This isn't much, but it is the beginning part of my first chapter. I'm mostly concerned about the language sounding awkward or forced.
Darin Grenier made his way away from the three story water refinery complex, where he had spent the last five hours monitoring the pressure in the eleven hundred individual filters that removed the hazardous elements from the waste water yielded by the millions of people in Central City. Down a short concrete path and a small flight of stairs was the first level parking lot for the employees of Aquapure. Grenier pulled a sleek, thin piece of technology from his pocket and absent mindedly pressed a button on the touch screen as he made his trotted down the stairs. When his car rolled up moments later, he stepped in and made himself comfortable as the door closed next to him.
Darin’s car had a nice interior. The dashboard was a flawless reflective silver and the monitor built into it was clear of scratches or smudges. The windshield was spotless and perfectly transparent, save for where it darkened to suppress the sun glare. The seats were leather and very soft, and if the need would arise in the winter they would warm to a comfortable temperature. Now, however, the air conditioning was running silently, making it only slightly cooler in the vehicle than on the outside.
On the same device as before, Darin tapped the small screen several times and set it on the dashboard in front of him. While the phone on the other end of the line rang, he selected his home address on the monitor and told the car to initiate the trip. It rolled smoothly onto the highway and began what seemed like a glide over the street and through the city scape.
“Hello?” The voice was loud and clear, but not overpowering in the small car. It was the voice of Matthew Slate.
“Hey, Matt. I heard a rumor that you skipped out on work today.” Darin grinned. Jenna had told him that Slate was planning to stay home for the day and relax on the sofa. For some odd reason, he had not told Grenier himself, so Darin decided the best thing to do would be to harass him about it. “Not feeling well?”
There was a smile in Matt’s voice. “No, this time its personal problems. Family trouble, maybe. I don’t quite remember exactly what I said.” A slight pause. “So I assume your shift just ended?”
“I’m on my way home now. I thought you might want to come over and hang around for a little. Since you’re not doing anything.” That last part had just a bit of a mocking tone to it. “But you can’t stay all night. Jenna will be over when she gets off.”
“Actually, we were going to go drinking tonight, me and Jack.” Jack was John Abraham, a friend Darin and Matthew had met a few years after high school when they had spent a summer at the shore. He had been a surfer, but with his money running down and no real aim in life, he followed Grenier and Slate back to Central City and took a job as a salesman for a fairly large furniture store. He wasn’t making out too badly, if looks didn’t deceive. Matt continued, “I was supposed to invite you. Guess you can’t make it though.”
“No,” he replied. He was just a little disappointed. The car was now only a few miles from its destination. “I’ll see you in a minute.”
Matt’s goodbye came just as the call ended. Now it was quiet, the gentle hum of the highway beneath him the only sound Darin heard. Through the windshield, he could see his building approaching. The car smoothly veered left, weaving through traffic, and drove up a slope several levels to a higher street which led to the garage.
Darin Grenier made his way away from the three story water refinery complex, where he had spent the last five hours monitoring the pressure in the eleven hundred individual filters that removed the hazardous elements from the waste water yielded by the millions of people in Central City. Down a short concrete path and a small flight of stairs was the first level parking lot for the employees of Aquapure. Grenier pulled a sleek, thin piece of technology from his pocket and absent mindedly pressed a button on the touch screen as he made his trotted down the stairs. When his car rolled up moments later, he stepped in and made himself comfortable as the door closed next to him.
Darin’s car had a nice interior. The dashboard was a flawless reflective silver and the monitor built into it was clear of scratches or smudges. The windshield was spotless and perfectly transparent, save for where it darkened to suppress the sun glare. The seats were leather and very soft, and if the need would arise in the winter they would warm to a comfortable temperature. Now, however, the air conditioning was running silently, making it only slightly cooler in the vehicle than on the outside.
On the same device as before, Darin tapped the small screen several times and set it on the dashboard in front of him. While the phone on the other end of the line rang, he selected his home address on the monitor and told the car to initiate the trip. It rolled smoothly onto the highway and began what seemed like a glide over the street and through the city scape.
“Hello?” The voice was loud and clear, but not overpowering in the small car. It was the voice of Matthew Slate.
“Hey, Matt. I heard a rumor that you skipped out on work today.” Darin grinned. Jenna had told him that Slate was planning to stay home for the day and relax on the sofa. For some odd reason, he had not told Grenier himself, so Darin decided the best thing to do would be to harass him about it. “Not feeling well?”
There was a smile in Matt’s voice. “No, this time its personal problems. Family trouble, maybe. I don’t quite remember exactly what I said.” A slight pause. “So I assume your shift just ended?”
“I’m on my way home now. I thought you might want to come over and hang around for a little. Since you’re not doing anything.” That last part had just a bit of a mocking tone to it. “But you can’t stay all night. Jenna will be over when she gets off.”
“Actually, we were going to go drinking tonight, me and Jack.” Jack was John Abraham, a friend Darin and Matthew had met a few years after high school when they had spent a summer at the shore. He had been a surfer, but with his money running down and no real aim in life, he followed Grenier and Slate back to Central City and took a job as a salesman for a fairly large furniture store. He wasn’t making out too badly, if looks didn’t deceive. Matt continued, “I was supposed to invite you. Guess you can’t make it though.”
“No,” he replied. He was just a little disappointed. The car was now only a few miles from its destination. “I’ll see you in a minute.”
Matt’s goodbye came just as the call ended. Now it was quiet, the gentle hum of the highway beneath him the only sound Darin heard. Through the windshield, he could see his building approaching. The car smoothly veered left, weaving through traffic, and drove up a slope several levels to a higher street which led to the garage.
