Rewrite

BookStop

If you see a stranger...
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Apr 13, 2006
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If you see a stranger, follow him.
Ok, how's about this for a new game? One person writes a small paragraph, just 4-6 sentences long, that describes surroundings, or actions, or whatever, only purposefully not to ones full ability, and the next person edits the heck out of it. As editor, you'd have to get rid of all the cliches, spruce up the language, add important details that may have been left out, and get the readers to really feel the paragraph. Then you get to write a couple/few dry sentences for the next editor.

I'll give it a go. This first bit is the easiest.

Chrystal clear water lapped at the sides of the boat. Suddenly, a huge waved crashed overhead almost capsizing the small vessel. Grey tentacles snaked up over the sides, and the boat began so groan under the pressure as it slowly sank. It's sole occupant, a yellow rubber duckie, made one last attempt to save itself by diving over the front end just as the boat went under. Luckily, the duckie was a good swimmeer.
 
Have you thought something like this?

Day was nice, sunny, not a cloud on the sky. Near the shore, clear waters of the Carribean called him, sang to him. But Duckie had a job to do. Because, he was a fisherman and he had to sail on a big blue sea, not to play in shallow water like a boy.
Douglas “Rubber Duckie” Yellow was on deepest part of archipelague when it happened, huge waves crushed over his head, almost sinking his small boat “Queen Marry”. Grey tentacles quickly followed, snaking up over the sides, and the boat began to groan under the pressure and slowly sink.
“Damn you, Mallato. I hoped you won’t come here for many years. Curse your species.” Douglas cursed, quickly undressing himself. He kept only belt with knife over his back then jumped into water over the front end of “Marry”, that went under seconds after. Duckie removed artificial lungs from his neck, freeing his inborn gills than dived in, his yellow aquarine body quietly gliding through dept of waters. It’s hunting time, ancient enemy, was his last thought before unsheathing his knife.


Make a whole page if you want from this:

Biggest castle in the world, dark place and cursed. In gloomy hallway, baseborn girl is getting heavy beating from understewart. Lady Thunderbolt, young, beatyfull and freshly married, walks down the same hallway, afraid for her husbands life. And saves the girl from stewarts claws, by taking her to be lady’s maid. Girl is happy to belong to thundery cloud.
 

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