16yr newbie with good ideas. plz help

[Navonod]

here is my vision that i have of a book i would like to right. I know the idea isn't finished yet but could you plz have a read through and tell me what all you guys think.

OtherWorld Description​

OtherWorld the secret world which contains everyone’s darkest thoughts, actions & desires all at once. In this secret world is has everything the real world has and much much more. There are nightclubs, shops, hospitals and even prisons (although most aren’t used any more) but then theirs the extras that you wont find anywhere else for example:
Body transplant shops
Weapon stores (and I am not talking your everyday gun here)
Magic Schools
Mutation Fascination
That is just a taster of some of the weird and wonderful things you can find in OtherWorld. That’s the more glamorous
Side of OtherWorld but this realm of madness and mayhem is mostly full of the most powerful and dangerous people and monsters in this world and some are not even from this world.
Let me just explain to you that OtherWorld is not just filled of humans actually far from it. There are many different creatures, monsters and legends in OtherWorld, these include:
Humans
Elves
Vampires
Goblins
Orcs
Angels
Demons
Myths
Legends
Gods
So as you can see there is a wide variety of colourful characters in OtherWorld.
There is many different areas in OtherWorld some for the upper-class, middleclass and lower-class inhabitants of OtherWorld. Also what race you are you have a big say in what people think of you and your public stature.

OtherWorld​

OtherWorld, the world within are own that is filled with all the magic, creatures and horrors that most believe don’t exist. These people are not aware of this secret world of immortality and death but that will soon change for one man.
I have yet to think of character names so they are represented as ????????? Or ++++++++ etc.
When ?????? begins to have horrific nightmares at an increasingly alarming rate he seeks help from a top medical professor ++++++. During his treatment his nightmares are being monitored by a Virtual Dream Creator which allows the medical staff to see exactly what ?????? Is seeing in his nightmares. On the first night of observation six members of the medical staff committed suicide in the most brutal of conditions. One drowned herself with bleach and another slit his throat with a scalpel and laughed aloud until he eventually died of blood loss. Professor ++++++ then confronted ?????? and told him to leave and seek help somewhere else and was kicked out of the sleep clinic.
?????? then began to conduct his own research by searching for a name he heard in his nightmare on the internet. The name was OtherWorld. While browsing the web looking for any clues to stop his nightmares he came across an article called “OtherWorld, the world for the strange and beautiful”
Upon reading this article ?????? was not a believer in ghosts, monsters or anything, like most people. After reading the article ?????? began to question his own beliefs and principles. He then noticed at the end of the piece there was the authors name. The name read “Franco” and followed by a telephone number for additional information.
?????? decided to ring the number and explain to this Franco about his nightmares and visions.
When he rang Franco the phone was answered by a man with a very harsh and raw voice which sounded very foreign because he had trouble saying some words. He would often stutter on certain letters as he struggled to speak. He didn’t sound very happy or interested in what ?????? Had to say but when he told of his visions everything changed. Franco then became much more interested and talkative towards ??????. Franco then told ?????? that he could reed him of his nightmares. So ?????? was welcome to any ideas that would stop these visions from tormenting him anymore. Franco told ?????? To meet him at his office on the out skirts of town. He gave him the address and before ?????? could ask any more questions Franco was gone.

When ?????? arrived at the address provided to him all that he found was an old empty and rust filled warehouse but standing in front of it was a figure of man that resembled a man. ?????? could not make the person out clearly as he was to far away. ?????? then began to walk towards the figure while asking “Franco is that you?” “Hello Franco”
Then the figure emerged from the shadows of the building to reveal himself as Franco. The first thing that you noticed was the scar on the left of his face which stretched from above his left eyebrow down to his chin. He wore an old denim jacket with a plain white t-shirt underneath with jeans. He was also wearing a pair of classic converse (they were the first trainers you know)
As he approached ?????? He told him not to fear him as he raised out a hand to shake. ?????? Accepted the hand which was covered in dirt under his nails. He then demanded an explanation for his summoning to this warehouse and not an office which he was told. Franco then told him that I can completely understand where your coming from but it was necessary for me to meet you to explain that your not only person who has had these dreams before. ?????? Was then immediately intrigued to hear what Franco had to say for him self. Franco proposed that they go for a little walk so that he could explain many things to ??????.

 

[chrispenycate]

The first thing I notice is that you're going to have to do a lot of work on your writing skills. Even as an outline this is too aproximative. Grammar, punctuation, sentence organisation; these are the tools of the trade and, like a musician with his instrument, you need to master them to the point you no longer have to think about them, so you can concentrate on your story. This involves work, and writing, and reading what others have written (and succeeded in selling).
There are tricks and there are rules, Certainly rules were made to be broken, but you need to master them first.
The story (or as much of it as you've explained) is fairly standard, as is the base concept; you're going to need a twist to personalise it, and you're going to need it in the first few pages (otherwise nobody's going to read any further.
And the title (as you would expect) has already been used, opening a new author to confusion and comparison.

Now having depressed you shall we look at some grammar?

In this secret world is has everything the real world has and much much more.

You obviously don't need the "is" and the "has", and a comma would be appreciated after the first“much"…

 

[ctg]

I would call that as a world building, not outlining the story placed in that world. I'm not saying it's not important as it is, but you need to think about the story involving all the aspects at above. Therefore you might want to limit your story being part of that world, and just use the elements you need. Remember, that you didn't see every part of the Star Wars Universe in the first film, did you?

When you start outlining the story, you start with the character(s) and the scene. You put in the essential bits for that scene, move on to make another scene and write to connect to the first scene. You might want to include there character Point-of-view, and time line.

 

[Shingetsu]

It kind of sounds like the Nightside from Simon R. Green books.

 

[chopper]

my biggest issue is that Tad Williams already collared Otherworld for one of his series. you may have to rethink its name, i'm afraid....

 

[The Ace]

It's a reasonable start to worldbuilding, but the title has been used before and, as Chris said, you really need to work on your grammar, and your spelling leaves much to be desired.

You also need to work on plot and characters, I'd suggest reading a bit more, see how established authors do it.

Obviously, outright plagiarism is out, but reading widely will give you the inspiration and better grasp of structure that you need if you want to develop as a writer, not just for publication (that's a long way off) but for your own enjoyment. If you don't like your stories, who else will ?

 

[ctg]

It kind of sounds like the Nightside from Simon R. Green books.

I love the Nightside series. Even though they are short books, they kind of grab you in and keep you in steady hold, till you have to go to get another one.

 

[ctg]

If you don't like your stories, who else will ?

That's double edge, as the artist can denounce their most brilliant stuff. As you know the book is never finished, just one point you have to put down your quill ... and just finish it.

Note, you is meant to be read as a general you, not you as The Ace.

 

[Navonod]

thanks for all of the tips so far nad i know i have really bad grammar. Yes my main inspiration has come from The Nightside books because they are so good and i don't really know any other good horror/ sci-finction books, any suggests?

i will try i new approach and maybe work more on the charcters in the story and maybe the plot will come from that.

 

[Navonod]

i didn't know there was already a book called OtherWorld so sorry.

 

[Shingetsu]

Just be careful how much you take from books like the ones from Simon R. Green. I'm not saying original, since most things aren't these days, but still must be made highly interesting with a good plot and characters. Cheap knock-off's probably won't do so well for publication. But there's nothing wrong with using the word "OtherWorld" as a place holder till you think of something more unique.

My personal suggestion about grammar is that it's probably easiest to learn by reading more books--any books, not just instruction books. And be wary of word processors spell check. If you don't have a decent grasp on grammar it may make changes to things you didn't want and think it's correct.

 

[Malloriel]

When I was much younger, all I really read were Dean Koontz novels, which meant that all I was prone to doing was emulating his style and his stories. I wrote exclusively in supernatural thrillers. I even went so far as to nearly rewrite one of his novels as if the idea had been my own. When you've been given a limited exposure to only one genre, or limited even within that genre, it means that what you learn of good writing is also limited in that your imagination isn't given the freedom to explore and modify different concepts because you only know a set few, so I definitely also recommend reading many more books, within and outside of the horror genre.

I think it's a place we as writers all visit as we find ourselves and our own distinctive voices. You've got to keep writing, emulating, changing, adapting, modifying, and eventually you'll find your own voice. The keys to remember are 1. Keep reading, and 2. Don't stop writing because of it. Write your story, write your ideas, write short stories or chapters, or character pieces that explore someone's personality rather than a situation. Just write. You'll learn what you like about your own style and story and what you don't, growing as you do, as you learn more of what other writers have given. You'll find new favourite authors and emulate their voices, try them on to see how they fit, and maybe some of their style is just right, but most of it isn't. That's okay. Keep trying them on and eventually you'll be left with all the pieces from them that make up you as a whole, which still makes you unique and lets you stand out from other authors because your particular combination of talents and perspectives and choices aren't what others have made. Don't be afraid to start out as pieces of other styles. Eventually it will all gel into one, and that one will be undeniably Navonod.

I know I speak for everyone when I say I look forward to the day when we can all see Navonod's true voice as an author, and will gladly help you find it.

 

[Lith]

It's difficult to get helpful feedback on bare-bones world-building and plot outlines. If you see enough of them on the internet, you also begin to see just how many elements they all share in common, which can be disheartening if you've put a lot of time into your world trying to make it yours.

All I can suggest is to keep at it, if it's what you really want. Keep writing, developing, deepening, plotting, and reading. Read a great variety so you have a larger pool of influences to draw from. Learn to transform elements of your real world into story parts. And learn proper spelling and grammar. And don't speak in netspeak. I know you're probably used to it, but... don't. You'll only reinforce bad habits to the point you won't see spelling errors in your manuscript and won't be building good habits.

Anyway, good luck with it all. It takes a lot of effort to come up with something both good and original.

 

[ctg]

I fully agree on what Lith is saying here. It's a real skill to transform real world facts to fictional writing.

 

[glandowski]

I'm terrible with grammar to - however that's for your copy editor to struggle through (yes, I know, I'm working on getting better at it ). For me it's to get the whole story out even if it is just a bare bones out line. Tell the story first, and the details for your world will come out later (as they support the story). I personally am not interested in the full disclosure/explanation route that some authors take, so just focus on your story and the details can be exposed as your tale proceeds.

Keep going and cheers!

 

[Navonod]

thanks for all the advice so far. im trying to read and write more and draw on a regular basis to inspire my mind.