New Poetry Thread

[Jon_Sauve123]

The line "through forests ghostly and deeply shadowed," had me doubling back and thinking ah; is there perhaps a clearer way to express the imagery?

Possible. "Through ghostly, deeply shadowed forests"?

And thank you very much. It means a lot. I haven't had anyone actually give an opinion on any of my poems besides family members.

 

[daisybee]

Out loud that sounds better-a softer ending lending a natural pause before: it has come to speak with you.

Ah. I love it when words fall into place!

And its a pleasure.

 

[Jon_Sauve123]

Out loud that sounds better-a softer ending lending a natural pause before: it has come to speak with you.

Ah. I love it when words fall into place!

And its a pleasure.

Thanks for the help. I was trying to edit the poem and change that line, but it keeps giving me the same error: "Your message is too short. Please lengthen it to seven characters or more."

 

[daisybee]

As long as you are happy with your new line, I wouldn't worry too much about editing here; don't know what that message means though?

Oh and I am no poetry expert, , I just like (writing)reading them out loud which seems to highlight any rhythm issues, that aren't always obvious on the page.

Peace.

 

[daisybee]

Ghosts

Crystal chandeliers 'neath cool moonlight
trace stars under-feet as they dance.
Shadows hide eyes watching love move on marble,
touched that they should get the chance.
Arms locked in motion, feet gliding,
spinning gently as hearts cherish all,
haunted yet blessed with each moment,
ghosts of this castles Great Hall.
For here these eyes met amid many,
in days when the ruins were whole,
when music spilled forth 'cross the hillside,
and these crumbling rocks had a soul.
Young love found in times of dark omens,
reunited each year to the night,
that their lives were cut short by a battle,
so fierce it destroyed all in sight.
Fire rampaged through the hallways,
men roared as swords swung overhead,
she; just a girl from the kitchens,
he; the named son wanted dead.
At the foot of the stairs both discovered,
hand in hand as the blood and flames spread,
no mercy, no chance for surrender,
"I love you" the last words they said.
The soul that slew both chained forever,
to the place where their blood stains the floor,
haunted by the stars it reflects still,
and will go on reflecting evermore.

*Hopes others have poems to share-determined not to kill the thread!*

 

[Jon_Sauve123]

Just a short poem, for a book I haven't written yet!

Do you think I wish upon a year,​

A year that’s full of pain and fear?​

Knowledge cast away, my dear.​

A room of fate and lore,​

A street lined with death and gore!​

Do the gods wish for our end and more?​

A world full of souls to reap,​

Down alleyways these creatures creep!​

A bloody ocean sad and deep!​

Where is our savior?​

Dead all but agony and labor!​

Kill me now, do me a favor!​

 

[Majimaune]

And here I was going looking for my little poetry thread and I see this one

I write too much poetry for it to all go here so here is a link...

I willl put some up here though.

Their Forgotten Love

The moon,
It shone so brightly that night.
It was not full,
Nor was it a crescent,
Just somewhere inbetween.
It was just as if
It had been made from silver,
So brightly did it shine.

The moon seemed to stay still,
Halting for a time,
So as they could spend forever,
With their arms around each other.

Suddenly it shattered.
Everything.
The lovers torn apart forever,
Lost to the woes of the world,
Not being able to control their own destiny.

Their love lost in time,
To be found,
In years to come when all is forgotten,
Can this really be true
They will think to each other.
Neither will answer,
Words need not be spoken.

Touched for a moment,
And lost forever again.
Their love remains silent,
Undisturbed.
Withering away in the forgotten darkness
As they themselves,
Feel their hearts slowly breaking,
Like Winter's ice when the Sun shines.​

 

[Mithridelle]

Man, am I a sucker for love poems!

Daisybee, I really enjoyed both of your poems, especially 'Black Hole Hearted'. I could really connect to this one and would love to see it published. Every stanza captivates me and urges me to read more.
I would love to see even more of your works.

Maji-Moo, 'Their Forgotten Love' was wonderful. I could picture every moment as I read it and near the end I felt a deep and aching sorrow for those two lovers. I very emotive piece. I loved it.

 

[Majimaune]

Thanks Mith...And Maji-Moo? *strange look*

Here is another on of my poems. If you can't tell by this one I have been through a breakup not so long ago.

The Aftermath Of Love

He stands waist deep in water,
That cold, cold water.
He stands,
Shirtless,
The wind rips at his skin,
Making it raw and red.

She wanders off,
After that last soft kiss,
Nothing more existed.
The only warmth she had,
Was that of a torn shirt,
That smelt of the man she had loved.

He stands,
With a single tear running down his face.

She wanders,
With the only comfort,
That of the torn shirt.​

 

[Majimaune]

And another one. I wrote this after I put the other one up.

Feeling The Past

I know I never arrived,
I just wished I could have stayed.

The breathing was hard,
So much it hurt,
Never once did I falter,
Stop trying my hardest to keep moving.

Those blinding flashes,
Of people taking pictures,
Blinded me,
Making me lose my way.
Honestly I don't know where I went.

Wandering from that path,
Which held so much light and beauty.
Why did everyone have to see?
When was it any of their business?

I thought to much about my every move,
Trying to not make it awkward.
Trying to forget about everything before me.

Those scars I trace,
On my hands,
Hidden only by natural cuts,
Scare me every time.

 

[daisybee]

Mith-Thanks a lot!! If you were interested check out my homepage. Lots of my poems are there.

Jon, I love the fact that you write poems to reveal the depth of your world, and to add to the texture of your work. You have a lot of creativity stored in those words, epic scenes and glimpses of cultures and places entirely of your own making. I hope to see more of your writing-be wary of posting entire poems if they are indeed for a book though, excerpts perhaps? I guess along the lines of critiques-be aware to apply similar rules to your poetry if you want it published. (which I hope you do!)

Maj-you write very personal revealing poems! I enjoyed both your poems, but the torn shirt image was my favourite, I think we can all associate with objects/items of clothing having a much deeper meaning..so it got me.

Peace.

 

[Majimaune]

Thanks. I quite liked that torn shirt thing as well. It came from me just wearing a slightly ripped shirt. Kinda takes the magic out of it when you know that doesn't it?

 

[Mithridelle]

Ah! The things that inspire you - love it!

 

[Majimaune]

Ah! The things that inspire you - love it!

Thank you Mithy

This one was written the other morning when I was bored. I live in a rough area where there is often shouts or screams from somewhere around my house at least once a week.

A Night of Peace

Tonight,
If the moon danced on high,
And the stars shone so bright,
Maybe there would be peace.

Peace for the world,
A night without gunfire,
Without the screams of children
as they struggle to get away
from those that would harm them.

A night without violence,
Would be a night in Heaven.

 

[Mithridelle]

So accurately describing the woeful state our planet has fallen to. The things that can make people smile are far too few. It is an envoking piece from my perspective and very a thoughtful poem.
Do continue your wonderful work, won't you Geoff? It does make this one delighted to see another of your works posted.

 

[Jon_Sauve123]

Forever Land


Blue crystals floating in an edgeless dream,​

Their sparkling life seems to seem,​

Like an endless ocean, time without seam.

​

A beautiful shiver on the waves,​

Icy rivers and lonely caves,​

Deep and boundless, a world's grave.

​

A flat and blinding shimmer across the sand,​

A pure soul comes to stand,​

Together with me, in this forever land.​

 

[Majimaune]

So accurately describing the woeful state our planet has fallen to. The things that can make people smile are far too few. It is an envoking piece from my perspective and very a thoughtful poem.
Do continue your wonderful work, won't you Geoff? It does make this one delighted to see another of your works posted.

If you want, I'll send you a link where I put poetry up very regularly.


Jon, I like it. I do. There is just one little thing about it that annoys me but I can't think of it (how annoying). When I think of it I will put it up.

Here is some more of my work...Um I think this one is good.

When He...

When he looked
into her eyes
He fell into a place of bliss,
Warm and secure.

When he heard
her speak his name
which had never been told,
A layer,
A cloak of fear
fell away.

When he touched
he hand though
by accident.
He felt warm,
Safe.

When he did
nothing at all,
lying cold in his bed
he thought of her
and she made
him feel
good about himself,
Placed a smile
on his lips.

I know this,
Because I am he.



Um heres another that I actually like, I don't remember if I put it up on here though *checks* I can't see it.

Strangers, Kisses and Secrets

I passed someone today
And I thought about her story.
Who she is,
Who she was,
Where she came from.

Her eyes followed me,
And then our eyes met.
Something passed between us.
She blew me a kiss
Then disappeared forever.

What was she thinking about?
Why did I catch her attention?
I'm nothing special.
The answer to Life's great mysteries,
Is the greatest secret of all...

 

[Jon_Sauve123]

If you want, I'll send you a link where I put poetry up very regularly.


Jon, I like it. I do. There is just one little thing about it that annoys me but I can't think of it (how annoying). When I think of it I will put it up.

Maybe it's because it doesn't actually make sense? I wrote it when I was half asleep, after just listening to a song. I wanted to put my emotions after it into words. If I recall correctly the song was Bliss by Muse. Such a beautiful song. it always stirs up feelings. It reminds me of a girl I once knew, who I really liked or even love, and I'll never know how she felt toward me.

And I liked both of the poems. They also reminded me of her, but in a good way.

 

[chrispenycate]

This might be a poem. I don't know what elseit could be

To a small human being who has recently decided (with some persuasion from a pair of forceps) to join us in this vale of tears.

Grandmothers
The wisdom that augments, completes, instinctive care
Experience is handed down since tribal time
And evolutionary foundations imply
A rigid bond.

Grandfathers
Lacking the mitochondrial connections, bear
A lesser burden than their wives enshrine
The mono-generational link may well supply
And correspond.

Granduncles
We've paddled in the gene pool, never wet our hair
Shorn of responsibility by lack of direct line
We can give cuddles too, or hum a lullabye
Nor go beyond

 

[Majimaune]

Chrispy, I like it. Made me laugh.

I have put up a few more on deviantArt if anyone wishes to check them out there. I just reserve the best for you though.

My Muse

You are my inspiration,
My life,
I only live for you.

Little do you know it,
I think of you always.
Trying to concerntrate on
other things happening around.
Unsuccessful.

So I write,
Ignoring everything around me,
Hoping that my thoughts
of you
Will leave me be.




The Easy Way

How do you
stop whispering to yourself,
Telling yourself,
That you will never
be good enough for her,
Or him,
Or them to actually care about you.

No matter what you say
to yourself,
To others,
There will always be those
who stick with you through anything.

Their love,
Unconditional.

I'd be there for you,
listening to what you have to say.
If only I could...

If only I could.
If only there was another way,
A way where actions
speak louder than words,
A way where no one
would get hurt.

I'd take that way,
I know you would too.