Atalanta - Dark Huntress

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AphroditeMSC

~Day Dreamer~
Joined
May 16, 2007
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142
Location
~Vengeful Goddess~ ~~Don't tempt me~~
I started working on this a few days ago. I'm up the third chapter now and I'm really going with the flow right now. I'm not so náive that I don't know there will be several re-writes and mistakes will no doubt be present, but I was just wondering what you all might think of it so far... all thoughts welcome! If you're not engrossed enough to finish I reckon either a) it's not as interesting as I thought lol or b) you're a busy busy person. Either way, ENJOY!


The night was empty of all the usual sounds one expected to hear. Its very stillness filled her with fear. The utter black of the night surrounded her on all sides as she hurried in the general direction of home. She must hurry, before it was too late. Time, her father had told her once, was everything. Given enough time, one could rule the world.
Ruling the world was far from her thoughts right now. All she had to do was get home and everything would be ok. She could imagine her father’s angry grunt when she walked in the door, two hours late. Again. Seemed that she was always late now. She was leaving earlier and earlier in the mornings and coming home later and later. The bakery was doing good business and they needed her. And she needed the meagre allowance she was paid to slave herself from morning ‘til night if her family was to eat this winter.
Her mother was only a frail thing. She had been told and warned against having any more children once she had had her first. Her body simply could not take any more strain. But things happen. And so her mother found herself with child twice more. Between looking after the family and raising the children, her mother had no time to work the fields surrounding the cosy cottage they lived in.
Her father had long been drafted into service for the local Baron and so the fields went untilled, unplanted and unused. That wouldn’t be such a bad thing if the Baron offered his men anything of value. Instead, they each got a shiny uniform and helm, seventeen silver vidros a week and a chance to “serve their country”.
All she had to do was get home. If she got home soon her father might not give her a whipping. She might rise in the morning without the added hindrance of a pair of welted, red legs. Her father only did it to keep her from running wild, she reminded herself. And the two younger children would completely run her mother ragged if they thought they could get away with it.
The sound of a night owl filled the darkened skies and she jumped, nervous. A short giggle erupted from her lips before she caught herself and decided that making any noise out here at night was asking for trouble. There were bandits and wild animals and all sorts of dangers to a twelve year old girl. She’d be best keeping silent as she could manage. Flicking her chin-length black hair, she let her long legs carry her along, her dainty, bare feet padding softly on the packed earth.
Eventually she came to the little stream by the shade of an old oak tree that her father used for fishing on the warmer days of summer. She could wash up here quickly and be home in less than ten minutes. Her mother would soothe any anger out of her father once they heard that she was to get a pay rise. Two extra copper vidros a week. That would be enough to buy a store of grain for the winter if they were careful. Very careful.
The gentle lapping of the stream snapped her attention back to the here and now and she dipped a finger in, testing its chill and wondering if maybe her mother would let her draw water from the well to heat instead. She’d heard that one of the local boys had lost a finger to frost bite from washing in the stream in autumn.
From her place, crouching in the mud of the bank she heard the door to the cottage slam with a force and quickly decided against asking for so much as a mug of water from the well. Her father was obviously in a temper. Sucking in a breath, she hurriedly scrubbed at her hands and arms in the frigid water, tensing when it came into contact with the sensitive skin on the inside of her elbow. Her breath bloomed in foggy tendrils as she rose, preparing herself for the scene to come.
She could almost feel the burn of her father’s leather belt on the backs of her thighs as she swiftly trudged along. The biting sting of the first crack, soon followed by the muted numbness of her skin defending itself against such a powerful onslaught. It only ever lasted for a few moments. But, while it was happening, it felt like forever.
A scream split the air as she reached the perimeter of the garden. It was a short run from here to the house and she tensed, body automatically going into fight or flight stance…


Lanta woke with a general feeling of apprehension. Something was wrong. She’d been having the dreams again. They had stopped a few years ago only to resurface this last spring. Why?
Shaking the sleep from her face, she rose and went to the nearby stream to wash and gather water for breakfast. Perhaps it was the sound of the stream that had brought on her dreams again. But she’d slept by many streams the last few years and never once had that dream again. The thought that it might be due to the fact that she was nearing the outskirts of her old town, her old home and her old dreams, occurred to her in passing.
Possibly.
A gentle snickering brought her attention upon Zephyr, who was tied to the nearest tree by the ribbon of water cutting through the dense woodland. He would be hungry now too. It was almost dawn and she intended to be packed up and gone by the time the first ray hit her campsite. She could never be too careful. That she had fallen asleep bothered her. She had meant to stay awake longer. She guessed that it had been around three of the morning when she drifted off.
Four hours later and here she was, with this nasty feeling of having missed something important. But then again, she felt that way about any sleep she was forced to take. If she was forced by her flimsy humanity to sleep at all, she preferred it to be during the daylight hours when the only things she had to fear were some raggedy bandits or some fleas when, on a rare occasion she slept at an inn.
Bandits, she could deal with. Falling asleep outside, in the middle of the night, she disliked, but could deal with that when it happened too. But those dreams. She hated them and feared them twice as much. It was a bad omen, in her opinion for her to have that dream so close to her old home. Where things had gone so drastically wrong.
Zephyr drank greedily after his breakfast of oats and while Lanta washed her plate and mug she began to think back on her past. She thought of all the people she had loved and lost that one night. And all the people she had met since. Some of them would still be singing her praises she knew. But it meant nothing to her. Nothing. How could she feel anything but a raw, burning resentment after what had happened? Was she supposed to carry on with her life as if her whole existence hadn’t been ripped from her on that dark, desperate night?
The bread and cheese she had nibbled at turned to bile in her stomach and she stood abruptly, making Zephyr shy away in the face of her obvious bad mood. “I’m sorry, boy,” she crooned, suitably chastened. She hadn’t meant to frighten poor Zephyr, who had been the only true friend she’d had since she was twelve.
Figuring it was past time that she was gone she packed away her breakfast things, rolled up her blankets and swung herself into Zephyr’s comfortable saddle.
Things would be better once she got away from this place, with its memories and ghosts.

The little town of Somer’s End soon came into view. Squatting like a dwarf amongst the higher hills of the surrounding towering Teeth. Memories of playing amongst the rubble at the foot of the nearest mountain came to her, shocking in its clarity and harsh in its detail. Her entire childhood was spent in the adjacent area, some of it stark and cruel and more of it merry and filled with the youthful enthusiasm that only a child can have.
The dense green of the waist high grass trickled over the land towards the valley that Somer’s End was situated in, populated by wild flowers and plants and the welcoming scent of lavender and wood smoke. She could almost expect her father to come thrashing up the sloped hillside to berate her for being late for lunch. She could taste the crumbly, sweet bread her mother made every morning and smell the succulent meat boiling in a pot hanging over the open fire.
Shouts of ghostly children that were her siblings could almost be heard by her wistful ear and she sighed, feeling the deep melancholy that this strip of the earth always brought to her. A giant golden eagle soared above her and Zephyr, heading back to its nest and its family. Even that small work of wonder made Lanta sad. With a deep breath and a gentle tap of Zephyr’s flank they were off, headed toward Guardians knew what and a sense of extreme menace.
She’d heard the stories and the rumours. She knew there was something here to hunt. And hunt it she would.

Villagers of varying degrees of decline and misery greeted her appearance with wide-eyed stares and common scepticism. Used to this type of welcome, Lanta held her head high and pretended that this was just another town. Any other town. Just another place with a problem she could solve and earn good coin doing so. This place was not her home. Not anymore. If it ever really was.
The Baron was dead, and this was not common knowledge. If it were to reach the ears of the Sovereign or any of his agents, the town was lost. While a dreadful pig, the old Baron was, at least, fair. Guardians knew what a new Baron would do to the townspeople and their families. Lanta knew, of course, having been told by the appointed “leader” of the village in a missive that had reached her a fortnight ago.
The said missive had been carted all around the Realm of Noshiahei in the hopes of finding the right person to deliver it to. It had found Lanta in the bustling town of Tempulleigh in the hands of a vastly inexperienced and bone-tired herald.
She had left with the next tide upon a small goods ship bound for Teraaslier, fully paid for by the leader and the villagers. Everything had been explained in the missive. All apart from whom the leader actually was. This, she was desperately waiting to be informed of.
There were quite a few people in the town that might remember her, but even more that would not. In a mid-sized village such as Somer’s End, turnover was high as the harsh winters claimed life after life and the Baron was not one to sit and twiddle his thumbs awaiting a new generation to reach adulthood. He had come up with a scheme whereupon the death of a family in its entirety, he would send word to the great capital Teraaslier for a family to be brought. There was land to tend to, and profit to make. And, of course, taxes to pay to the Baron.
An anxious fist took hold of her throat and seized it tight when a face she had thought never to see again reeled out from the inn. Nordan, drunk as a youth on midsummer’s night lurched into the street and proceeded towards the old, ramshackle building he called home. His intoxicated gait staggered two and fro as he teetered at the doorway, trying to unlatch the door. One of the younger men in the crowd noticed Lanta glaring in Nordan’s direction and swiftly unlatched the entrance for him, hustling him inside as if by her stare alone she might cause him to die.
Fear. That was another emotion she was used to when arriving at a new town with a new problem. Fear bred like rabbits amongst the small minded and defenceless, seeding doubt in everyone and everything that would usually cause no more stir than a fist fight in a raucous whore house.
No one person would meet her eye and she wondered if she were to leap off Zephyr right at that moment, would they scatter like grains of sand in the wind or merely drop dead on the spot from fright.
Neither, she discovered a moment later when she did just that. A few wide eyes turned saucer-like and most of the faces paled. But there was a steely determination in most that told her they would hold their ground and die before giving up their newfound lease of freedom. She admired that in these pitiful men and women. Admired that they would go to all the trouble to find one such as her and bring her here with nothing more than her word that she was trustworthy. They were desperate. And she was the last hope for the desperate. She would not let them down.
“Who is leader here?” she asked, abruptly to be met with blank faces and bewildered frowns. “Who sent forth this missive I hold in my hands?” Lanta held the parchment up high so as to let them all get a good, long look at it. Rapt faces eyed the piece of parchment in wonder, no doubt cheerful that their emissary had reached his goal and that he had found someone to help them.
“Noshiar!” screeched one elderly woman, pulling the tattered shawl closer about her face, hiding herself lest she be thought a traitor for letting the information flow from her gap toothed mouth.
Lanta nodded slowly. Noshiar, indeed. He had been but a boy when Lanta was last here, fifteen years ago. But then again, she had been just a girl. She supposed he’d be almost twenty five now and in his prime. A life in Somer’s End was a hard one. Gruelling work and austere weather conditions conspired to end lives relatively early in this part of the Realm. “Lead me to him”, she requested with a sigh. The hard part was about to begin.

The cloying scent of wood smoke hung heavy in the air of the cottage as Lanta seated herself in front of a large, scarred table cluttered with the remnants of an early morning breakfast. Obviously living alone, Noshiar was not very house proud. Evidence of his hastily swept floor and grime thickened window by the rumpled bed showed that he was a busy man with no time for house keeping.
Lanta relaxed in the knowledge that this was a sincere man. You could tell a lot about a person by visiting their home. And this home, with its scantily scrubbed appearance put her at ease. Busy, hardworking, honest, modest and genuine, she felt sure they’d get on famously. If he ever showed up, that was.
She had been sitting here, nervously watched over by two young men with shaking fingers and twitching lips. They were afraid of her. Afraid of what she did for a living. Terrified that the darkness that had infested her life would leak out and soil them somehow. She smiled widely at them both and relaxed in satisfaction as their faces paled dramatically. They would be so easy to escape. Easy enough that she knew these men were here for observation and not enforcement. Noshiar was apparently working the back field and would be along “any time now”. She was beginning to resent this meeting.
She hated the fact that she was less than a twenty minute jog from her old stone cottage and her old cruel memories. She hated that she felt compelled and obliged to come back here to this simpering little village with its small town ideals and its small minded people. She hated that she was sitting here with two boys that were petrified to breathe the same air as her lest they be infected with hopelessness and insignificance. Her face had a monotonous grin and she hated wearing it, the falsity of it all. When all she really wanted to do was get the facts, go on the hunt, get paid and leave this place and these people.
Her breathing increased to a pitch that was a short fall from panic as she sat there, doing nothing. The two boys looked at each other in query and shrugged an answer. Like a pair of mechanical toys that the rich could afford to spoil their children with, she thought acidly. Hell if she was going to sit here a moment longer than was necessary. “Where is Noshiar?” she demanded roughly. He just better show in the next moment or she was gone. There was no need for her to sit here like a lady in waiting while he finished his work. Furthermore, she refused to.
“He should be along soon”, one of the mechanical toys whispered.
“I’m leaving. Tell Noshiar if it was a lady in waiting he wanted to marry a royal!”
She knew her outburst was owed to her emotionally charged memories crashing in on her. If she just had something to do she’d be fine. Instead, here she perched, on a hard wooden stool glaring at a scarred wooden table in the presence of pubescent boys that she could kill quicker than they could blink and she ought to be grateful for it. At least she was safe.
She rose to leave at the exact moment the flimsy door swung open and a large man with thick, dark hair strode in, commanding the boys’ attention like a Sergeant in the Sovereign's militia. He lowered midnight blue eyes to fasten upon her irritated face and then broke into a broad grin, reminiscent of her father’s. Her breath whooshed out of her and she returned to her seat, mind full of questions and ideas and schemes and plans.
The time had come to plan the hunt.

“Can I offer you a cup of mead?” Noshiar asked with a grin as he lowered himself to sit across from her. The boys had been dismissed and sent home and it was just her and Noshiar in the small house.
“No, thank you”, she declined. It wouldn’t do for her to be intoxicated – even a little bit – when the time came for her to do her job. “Just the information will do if you’d be so kind”.
“Right you be,” he announced, reaching for a cup and pouring himself a cup of what was apparently mead from a mid-sized pitcher on the corner of the table. His large hand wrapped around the jug like it was one of those slender flutes wealthy women drank wine from at formal dinner occasions. The mug was tin and large and he filled it half way, pausing to breathe the smell in and then continued to pour until it was but a scant inch from the top.
“We have daemons in this place,” he told her boldly. “That is why we wanted a daemon hunter”.
 
I started working on this a few days ago. I'm up the third chapter now and I'm really going with the flow right now. I'm not so náive that I don't know there will be several re-writes and mistakes will no doubt be present, but I was just wondering what you all might think of it so far... all thoughts welcome! If you're not engrossed enough to finish I reckon either a) it's not as interesting as I thought lol or b) you're a busy busy person. Either way, ENJOY!


The night was empty of all the usual sounds one expected to hear. Its very stillness filled her with fear. The utter black of the night surrounded her on all sides as she hurried in the general direction of home. She must hurry, before it was too late. Time, her father had told her once, was everything. Given enough time, one could rule the world.
Ruling the world was far from her thoughts right now. All she had to do was get home and everything would be ok. She could imagine her father’s angry grunt when she walked in the door, two hours late. Again. Seemed that she was always late now. She was leaving earlier and earlier in the mornings and coming home later and later. The bakery was doing good business and they needed her. And she needed the meagre allowance
question "allowance" (which would not generally be worked for) And Perhaps "enslave herself" , or merely eliminate the "herself"?
she was paid to slave herself from morning ‘til night if her family was to eat this winter.
Her mother was only
question "only"
a frail thing. She had been told and warned against having any more children once she had had her first. Her body simply could not take any more strain. But things happen. And so her mother found herself with child twice more. Between looking after the family and raising the children,
what is the difference between those two (family and children?)
her mother had no time to work the fields surrounding the cosy cottage they lived in.
Her father had long been drafted into service for the local Baron and so the fields went untilled, unplanted and unused. That wouldn’t be such a bad thing if the Baron offered
"wouldn't have been" and "the baron had offered"?
his men anything of value. Instead, they each got a shiny uniform and helm, seventeen silver vidros a week and a chance to “serve their country”.
All she had to do was get home. If she got home soon her father might not give her a whipping. She might rise in the morning without the added hindrance of a pair of welted, red legs. Her father only did it to keep her from running wild, she reminded herself. And the two younger children would completely run her mother ragged if they thought they could get away with it.
what relevance this last sentence to her father's corporal punishment?
The sound of a night owl filled the darkened skies and she jumped, nervous. A short giggle erupted from her lips before she caught herself and decided that making any noise out here at night was asking for trouble. There were bandits and wild animals and all sorts of dangers to a twelve year old girl. She’d be best keeping
as
silent as she could manage. Flicking her chin-length black hair, she let her long legs carry her along, her dainty, bare feet padding softly on the packed earth.
Eventually she came to the little stream by the shade of an old oak tree that her father used for fishing
"shade" is not a very useful image in the dead of night; and how do you use an oak tree for fishing?
on the warmer days of summer. She could wash up here quickly and be home in less than ten minutes. Her mother would soothe any anger out of her father once they heard that she was to get a pay rise. Two extra copper vidros
"vidros" a measure of weight, since the same unit is used for different metals?
a week. That would be enough to buy a store of grain for the winter if they were careful. Very careful.
The gentle lapping of the stream snapped her attention back to the here and now and she dipped a finger in, testing its chill and wondering if maybe her mother would let her draw water from the well to heat instead. She’d heard that one of the local boys had lost a finger to frost bite from washing in the stream in autumn.
From her place, crouching in the mud of the bank
comma
she heard the door to the cottage slam with a
do you need the "a"
force and quickly decided against asking for so much as a mug of water from the well. Her father was obviously in a temper. Sucking in a breath, she hurriedly scrubbed at her hands and arms in the frigid water, tensing when it came into contact with the sensitive skin on the inside of her elbow. Her breath bloomed in foggy tendrils as she rose, preparing herself for the scene to come.
She could almost feel the burn of her father’s leather belt on the backs of her thighs as she swiftly trudged along. The biting sting of the first crack, soon followed by the muted numbness of her skin defending itself against such a powerful onslaught. It only ever lasted for a few moments. But, while it was happening, it felt like forever.
A scream split the air as she reached the perimeter of the garden. It was a short run from here to the house and she tensed, body automatically going into fight or flight stance…


Lanta woke with a general feeling of apprehension. Something was wrong. She’d been having the dreams again. They had stopped a few years ago only to resurface this last spring. Why?
Shaking the sleep from her face, she rose and went to the nearby stream to wash and gather water for breakfast. Perhaps it was the sound of the stream that had brought on her dreams again. But she’d slept by many streams the last few years and never once had that dream again. The thought that it might be due to the fact that she was nearing the outskirts of her old town, her old home and her old dreams, occurred to her in passing.
Possibly.
A gentle snickering brought her attention upon Zephyr, who was tied to the nearest tree by the ribbon of water
tied to a tree by a ribbon of water (Yes, I worked it out
cutting through the dense woodland. He would be hungry now
comma
too. It was almost dawn and she intended to be packed up and gone by the time the first ray hit her campsite. She could never be too careful. That she had fallen asleep bothered her. She had meant to stay awake longer. She guessed that it had been around three of the morning when she drifted off.
Four hours later and here she was, with this nasty feeling of having missed something important. But then again, she felt that way about any sleep she was forced to take. If she was forced by her flimsy humanity to sleep at all, she preferred it to be during the daylight hours when the only things she had to fear were some raggedy bandits or some fleas when, on a rare occasion
comma; but I'd remove the "when" and put "on the rare occasions
she slept at an inn.
Bandits, she could deal with. Falling asleep outside, in the middle of the night, she disliked, but could deal with that when it happened
comma
too. But those dreams. She hated them and feared them twice as much. It was a bad omen, in her opinion
comma
for her to have that dream so close to her old home. Where things had gone so drastically wrong.
Zephyr drank greedily after his breakfast of oats and
comma
while Lanta washed her plate and mug
comma
she began to think back on her past. She thought of all the people she had loved and lost that one night. And all the people she had met since. Some of them would still be singing her praises she knew. But it meant nothing to her. Nothing. How could she feel anything but a raw, burning resentment after what had happened? Was she supposed to carry on with her life as if her whole existence hadn’t been ripped from her on that dark, desperate night?
The bread and cheese she had nibbled at turned to bile in her stomach and she stood abruptly, making Zephyr shy away in the face of her obvious bad mood. “I’m sorry, boy,” she crooned, suitably chastened. She hadn’t meant to frighten poor Zephyr, who had been the only true friend she’d had since she was twelve.
Figuring it was past time that she was gone she packed away her breakfast things, rolled up her blankets and swung herself into Zephyr’s comfortable saddle.
Things would be better once she got away from this place, with its memories and ghosts.

The little town of Somer’s End soon came into view. Squatting like a dwarf amongst the higher hills of the surrounding towering Teeth. Memories of playing amongst the rubble at the foot of the nearest mountain came to her, shocking in its clarity and harsh in its detail.
"memories" is plural, and "its clarity" and "its detail" are singular
Her entire childhood was
had been
spent in the adjacent area, some of it stark and cruel and more of it merry and filled with the youthful enthusiasm that only a child can have.
The dense green of the waist high grass trickled over the land towards the valley that Somer’s End was situated in, populated by wild flowers and plants and the welcoming scent of lavender and wood smoke. She could almost expect her father to come thrashing up the sloped hillside to berate her for being late for lunch. She could taste the crumbly, sweet bread her mother made every morning and smell the succulent meat boiling in a pot hanging over the open fire.
Shouts of ghostly children that were her siblings could almost be heard by her wistful ear and she sighed, feeling the deep melancholy that this strip of the earth always brought to her. A giant golden eagle soared above her and Zephyr, heading back to its nest and its family. Even that small work of wonder made Lanta sad. With a deep breath and a gentle tap of Zephyr’s flank they were off, headed toward Guardians knew what and a sense of extreme menace.
She’d heard the stories and the rumours. She knew there was something here to hunt. And hunt it she would.

Villagers of varying degrees of decline and misery greeted her appearance with wide-eyed stares and common scepticism. Used to this type of welcome, Lanta held her head high and pretended that this was just another town. Any other town. Just another place with a problem she could solve and earn good coin doing so. This place was not her home. Not anymore. If it ever really was.
had been
The Baron was dead, and this was not common knowledge. If it were to reach the ears of the Sovereign or any of his agents, the town was lost. While a dreadful pig, the old Baron was, at least, fair. Guardians knew what a new Baron would do to the townspeople and their families. Lanta knew, of course, having been told by the appointed “leader” of the village in a missive that had reached her a fortnight ago.
The said missive had been carted all around the Realm of Noshiahei in the hopes of finding the right person to deliver it to. It had found Lanta in the bustling town of Tempulleigh in the hands of a vastly inexperienced and bone-tired herald.
sentence needs a mild rewrite, to associate the letter rather than the town with the herald
She had left with the next tide upon a small goods ship bound for Teraaslier, fully paid for by the leader and the villagers. Everything had been explained in the missive. All apart from whom the leader actually was. This, she was desperately waiting to be informed of.
There were quite a few people in the town that might remember her, but even more that would not. In a mid-sized village such as Somer’s End, turnover was high as the harsh winters claimed life after life and the Baron was not one to sit and twiddle his thumbs awaiting a new generation to reach adulthood. He had come up with a scheme whereupon the death of a family in its entirety, he would send word to the great capital Teraaslier for a family to be brought. There was land to tend to, and profit to make. And, of course, taxes to pay to the Baron.
An anxious fist took hold of her throat and seized it tight when a face she had thought never to see again reeled out from the inn. Nordan, drunk as a youth on midsummer’s night
comma
lurched into the street and proceeded towards the old, ramshackle building he called home. His intoxicated gait staggered two and fro as he teetered at the doorway, trying to unlatch the door. One of the younger men in the crowd noticed Lanta glaring in Nordan’s direction and swiftly unlatched the entrance for him, hustling him inside as if by her stare alone she might cause him to die.
Fear. That was another emotion she was used to when arriving at a new town with a new problem. Fear bred like rabbits amongst the small minded and defenceless, seeding doubt in everyone and everything that would usually cause no more stir than a fist fight in a raucous whore house.
No one person would meet her eye and she wondered if she were to leap off Zephyr right at that moment, would they scatter like grains of sand in the wind or merely drop dead on the spot from fright.
Neither, she discovered a moment later when she did just that. A few wide eyes turned saucer-like and most of the faces paled. But there was a steely determination in most that told her they would hold their ground and die before giving up their newfound lease of freedom. She admired that in these pitiful men and women. Admired that they would go to all the trouble to find one such as her and bring her here with nothing more than her word that she was trustworthy. They were desperate. And she was the last hope for the desperate. She would not let them down.
“Who is leader here?” she asked, abruptly to be met with blank faces and bewildered frowns. “Who sent forth this missive I hold in my hands?” Lanta held the parchment up high so as to let them all get a good, long look at it. Rapt faces eyed the piece of parchment in wonder, no doubt cheerful that their emissary had reached his goal and that he had found someone to help them.
“Noshiar!” screeched one elderly woman, pulling the tattered shawl closer about her face, hiding herself lest she be thought a traitor for letting the information flow from her gap toothed mouth.
Lanta nodded slowly. Noshiar, indeed. He had been but a boy when Lanta was last here, fifteen years ago. But then again, she had been just a girl. She supposed he’d be almost twenty five
twenty-five
now and in his prime. A life in Somer’s End was a hard one. Gruelling work and austere weather conditions conspired to end lives relatively early in this part of the Realm. “Lead me to him”, she requested with a sigh. The hard part was about to begin.

The cloying scent of wood smoke hung heavy in the air of the cottage as Lanta seated herself in front of a large, scarred table cluttered with the remnants of an early morning breakfast. Obviously living alone, Noshiar was not very house proud.
house-proud
Evidence of his hastily swept floor and grime thickened window by the rumpled bed showed that he was a busy man with no time for house keeping.
Lanta relaxed in the knowledge that this was a sincere man. You could tell a lot about a person by visiting their
his
home. And this home, with its scantily scrubbed appearance put her at ease. Busy, hardworking, honest, modest and genuine, she felt sure they’d get on famously. If he ever showed up, that was.
She had been sitting here, nervously watched over by two young men with shaking fingers and twitching lips. They were afraid of her. Afraid of what she did for a living. Terrified that the darkness that had infested her life would leak out and soil them somehow. She smiled widely at them both and relaxed in satisfaction as their faces paled dramatically. They would be so easy to escape. Easy enough that she knew these men were here for observation and not enforcement. Noshiar was apparently working the back field and would be along “any time now”. She was beginning to resent this meeting.
She hated the fact that she was less than a twenty minute jog from her old stone cottage and her old cruel memories. She hated that she felt compelled and obliged to come back here to this simpering little village with its small town ideals and its small minded people. She hated that she was sitting here with two boys that were petrified to breathe the same air as her lest they be infected with hopelessness and insignificance. Her face had a monotonous grin and she hated wearing it, the falsity of it all. When all she really wanted to do was get the facts, go on the hunt, get paid and leave this place and these people.
Her breathing increased to a pitch
it's not really the pitch, but the rate which increases
that was a short fall from panic as she sat there, doing nothing. The two boys looked at each other in query and shrugged an answer. Like a pair of mechanical toys that the rich could afford to spoil their children with, she thought acidly. Hell if she was going to sit here a moment longer than was necessary. “Where is Noshiar?” she demanded roughly. He just better show in the next moment or she was gone. There was no need for her to sit here like a lady in waiting while he finished his work. Furthermore, she refused to.
“He should be along soon”, one of the mechanical toys whispered.
“I’m leaving. Tell Noshiar
comma
if it was a lady in waiting he wanted
comma
to marry a royal!”
She knew her outburst was owed
"due" rather than "owed"?
to her emotionally charged memories crashing in on her. If she just had something to do she’d be fine. Instead, here she perched, on a hard wooden stool glaring at a scarred wooden table in the presence of pubescent boys that she could kill quicker than they could blink and she ought to be grateful for it. At least she was safe.
She rose to leave at the exact moment the flimsy door swung open and a large man with thick, dark hair strode in, commanding the boys’ attention like a Sergeant in the Sovereign's militia. He lowered midnight blue eyes to fasten upon her irritated face and then broke into a broad grin, reminiscent of her father’s. Her breath whooshed out of her and she returned to her seat, mind full of questions and ideas and schemes and plans.
The time had come to plan the hunt.

“Can I offer you a cup of mead?” Noshiar asked with a grin as he lowered himself to sit across from her. The boys had been dismissed and sent home and it was just her and Noshiar in the small house.
“No, thank you”, she declined. It wouldn’t do for her to be intoxicated – even a little bit – when the time came for her to do her job. “Just the information will do if you’d be so kind”.
“Right you be,” he announced, reaching for a cup and pouring himself a cup of what was apparently mead from a mid-sized pitcher on the corner of the table. His large hand wrapped around the jug like
as if
it was one of those slender flutes wealthy women drank wine from at formal dinner occasions. The mug was tin and large and he filled it half way, pausing to breathe the smell in and then continued to pour until it was but a scant inch from the top.
“We have daemons in this place,” he told her boldly. “That is why we wanted a daemon hunter”.
 
Family, being the whole lot, herself and husband included.
Children, being just the children. She doesn't have to rear the husband lol.

The last sentence refers to her own punishment being a lesson for the other children.

The stream was in the shade of the oak tree. Her father used the stream for fishing hehe.

Vidros is the currency. Copper, silver and gold. Not different weights...just different metals.

The ribbon of water... referring to the stream.

All comments were greatly appreciated....but you don't say whether or not the story interested you...?
 
You know, I don't think that Chris actually gives comments on whether it's a good idea, or whether it would engage him, or whether he likes it. But he's an absolute demon with a red pen. :p

I'll read it tomorrow and give you my thoughts.
 
Um, no. I do grammar and logic; my taste is sufficiently strange that I don't dare touch style or content. But please don't get impatient; with all the time zones this place stretches over it can sometimes be days before someone finds the time to critique a big lump.
Still, the fact thatI took the time (and it does take me time; I'm a one-finger typist) to go into it in that detail must suggest I think it has some potential, no?
(there again, with my self-confessed idiosyncratic taste, is this a positive or a negative factor?)
Missing evil grin smiley

See how long it takes me to type? Lenny hadn't even sposted when I started.
Don't change anything you don't agree with me about, will you? It's not like those who really don't know how to punctuate, only suggestions.
 
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Atalanta - Dark Huntress Chapter two

A cold chill ran up Lanta’s spine as she prepared to listen to Noshiar tell his tale. The feeling in the pit of her stomach expanded and filled her to bursting. The beginning of the hunt. The excitement, the danger, the rush, the total exhilaration and delightful deliriousness when she found what she had been hunting and disposed of it. The feeling of accomplishment that saturated her mind and soul.
“What do you mean, exactly? Daemons?”
“I mean the type of daemons that come into your house in the dead of night and steal your soul. The type of daemon that drinks the blood from your body and leaves you on the ground dead, never to smile, laugh, play with your children, talk amongst your friends or tell your tale. Daemons, Miss. Daemons.”
“Daemons”, she repeated, numb. These were no daemons. These were vampires. These were her usual quarry. Perhaps this time…
She leaped away from that thought. It wouldn’t do to think of what she might achieve and whom she might face. When the time came, she’d find him. But she didn’t think that time was now. “Tell me how many have you dead and what condition did you find the bodies in?”
“Bodies?!” he exploded. “Let me just tell you right now, they were not bodies. They were good men and women and children that didn’t deserve to be daemon prey. They were people, Miss. People!”
“Alright”, she tried to placate Noshiar with a hand on his arm that he immediately shrugged off. People didn’t like her to touch them. She had forgotten that in her shock at his outburst. “I did not mean to insult their memories. I mean only to distance myself from these atrocities. It makes it all the easier to hunt and kill these…daemons”.
The air seemed to puff out of him and he sat back down. She hadn’t even been aware of his rising and that worried her a bit. He had surprised her with that eruption and she was usually so detached. To the point of down right coldness. What was the matter with her lately? First the dreams and now her emotions getting in the way of her work. This was not a good omen at all. Guardians preserve her, she was in trouble.
She accepted his second offer of a cup of mead to sooth her nerves and sat stiffly, listening.
“The first night, Jayson and me were out birthing some lambs and we heard an almighty roar come from the distance. And we knew, we just knew it came from closer to the outskirts of town”. He took a deep breath and a swallow of mead before he continued, his face pale. “There are only a handful of cottages out there nowadays and there was light glowing in only one window along the way.
“It was Trentin’s house and there was smoke billowing from the roof. Someone had set it alight. We went in to find Trentin and his family butchered on the floor of the cottage. His son, Guardians protect him! His son’s eyes were gone and his neck ripped open. Same with his daughter and wife. Of Trentin himself, there were several lumps of ragged flesh strewn about the room”. Noshiar glared directly into Lanta’s eyes as he spoke and her flesh seemed to burn. She wanted to crawl away and hide his gaze was so fierce. “They tore him apart! What sort of animal does that? None but a daemon”.
Lanta let Noshiar put to rest his own daemons for a moment while she took a sip of her mead. It sloshed in her mouth and dripped down her neck like sweet fire and she welcomed the taste. It had been a long time since she’d had a drink and Guardians knew she needed one today. Perhaps if she got suitably drunk the dreams might not bother her today while she slept. “The other bodies?”
“Same”, his broken voice whispered. “All either ripped apart or with their eyes missing and necks torn open”.
“How many in all?” This part was the hardest. Counting the number of people these monsters had preyed on during such a short space of time. The younger ones could go through several people a week, while the older ones tended to take just one, maybe two a week. This was where she would find out what type of vampire she was dealing with. A young, foolish one or an old, crafty and strong one.
“Seven households in the last month. Thirty one souls lost.” Noshiar's eyes seemed to drown in despair before he caught himself and took a large swallow of his mead, draining the large cup and thumping it on the table between them. “We have twelve gold vidros to the one who brings this to an end”.
That ruled out a single youth. It also ruled out a pair of old ones. It seemed that there was a pair of youths. “These are no daemons”, she told Noshiar. “These are vampires. Two of them by the sounds of it. And not at all easy to kill, although killing a daemon would be a lot harder. I’ll need a couple of strong boys to cut down a young Ash tree. With that tree they will make me as many stakes as they can. And then they must take the stakes and wash them in holy water. There is a temple here, I know. I’m sure the priest would be more than happy to assist.
“I will also need the blood of a piglet and a room to sleep in today”.
Noshiar gave her a passing glance and raised his eyebrows before nodding. “Of course, Miss…” he frowned. “You never did give me your name”.
“No”, she agreed. “I didn’t”.

The inn, while sparse in its furnishings was at least clean and the landlord friendly with a jovial wife who claimed she could cook the best chicken stew this side of Teraaslier. There was a slim cot in a corner with a shabby chair and small writing table on the opposite wall. A tiny chest of drawers stood by the door and she wondered if she was being too prudent by placing it to block the feeble door as she undressed for bed. It was nearing lunch time and she would take a tray in her room before sleeping. Maude would bring it shortly.
For now, there was a wash basin atop the chest of drawers that had recently been filled with scented water and a wash rag lying inside. She would wash the filth of the road off her body and update her journals. People thought it surprising that one such as her could read and write. What they didn’t know was that during her later upbringing she was forced to learn all sorts of oddities and unnecessary skills. Reading and writing being just a couple.
She could pay homage at any court in the land and not appear odd to the eyes and ears of the richest people in the Realm. She had done so many times. She could count Sir Walkin Smyther as one of her “acquaintances” and the Lady Charlington as another. If ever she needed verification, they would do.
She also learned to paint and sing and play the lute. Stupid skills that had no meaning in her current trade. But along with the mundane and “privileged” skills, there were the more sinister and deadly. She could shoot an arrow through the eye of a spider spinning a web from fifty paces away. She could garrotte a man twice her own size until he was lifeless. She could gain entry to the highest tower with nothing more than a pair of climbing slippers and a set of claws.
No man, woman or beast was safe or protected to the point where she couldn’t get to them easily. No vampire, young or old could out wit, out fight, or out run her. She was a force of nature. Twisted in her hatred. Formed of loathing and distaste. Floating on noxious fumes of distrust and simmering resentment. She was a huntress.

“Come in”. Lanta dropped the wash cloth back into the bowl at the tentative knock to her door and stood in a perfect circle of light coming from a minuscule window in the middle of the largest wall by the bed.
Maude strode in bearing a tray in her arms. The succulent aroma of stewed chicken and fresh bread followed in her wake as she laid the meal on the small table. Beside the bread and stew there was a mug of water and a slice of cheese. “Thank you”. Lanta was impatient for Maude to leave so she could fall upon the food it smelled so good. It was at least a week since she had had a hot meal, not counting the wild rabbit she had caught two days ago.
“You’re welcome, dear”, replied the stout, grey-haired woman. Her large, expressive eyes scanned the room and settled on Lanta in her nightshirt, stood by the bed. “Will there be anything else?” Her lips pressed together tightly, no doubt disliking the thought of climbing the stairs again today, and her beak-like nose twitched.
“No, thank you. That will be all. Can you arrange for someone to wake me an hour before sunset? And have someone bring me all my materials?”
“Of course”. Her large frame waddled out the door and before she had even reached the top stair Lanta had the door secured behind the chest and was ravenously tearing at the bread and scooping up the stew, groaning at the magnificent taste of fresh-cooked fowl.
Afterward, full and satisfied, Lanta crawled into the slender cot and pulled the scratchy blanket up to her ears. Sleep was not long in claiming her. The last coherent thought Lanta had been to hope that the sun would set late that evening. Guardians knew she needed the sleep.


“Faster Atalanta! Harder! For Guardians’ sake how do you propose to beat eggs much less anything sinister with the way you have been using that?!”
He leaned over her as she lay panting on the matted floor of the training room, his beady eyes calculating and assessing her level of tiredness. Apparently deciding she could bear to train for another while yet, he grabbed at her upper arms and hauled her to her feet. “You cannot be so tired that you would die!”
“I’m not in any danger of dying right now, am I?” she answered snidely, having had enough for one day. Her legs were battered and her arms were next to useless. Her mind was shutting down and she needed to drink something.
“Really?” he replied. “Is that so?”
The blow to her shoulder jolted the long stick from her hands and she yelped as she held the affected area tenderly. “What was that for?”
“Your insolence!” he roared, running for her like something possessed.
“Wait!” She bent for her stick, narrowly missing a strike to the head and rolled away landing lightly on her feet three yards away. He came at her again, from all sides it seemed and she could barely keep up. He managed to catch her foot and she fell, sprawled at his feet like a docile puppy.
The last thing she remembered was him telling her she was going to die, before raising his long stick above his head. Then the world turned black.

The fog cleared with alarming sluggishness to be replaced by the immediate and heart stopping pain throbbing in her head. She could feel the wet trickle of blood flowing by her ear and struggled to raise herself into a sitting position. The mean old bear had left her lying there. He hadn’t even bothered to throw a bowl of water in her face to wake her. He had knocked her unconscious and left her where she lay.
Trying not to wince she found her feet and pushed herself into a standing position. The floor reeled up to meet her and she found herself plummeting back to the same portion of the reed mat she had previously bled on. “Awake, are we?” came a nasal voice filled with scorn.
“Yes, thank you”, she replied. Although awake was a relatively loose term for what she was feeling right now. Drowsy, dizzy and disoriented would be a better description but awake would do just as fine. She tried to focus on the face looming above her but gave up when all she could manage was a blurry blob of a shape of some sort.
“Well then. I think our lesson for today has concluded. You are free to attend your dance lessons.” The face disappeared and she was forced to find her own way to her feet again, this time managing to stay upright and take a few steps towards the door.
“Oh my!” exclaimed a seductive, feminine voice. “Whatever has happened to you Atalanta?”
“I was insolent… again”.
“Dear me”, the voice continued and a slightly less blurry shape filled her vision. The smell of camomile and coconut was a heady concoction mixing in her nasal passages. “We are going to have to work some more on your demeanour and manners, Atalanta. It will not do for you to be so rude to Master Farbstaff”.
“I wasn’t… Never mind. Can I please have a moment to gather my wits?”
“By all means, Atalanta”, Mathilda announced. “As long as you keep them about you in the future”.
“I intend to”.


Lanta nearly landed on the floor when the loud pounding shook both the door in its frame and her from her sleep. “Miss!” a child’s screech came. “Miss Maude told me to wake you. It’s an hour before sunset”.
“Thank you”, she rasped in her sleep thickened voice. Her throat was parched and as she grabbed her clothes from her bag she swallowed the rest of the water from her lunch. As she threw her clothes on she gazed out the window at the sun sitting low in the belly of the sky. It would soon be getting dark and the undead would be awakening. It was time for her to work.
The slick leather slid through her hands as she laid her battle adornments out on the cot. These were very special to her. She had had some of the best times of her adulthood in these. The leather jerkin was tailored to her exact measurements, dark as night and supple as a newborn babe’s skin, it allowed for swift and flexible movement as well as keeping the more glancing blows from ever touching her skin.
The matching trousers were tight but compliant and strong as sinew with laces up the sides of each leg for varying degrees of looseness. She would wear them tight to avoid catching herself on any sharp objects, like teeth and nails. They also served her knees well when she invariably ended up sliding in the dirt to avoid some danger or another.
Her studded vambraces came next, their inky blackness swallowing her slender arms and covering them like a second, studded skin. The skin of some dragon or great beast. The buckles on them were sturdy and pliant with use; the tops of them scarred here and there – the reminder of great battles won.
Leather ankle boots slipped on to fasten securely with durable leather laces, the soft, flat soles perfect for tip-toeing and getting around in complete silence.
Next, the greaves which extended from under her knee to just above her toes in the same black, studded leather as her vambraces. They would serve her well in a dirty fight, which when she was fighting vampires, it was wont to be. It also had a useful little space for a dagger on each leg, which would come in very beneficial in tonight’s hunt.
There was a coif in there too and she wondered if she should wear it. It was so uncomfortable and it pulled at her hair. But then again, the tiny steel rings did protect her head and the leather neck guard did keep the vampires from hitting their mark and taking her out of the hunt unfairly. With a deep sigh she fixed her shoulder length black hair into a knot at the base of her neck and slid the coif over it. She was almost ready. Reaching into the bag, she shook out the remaining item.
A large, silver medallion, representing the Guardians. The slick silver of the circular medallion caught the light as she twirled it, gazing at the symbols etched into it. On one half there was the sun, the everlasting symbol of life, on the other side there were three simple and modest lines, each representing a Guardian. The Guardian of the Heavens. The Guardian of the Earth. The Guardian of the Never More. It had served her well in the past and it would once again, serve her tonight.
One more thing remained. She would have to ride back out to the edge of town to retrieve it before dark, but that was of little consequence. It gave her some small piece of mind to leave it somewhere safe, secure and secret while not in use. It was too expensive a weapon to leave in plain sight. One of the villagers might fancy himself light fingered and try to pilfer it, earning himself a severed limb for his actions. It had happened before.
She pushed aside the chest of drawers and strode down to the common room, creating a hushed silence as she paced towards the main door. “Are my materials here?” she called to the landlord on her way across the large, dust coated floor.
“Yes, Miss”, he called after her. “I put them in the kitchen for you. I’ll have one of the boys fetch them”.
“Great”.
She marched out in her leather battle garments causing all heads to swivel to her in her wake. Let them stare. She wanted them to stare. She wanted them to fear her. She wanted the whole world to fear her. If she was feared, she was respected and if she was both feared and respected, she was powerful. And if she was powerful, no man, beast, daemon or vampire would come close to killing her. She was a goddess of battle.
“Zephyr!” she hollered, waiting to hear his answering snicker. When it came she flitted in the direction of her war horse and rode out of town. There was time enough for killing. What she wanted now was the implement to do so.
 
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