Oh yes, silly. And impossible to use for anything. And?
He was as handsome as all his race, with the typical pointed ears and high cheekbones, but the long blond hair was carefully braided out of the way to avoid it getting caught in anything. Over his safety boots the trousers hardly flapped, while a bulkiness round hi chest suggested he might be wearing a Kevlar vest, well inscribed with runes against curses and ensorcelries: not everyone liked his type, on either side of the veil.
"Your property is totally open to invasion; not so much as a horse-shoe over the lintel, no protective inscriptions…" he started.
"… and I fibreglass car with a light alloy engine block. I know. And that's just the way I like it"
I had him standing on the doorstep. This was one inhabitant of Faerie I did not intend to invite inside.
"But your neighbours report a severe infestation of mythical creatures. Since the case of the pixie who considered the existence of an uncovered surface of milk to be a de facto invitation, and froze the cat who disagreed with this interpretation, we have had to be extremely rigourous in our enforcement…"
"My cats have learnt. There was one incident with the Hobgoblin,and since then it's only been birds and small rodents they've brought in as presents"
"You have an unregistered hobgoblin? Are you aware of how dangerous that can be?"
"After the incident with the microwaved pizza he almost gave up on cooking. But he keeps the central heating boiler in great shape, and you try and find a human that'll do that nowadays for any price, let alone lodging and dairy products. I have a unique water purifier, where I run in the municipal supply and get it out de-chlorinated, fresh as a mountain spring, because I give its occupants a place free of interference, with no coercion. Dangerous? Mr. Boram at No.58, with his 4X4, that's dangerous, but unfortunately not for him. And his kids with their mopeds on a Sunday morning, they're drawing down the wrath of higher forces. I'll bet he was one of the ones who called you in, too."
An elf shouldn't lose his cool, it spoils the image for the whole race. An elf with a law degree should definitely have more control.
"But – but you have summoned all these creatures her with no controls? Even for a human that is rash,"
A fairy fluttered by, her tiny trug containing an even tinier trowel. She pulled a face at the visitor, confident in my ability to keep us all safe.
"Not summoned, no, welcomed. If you summon something you're applying persuasion at the least, force more often. Starts the relationship off on the wrong footing. You need to wear bullet-proof gear because people don't want you around; I don't, because everyone here does. When there was all that boggle trouble last year, there was none here, because we all pulled together, and the couple of boggles who remained are keeping the entire street free of rats.
Even the Kobolds, with their reputation for a strange sense of fun, have settled into the bike shed and are digging a mine under the rose beds good as gold. The gold that nobody is trying to steal from them, or cheat them out of, which might be part of the reason they're not forever breaking things and making trouble.
He was starting to reel from the information impact, it wasn't the time to let up now. Like all his kind, both elves and the humans that did the same job, he was hard in his crusade to wipe out risk, but brittle.
"I even have a troll cellar; no problems, because I'm not trying to get the better of him.
For millennia, mankind's been thieving from, trying to cheat, driving off or heroically slaughtering the magic races. You know that, where are your kingdoms now? What is a former mighty warrior doing hiding behind a clip-board and a subpoena, working to eliminate the risk that tells all peoples they're alive?
Are you surprised by the occasional wild hunt (now outlawed by the anti-bloodsports league) or an exchange of infants (now driven off by adoption laws, hospital births and DNA testing)?
As he stuttered I knew that I had turned him, converted him to our cause, Another to remove the chains and let the stupid kill themselves, another to reintroduce the risk, the lack of which had led to bungee jumping and speedway racing on the village backstreets. And when he'd seen himself in naked splendour, then I knew, he'd face his aims with elfin efficiency.
He was as handsome as all his race, with the typical pointed ears and high cheekbones, but the long blond hair was carefully braided out of the way to avoid it getting caught in anything. Over his safety boots the trousers hardly flapped, while a bulkiness round hi chest suggested he might be wearing a Kevlar vest, well inscribed with runes against curses and ensorcelries: not everyone liked his type, on either side of the veil.
"Your property is totally open to invasion; not so much as a horse-shoe over the lintel, no protective inscriptions…" he started.
"… and I fibreglass car with a light alloy engine block. I know. And that's just the way I like it"
I had him standing on the doorstep. This was one inhabitant of Faerie I did not intend to invite inside.
"But your neighbours report a severe infestation of mythical creatures. Since the case of the pixie who considered the existence of an uncovered surface of milk to be a de facto invitation, and froze the cat who disagreed with this interpretation, we have had to be extremely rigourous in our enforcement…"
"My cats have learnt. There was one incident with the Hobgoblin,and since then it's only been birds and small rodents they've brought in as presents"
"You have an unregistered hobgoblin? Are you aware of how dangerous that can be?"
"After the incident with the microwaved pizza he almost gave up on cooking. But he keeps the central heating boiler in great shape, and you try and find a human that'll do that nowadays for any price, let alone lodging and dairy products. I have a unique water purifier, where I run in the municipal supply and get it out de-chlorinated, fresh as a mountain spring, because I give its occupants a place free of interference, with no coercion. Dangerous? Mr. Boram at No.58, with his 4X4, that's dangerous, but unfortunately not for him. And his kids with their mopeds on a Sunday morning, they're drawing down the wrath of higher forces. I'll bet he was one of the ones who called you in, too."
An elf shouldn't lose his cool, it spoils the image for the whole race. An elf with a law degree should definitely have more control.
"But – but you have summoned all these creatures her with no controls? Even for a human that is rash,"
A fairy fluttered by, her tiny trug containing an even tinier trowel. She pulled a face at the visitor, confident in my ability to keep us all safe.
"Not summoned, no, welcomed. If you summon something you're applying persuasion at the least, force more often. Starts the relationship off on the wrong footing. You need to wear bullet-proof gear because people don't want you around; I don't, because everyone here does. When there was all that boggle trouble last year, there was none here, because we all pulled together, and the couple of boggles who remained are keeping the entire street free of rats.
Even the Kobolds, with their reputation for a strange sense of fun, have settled into the bike shed and are digging a mine under the rose beds good as gold. The gold that nobody is trying to steal from them, or cheat them out of, which might be part of the reason they're not forever breaking things and making trouble.
He was starting to reel from the information impact, it wasn't the time to let up now. Like all his kind, both elves and the humans that did the same job, he was hard in his crusade to wipe out risk, but brittle.
"I even have a troll cellar; no problems, because I'm not trying to get the better of him.
For millennia, mankind's been thieving from, trying to cheat, driving off or heroically slaughtering the magic races. You know that, where are your kingdoms now? What is a former mighty warrior doing hiding behind a clip-board and a subpoena, working to eliminate the risk that tells all peoples they're alive?
Are you surprised by the occasional wild hunt (now outlawed by the anti-bloodsports league) or an exchange of infants (now driven off by adoption laws, hospital births and DNA testing)?
As he stuttered I knew that I had turned him, converted him to our cause, Another to remove the chains and let the stupid kill themselves, another to reintroduce the risk, the lack of which had led to bungee jumping and speedway racing on the village backstreets. And when he'd seen himself in naked splendour, then I knew, he'd face his aims with elfin efficiency.
