How to Improve Torchwood

[Interference]

There are so many things that appear to be wrong with this series and I think a lot of people have identified their personal likes and dislikes.

One person said that it was only in its first season and we should let it find its legs, and this made me wonder how accurate a statement that was.

Captain Jack had 'spin-off' printed on his army cap from day one. Torchwood was signposted way back in Doctor Who. It was instituted by Queen Victoria. It was on hand to battle the Cybermen - I can't believe that Russel T got a phone call one night telling him he had twenty-four hours to come up with another series and this was the best he could do.

And yet, that's exactly how it feels.

So what should he have done to make it actually work?

The dodgy, derivative story-lines are a given, of course, but I wonder if Jack isn't wrongly cast as the team leader, for example. Wouldn't his mysteriousness and lack of discipline not work better as a maverick underling? Also, it was a disasterous error of jusdgement, imo, to have this as the last remaining Torchwood outpost, conveniently located on the Welsh Hellmouth. How much more interesting if there were hundreds dotted around the globe with guest stars every week? And maybe even a bit more globe-trotting for our heroes. It was a definite mistake, to me, that they established so early, so quickly, so many unlikable characters in one place at the one time that we were supposed to worry about. Why shouldn't a bigger Torchwood assign different teams to investigate things, albeit that we are only in on the activities of Jack's team that week.

I personally have my reservations about John Barrowman's charisma as a leading man, though I daresay there are others who would disagree strongly with me. But given even that limitation, I'm certain that a far, far better programme could easily have been created with the input of maybe one or two people with an apropriate imagination. I don't hate Torchwood, though I probably should. But it does make me really, really sad for the richness of the opportunities that have been wasted. God help anyone with a good SF proposal turning up at the Beeb now.

 

[the_faery_queen]

i've not seen it, but i have seen the captin jack character in doc who and for me it's the character that's the problem. he's a good looking guy (yum) but he's such an ass! i couldn't stand to watch a series about someone so fuill of themselves, chatting everuone up, showing off, just being so conceited and assish!

 

[mistera]

I agree with Interference - I don't hate it, I just really wish it was so much better.
For me, part of the problem is that all of the leads are a pretty unlikeable bunch (including Captain Jack). The female lead, Gwen, seems quite prone to histrionics given that she was meant to have been a policewoman of some experience. (Ok, she's now experiencing situations beyond her ken, but still...)
You can have an 'adult' series without making everyone selfish, self-obsessed, arrogant and argumentative - the writers must have been to the Eastenders school of dramatic writing.
And, agreed, many of the stories so far have been quite derivative. For 'Countrycide' read 'The X-Files' episode 'Home'; for 'Greeks bearing gifts' read the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' episode 'Earshot'; for 'Day one' read the movie 'Species', etc. etc.
From what I read, a series two is on the cards - let's hope they improve as a good, adult-themed, Brit sci-fi series would be very welcome!

 

[StevenSavile]

Well, speaking as a chap who has just had his first pitch for Torchwood approved and is now writing a two-hour original Torchwood audio drama to link in with the second season... all I can say is I have some ideas

This by the way is a shameless yay me post

 

[Coolhand]

Well, speaking as a chap who has just had his first pitch for Torchwood approved and is now writing a two-hour original Torchwood audio drama to link in with the second season... all I can say is I have some ideas

This by the way is a shameless yay me post

Hey, congratulations Steven!
Is that pitch for the audio drama or for the second series? Looking forward to seeing what you come up with. Please keep us updated.

My own feelings about Torchwood are pretty well known, but hopefully the second series will take the staggeringly incompetent and whiny members of the Jack Pack and give them some training in the following three areas:

A: How to act like members of a cool special ops group rather than members of the Keystone Cops.
B: How to act like mature adults and not sulky teenage castoffs from Hollyoaks.
C: How to go on a mission without trying to get a leg-over from absolutely anything that has a pulse and an orifice. Especially if said owner of pulse and orifice is an obviously evil alien that’s going to double cross you.

 

[areader]

Well the series has just launched in Australia and I watched the first episode but have missed out on the last couple of weeks and I was wondering what others thought. I kind of hoped Harkness would grow depth as a character as the series went on.

 

[Pyan]

Well, Martha should shake them up a bit!
What the Moronic Mob have gone through with Captain Jack is nothing compared with his experiences with Martha and the Doctor lately!

 

[StevenSavile]

Cheers Coolhand, it's a 2 hour audio drama, all approved and contracts signed now, I guess it will be out around Feb time... but I am not certain, read by the cast, all swanky and cool. Obviously I am hoping it opens more doors

 

[Pyan]

Hey, congratulations Steven!
Is that pitch for the audio drama or for the second series? Looking forward to seeing what you come up with. Please keep us updated.

My own feelings about Torchwood are pretty well known, but hopefully the second series will take the staggeringly incompetent and whiny members of the Jack Pack and give them some training in the following three areas:

A: How to act like members of a cool special ops group rather than members of the Keystone Cops.
B: How to act like mature adults and not sulky teenage castoffs from Hollyoaks.
C: How to go on a mission without trying to get a leg-over from absolutely anything that has a pulse and an orifice. Especially if said owner of pulse and orifice is an obviously evil alien that’s going to double cross you.

You missed out one, Coolhand:
D: How to apply basic security procedures, including NOT taking strange objects home to play with.

Congrats, Steve! - can you keep us up to date if you get a heads-up on the transmission date/time?

 

[Coolhand]

You missed out one, Coolhand:
D: How to apply basic security procedures, including NOT taking strange objects home to play with.

Hee hee. I thought of a few more.

E: It’s leadership, Stupid!
How to hold your staff to account when they violate protocol/jeopardize their team members/almost cause the end of the world for trivial personal reasons.

F: It’s a hostage situation, Stupid!
Why you NEVER put your gun down in a stand off with cannibals, regardless of the threats they make to your team member because they’re just going to eat you anyway.

G: It’s the official secrets act, Stupid!
You’re the best of the best. This means you don’t talk about your work to complete strangers in bars because you got a little drunk and then shag that stranger and then take them into your black ops base.

H: It’s leadership, Stupid! Part II
Why putting an operative who has just attempted suicide and admitted as much to you right back into field ops is just asking for trouble. The kind of trouble the triggers the end of the world, Abbadon-style.

I: It’s a cyber-woman, Stupid!
Why keeping a cyber-babe in a metal wonderbra in your secret base might backfire horribly, and why this should be obvious to anyone with an ounce of common sense.

J: It’s leadership Stupid! Part III
Why a staff member who does the above should be fired so fast that their useless arse barely touches the ground.

K: It’s rape, Stupid!
Why using Alien hormones to get a girl into bed is rape, and why no viewer can possibly like your gerbil faced team member ever again after they do this.

L: It’s black ops, Stupid!
Why putting the name of your secret organization on the side of your SUV is possibly detrimental to your low profile operation.

M: It’s leadership, Stupid! Part IV
After an entire season of displaying gross incompetence, selfishness and stupidity at every turn, as well as generally causing more problems than they solve, your team have just shot you and almost wiped out the planet. Against all the odds, you manage to correct their stupidity and save the human race. What does decent leader do next? We discuss the following options:
A: Shoot them in their traitorous, useless faces and hire some decent operatives?
B: Reprimand them all, make a note never to trust them again and spend a great deal of time putting them through UNIT training courses to make certain they can do their jobs next time?
C: Grin like some rent-a-Tom-Cruise impersonator and bog off with a Time Lord, leaving Torchwood and the future of the human race in the hands of the gerbil faced rapist who shot you?

 

[Interference]

all I can say is I have some ideas

Which should be a first for the series

Big congratulations on the achievement, I hope it opens a lot of doors for you, but not before you've given Torchwood a thorough re-vamp.

If you're interested in another couple of ideas, how about overthrowing the current regime and putting Russel T out to pasture. Or isn't that the sort of idea you're talking about...

Congratulations again, I hope you do very well out of it.

Just on the other subject, I just read a thread where someone once more pointed out that Torchwood is meant to be more adult than DW. That commentator questioned whether throwing sex into the mix was the way to do that and it made me think that it was the sex that actually makes it seem more childish, a lot more adolescent and considerably less adult than DW, where issues involving the make-up of the universe sit alongside questions of morality. Has a moral question *ever* been raised in Torchwood??

 

[areader]

Coolhand...I had to laugh...possibly what happened to the other torchwoods?

 

[HappyHippo]

Hee hee. I thought of a few more.
M: It’s leadership, Stupid! Part IV
After an entire season of displaying gross incompetence, selfishness and stupidity at every turn, as well as generally causing more problems than they solve, your team have just shot you and almost wiped out the planet. Against all the odds, you manage to correct their stupidity and save the human race. What does decent leader do next? We discuss the following options:
A: Shoot them in their traitorous, useless faces and hire some decent operatives?
B: Reprimand them all, make a note never to trust them again and spend a great deal of time putting them through UNIT training courses to make certain they can do their jobs next time?
C: Grin like some rent-a-Tom-Cruise impersonator and bog off with a Time Lord, leaving Torchwood and the future of the human race in the hands of the gerbil faced rapist who shot you?

Oh, *laughs weakly* more, please!

seriously, there were so many out-of-the-blue item last series.
Ianto secretly keeping a cyberbabe in the basement? Not in character.
Tosh going off of the aforementioned Gerbil faced rapist and becoming a raving lesbian because of ex-eastenders alien? Not in character.
Owen falling in love with something not seen in a reflective surface? Not in character.
Gwen being a useless whiny mare who waits to be rescued and runs like a duck following knee surgery? Not...oh, hang on, they got that one right!

There were moments (but ONLY moments) of genius in series 1. That doesn't include the scripts, the cast, the level of acting, or 50% of the special effects. The set was awesome, and Rhys's bum acted the rest of the cast off the screen. His front wasn't that good though.

(Had to watch the daft episode with the future device the other night - the one where Owen sees a rape/murder in the 60's... so badly plotted! And why's Owen getting indignant? He should be watching for tips!)

 

[Dave]

They had the chance last season when they killed Owen and Gwen off, but unfortunately they used the reset button. Martha should help change the mix, but I agree with all the aforementioned problems, especially Jack's leadership.

 

[Coolhand]

(Had to watch the daft episode with the future device the other night - the one where Owen sees a rape/murder in the 60's... so badly plotted! And why's Owen getting indignant? He should be watching for tips!)

BWA-HA HA HA HA!!!!

 

[Kostmayer]

I reckon that Ianato fellow should take over. Always liked him. Maybe its because he fulfils the same role I do at work (albeit not in a top secret Government organisation run by Captain Scarlett), maybe its cause he looks like a mate of mine. Maybe its the sideburns. In anycase, he's about the only one with a sane head on his shoulders.

Also, annoying and amoral as Gwen is, I still fancy the pants of her. Owen needs to die for getting it on with her.

 

[Dave]

Maybe its because... he's about the only one with a sane head on his shoulders.

This is the same man who keeps a cyberwoman girlfriend locked in the cellar

 

[mistera]

L: It’s black ops, Stupid!
Why putting the name of your secret organization on the side of your SUV is possibly detrimental to your low profile operation.

Thought of an addition to this one:

And why strolling into a crime scene (usually in slo-mo, coats billowing in the wind) and simply announcing to all and sundry "Torchwood, we'll take it from here" might not be the best way to keep one's existence hush-hush...
(Are there no journalists in Cardiff who are even slightly interested in gruesome murders by alien beings?)

 

[Interference]

Are there no journalists in Cardiff who are even slightly interested in gruesome murders by alien beings?

As long as no sheep are hurt in the process, it's live and let Dai as far as Cardiff is concerned.

 

[Kostmayer]

This is the same man who keeps a cyberwoman girlfriend locked in the cellar

Well we all have our hobbies