Mostly looking for proofreading of the grammar, not the style.

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Frontierzone

Author, poet, playwright.
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Still around, but not as much.
PLEASE NOTE!
Do NOT correct the Meea'zian way of saying "he's", "we's", "you's", etc. The apostrophes are meant to convey a sort of aspiration, or breath taken, at those points in the words. In other words, "he (breath) s", etc.

Chapter Three.


A Game of Cat and Mouse.




A small, female mouse-like creature paced frantically. She was about 5 feet tall, weighing about ninety pounds, with sapphire eyes, and a shock of brown hair, dyed red at the tips, spilling over her dark golden-brown, softly furred shoulders, which protruded from the low cut black dress she had worn for her date that evening.

It was the perfect date, too, until that idiot Nivda-turo called to tell her there was an emergency. Now, here she was, all dressed up, and having to face down a crisis at the shop. A flargin’ hell of an evening this has turned out ta be, thought Miki Akira-jade.

Her white furred chest heaved with sighs of worry. The sensors showed not one capital class starship in orbit, but two. Miki couldn’t help but wonder why the Shardon would send two ships, just for a yacht. What is me’s supposed ta do? she thought. Two capital class ships in orbit, and we’s with no way out. They’s’ll be comin’ ta arrest we’s, if we’s don’t figures out how ta escape.

Her worries were about to come to fruition very soon.” Boss boss boss boss!” said a panicked male mouse-like creature, about five feet two inches tall, with broad stripes of black and white running diagonally across his body. He was carrying scrap metal in his arms, and in his prehensile tail, he held a small scanner.

“What is it this time, Nivda?” she hissed, through clenched teeth. “Ain’t you’s supposed ta be hidin’ that damned scrap?”

“But-but-but-but,” he said, sounding like a mousy motorboat. “But-but-but-but, the scanner!”

“What about it?” asked Miki, tapping her right foot impatiently.

“Here! See for you’s's self!” he said nervously, while giving her the device.
He opened his tail too soon, however, and she didn’t have a good grip on it.
The scanner dropped to the floor, with a resounding “CRUNCH!” followed by the sound of crackling, and the smell of wires burning.

“Oh, that’s just flargin’ great, Nivda! Just flargin’ great! See what you’s done?” screamed Miki. “You’s've gone an’ busted th’ flargin’ scanner!”
She then kicked him soundly in the rear, causing him to drop his armload of scrap. He sat down, and began to cry.

“Oh, stop you’s's cryin’, Nivda. Me’s’m sorry. Here,” she said, handing him her handkerchief.

Nivda sniffled, and blew his nose. “Well, you’s didn’t have to kick me’s! Anyway! They’s are coming! They’s are sending two launches!”

“Sqeekies! Two launches? We’s’ll be crawlin’ with Shardon Marines! Leave that scrap! Get to you’s's hidey-hole!” She then went over to the intercom. “Everybody get ta you’s hidey-holes, NOW!”

The sound of skittering echoed through the underground complex, as Meea’zians scurried to their hiding places. Miki then went up to the entrance, to greet her “guests”. She was damned if her people were going to suffer for this. She was the Boss-lady. This was her operation. She would have to take the fall.

She went up to the entrance and waited for the inevitable, hoping that the others were well hidden, and that the scanner resistant materials lining the walls of their “hidey-holes” were sufficient to block the Shardon scanners.

While she waited, she rehearsed over and over what she would say to the Shardon Leader. She hoped beyond hope that she would be able to bluff her way out of this mess. She was scared of he Shardon, and such fear was understandable.

Everyone knew that a Meea’zian in the hands of a Shardon was as good as dead. It was common knowledge among her people that, if the Shardon ever caught a Meea’zian, then said Meea’zian would end up on the menu.


Still, it was far better to get this over with. Once the Shardon Marines found the hidden entrance, she knew they come blasting in, and demanding honor. Her only hope was to bluff, beg, plead, and grovel her way out of being arrested. She knew they were here for the yacht. She just hoped she could convince them to take what they came for, and be satisfied with that.

She began to pace nervously. The time seemed to drag, leaving her to wonder if maybe they couldn’t find the entrance. Yeah, she thought, they’s’re probably tryin’ ta find the secret door. It’s scanner resistant, after all. Maybe they’s’ll give up, an’ go back ta they’s's ships.

But the Shardon Marines don’t give up! But, what if, instead of givin’ up, they’s go back, an’ recommend a barrage of mini-nukes, ta open up the surface? Or, what if they’s just start ta shootin’ lasers at everything they’s think might be an entrance, till they’s find it? If they’s has ta start shootin’, they’s’ll be in a shootin’ mood when they’s get down here!

She quickened her pace, and also began biting the nails on her right hand, and twirling her hair with her left forefinger. Her tail was down, between her legs, and she was staring to feel nauseous.

Me’s’ll just have ta be cool. No need ta panic. Me’s can do this. Me’s’ll just give they’s the run-around. Answer they’s questions with questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The run-around. That’s what me’s’ll do. She nodded to herself, as a way of reassuring herself she was right, and began to go over in her mind all of the possible cons she could pull.

Miki turned on the monitors at the entrance, once it had occurred to her to do so. The surface cams showed the two launches, just now landing. But, something was odd about one of them.

She zoomed in. That’s not a Shardon Imperial Navy Launch, she thought. What the flarg is goin' on here? That’s a flargin’ United Systems Navy Launch! Oh, kremblotts, schlorg, an' frektor! Me’s’m flarged up the squeekin’ yishming! Miki’s heart seemed to sink into her feet. She really wished she could curl up into a little ball, and roll away.

Human troopers! she thought. First, they’s’ll shoot everything, and then the Shardon’ll eat everyone! She began to panic again. She returned to her nail biting, hair twirling, and pacing. Flarg! Flarg flarg flarg flarg flarg! Me’s’ll have ta try an’ con US Marines AN’ Shardon Imperial Marines! Oh, Great Gri’lor, why didn’t me’s listen ta mom, an’ not follow dad inta the businesss?

She realized something suddenly, and her panic increased even more. She was in such a state now that one look at her and it would be obvious that she was having some kind of breakdown. OH FLARG! When dad gets back, he’s’s gonna be flurped at me! Me’s can just hear him now. “Miki! Why in flargin’ hell did you’s let that yishming Nivda-turo go out lookin’ fer business? Hain’t me’s told you’s ta tell ’im ta take salvage ONLY, an’ not ta go stealin’ ships, ’specially not yachts belongin’ ta VIPs?”

Miki stood and stared at the monitors. Both the US and Shardon landing parties were scanning. They seemed to be making little progress in searching for an entrance. But then, they began to scan the ground. What the flarg? thought Miki. Then it hit her. Oh, schlorg! Tracks! They’s thought ta look for tracks! We’s’ve had it! We’s’re dead!

She noticed one of the Shardon Marines go down on all fours, sniffing. He then got up, and nodded. He was saying something to a tan colored female Shardon in a Navy uniform. She then said something to the large Human male standing beside her. Sure enough, both landing parties merged, and they all headed toward the entrance.

Me’s might as well just let they’s in. Maybe if me’s show cooperation, they’s’ll be more lenient, thought Miki. She went over to the control panel, and flipped the switch to open the door. She then spoke into the microphone which was attached to the panel, first in Sahardonish, then in Interstellar English.

“Welcome ta Akira-jade Salvage. Me’s’m Miki Akira-jade. How may me’s help you’s?”

The large Human male seemed unimpressed. “We’re here to retrieve a stolen yacht, and to place you, and anyone else involved in the theft, under arrest,” he said, scowling.

“Well, me’s am sure you’s’ll find me’s in full cooperation, M’lord,” said Miki, as calmly as she could muster. “Come on in. You’s scanners’ll show you’s that there are no traps or anythin' on the stairs down.”

“We’ll be the judge of that,” said the large Human male. “You’d better hope that we find no impediments to our mission, or we will make things a lot harder on you.”

He then confered with his Shardon counterpart, speaking sotto voce, and using gestures. They then began to convey orders to their respective troops as they proceeded to move cautiously down the stairs. Miki stood by the door, nervously monitoring their progress.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, she pressed the button that opened the door and stood back, with her hands up in the air. The large Human male and the tan colored Shardon female entered first, with their side arms drawn. The Human and Shardon Marines filed in quickly. Each of them was armed with laser rifles, and each Marine seemed more than eager to demonstrate his or her weapon’s capabilities.

Miki was more than a little impressed by the array of weapons leveled at her. Being what spacers refer to as an “outlaw tech”, she recognized them immediately. The large Human male held a Standard Issue United Systems Naval Smith & Wesson LP-354 Laser Pistol, one of the finest side arms in the known galaxy, with the possible exception of the Mordum ERTW/HMP.

The tan colored Shardon female, by way of contrast, was holding a custom made Shim’voluk JI-38B Laser Pistol, which, as anyone in the tech industry knows, is quite a status symbol. It wasn’t the best made in the known galaxy, but it was still a lot more reliable than the Standard Issue Imperial Navy JI-38A Laser Pistol, which was used by the majority of the Shardon Navy.

The Human Marines, of course, were armed with Standard Issue Smith & Wesson M-25A1 Laser Rifles, which had seen the USMC through the Great War. Their Shardon Marine counterparts were armed with the newly issued Shim’voluk JI-365A Laser Rifle, which replaced the obsolete, and very unreliable, Chu’dim’nor KM-328D Laser Rifle. (The latter of which, many believe, was one of the deciding factors in the War’s final outcome.)

Miki looked at the two leaders of the group, searching for any signs of sympathy. Finding none, she swallowed hard, and said, “Welcome ta Akira-Jade’s. Me’s am Miki Akira-jade, co-owner and manager. If there’s anythin'…”

“Cut the crap, Miss Akira-jade,” said the large Human male. “I am Captain Jacob Amstutz, of the USS Ticonderoga, and this is Lieutenant Commander To’ying’li, of the ISV Chu-lom. We’re here to place you under arrest, not to exchange pleasantries.”

Miki gulped, and looked straight up at Captain Amstutz. “Me’s knows why you’s is here, Captain. Me’s’ll come quietly, now,” she said, as she lowered her head, and gazed at the floor.

“It’s not quite so simple, Miss Akira-jade,” said the Captain. “You see, both the Shardon Imperial Navy and the United Systems Navy have claims in jurisdiction in this case. And, even if that’s settled, there’s the matter of accomplices. You most certainly must have ’employees’, Miss Akira-jade, if you’re going to run a ’salvage operation’ of any real magnitude.”

Miki looked up at him again, pleadingly. “No! Me’s mean, yes, dad an’ me’s has employees, but they’s innocent!” she exclaimed. She then began to glance back and forth between Captain Amstutz and Lieutenant Commander Li, and tried to appeal to them both. “Please, M’lord! Please, M’lady! Me’s beg you‘s, spare they’s! They’s poor, an’ there’s little ones, an’ they’s didn’t know, an’ ’sides, me’s the Boss-lady! They’s were just followin’ me’s's orders…”

“The phrase ‘just following orders’ holds no weight with me, Miss Akira-jade. You had to have accomplices in the theft of the yacht, and we intend to get to the bottom of things, no matter how long it takes. In the meantime, I suggest you decide which one of us you and your accomplices want to go with, the Shardon or my people.”

Miki looked at the floor again, and began to cry. She then looked at the two imposing officers in front of her. “M’lord and M’lady, please, tell me‘s, what will happen ta me’s and me’s accomplices, when we’s decide who ta go with?”

“That all depends,” purred Lieutenant Commander To’ying’li. “Our legal system is quite different than that of the Humans.”

“Me’s know. The Humans don’t eat Meea’zians,” said Miki, with a shudder.

To’ying’li gave out a hissing laugh. “You honestly believe that we do?” she asked. “We do not eat sentient beings. We leave such… atrocities to the Mordum,” she said, with an expression that could have curdled milk into cheese in an instant.

Miki looked at her dubiously. “Squeekies? Really? But, you’s's ancestors were felines, and we’s's ancestors…”

“We do not eat the enlightened, even those less enlightened than ourselves,” said To’ying’li, looking Miki in the eyes. “You have my word of honor on that.”

“Squeekies. Well, we’s learn somethin’ new every day,” said Miki, smiling up at the large cat-like being standing before her.

“Indeed,” purred To’ying’li.

“So, how do we’s decide which government we’s go with?” asked Miki.

“The choice is yours, Miss Akira-jade,” said Captain Amstutz.

“Me’s don’t know which ta choose!” Miki exclaimed. “Give me’s some clue here! Me’s have ta know which one of you’s governments is fairer! Me’s have ta know how me’s employees an’ me’s’ll be treated!”

“Calm down, Miss Akira-jade,” said the Captain. “We’ll discuss this later, once you’ve helped us round up all of those involved in the theft of the yacht. After all, they too have to decide. That’s the fair thing to do, after all, don’t you agree?”

Miki gave out a sigh, and nodded. “Yes, me’s agree, Captain. Come along with me’s. Me’s’ll show you’s the yacht. Then we’s can discuss the problem of who we’s go with. We’s also need ta discuss what ta do about those who’s’re innocent, Captain. Both of you’s, and you’s goons, follow me‘s.”
 
It was the perfect date, too, until that idiot Nivda-turo called to tell her there was an emergency.[\quote] "it had been the perfect", "had called to tell her"

Each of them was armed with laser rifles[\quote]The humans, at least, would have only one rifle per soldier.

All in all gramatically good. I didn't like the enumeration of all the different versions of small arms, personally, and found the similarity in model numbers between the two different militaries surprising, and somewhat annoying

the scanner resistant materials lining the walls of their “hidey-holes” were sufficient to block the Shardon scanners.[\quote]repetition of "scanner"

But, something was odd about one of them. [\quote]I don't think you need that comma

A small, female mouse-like creature paced frantically[\quote]On the other hand, I'd have put a comma after "female"

Her worries were about to come to fruition very soon.” Boss boss boss boss!” said a panicked male mouse-like creature, about five feet two inches tall,[\quote] One of the quotation marks seems to have got inverted (probably due to a lack of a space after the period) and I'd have put the dialogue on a new line. Anyone else find that putting their heights in, if it's not directly relevant to the story, is more annoying than informative?
 
Thanks, Chris. Oh, and Merry Christmas! Good to see you're still around.

Some of the copy and paste seems to have crunched things together. I tried to correct this in my post, but wasn't completely successful. At any rate, I'll fix the problems you pointed out, with many many many many thanks!
 
Fixed! Thanks to the best nit-picker in the world! Chris, you are the greatest! That was the last chapter in which I had a proofreader at all. Now, my former proofreader isn't talking to me. She... well, let's just say, there is a lot of me in poor Nivda Turro, (I changed the name slightly, to make Nivda a first name, and Turro a sirname.) and a bit of her in Miki.

So, Chiris. (And anyone else.) Are you up to the challenge of helping with the next chapter?
 
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I'm not awesome grammarian-ly, but I can say that this is a very good beginning. You seem to have a strong idea of the world you're placing this in and a very good concept of the different species. You had grabbed my attention by the fourth section.

Very nice, and keep it up!
 
Thanks. The credit for the Meea'zian race goes to a friend of mine named Rachel. She invented the race. They aren't found in the Role-playing Game, but I do intend to write them up as a (possibly free) download.
 
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