Tansy
Northern Monkey
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2008
- Messages
- 724
..didn't get past Chapter 3. It's kind of a futuristic fantasy type thing and I have a rough outline (in my head of how it all goes but I need to do a lot of research and I seem to have lost the motivation to write lately. Plus I enjoy writing but I am not sure I am any good at it. Lately I've been reading a lot again and keep thinking about how I can improve this as I think the idea could work. Not sure the setting will be Earth, but anyway I will post a bit and any comments, suggestions will be gratefully received.
I do find it hard to edit stuff I've laready written, so any tips would be welcome also
The Idea
The world of the future is a very different place, dark, deadly and depressing. Everyone flocks to the City as war ravages in the borderlands and surrounding countryside. Only the City is relatively safe and overcrowding leads to lawlessness. Downtown is a no go area after dark unless you know how to look after yourself.
To Tara Annan this is normal, she is just trying to live as best she can. She is one of the lucky ones as she has a secure job at the robotics factory, a place to call home and a couple of great friends she'd trust with her life. If only her dreams were as peaceful, each night she is haunted by his face. The face of man who she feels she should know, the face that brings the nightmares. What does it all mean? Tara isn't sure but her mother always told her to trust her dreams and she intends to find out....
Intro
Tara stared intently at a fourth floor window of the large grey stone building opposite. A faint light glowed around its perimeter, contrasting with the absolute darkness of the evening. She hopped from one foot to the other, trying to relieve the cramp that was starting to build up in the muscles of her calves. Shivering as she pulled her thin jacket closer around her, hugging herself to keep out the chill air. She really hadn’t dressed for an all night vigil; it had been a warm spring afternoon when she had set out for Kleine and Sons. She hadn’t banked on him working so late, it was Friday evening didn’t he have a life? Tara flipped open her locator and checked the time, 21:37 the illuminated display flashed at her. ‘Just ten more minutes’ she thought to herself ‘ten more minutes and if he hasn’t left by then I’m going’. She’d almost convinced herself that these ten minutes would be the last, but she had been waiting ‘just another ten minutes’ for the past four hours. She just couldn’t drag herself away from the hope that hid in the shadows of her heart, the hope that he would see her and recognise her… the way he did in her dreams. Tara’s heart leapt in her chest as she heard a scuffling noise behind her and she pressed back against the rough, brick wall trying to make herself invisible. It was pitch black in the small alleyway that had been her refuge all afternoon and evening. She peered back into the darkness, balanced on the tips of her toes, muscles taught, ready to fight or run if she had to. Her eyes were useless after staring so long at the soft light of the window; all she could make out was a grey smudge a little further back from where she recalled a smelly, overflowing dumpster sat. She sensed movement and then sighed in relief, as a large cat ran out of the alley into the weak puddle of light cast by the streetlamp on the corner. She decided to call it a night, her pounding heart reminding her that next time it might not be a stray tabby on the prowl. The city wasn’t safe at the best of time, but when the sun went down and danger lurked round every corner, especially for a young girl out alone. Not that Tara was completely helpless, but trouble brings attention and is best avoided if at all possible.
She subconsciously smoothed down her silky, black hair and picked up her back pack. Throwing it over her shoulder, she prepared to leave. Lingering for just a few seconds to take one last look at the softly lit window, wondering what must be so important to keep him working this late. Releasing a breathy sigh, she cleared her thoughts and walked briskly away. There was always Monday…
The journey home passed uneventfully, the mono was full of the usual gangs who frequented it after dark, making the occasional late night worker on their way home uneasy and defensive. Maybe it was the sullen expression on her face that made them think twice about hassling her tonight, whatever the reason Tara was grateful, she wasn’t in the humour to politely fend off lewd suggestions. She heaved a sigh of relief as she unlocked the door to her small apartment and dumped her bag on the floor inside. Her flat wasn’t much, it was too small and cluttered and none of the furniture matched, but she had worked hard to afford her own place and move up from a room in the community dorms, that so many people seemed to settle for. Her job at the robotics factory involved long and tiring hours, but the credit wasn’t bad and it was fairly secure, which was a rarity with the way things were in the city these days. Tara breathed in the familiar smell of fresh lilies and smiled wistfully as she flipped on the light switch and navigated through the overcrowded living room into the kitchen. She pulled open the refrigerator door and grabbed the only item in her freezer, a bottle of Stoli, half empty. ‘Hah guess that makes me a pessimist’ she thought to herself before grabbing a handful of ice and dropping it into a tumbler with a clink. She nudged the fridge door closed with her elbow and carried the glass and bottle into the lounge. Sinking into her comfy, old sofa she flicked on the info screen. “You have 1 new message” announced the electronic voice of her mail service. Tara poured herself a generous measure of vodka and took a swig. The cold, thick liquid froze her mouth, for a brief second, before tracing a soothing, icy path down her dry throat. There was nothing more refreshing after a shitty day than an ice cold vodka shot.
I do find it hard to edit stuff I've laready written, so any tips would be welcome also
The Idea
The world of the future is a very different place, dark, deadly and depressing. Everyone flocks to the City as war ravages in the borderlands and surrounding countryside. Only the City is relatively safe and overcrowding leads to lawlessness. Downtown is a no go area after dark unless you know how to look after yourself.
To Tara Annan this is normal, she is just trying to live as best she can. She is one of the lucky ones as she has a secure job at the robotics factory, a place to call home and a couple of great friends she'd trust with her life. If only her dreams were as peaceful, each night she is haunted by his face. The face of man who she feels she should know, the face that brings the nightmares. What does it all mean? Tara isn't sure but her mother always told her to trust her dreams and she intends to find out....
Intro
Tara stared intently at a fourth floor window of the large grey stone building opposite. A faint light glowed around its perimeter, contrasting with the absolute darkness of the evening. She hopped from one foot to the other, trying to relieve the cramp that was starting to build up in the muscles of her calves. Shivering as she pulled her thin jacket closer around her, hugging herself to keep out the chill air. She really hadn’t dressed for an all night vigil; it had been a warm spring afternoon when she had set out for Kleine and Sons. She hadn’t banked on him working so late, it was Friday evening didn’t he have a life? Tara flipped open her locator and checked the time, 21:37 the illuminated display flashed at her. ‘Just ten more minutes’ she thought to herself ‘ten more minutes and if he hasn’t left by then I’m going’. She’d almost convinced herself that these ten minutes would be the last, but she had been waiting ‘just another ten minutes’ for the past four hours. She just couldn’t drag herself away from the hope that hid in the shadows of her heart, the hope that he would see her and recognise her… the way he did in her dreams. Tara’s heart leapt in her chest as she heard a scuffling noise behind her and she pressed back against the rough, brick wall trying to make herself invisible. It was pitch black in the small alleyway that had been her refuge all afternoon and evening. She peered back into the darkness, balanced on the tips of her toes, muscles taught, ready to fight or run if she had to. Her eyes were useless after staring so long at the soft light of the window; all she could make out was a grey smudge a little further back from where she recalled a smelly, overflowing dumpster sat. She sensed movement and then sighed in relief, as a large cat ran out of the alley into the weak puddle of light cast by the streetlamp on the corner. She decided to call it a night, her pounding heart reminding her that next time it might not be a stray tabby on the prowl. The city wasn’t safe at the best of time, but when the sun went down and danger lurked round every corner, especially for a young girl out alone. Not that Tara was completely helpless, but trouble brings attention and is best avoided if at all possible.
She subconsciously smoothed down her silky, black hair and picked up her back pack. Throwing it over her shoulder, she prepared to leave. Lingering for just a few seconds to take one last look at the softly lit window, wondering what must be so important to keep him working this late. Releasing a breathy sigh, she cleared her thoughts and walked briskly away. There was always Monday…
The journey home passed uneventfully, the mono was full of the usual gangs who frequented it after dark, making the occasional late night worker on their way home uneasy and defensive. Maybe it was the sullen expression on her face that made them think twice about hassling her tonight, whatever the reason Tara was grateful, she wasn’t in the humour to politely fend off lewd suggestions. She heaved a sigh of relief as she unlocked the door to her small apartment and dumped her bag on the floor inside. Her flat wasn’t much, it was too small and cluttered and none of the furniture matched, but she had worked hard to afford her own place and move up from a room in the community dorms, that so many people seemed to settle for. Her job at the robotics factory involved long and tiring hours, but the credit wasn’t bad and it was fairly secure, which was a rarity with the way things were in the city these days. Tara breathed in the familiar smell of fresh lilies and smiled wistfully as she flipped on the light switch and navigated through the overcrowded living room into the kitchen. She pulled open the refrigerator door and grabbed the only item in her freezer, a bottle of Stoli, half empty. ‘Hah guess that makes me a pessimist’ she thought to herself before grabbing a handful of ice and dropping it into a tumbler with a clink. She nudged the fridge door closed with her elbow and carried the glass and bottle into the lounge. Sinking into her comfy, old sofa she flicked on the info screen. “You have 1 new message” announced the electronic voice of her mail service. Tara poured herself a generous measure of vodka and took a swig. The cold, thick liquid froze her mouth, for a brief second, before tracing a soothing, icy path down her dry throat. There was nothing more refreshing after a shitty day than an ice cold vodka shot.
