seneschal Matt Cooper was in the command sphere. Controlling the entire fleet through his neural net’s link to the Uriel’s AI.
“Roger sir, FAP batteries charged.” Mendes relayed the order to Sub Commander Chesik, the Uriel’s weapons officer.
Matt knew the situation was bleak at this point. His entire plan centered on luring the Alliance into the range of the Orbital Defenses of Acre. If the ‘grid couldn’t be raised before the fleets came together, the Armada was doomed.
“Seneschal, Alliance cruisers will be in FAP range in 30 seconds.” Chesik said. “Roger weaps, we are going to hold fire until the Majestic comes into range.” Matt knew the carriers we the Alliances key to victory. Any minute now they would launch hundreds of fighters, sealing the Armadas fate.
“No response from planetside Captain.” Allen said. “In fact, no response from anyone in planetside HQ, their net is down!”
“You catch that Seneschal?” Mendes knew there was no hope now, but he would not let the bridge staff see the fear in his eyes.
“Roger” The carriers had launched their fighters and the Mako class cruisers were within Torpedo range. The Alliance fleet consisted of 23 ships, including four of the massive Invincible class carriers; his own fleet was made up of the battered survivors of the Battle of Ling Mai and held less than 13 capital ships. There was no hope now. “Captain, I am linking directly to the fleet. Relinquish bridge command and abandon ship.”
“Sir, respectfully request to remain onboard.” There was no way the proud Teuton was going to leave his ship.
“You have your orders captain; get your ass and your crew over to the Selaphiel NOW!”
“Aye sir, weaps, sound abandon ship, raise the Selaphiel and let them know we are coming.” The only greater disgrace than leaving your ship was to disobey orders.
“Fleet, this is Seneschal Matthew Cooper; I have taken command of the Uriel. All vessels are ordered to withdraw to high orbit and engage jump drives. Proceed to Antioch system and await further orders. All fighters disengage and return to the Selaphiel. Cooper out.” Matt took a deep breath. This was it. He increased the old battlecruisers Impact drives to red and charged straight at the nearest Alliance carrier, the Victory. Already he could see dozens of swirling balls of plasma behind the hail of Neutron torpedoes, all targeted at the Uriel. He transferred all power from weapons to shields. The ‘net reported all escape probes away, he was the last man on the Uriel.
Onboard ASF Victory, Freespace Acre system:
“Orbital Defenses offline sir.” Lieutenant Commander Becks said.
“Excellent, link the fleet to our AI, time to finish what we started.” Admiral Horstooth was ecstatic. The Crucible had escaped him at Ling Mai, this time there was no where to run.
“Fleet, this is Admiral Francoise Horstooth, the Acre system defenses are down and the Armada is trapped. I am assuming command of all ships. Long live the Alliance!” The Admiral couldn’t believe his luck, and deep down he knew luck had nothing to do with it. He had suspected something was up when Earth Command ordered him to proceed into the Orbital Grids range. Normally this would mean certain defeat, but orders were orders.
The Crucible flagship was within torpedo range. “Commander Becks, launch all torpedoes, as soon as we are in plasma range open all batteries.”
“Aye sir.” Becks targeted the nearest Crucible battlecruiser and issued launch orders. Dozens of blue-white neutron torpedoes filled the view screen.
“Sir, the Uriel’s escape probes have all launched, they have abandoned ship!”
“That’s not something I’ve come to expect from the Zionists, perhaps they finally realize they are defeated.” Horstooth centered the view screen on the soon to be dead Uriel, which was now steaming towards them.
“Plasma away sir, the Uriel is in FAP range, but she hasn’t fired, AI must have shut down.” Becks scanned the Uriel one last time to make sure she was truly evacuated. “Sir, I’m reading one life sign onboard the Uriel, and it seems like..” He had to double check to make sure he wasn’t imagining something. “SIR! The Crucible fleet is moving to high orbit, scanners indicate they are charging jump drives!”
“No DAMNIT! They can’t be allowed to escape again! Move to block their path!” The Admiral’s heart sank. He knew they couldn’t catch the Zionists in time, but he would have the satisfaction of destroying one of their prized battlecruisers.
“Sir, we can’t stop them, they are ready to jump.” Becks moved the view screen to show the 12 Crucible warships now in high orbit. One by one they disappeared in a brilliant flash of light.
“Put the Uriel on the screen, I want to watch her die.” Francoise crossed his arms, a wicked grin of grim satisfaction on his face. He watched as the first wave of torpedoes impacted her bow. She had strong shields he had to admit, over a dozen torpedoes had hit and still the shields were up. The second volley hit, this time the shields gave way. The super concentrated bolts of neutrons ripped holes deep into the doomed ships hull. Then the plasma made contact. The entire ship was now aflame. Huge chunks of the hull were flying off, but still she came on.
Francoise hurriedly changed course and increased the ships fusion drives to full. He cursed under his breath at how slow the massive carrier was to get to speed. “Becks, fire emergency thrusters now, bearing zero-nine-zero!”
“Aye sir!”
The Uriel grew larger by the second in the view screen. She was still aflame and shedding huge sections of armored hull. There was no way he could get out of the way in time.
“Sound collision alarms! Focus shields to stern, starboard side!” This was gonna hurt.
After everyone telling me I had way to much 'introduction' in my first chapter, I decided to create a new chapter one that had more action to provide background. The old chapter 1 will now be chapter 2, and all the intro stuff cut out. Let me know what you think, I need to fatten it up, so any help would be great!
Onboard CSF Uriel, medium orbit Acre
“The defense platforms just went offline sir!” Sub Commander Allen screamed.
“What do you mean offline? Who gave that order?” Captain Mendes quickly brought up the Orbital Defense Grid status readout on the Holonet. “Dear God, the entire Grid is down, that could only have come from planetside command! Raise Praefectus Bakr and ask him what the hell is going on!”
Captain Mendes was loosing his cool. The operation had gone perfect up to this point, the Alliance fleet was charging right into the ‘grids coverage zone. The defense platforms would then open up on the enemy ships with PAC10 cannons and hundreds of torpedoes. With the ‘grid down, the already battered Crucible fleet didn’t stand a chance.
“Seneschal Cooper, this is Captain Mendes, the ‘grid is down, trying to contact planetside to see what is going on.”
“Roger that Captain, I am moving the fleet into a defensive formation, make sure you are ready to open fire.” Seneschal Matt Cooper was in the command sphere. Controlling the entire fleet through his neural net’s link to the Uriel’s AI.
“Roger sir, FAP batteries charged.” Mendes relayed the order to Sub Commander Chesik, the Uriel’s weapons officer.
Matt knew the situation was bleak at this point. His entire plan centered on luring the Alliance into the range of the Orbital Defenses of Acre. If the ‘grid couldn’t be raised before the fleets came together, the Armada was doomed.
“Seneschal, Alliance cruisers will be in FAP range in 30 seconds.” Chesik said. “Roger weaps, we are going to hold fire until the Majestic comes into range.” Matt knew the carriers we the Alliances key to victory. Any minute now they would launch hundreds of fighters, sealing the Armadas fate.
“No response from planetside Captain.” Allen said. “In fact, no response from anyone in planetside HQ, their net is down!”
“You catch that Seneschal?” Mendes knew there was no hope now, but he would not let the bridge staff see the fear in his eyes.
“Roger” The carriers had launched their fighters and the Mako class cruisers were within Torpedo range. The Alliance fleet consisted of 23 ships, including four of the massive Invincible class carriers; his own fleet was made up of the battered survivors of the Battle of Ling Mai and held less than 13 capital ships. There was no hope now. “Captain, I am linking directly to the fleet. Relinquish bridge command and abandon ship.”
“Sir, respectfully request to remain onboard.” There was no way the proud Teuton was going to leave his ship.
“You have your orders captain; get your ass and your crew over to the Selaphiel NOW!”
“Aye sir, weaps, sound abandon ship, raise the Selaphiel and let them know we are coming.” The only greater disgrace than leaving your ship was to disobey orders.
“Fleet, this is Seneschal Matthew Cooper; I have taken command of the Uriel. All vessels are ordered to withdraw to high orbit and engage jump drives. Proceed to Antioch system and await further orders. All fighters disengage and return to the Selaphiel. Cooper out.” Matt took a deep breath. This was it. He increased the old battlecruisers Impact drives to red and charged straight at the nearest Alliance carrier, the Victory. Already he could see dozens of swirling balls of plasma behind the hail of Neutron torpedoes, all targeted at the Uriel. He transferred all power from weapons to shields. The ‘net reported all escape probes away, he was the last man on the Uriel.
Onboard ASF Victory, Freespace Acre system:
“Orbital Defenses offline sir.” Lieutenant Commander Becks said.
“Excellent, link the fleet to our AI, time to finish what we started.” Admiral Horstooth was ecstatic. The Crucible had escaped him at Ling Mai, this time there was no where to run.
“Fleet, this is Admiral Francoise Horstooth, the Acre system defenses are down and the Armada is trapped. I am assuming command of all ships. Long live the Alliance!” The Admiral couldn’t believe his luck, and deep down he knew luck had nothing to do with it. He had suspected something was up when Earth Command ordered him to proceed into the Orbital Grids range. Normally this would mean certain defeat, but orders were orders.
The Crucible flagship was within torpedo range. “Commander Becks, launch all torpedoes, as soon as we are in plasma range open all batteries.”
“Aye sir.” Becks targeted the nearest Crucible battlecruiser and issued launch orders. Dozens of blue-white neutron torpedoes filled the view screen.
“Sir, the Uriel’s escape probes have all launched, they have abandoned ship!”
“That’s not something I’ve come to expect from the Zionists, perhaps they finally realize they are defeated.” Horstooth centered the view screen on the soon to be dead Uriel, which was now steaming towards them.
“Plasma away sir, the Uriel is in FAP range, but she hasn’t fired, AI must have shut down.” Becks scanned the Uriel one last time to make sure she was truly evacuated. “Sir, I’m reading one life sign onboard the Uriel, and it seems like..” He had to double check to make sure he wasn’t imagining something. “SIR! The Crucible fleet is moving to high orbit, scanners indicate they are charging jump drives!”
“No DAMNIT! They can’t be allowed to escape again! Move to block their path!” The Admiral’s heart sank. He knew they couldn’t catch the Zionists in time, but he would have the satisfaction of destroying one of their prized battlecruisers.
“Sir, we can’t stop them, they are ready to jump.” Becks moved the view screen to show the 12 Crucible warships now in high orbit. One by one they disappeared in a brilliant flash of light.
“Put the Uriel on the screen, I want to watch her die.” Francoise crossed his arms, a wicked grin of grim satisfaction on his face. He watched as the first wave of torpedoes impacted her bow. She had strong shields he had to admit, over a dozen torpedoes had hit and still the shields were up. The second volley hit, this time the shields gave way. The super concentrated bolts of neutrons ripped holes deep into the doomed ships hull. Then the plasma made contact. The entire ship was now aflame. Huge chunks of the hull were flying off, but still she came on.
Francoise hurriedly changed course and increased the ships fusion drives to full. He cursed under his breath at how slow the massive carrier was to get to speed. “Becks, fire emergency thrusters now, bearing zero-nine-zero!”
“Aye sir!”
The Uriel grew larger by the second in the view screen. She was still aflame and shedding huge sections of armored hull. There was no way he could get out of the way in time.
“Sound collision alarms! Focus shields to stern, starboard side!” This was gonna hurt.
