The summoning

Status
Not open for further replies.

chrispenycate

resident pedantissimo
Staff member
Supporter
Joined
Aug 10, 2005
Messages
7,489
Location
West Sussex
This was intended to fit in the "elfin safety" sequence, but I'm afraid it might have got a bit too serious.
"Lighten it up with dialogue" you say? But no-one's saying anything.

Darkness.
Darkness so thick and black that it seemed to be breathed into our lungs like a viscous liquid.
So complete that the optic nerve sent flashes of colour to the brain, just so it would know it was still connected.

The Kobolds led us. True residents of Earth's depths, they sensed the rocks without seeing them, unlike the mining dwarves with their coldfire lamps. Indeed, the light would have confused our guides, preventing them from finding the precise spot where we had to be.

Behind us trailed our personal Ariadne's thread – a fibre-optic filament unrolling from a reel next to our relay on the surface. In time, light would traverse the darkness without disturbing it, carrying our words; for now it carried darkness and silence.

The floor under our feet was irregular, but all the loose bits of debris had been swept to the sides in anticipation of our visit. The little hand trembling in mine belonged to Annalise, our token 'maiden', the eight-year old daughter of our German host and who was possibly now regretting her insistence on coming with us, but was too proud to back out.

I was happy she was there; dragons might remember the time of the sacrifices, and, while most races had dabbled in necromancy from time to time, no-one had attempted a summoning such as this for many generations.

'Such as this' – This summoning would be unique in history, if it worked.

The cessation of the shuffling footsteps and a gentle pressure against my knees told me we had arrived. Packs were opened, artefacts distributed and the laptop unlimbered. The screen lit blindingly bright, revealing that whatever this mine had once produced was long since exhausted. If we were depending on those pit-props, halfway to fossilisation or pulverisation, to hold the roof up, we would be wise not to sneeze. There was no doubt that the 'Danger – No admittance' signs at the entry had not been exaggerating.

The blue light reflected back from a collection of faces, their expressions different from race to race, but all containing the same mix of anticipation and muted terror.

The computer was informing us that it was booted up, in contact with the outside world, and that it was ready and eager to get to work. Poor imagination-free, stupid machine, that had never read the descriptions of what could happen to magic channels. The requisite runes, symbols and incantations had been programmed into it. The buzzing in our nerve ends told us that this was indeed a correct use of 'Power point' – and then there was no excuse left to delay.

'Enter'

Symbols flashed on the screen, as we sat in as near a circle as we could manage in the cramped space. The artefacts – some borrowed from museums or private collections for the ceremony, some made specially by techniques handed down through the generations in some very long-lived cultures, had been placed on a velvet cloth between us on the ground.

Melodies which had seemed banal when originally programmed resonated weirdly in these tunnels, the light from the shifting patterns on the screen animating the rocks and props around us in an arrhythmic dance, sometimes bringing the walls rushing in towards us, sometimes casting us into an enormous, intangible space, bordered all around with the compressing darkness.

Voices differing in timbre but alike in intent delivered responses to barely understood questions. The suffocating pressure of the dark was transmuted by the gathering power, and we were breathing crystallised fire, exhilarating and terrifying.

Needing both hands for the keyboard I could feel a warmth of little girl pressed up against my side. Why me, rather than her father, whose strong Saxon voice was mumbling its way through the responses a bit further round the circle? Perhaps because I seemed to know what I was doing?

Suddenly the 'activity' bar on the screen swung from almost zero towards full. If the roar we all heard had been transmitted through the air I am convinced the roof would have collapsed, burying us all instantly and terminating the experiment, but the only acoustic noise (still clearly audible despite the enormous mental shout) was the whirring grind of the laptop's hard drive racing.

The verbal responses from the assembled beings were replaced by what I assume were prayers to their assorted deities. Annalise's father, Kurt, was surrendering his many years of paganism and regressing to his childhood Catholicism, various gods of springs and hedgerows whose presence here would have been entirely inappropriate were being invoked; and the computer made known its devotion to Murphy by, for once, not crashing (anything that can go wrong...)

The 'available space' indicator was emptying like a ruptured water tank, and it was obvious that there was no way in which whatever was happening was going to fit on the hard disc. Still, there was a back door to this prison; and suddenly it was operating. Down the optical link poured something – a ghost, a dream, a spirit? It didn't matter.

One of the candles flared like an acetylene torch and burnt out in seconds; the others went on quite normally, except for a violet tinge in their flames. A single quartz crystal, surrounded by more fragile objects, fragmented into talcum-fine dust. All this in total silence, with the fan of the laptop and breathing of the observers dying before they reached the walls to reverberate.

A 'ping' prompted me to move, and hook up the supplementary batteries I'd brought with me. It couldn't have been that long.

Looking at the computer's clock, it hadn't. The thing was merely absorbing power at an incredible rate. Then the screen went dark, leaving us with the light of a couple of candles and a frantically strobing 'activity' LED

"Hab kein angst, leibling, sie ist ein geist, sie canst nicht du schlecht machen" I said, as much for my own reassurance as the little girl's. She gave a nervous giggle, whether for my wording, pronunciation or the idea that it was only a ghost, nothing that scary, I never found out.

The meter on the auxiliary battery pack was getting alarmingly close to zero when everything stopped, with a last 'clickit' from the hard disc. The tension, the impression of an impending subterranean thunderstorm vanished from the air, and with it the two remaining candle flames disappeared, not as if they'd been blown out, but as if they'd finished the job and just packed up and gone home. The darkness that flooded in round the last tiny yellow LED was comforting, not menacing as it had been earlier.

We sat silent round its glow, knowing that there was nothing left to say, then:
"Well, we've done it, whatever it was. Let's make our way back to the surface. But first..." I indicated the refreshment bag. Thermos flasks of beverages were still hot, and the chocolate and cereal bars still tasted the way they ought to. Even the Kobolds joined in the laughter as I attempted to translate my previous statement into German (they are not totally devoid of humour; it's just that their idea of a good joke frequently involves somebody getting buried under a few thousand tons of rock)

Torches worked, too; it would seem that the eldrich atmosphere of the ceremony had entirely dissipated.

The fatigue we all felt was only partly from our efforts, and in part to the removal of pressure. What was done, was done, the genie well and truly unbottled.

We refilled our rucksacks, and started on the long walk/climb towards open air, carefully winding up the optical fibre as we went; no need to leave any evidence.

Once or twice Kurt had to suggest to his daughter that skipping along and checking out the echo was likely to bring the roof down on us and, while not nullifying our efforts,make it difficult for us to appreciate the results (at least, that's what I'd have been saying, and her reactions were consistent with that translation. Nearly five minutes of sticking close to us and not shouting quite at the top of her lungs, that's about par for an eight-year old, no?)

The future was even more uncertain that when we had come down, but it was uncertain in so many interesting ways.
 
you're right - it's definitely more serious than the Elfin Safety sequences, but i like the air of anticipation & trepidation you've set up, along with the tension between magic & technology.

two things from the grammatical side: (sorry, but quis custodiet custardus and all that malarky:))

Packs were opened, artefacts distributed and the laptop unlimbered.

passive sentence. given the heavy riffing on passive vs active, i thought i'd circle that one.

"Hab kein angst, leibling, sie ist ein geist, sie canst nicht du schlecht machen"

convention is to highlight foreign tongues in italics. possibly a mere formatting issue.

other than that, highly enjoyable and well written - and it doesn't need more dialogue.
 
The computer was informing us that it was booted up, in contact with the outside world, and that it was ready and eager to get to work.

This dosen't seem to flow right to me ( Though I'm no expert).

However:-

The computer informed us that the boot sequence had finished, that it had connected to the outside world and was eager to get to work.

Although the concept of eagerness seems strange given the stupid comment in the next line.
 
This dosen't seem to flow right to me ( Though I'm no expert).

However:-

The computer informed us that the boot sequence had finished, that it had connected to the outside world and was eager to get to work.

Although the concept of eagerness seems strange given the stupid comment in the next line.

Just that you know, computers can be booted up by using a network command. In which case it would be booting up etc.
 
Chris, do not lighten it up with dialogue, as it is working as it is at the moment. I do not see it as a dark passage, but rather describe piece of 'elfin inspector'. Guess the only thing I would have done other wise, would have been the computer, as it could have been an arcane device.

Note also that Douglas Adam couldn't put in jokes all the time. Some of his material were as 'dark' as this one, and I definitely would read more of your writing.
 
A computer is a general purpose device, and I'm sure that if the sixteenth century alchemists had had PC's they'd have found a way of incorporating them into their ceremonies.
Nevertheless, some computers are haunted (see also "the ghost in the machine")

I'm worried that the whole story's getting a bit heavy, lost some of the silliness I was aiming for – doesn't it worry you what I've just let loose on the web. I thought Annalise was going to be comic relief, particularly when she wanted to bring her kitten with her, but finally she didn't even tip anything over.

"Booting up" a computer is not a recommended service technique; and eagerness and stupidity frequently go together, particularly in the music business (or trench warfare, which this resembles slightly more).

Whimpers for his passive voice, but doesn't worry about the italics; everything like that always gets lost when I copy/paste on here.

And thanks all for posting; one sees the "view" number rising, with no way of knowing if anyone's reading through it or dumping the effort afer one paragraph; "Oh, it'snot worth critiquing that"
 
No, it's not too heavy as it still has silliness in it, just it is not too obviously funny, because we readers are waiting for the punchline that your piece is gearing towards.

Don't worry about viewing numbers, either.
 
I'm worried that the whole story's getting a bit heavy, lost some of the silliness I was aiming for – doesn't it worry you what I've just let loose on the web. I thought Annalise was going to be comic relief, particularly when she wanted to bring her kitten with her, but finally she didn't even tip anything over.

Call it "macabre" relief. :D I haven't read enough Douglas Adams to know for sure, but I suspect that Ctg is correct. Just like it's a real concept to have "comic relief", and I say "real" believing that its a good thing, I think its not only okay to get serious for a spell, but that it will ultimately help. The reader gets a brief break from having his sides split open to repair and meditate on something new. I find this passage fairly fascinating, but I've always enjoyed journeys into the dark and unknown (I guess I'm just wierd that way). I am actually quite curious now how this ties in with the rest, and what led to this expedition, and where it goes from here. Cheers Chris, keep it up! ;)

- Z.
 
i always worry when i don't get much feedback on a piece, but i suppose the flip side of that is perhaps there ain't much wrong with it? :D

*head expands*

on subject of darker material: douglas adams was never relentlessly funny. i think the trick is smoothing the transitions between light & dark. if this is a more serious section of the work, maybe the wrong "joke" would ruin it.
 
Hab kein angst, leibling, ihr arbeit ist sehr gut!
Apologies for my pidgin German. Good writing though, I like the archaic/modern technology mix-up and the setting.
But it is more moody than funny I thought, I would go with the atmospherics rather than the humour. One man's joke is another's poison, or some such.
 
It is darker definitely but I like it nevertheless. I also agree that you should not lighten it up with dialogue. It is fine as it is and builds anticipation and paints a clear picture of what is happening. Dialogue might distract and take away from that. Some darkness in all the light is always a good contrast.
 
I liked it, too. Maybe it's just the parent in me, though, but I didn't really catch much in the way of humor. Annalise, especially in her obvious relief after the summoning, had a "lightening" effect, but it never provoked laughter, only that kind of knowing recognition that passes between two unrelated parents when one of their children does something that's, well, childish!

While not a writer myself, I do work in software, and have often thought that someone needs to take techno magic to the next level. Zelazny, though not a computer guy, took a stab at it with the GhostWheel familiar that belonged to Corwin in the 2nd Amber series, but due to his untimely passing we never learned where it might have gone. Does the computer in your story, "poor stupid imagination-free machine" that it is, go on to bigger and better things as a result of its possession/role in the summoning, or does it remain a device, having little further involvement in your plot(s)?

Hmmm, I guess you can say that you have me hooked! Good job! :)
 
End? I know how I want it to end (peace on Earth and goodwill towards all men, women and, above all, children? No, I'm just not that optimistic.) but where it will actually pass to get there depends on my characters; and they're totally unreliable. There are a couple of thousand more words written, but I'm nowhere near an ending.

The laptop as a character? He (or she, probably) hasn't appeared in any of the later bits, but that's easy enough to modify; and she might be a bit more co-operative than some of my more conventional (Kobolds conventional?) characters.

But she wasn't actually possessed by the Lindwurm; just a channel (not enough hard disc space for one thing; I don't know how much space a Lindwurmgeist takes up, but it seems to be a lot.)

Still, enthusiastic and fearless; better than Annalise who just clammed up. I'll write a bit and see if anything comes of it. But not from her POV. Mind you, knowing my characters, it might into a completely different story.
 
Thank you for sharing the piece, Chris. It's a novel experience for me (although I'm sure common enough in this place) to actually see questions from a read turn into considerations by the author, however remote or faint. Would love to see more if you've the notion to share it later on! As before, keep up the good work!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top