Jumple and Bloomeelia+Prophet Snudd's reunion

[GiantGreenBean]

One hot summer day in the Sploot Kingdom, after a long day’s work of note delivering, the young fox cub royal messenger named Jumple began fulfilling his evening routine of sitting under a tall tree by a small pond in a shady area of Wooshy Woods, and writing his fictional comic book series, “The Adventures of Pirate Pete Peanut Brittle and his Amazing Pirate Peanut Brittle Powers”.
The star of Jumple’s comic was in fact a talking anthropormorphic humanoid piece of peanut brittle with a pirate costume, most of Jumple’s friends (except Prophet Snudd) did not find this concept very appealing, but it meant quite a bit to Jumple considering the fact that one of the Sploot Kingdom’s earliest recorded prophecies suggested a creature similar to Jumple’s hero. With help from his parents, Jumple had even assembled a cookbook featuring his character that contained all the different recipes of the Sploot Kingdom…with a peanut brittle twist.
Sadly however, Jumple was practically the only resident of the Sploot Kingdom that had even the slightest craving for peanut brittle, and the only use the cookbook’s recipes could serve him was to ward off malevolant dragons (which were allergic to peanut prittle) and little did he know that it was that very evening that his love of peanut brittle would save his life, and the life of one of his favorite female aquaintences, the tall spunky sassy royal “cat sorceress” of the Sploot Kingdom, Bloomeelia who would occasionally and mysteriously drop by out of nowhere.
Absoloutely noeone in the Sploot Kingdom knew how fascinated Jumple was with the sorceress, due to his extremely strong denial of his interest in girls. Jumple occasionally got her attention by climbing tall trees, pretending to be in danger, or even by immitating Prophet Snudd. Sadly, Jumple only rarely spent his sun drenched evenings sitting and cracking jokes with Bloomeelia, and instead spent them performing absurd attempts to get her attention. He knew he’d be dragged home by either his parents or his older sister Jezella if he stayed at
his favorite reclining spot TOO long, so finally when Bloomeelia walked by, tossing her long radiant purple hair behind her, he held his breath for ten seconds, and decided upon something. He was going to say hello.
“Hey there!” said Jumple, clearing his throat nervously.
“Uhh..Hi Jumple! ” responded Bloomeelia. “I’m feeling kinda distraught. Some cretins just never learn, an evil wizard stole my backpack!!!” said Bloomeelia.
“COOL! That’s REALLY awesome! I’d be more than happy to help you get it back Bloomeelia!! Honestly, I’ve been practicing martial arts, I’ll show those evil wizards who’s boss!” said Jumple showing her a demonstration.
“But there’s no telling where he is!! Those evil wizards have a way of hiding, but I have a feeling he’s at Zasher’s fortress on top of Mt. Maleficent, that’s where most of those evil wizard type folks hang out! I can at least go one day without it though!! So what have you been doing here Bushy Tail?? Talking to dragons and elves?” asked Bloomeelia.
“Nothing of particular interest, really. Just sitting here, eating peanut brittle, and writing comics!” said Jumple.
“Really? Well what I do lately when I’ve got nothing better to do is revise my prize winning poem, The ArtiChokes of Avalon! Oh, and I also practice the hula! But never mind that, I think I’ll teach you how to make a four dimensional translucent bubble shield! Or I could show you some of my magic crystals, that is if you wanna hang around with me!” said Bloomeelia.
“Ra..ra…really? But don’t you have to report that stolen item to the Sploot coppers?” asked Jumple.
“Naaah…I’ve got some time to squish, and I just hated how bored and lonely you looked, so, ya know what??? I think I’ll just sit here, and watch those tastey fish with ya!” said Bloomeelia sitting down on a tree stump next to Jumple. Jumple suddenly felt extremely thrilled and happy for no apparent reason.
“You know what? I LOVE TREE STUMPS!!!” shouted Jumple at the top of his voice. Jumple leaped up into the air like a flying sugar-fueled squirrel and crashed down onto the tree stump splitting it in half, sending Bloomeelia straight into the pond water.
“EEEEEEEEEK! What was that all about? For all I knew it was a hurricane, and now I’m all soaking wet, and my green jumpsuit is ruined, you crazy senseless cretin!” shouted Bloomeelia, who was now extremely angry.
“Well you’re the one who sat on the treestump, you loonatic! It can’t support both of us, as you fully know!!! Ever studied physics?” yelled Jumple, who was now angry at Bloomeelia for the first time in his life.
“NO!!!” shouted Bloomeelia.
‘Well neither have I!” responded Jumple, who now realized he hadn’t been making sense.
“I was going to show you my magic crystal collection, some oracles, and even my Runes of Ridiculousness, but I guess all you wanted to do was pull a big prank on me!!! Don’t expect to see me around here ever again!” said Bloomeelia walking off.
“Wait, where are you going?” asked Jumple.
“To Zasher’s Castle!!! And if I never see you again it’ll be too soon, cretin!” shouted Bloomeelia.
“But Zasher’s Castle is EXTREMELY dangerous!!! Wouldn’t you need protection
From all those monsters and villains, fair damsel?” asked Jumple.
“Plicker platter, I’ll send those cretins to kingdom come, I’m fine on my own! Hmph! If you apologize, I’d mildly consider it, but I don’t think so, noooooo siree!!! Not on a stack of fishing bait catalogs!” said Bloomeelia.
“I’m sorry I accidentally sent you into that puddle! Here’s a flower!” said Jumple picking the nearest flower.
“That’s a GREEN FLOWER! I LOVE THE COLOR GREEN!!! A greeen flower,
aaah, a green flower, the next best thing since peanut brittle! Wait, I don’t even like peanut brittle!” said Bloomeelia noticing her slip of the tongue.
“Aha, you said that because you know I like peanut brittle, didn’t you? You must secretly admire me, right? HAHA! I knew it. Care to see my comic book?” asked Jumple.
“It’s about peanut brittle…you really are obsessed aren’t you?” said Bloomeelia glancing over the comic book.
“Well..don’t tell anyone, even though everyone knows it by now! Hey, there’s Mt. Maleficent! Let’s just both go to Zasher’s castle, what the heck!! We might even get
killed, but who cares!! That’s just part of the circle of life!” said Jumple.
“Look at that big blue bird up there flying over us!” said Bloomeelia.
“That’s a big blue bird, alright! I just think big blue birds are the coolest things!” said Jumple.
“I’ll use my magic wand to warp us inside the castle, since I’m not really partial to mountain climbing!” said Bloomeelia. Within an instant they were warped…to Zasher’s Castle Throne Room. There was Zasher sitting in his throne, and standing on the red carpeted floor was Vale, with Bloomeelia’s backpack.
“Hand over my girlfriend’s backpack!!!” yelled Jumple. Zasher and Vale laughed.
“The stupidity of the youth, that little fox thinks he has a girlfriend just because he’s making a fool out of himself trying to be real protective over that stupid sorceress! Vale, SEIZE HIM!!! DESTROY THESE INSIGNIFICANT MORONS! They’re no use to us!” shouted Zasher. Bloomeelia did a freeze spell over Vale, and Jumple picked up the frozen lizard wizard and tossed him clear off to the other end of the hallway.
“Now you’re gonna see me go bezerk like never before!!! YOU ROTTEN LITTLE
REBELS! Here’s what I have to say to you, make me a feast before I go to bed, you get yer stupid backpack back, otherwise, you’ll both BE my feast!! GOT IT?” asked Zasher. Jumple swallowed air and gulped nervously.
“Got it, kingly and tyranical one!” said Jumple.
“Now get your aprons on!!!! GUARDS, DRESS THESE TWO PROPERLY!” said Zasher. Jumple and Bloomeelia both had to wear pink aprons and orange chef hats with flowers on them as a lame attempt to humiliate them. As they walked sadly to the royal
kitchen, Jumple suddenly had a brilliant idea.
“DO EVIL KINGS LIKE FALOOSHIAN FISH STICKS WITH ALPHREDO SAUCE AND VINEGAR?” asked Bloomeelia who was panicking.
“Uhh..I don’t think so. I still have my COOKBOOK with me!!! Bloomeelia dear, did you know that evil dragons have extreme allergic reactions to peanut brittle? We’ll make peanut brittle be our little secret ingrediant, and then that big bad bully Zasher won’t know what hit him!” said Jumple. After mixing up the required ingrediants, they came up with Pecan Pie Ala Peanut, a dish fit for a king. Jumple and Bloomeelia raced into the kitchen to present their masterpiece.
“This better be good!” said Zasher. The instant Zasher took a bite, fireballs began spewing out of his mouth and nostrils like never before. Zasher’s head began to swell, and suddenly his entire body turned into a peanut brittle statue, and the entire castle turned to peanut brittle.
“And now, you can take your seat next to the new king of the dragon kingdom!” said Jumple jokingly.
“Well, I got my backpack back. I don’t think we’re ready for that…yet!” said Bloomeelia as she warped herself out of the castle. Jumple’s eyes were starstruck, and he fainted onto the floor with a dazed look. Zasher recovered from his allergic state, however, which caused Jumple to recover from his funk, and for his life all the way back home, as he was chased by Zasher, saying latin spoonerisms about chinese checkers
the entire way back.

 

[GiantGreenBean]

The Royal Snuddline:

Prophet Snudd, the prominent and legendary renowned prophet of the Sploot Kingdom, was famous for having the largest family in the entire land, almost twice as
large as the entire Trimbulene Treadmills Sludge-Ball Team, which was composed
of 987 trillion players. Every December 2nd, the entire Snudd family would get together, chat, eat, and discuss everything under the sun, from effigy architecture, kinetic energy, the middle ages, magnesium, or even the length of their beards. Although Snudd was clearly the most popular and highly esteemed scholar of the tribe, he was actually rather shy and reserved when he attended the annual December 2nd reunions, partly because of his humility. He was made fun of for this. So when the fateful day of thereunion fell upon him once again, Prophet Snudd could probably envisage what his relatives would suppose of him. A world famous individual, however a closed box of yet to be opened proportions. Snudd had also trimmed his beard as of late, and his cat Mooshy was suffering from mooshelashion ear mites, so he couldn’t bring her, which might even upset her. Snudd, as embarresed as he was, simply had to attend the reunion, out of contractual obligation to his hilarious hypothetical heritage. The next day, Snudd prepared himself by bathing his 987 billion foot long beard in the Magical River of Consistent Inconsistency. He arrived at the meeting two minutes late, which took place inside a giant fully furnishable turnip. There was a plethora of pastries, cupboards stocked full of cookies, enchanted fruit punch, and barrel fulls of delicious root beer. It was hard to walk one inch without tripping over someone’s
beard, all of them were quite long, for they were a symbol of wisdom
in the Sploot Kingdom. Snudd was shocked to see that his relatives had ALL trimmed their beards, each one wore the same colored cloak, and there was no way to tell any of them apart, because they always looked quite similar, the only means of usually deducing their differences was their beard length, but even this was not
possible. This made Prophet Snudd feel much better, and less shy as a matter of fact. If he said something stupid, noeone would even know who said it. If he was a thief, he could even steal all the cookies, and there was sure to be a false arrest. So Snudd sat down on a toadstool chair, and began sipping his root beer as he watched the Amazing Ogre Bros. shake their
booties to some ethnic fiesta music. Then his great uncle Joseph Joobel Woobel seated himself on the other side of the table.
“So..which relative are you?” inquired Joseph, choking back tears of laughter. Prophet Snudd didn’t want to tell the truth. He had made a fool of himself at the last reunion
by accidentally popping a 899 thousand gallon water balloon filled with root beer.
“Err..I’m…Jacob JingleSmither. Yes, that be the one!” said Snudd, his nerves
filled to the brim with indescribably indescribable nervousness.
“AHH, Jabob JingleSmither. I’d know that name anywhere. The mustachioed
menace, yes yes yes. You just opened a safe in my memory bank. You’re the one that said scientific theories were
better than prophesized ones, weren’t ye? You’re the outcast, aren’t ye?” questioned
Joseph.
“Yeah, that’s me Joseph. We scientist type…folkies, err, like to test out our
theories beforehand, with experiments, before we get all carried away with
crazy prophecies and wild predictions! We validate our theories!” said Snudd, who was pretending to be someone else. Joseph Jooble Wooble
was then struck with a lightening bolt of anger that came to him like a chicken on
a sunny midnight.
“What’s so great about statistical probabilities and orbit inclinations? Most of
them science theories get proven false anyway, you looney spatooni! Those scientists never figure anything out! You’re
really startin to make me feel glooshy and smooshy!” said Joseph, folding his arms with resentment.
“Well, what about the basic three laws of motion? They’re all true. Scientists never
solve anything? Moonbeams were once proven to be mediated by photons, err..I do
believe. What about..err…the unified field theory?” said Prophet Snudd in a foolish manner, who in reality didn’t even know what any of those things were, but was
hoping to make a better impression on his relatives by being someone else.
“HA! Was it ever written on ANY Splootonian stone slab that all the alleged fundamental forces of the universe would be brought together in some kind of grand framework?? Was that ever written in any books? No no no no laddie buck. I kid you not. I’d bet my 498 billion year old BEARD ON IT! You just can’t get over the fact
that Prophet Snudd is more famous than you are! Why don’t yew just go over
to a Blob convention with all your blob friends! The Blobs are the scienteests, we’re
the propheeets! Are you even really related to me?” questioned Joseph who was now quite argumentative. Prophet Snudd was now starting to realize how much better it would
have been if he hadn’t tried to sound different than his normal self. And seconds later,
the real Jacob JingleSmither sat down at the table. This made Snudd so nervous his
beard rattled with fear.
“Why is your beard shaking?” asked the real Jacob JingleSmither. Prophet Snudd
shrugged, but then he quietly tip-toed up to Jacob.
“Can I err..umm..speaketh with you in private?” he asked politely.
“Of course old geezerly friend!!! I’d be oblidged to! Jacob JingleSmither,
at your service!”. So then the two mumbling bumbling hilarious highly predictable
bearded folk glooshed on over to a deserted barren corner of the room.
“What exactly is this err…errr…..er……mumble…err…all about
any by the ways?” asked Jacob. Snudd was quick to respond and showed
no hesitance, except for his beard, which kept rattling with fear.
“Well sir, see..err…Mumble Mumble Mumble!” said Prophet Snudd, speaking in
Splootonian Mumble Grumble code.
“GOODNESS! You truly mean to mumble and jumble that you were pretending
to be me because you didn’t want to be made fun of for being shy??? Now what
are we going to do?” asked Jacob JingleSmither.
“I’d wage dollars to donuts that the best ways of assesing this
dire situation would be to remain calm, serious and focused. Let’s stop and think
old pinto bean. What if YOU pretended to be ME?” suggested Snudd.
“What good would that do?” asked Jacob.
“That way..err..well, maybe that wasn’t such a good idea. Let’s scratch our
beards and contimplate for a little bit. You know, sort of like, meditation!” said
Snudd. So the two foolish old geezers scratched their ridiculously elongated chin hairs
and contimplated a solution for seven hours straight. The meeting was over by the time
they were done.
“Well, I think I’ve got it!” said Jacob.
“You do?” asked Snudd.
“No! Let me contimplate some more!” said Jacob scratching his beard. After seven more hours of redundant contimplating and beard scratching, Jacob finally did come up with a solution.
“You are a high authority figure in the Sploot Kingdom. You’re practically
one of them celibrettie folk. You can host another reunion and prove that you’re
actually Prophet Snudd, and tell them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth!” said Jacob. So Snudd did exactly that. He explained everything, that he
had pretended to be his outgoing scientific cousin in order to not be made fun of
for being shy. Another meeting was held, all was good and the bearded
ones lived happily ever after, having learned that often, it’s best to be ignored
rather than disliked!