Et la comete passa by Maurice Limat (1970) Fleuve Noir #441- ok, this one
is a stinker.
1772 a comet is at its brightest* in the sky. In Paris an alchemist and his marquise financier use its 'influence' to animate two artificial, perfect human beings a la Frankenfurter. When the laboratory explodes, the creations wander off leaving no trace of their creators. (It is later implied, then stated rifght at the end of the book that the souls of the sorcerers have transmigrated to these perfect bodies.)
Four hundred years later - and an unspecified number of light years away - two mysterious strangers are spotted (where no mysterious strangers are supposed to be) in one of the supply depots of a deep space station. Refusing to surrender they are fired upon with no effect - bullets pass right through them, deadly 'infra-mauve' ray guns just dissolve their clothes. The spectacle of invulnerable, naked people defying the police draws a crowd. A passing movie director pays their fines and hires them on the spot to appear in his latest film. He is about to shoot a never before seen on screen spectacular with real spaceship battles and, as a climax, a local planet being wiped off the face of the universe. The nearby planet, Xoll, is in the direct path of the same comet we met in the introductory chapter. What this comet is doing in a completely different solar system is a mystery that is not addressed but, as this is one of those SF books where everything is 'space prefixed' like in an ancient Captain Future tv show ("I'll get them on the Space-radio, Binky. Why don't you make us a nice hot mug of galacto-caff while we wait?" That kind of crap.) I don't think proper joined-up science was high on the author's must do list.
The two mysterious strangers accept the director's offer. They want to go to Xoll. Their names are 'You' and 'You'. (The only interesting idea in the book.) A passing hero, 'Le Chevalier Coqdor' (The Knight Golden Rooster? or, as my brain soon shortened, it Sir Goldcock), tags along. He's on his way to Xoll too to help with the evacuation of the population before they all die when the comet hits. Le Chevalier Coqdor is accompanied by his faithul flying wolf/lizzard-bat-thing and has telepathic powers. As he is hardly described, or introduced in any meaningful manner, I got the idea we were supposed to know who he was - a couple of footnotes in later chapters later confirmed this by refering to his adventures in earlier books.**
Stopping off to buy a couple of old space liners at a scrapyard, the film crew are attacked by SPACE PIRATES! who wear masks inside their space helmets (actually I think I just made that up). They try to kidnap the movie director because he's so famous they can hold him to ransome and become
very rich space pirates - but they are thwarted by You and You who can, apparently, also levitate and fly at will.
While shooting a sequence in space the Space Pirates attack again and are (again) thwarted by You and You who are piloting the two space liners. All the space pirates die. You and You and (for no other reason than the plot requires him to be on board) Le Chevalier Coqdor abandon the film crew and head for Xoll.
As they near the planet the local authorities, charged with evacuating everyone from certain doom, tell them to go back. Then when You and You refuse to turn back from certain death the local authorities charged with evacuating everyone from certain doom shoot them down - which makes NO sense whatsoever. Needless to say all three walk out of the wreckage without a scratch.
You and You it turns out are fed up with being eternal invulnerable humans with no libido and pronouns for names and, only by being on a planet as it is wiped off the face of the universe by the same comet whose influence created them, will they achieve eternal rest. (Or something.)
The powers that be have one last chance of saving Xoll. A powerful beam of blue energy fired from a hastily constructed instalation at the planet's pole might just deflect the comet! You and You plan to destroy this last hope but first they have to get across the zone of living volcanoes. Fire-mouthed living rock beings who lust after human flesh... ??? (sic) yep. They fly across. Then there are storms because the comet is interfereing with the plant's weather. (Or something.)
They get to the base and, after a few pointless, page filling shenanigans, You and You kidnap the robot that was to direct the final stage of Operation Blue Ray when everyone else has scarpered out of harm's way. Oh no! Xoll is Doomed!
Le Chevalier Coqdor mans the controls (obviously if a mere robot could do it, a hero of several badly written books should be able to pick it up in the 20 minutes or so they have left without any specialist training. Especially, it turns out, a robot that was specially built for the job, has ten arms... and has
been reprogrammed by You and You to KILL!) The robot attacks! Coqdor leaps into a convenient spaceship and toasts the robot as he takes off. The spaceship has, it turns out, enough armenents onboard to reequip an entire fleet of warships. Hmmm. Maybe... just maybe he can blow the sodding comet up with them? Why has no one has thought of this before? I mean WHY? And why anyone would leave so much ordinance just lying around on a doomed planet is something that, if I were a taxpayer in that galaxy, I would be taking up with my elected representives. Oh and You and You are on the ship too. Somehow.
You and You and Coqdor spend a few pages squabbling about who gets to make noble, self-sacrificing gestures before one of the Yous points out that there are escape pods onboard. So out goes Coqdor. Big explosion. Comet is blownupified. Coqdor lives to appear in another book. Maybe the Yous are dead. Xoll isn't blown up. End of book.
This book like most of the others I've read in this thread were printed by Fleuve Noir (Black River) who, amongst other things, published The Perry Rhodan books in France.
Most of them have been page turning (predominantly) SF illiterate tosh. I love it!
* This is historically accurate, it was later named Biela's Comet.
**
39! Bruno Coqdor books saw print according to
Maurice LIMAT - Bibliographie Livres - Biographie - nooSFere