Exert from Generations

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Scarlett Eclipse

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I ran my hand over the posts of his bed looking at my finger to see that it was covered with dust. The bed was now just an old skeleton left behind. I turned away looking at the forsaken room trying to hold back tears. The walls were plain white; three of them were bare leaving the last wall, by the bed, with a large poster. I read the words on that poster, ‘It’s time to save the world’ written on it before looking at the bottom to see it was an advertisement for the television show Heroes. Shaking my head unable to look at it, my eyes brought me to the old desk a single lamp attached to it. My troubled feet brought me over to the desk looking down at it to see that it was the liveliest thing in the entire room. Underneath the lamp was a copy of Romeo and Juliet that I gave to him as a gift awhile back. I opened it up finding my message, ‘To my sweet superhero Gabriel’. The suddenly, the binding of the book snapped in two after being read too many times. With a sigh, I gathered the pages momentarily stopping when I found the part where Romeo killed Tybalt because he had killed his best friend, Mercutio. Instantly, I shoved the pages back into the book dropping it back on the desk.

After that, I glanced through a drawer to find a decent sized pile of old comic books that had faded after being loved for years. The prized possessions of his childhood these I did not even bother to open for already I had split the binding of his book. The comic books then were tossed into a pile with the book. I closed the drawer continuing to rummage through his desk only to find empty drawer after empty drawer unless counted the cluttered cob webs in the corners.

I made my way from the desk while clutching the comic books along with Romeo and Juliet against my chest. I opened his closet to find only two things were left in the deserted space. There was a Superman costume hanging next to a formal outfit. It was a closet of a man who still had the essence of a heroic child left in him. I pulled out the Superman costume leaving behind the formal outfit.

Struggling to hold onto the comic books, Romeo and Juliet and the Superman costume, I looked out at the empty room. My feet then just carried me toward the door but I stopped right beside the door frame unable to cross the portal. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw one last thing, that huge Heroes poster with that saying ‘It’s time to save the world’. Once again, I headed toward it putting everything on the floor all before grabbing onto one corner. Angrily, I ripped half the poster off the wall, the tearing sound bounced off the walls back to my ears. I crumpled one half of the poster tossing it to the ground before stealing the other half off the wall, leaving all four walls empty. Taking a step back I scanned the blank walls, the dead desk and the skeleton bed. No life lingered in the room, an eerie silence now devoured everything. I pulled everything off the ground squeezing it against my chest and scanned the forsaken room one last time. After that, I could not stand it anymore; I sprinted out of the room, unable to look back.
 
Some punctuation? (Oh, all right, I may have gone a little overboard)
I ran my hand over the posts of his bed
comma
looking at my finger to see that it was covered with dust. The bed was now just an old skeleton left behind. I turned away
comma
looking at the forsaken room
comma (or "and")
trying to hold back tears. The walls were plain white; three of them were bare
comma
leaving the last wall, by the bed, with a large poster. I read the words on that poster, ‘It’s time to save the world’ written on it
do you really need "written on it" after "the words on"?
before looking at the bottom to see it was an advertisement for the television show Heroes. Shaking my head
comma
unable to look at it, my eyes brought me to the old desk
something least a comma, I suspect a "with"
a single lamp attached to it. My troubled feet brought me over to the desk
comma
looking down at it to see that it was the liveliest thing in the entire room. Underneath the lamp was a copy of Romeo and Juliet that I gave
had given
to him as a gift awhile back. I opened it up
comma
finding my message, ‘To my sweet superhero Gabriel’. The suddenly, the binding of the book snapped in two after being read too many times. With a sigh, I gathered the pages
comma
momentarily stopping when I found the part where Romeo killed Tybalt because he had killed his best friend, Mercutio. Instantly, I shoved the pages back into the book
comma
dropping it back on the desk.

After that, I glanced through a drawer to find a decent sized pile of old comic books that had faded after being loved for years. The prized possessions of his childhood
semicolon
these I did not even bother to open for already I had split the binding of his book. The comic books then were tossed into a pile with the book.
too many repetitions of the word "book"
I closed the drawer
comma
continuing to rummage through his desk only to find empty drawer after empty drawer unless
one? you? I?
counted the cluttered cob webs
cobwebs
in the corners.

I made my way from the desk while clutching the comic books
comma
along with Romeo and Juliet
comma
against my chest. I opened his closet to find only two things were left in the deserted space. There was a Superman costume hanging next to a formal outfit. It was a closet of a man who still had the essence of a heroic child left in him. I pulled out the Superman costume
comma
leaving behind the formal outfit.

Struggling to hold onto the comic books, Romeo and Juliet and the Superman costume, I looked out at the empty room. My feet then just carried me toward the door but I stopped right beside the door frame unable to cross the portal. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw one last thing, that huge Heroes poster with that saying ‘It’s time to save the world’. Once again, I headed toward it
comma
putting everything on the floor all
why "all"?
before grabbing onto one corner. Angrily, I ripped half the poster off the wall,
either a full stop, a semicolon or the "bounced" should be "bouncing"
the tearing sound bounced off the walls back to my ears. I crumpled one half of the poster
comma
tossing it to the ground before stealing the other half off the wall, leaving all four walls empty. Taking a step back I scanned the blank walls, the dead desk and the skeleton bed. No life lingered in the room,,
either a full stop, a semicolon or the "devoured" should be "devouring"
an eerie silence now devoured everything. I pulled everything off the ground
comma
squeezing it against my chest
comma
and scanned the forsaken room one last time. After that, I could not stand it anymore; I sprinted out of the room, unable to look back.
 
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