The Tale Of Heather Wolfcourt

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wildwolf

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Hello all I'm Ashley I posted this, so i could get some feedback on my work my grammatical/spelling skills aren't the best so there will be mistakes. So please read and let me know what you think and let me know if you have any tips for me



Heather Wolfcourt had lived her life in fear, ruled by a depressing state of mind, and the events in the winter of 1899, where Heather fell into the darker, unseen side of the world . Sending her further into madness, turned against her will into a vampire but discovered a new type of freedom. But there is more to her tale, a reason behind the lies of why she was turned into a creature of the night.

CHAPTER 1

Every creature has their own tale, their own path in life, which after many years of experience ends in death, a change that happens to all of us, but not every creature faces this change dark demonic creature continue to walk the earth not facing the effects of the sands of times. In a small crypt with the foul smell of death and the earth, with only the candle light to keep the darkness of the night at bay Heather Wolfcourt tells her tale of the path that has lead her to this depressing state of mind.

Lying on the cold stone slab, with the broken bones of an unknown soul entombed under her. She slowly whispers to herself the same words over and over again “what have I done...... what have I become”. Slowly rising, to bring up her lifeless blood coved body to bury her pale white face in her arms, letting one or two tears falls from her bright orange eyes, knowing what was to come and the main part she had to play. Knowing what the after effect would be for both sides.

To block these images from her mind, she started to think back to the times when she was alive and full of hope on finding some joy to her life. To think back to the times when she did had freedom which now could never be regain.
 
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Hello all I'm Ashley I posted this, so i could get some feedback on my work my grammatical/spelling skills aren't the best so there will be mistakes. So please read and let me know what you think and let me know if you have any tips for me



Heather Wolfcourt had lived her life in fear, ruled by a depressing state of mind, and the events in the winter of 1899, where Heather fell into the darker, unseen side of the world . Sending her further into madness, turned against her will into a vampire but discovered a new type of freedom. But there is more to her tale, a reason behind the lies of why she was turned into a creature of the night.
I'm not quite sure enough about which idea goes with which to repunctuate this paragraph so this might be completely wrong "
Heather Wolfcourt had lived her life in fear, ruled by a depressed state of mind. The events in the winter of 1899, when Heather fell into the darker, unseen side of the world, sent her further into madness, turned against her will into a vampire while discovering a new type of freedom.
CHAPTER 1

Every creature has their own tale, their own path in life, which after many years of experience ends in death, a change that happens to all of us, but not every creature faces this change
full stop
dark demonic creature
creatures
continue to walk the earth
comma
not facing the effects of the sands of times
sands of time?
. In a small crypt with the foul smell of death and the earth, with only the candle light to keep the darkness of the night at bay
comma
Heather Wolfcourt tells her tale of the path that has lead
led
her to this depressing state of mind.

Lying on the cold stone slab, with the broken bones of an unknown soul entombed under her.
comma (rather than full stop)
She slowly whispers to herself the same words over and over again “what have I done...... what have I become”. Slowly rising, to bring
perhaps "bringing" rather than "to bring" to avoid using the formation twice in succession
up her lifeless blood coved
comma after "lifeless", perhaps a hyphen in "blood-covered (not "coved", but you knew that)
body to bury her pale white face in her arms, letting one or two tears falls
fall
from her bright orange eyes, knowing what was to come and the main part she had to play. Knowing what the after effect would be for both sides.

To block these images from her mind, she started to think back to the times when she was
technically "when she had been"
alive and full of hope on
of?
finding some joy to her life. To think back to the times when she did had
when she had had
freedom which now could never be
"now she could never regain" or "now could never be regained"
 
I can't really offer you much help since this is so short. Try making it a bit longer or giving us more to read and you'll get more help. Until then good luck with your writing.
 
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