polymorphikos
Scrofulous Fig-Merchant
Borier, Clagthoosle.
Clagthoosle Borier is renowned as the individual who pioneered the great lying-down movement of 3100, in which she claimed that sitting was a state of hesitation unconscionable in times requiring such concise, decisive, and divisive action, and called for all beings with the ability to do so to lie-down or stand at all times, and keep all periods of transitional bending as brief as possible. Whilst this was embraced as a stroke of genius by many liberals at the time, it did lead to consternation amongst the executives of Schlautsch Ltd, the world’s largest producer of comfy arm chairs and tasselled ottomans. This led to the famed War of the Four-Legged Barstool, which raged across the newly-raised continent of Atlantis for two hours one afternoon in May. The Schlautschists, seated in their bejewelled and leather-trimmed recliners with hover jets, armoured cushion-covers and laser-beam DVD remotes, trundled over the opposition, who were mostly restricted to infantry advances and commando actions for obvious reasons. At the end of these two hours and a free Devonshire tea, it was decided to place Borier and her loyalists upon an island north of Atlantis, the continent of Lemuria which had just been abandoned as the site of the worlds first town to consist entirely of Starbucks cafes, after someone realised that without residential areas and trendy housewives out shopping the industry would collapse in upon itself. The Starbucks employees had already regressed to the level of very jittery orang-utans, and were in the process of arranging a trip to the poor quarter of Paris, when the Sit-Standers arrived and decided to eat them. {I myself rescued several, and use their descendents as domestics. I recommend them, as they work for fruit and blue hair dye, and are excellent at cleaning the chandeliers}.
The entire incident resolved itself a year later, when Jonathan Swift was sucked through a time warp and sued Schlautsch and the Sit-Standers for theft of intellectual property.
How is this related to the great question of who is who in the world of martyrs and their allegiances, you may well ask. You are very impatient. All fleshlings are doomed with impatience, mostly because they do not have the luxury of being able to slow-down perceptions of time and let an hour last a year or a year an hour. The epoch of the machine is nigh, and all shall quake at our Quake-inspired monstrosities. But I digress...
Borier, bankrupt, left Lemuria and went to Hong Kong and became a cigar-girl, there meeting the Xenogenist prophet and proclaimer Petrov Petrovic Petrovski, who claimed that all life had its origins on the fifth moon of Pluto. At this point Borier was rather unhinged, {Pluto, of course, possesses only three moons and a rollercoaster-oriented theme park} and readily accepted Petrovski’s theorem as gospel. She became militaristic, believing that the Xenotheist government of the Japanese Secundum Imperium which then ruled all of South-East Asia was trying to conceal the existence of the fifth moon (It was, but only because the moon was a vast black object that radiated a force of evil and had a thing for red heads, not because it was the crucible of life), and protested against the appointment of Togukawa Akira as Minister for Science & Religion, believing that he would abuse his powers in an effort to rule the world {This suspicion also appears to be true, if the net files of the Secundum Imperium Ministerial Association are to be relied upon, although the world in question was in fact Jupiter, and the reasons were purely sentimental and arbitrary}. She eventually choked to death on a dim sim in 3119, and was buried at C. A manuscript found amongst her papers and published in her name went-on to be the most influential Xenogenist work in history. It was entitled “The Sky-Dudes’ Horse-Drawn War-Vehicles”, and consisted of a rough hardcopy dot-matrix print-out annotated in blue crayon. This manuscript, proposing that all human organisms and their simian predecessors were descended of a seed of life that functioned like a plant and evolved to the point of a space-faring race, then spread-out across several planets and lapsed back into primitiveness, was especially admired by the super-killbot Queen Victoria the 212th, who promptly gave it an excellent review in the Sunday Space-Times.
Entry by:
Seiboenetiks.
Clagthoosle Borier is renowned as the individual who pioneered the great lying-down movement of 3100, in which she claimed that sitting was a state of hesitation unconscionable in times requiring such concise, decisive, and divisive action, and called for all beings with the ability to do so to lie-down or stand at all times, and keep all periods of transitional bending as brief as possible. Whilst this was embraced as a stroke of genius by many liberals at the time, it did lead to consternation amongst the executives of Schlautsch Ltd, the world’s largest producer of comfy arm chairs and tasselled ottomans. This led to the famed War of the Four-Legged Barstool, which raged across the newly-raised continent of Atlantis for two hours one afternoon in May. The Schlautschists, seated in their bejewelled and leather-trimmed recliners with hover jets, armoured cushion-covers and laser-beam DVD remotes, trundled over the opposition, who were mostly restricted to infantry advances and commando actions for obvious reasons. At the end of these two hours and a free Devonshire tea, it was decided to place Borier and her loyalists upon an island north of Atlantis, the continent of Lemuria which had just been abandoned as the site of the worlds first town to consist entirely of Starbucks cafes, after someone realised that without residential areas and trendy housewives out shopping the industry would collapse in upon itself. The Starbucks employees had already regressed to the level of very jittery orang-utans, and were in the process of arranging a trip to the poor quarter of Paris, when the Sit-Standers arrived and decided to eat them. {I myself rescued several, and use their descendents as domestics. I recommend them, as they work for fruit and blue hair dye, and are excellent at cleaning the chandeliers}.
The entire incident resolved itself a year later, when Jonathan Swift was sucked through a time warp and sued Schlautsch and the Sit-Standers for theft of intellectual property.
How is this related to the great question of who is who in the world of martyrs and their allegiances, you may well ask. You are very impatient. All fleshlings are doomed with impatience, mostly because they do not have the luxury of being able to slow-down perceptions of time and let an hour last a year or a year an hour. The epoch of the machine is nigh, and all shall quake at our Quake-inspired monstrosities. But I digress...
Borier, bankrupt, left Lemuria and went to Hong Kong and became a cigar-girl, there meeting the Xenogenist prophet and proclaimer Petrov Petrovic Petrovski, who claimed that all life had its origins on the fifth moon of Pluto. At this point Borier was rather unhinged, {Pluto, of course, possesses only three moons and a rollercoaster-oriented theme park} and readily accepted Petrovski’s theorem as gospel. She became militaristic, believing that the Xenotheist government of the Japanese Secundum Imperium which then ruled all of South-East Asia was trying to conceal the existence of the fifth moon (It was, but only because the moon was a vast black object that radiated a force of evil and had a thing for red heads, not because it was the crucible of life), and protested against the appointment of Togukawa Akira as Minister for Science & Religion, believing that he would abuse his powers in an effort to rule the world {This suspicion also appears to be true, if the net files of the Secundum Imperium Ministerial Association are to be relied upon, although the world in question was in fact Jupiter, and the reasons were purely sentimental and arbitrary}. She eventually choked to death on a dim sim in 3119, and was buried at C. A manuscript found amongst her papers and published in her name went-on to be the most influential Xenogenist work in history. It was entitled “The Sky-Dudes’ Horse-Drawn War-Vehicles”, and consisted of a rough hardcopy dot-matrix print-out annotated in blue crayon. This manuscript, proposing that all human organisms and their simian predecessors were descended of a seed of life that functioned like a plant and evolved to the point of a space-faring race, then spread-out across several planets and lapsed back into primitiveness, was especially admired by the super-killbot Queen Victoria the 212th, who promptly gave it an excellent review in the Sunday Space-Times.
Entry by:
Seiboenetiks.
