Descriptive Writing Challenge II

[Zubi-Ondo]

Here's a variation on an exercise I once tried from a writing book:

A farmer is looking out at his fields of crops (Jokes about him being "outstanding" in his field are welcome ).

There is a warlord who has a reputation for being fearsome and brutal to his enemies, and he is attacking the country the farmer lives in. The farmer's son joined the war because he agreed with his government that this warlord should not become the ruler of thier lands. The farmer has just learned that his son has been captured by that warlord and is being held in a death camp several hundred miles away. Describe what the farmer is looking at through the farmers eyes. The challenge is to show the farmer's emotions by the way he sees things. There is a barn, some equipment sheds, and the rows of corn and beans and wheat. (Do not use the words warlord, son, or enemy)

 

[Zubi-Ondo]

Okay, maybe it isn't crystal clear what to do, so I'll start with an example. These are really meant to be exercises in the concept of "show - don't tell".


The Farmer - Thinking to himself:
The corn isn't fully grown yet; Nor the beans or the wheat. An evil soul would cut them down before they had even reached their prime. Or build walls and a roof around the innocent husks and leaves that so depend upon the light. What could an old man like myself do against such tyranny? Gather up rakes and shovels? How would those things be sufficient to free the imprisoned saplings? I will fight. I don't know how, but I will sell my tools or whatever I must to buy a weapon. I will find my child's captor and destroy him!


So that's an example. Perhaps there should be more freedom involved in this exercise. I will provide another example, but leave it for folks to come up with their own examples.

2) A man has just finished hiking to the top of Mount Whitney in California, but there was an avalanche below him, and he doesn't see a way down. Before he left, his wife told him that he is going to be a father. There will be no cell phone reception until he gets down to around 4 Kilometers above sea level (he is at about 7 Km now). The challenge is to show the emotions of the father-to-be by the way he sees things. Don't use the words father, avalanche, or cry.

 

[Talysia]

I'll give the first one a go - although I apologize if I don't get it right. It's a matter of perspectives, right?


'How could he?' he thought bitterly. His hands clasped the shovel roughly, almost wishing that it was the neck of the tyrant responsible for this entire situation. 'How could he run off and join the fighting like that? How could he leave me behind, to cope with all this, not to mention how I'm supposed to break the news to his mother.' Then he sighed, turning to look in the direction of the capital, where the boy was surely being held. 'There is nothing I can do. I only grow crops, and it was by a miracle that the fighting did not get this far. No doubt the people are starving from the crops destroyed by the war. Should I? Should I barter those crops for my boy's release? Or should I destroy these crops and starve that tyrant out of power?'

 

[daisybee]

2) A man has just finished hiking to the top of Mount Whitney in California, but there was an avalanche below him, and he doesn't see a way down. Before he left, his wife told him that he is going to be a father. There will be no cell phone reception until he gets down to around 4 Kilometers above sea level (he is at about 7 Km now). The challenge is to show the emotions of the father-to-be by the way he sees things. Don't use the words father, avalanche, or cry.

The blank canvas of newly drifted snow stretched beyond his view, and he knew that his passage was barred. The usual thrill that kept him coming back year after year, despite worsening weather conditions deserted him. It was suddenly not so exciting to be stuck so far from a cell signal; from her voice. The world was beautiful spread below, a distant patchwork of places and people he had never seen up close; nor wanted to. Just from here, where he felt like king, surveying the scene with a detached arrogance he could no longer summon. All he felt now was humble, when faced with such creation, and need burned in his gut, as something fell into place. His own creation waited for him now. Hefting his back pack, he took one more look at the old world, before making his way to the rock face, determination driving him on. He had a family to get home to, and a new mountain to climb.

 

[Zubi-Ondo]

These are both great. Well done people. That's the idea!

- Z.

 

[Talysia]

2) A man has just finished hiking to the top of Mount Whitney in California, but there was an avalanche below him, and he doesn't see a way down. Before he left, his wife told him that he is going to be a father. There will be no cell phone reception until he gets down to around 4 Kilometers above sea level (he is at about 7 Km now). The challenge is to show the emotions of the father-to-be by the way he sees things. Don't use the words father, avalanche, or cry.

I'll try this one now.

'There must be a way down. I have to find it'.

Gingerly, with obvious care, he picked his way around the side of the mountain, looking at the spread of snow below him. 'It could still be unstable, but I have to try, don't I?' he thought. 'I have to get back. I can't die up here, not like this. I already planned on dying in bed.' He gently tapped at the not-quite sheer surface beyond with his foot, watching as a few broken bits of packed snow tumbled down. 'That could be me,' he thought, before summoning up any and all of the courage he could muster. 'No. I won't be beaten by snow. I will get back, and I will see her again. After all, I have a reason to live, don't I? Now, I just need to get back down far enough to call for help.'

He steeled himself and stepped down onto the snow.