Excerpt from "Violet Strewn Fields"

[Jon_Sauve123]

Before you read: My books take place mostly on and around Fularia, a huge world at least ten times the size of Earth. There are thousands of separate Planes, which are worlds created by the Gods of Fularia when they were testing things such as physics, magic, etc. to craft their greatest piece of art; Fularia, AKA the Material Plane. A few people from each Plane (the number differs according to the size and importance) are chosen, supposedly by the Gods, to become Planewalkers, people who can travel at will between the Planes. Other people have to use the Ball, an orb of energy, for transportation. And other means.

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When he opened his eyes, he could see nothing but the inside of the Ball, but he stepped out knowing exactly what he would see.

Before him now was another fantastic sight, but he barely looked at it, both because of his urgency and because he had seen it countless times before.
He walked quickly along a narrow walk of solid stone. Along the edges of it a fence of wrought iron stretched, all the way back around the Ball, which stood on a raised bit of the stone. To all sides but the Necromancer’s front stretched blackness. It was not just blackness, but it was the absence of matter, and of everything. As strange as that was, or as it would be to anyone who had never been to the Planewalker Academy before, the sight ahead was just as incredible. The Academy’s walls were made of pure, shining steel, that glittered with unseen light. They stretched for thousands or even tens of thousands of feet above him, a vast square complex of almost infinite knowledge. On top of it all was a dome made of stained glass, displaying animals, people, and landscapes from nearly all of the Planes. It was huge enough that all the water in the Draff Sea would barely fill it. All of it, billions of tons of material, all sat atop a cushion of dark emptiness. It was so huge that, even though the Ball was situated five miles out from it, it filled every corner of Naberious’ vision, and stretched even beyond that. From this distance, the huge arching entrance to the Academy was clearly a few hundred feet high itself. Tiny shapes, like grains of sand next to a mountain, milled about outside of the entrance, and there were a few dozen more traveling all along the walkway that led up to the Academy.

Naberious suddenly realized that he felt lightheaded. The image of the Academy wavered before his eyes, and he began to stumble. He lowered himself to his knees, and then down to a cross legged sit. He breathed quickly, trying to relieve his nausea. He looked hopefully further up the walk, and saw one of the many carriages that brought travelers to and from the Ball approaching, less than a mile away. He lay down, stretching his aching muscles, closed his eyes, and waited.

 

[ysabara]

When he opened his eyes, he could see nothing but the inside of the Ball, but he stepped out knowing exactly what he would see

What a confusing first sentence.

To all sides but the Necromancer’s front stretched blackness. It was not just blackness, but it was the absence of matter, and of everything

Contradictory.
It was blackness but it wasn't blackness?
Needs work but it seems like an interesting concept. Good luck with it.

 

[Jon_Sauve123]

What a confusing first sentence.
Contradictory.
It was blackness but it wasn't blackness?
Needs work but it seems like an interesting concept. Good luck with it.

1. It's confusing simply because you aren't reading the rest of the book.
2. I agree. I'll work on it. Thanks for pointing it out.

Maybe I should post from a more exciting point in the book. This is right before the scene in my first post.

With a grunt of effort, Naberious twisted his neck to look out from behind the tree. His back was to the trunk, his knees drawn up to his chest. He cast a quick look around, and then drew his head back, seeing no one.


He tore the stitching thread with his teeth, lacking the proper tools to sever it any other way, and mopped up the remaining blood with a handful of grass. Then he made an attempt to stand. A sharp pain issued from the wound in his thigh, but subsided quickly into a dull throb that remained. The injury was new, but, even though it was deep enough to requires stitching, it was not so deep that it debilitated him.


With an angry growl under his breath, he gave the fragments of the arrow that lay on the ground a kick with his good leg. The iron head cart wheeled away and disappeared into the underbrush, but the splintered remains of the shaft only skittered a few feet. The Necromancer’s anger had not faded, so he went to the wood pieces and gave them another kick, and another, until they were gone from sight, and then he turned and started off again, walking as fast as his wound would allow.


When he was no more than thirty feet from the spot where he had stitched his wound, the sudden sound of a flock of birds behind him taking to the air made him stop, and then a whistling sound that he hardly was able to hear made him leap quickly to the side. Another arrow hit the dirt, burying itself a few inches up the shaft. With a curse, Naberious sped quickly into a shambling run. The stitches stretched taut with each step, his wound threatening to reopen. Fresh blood began to run out, and he was forced to take shorter steps with that leg, slowing himself considerably.


Another whizzing sound came, and this arrow struck a tree trunk directly to the left of his head, sending tiny pieces of bark into his eyes. Blinking, he turned his head, looking for his chaser. He could not see anyone, but he heard a yell, that was answered by another. There was more than one of them. An injured leg was not worth saving if it meant his life, and so he forced himself into a faster run, compromising by applying pressure to the wound with one hand. It was an awkward way to move, but it was the best that he could think of.


Two more arrows came, one ricocheting off of a nearby by rock and the other flying just over his shoulder, the tail feathers brushing him. He thought of tracking off to the side to confuse them, but either way he would make enough noise with his disabled run that they would find him again within seconds. No, it was best to take the shortest, most direct way to his destination.

Making a quick guess as to the location of his assailants, he reached his free hand behind him, spreading the fingers. A word flashed through his mind and a strand of fire roared from his palm. There were two shocked yells, and one more of pain. He hoped he had taken one of them out, but soon he again heard them yelling back and forth. One of the voices sounded more distressed now, but that was it.


Naberious settled back into his run, focusing only on making his escape rather than being aggressive with his attackers. With the accuracy they had shown, he would be impaled by two arrows before he could find them to make a direct hit with his magic.


He nearly tripped over the stone steps before he saw them, and turned his near fall into a powerful jump that carried him past the first step and onto the second. He continued upward with a sequence of lunges. The steps led up through the trees and into the sunny sky. When he broke through the branches, batting them away with his arms, his stitches had split, allowing his wound to bleed freely. There was no sense in worrying about it now, and he kept jumping with all the strength and speed he could muster from his tired body. He heard his attackers below, shouting with confusion at one another. They would eventually realize where exactly they were, or they would see the steps. But he likely had enough time to make it up to the Ball before that happened.


Finally he reached it, a hundred feet above the forest’s canopy now. The edge of the trees occurred only fifty feet from where the steps began, and beyond that there stretched rolling, green fields, covered in flowers, and still beyond that huge mountains rose. It was a beautiful sight, one he did not have time to admire. He hurried into the Ball, into the swirling, mysterious energy, and conjured an image in his mind.

 

[Jon_Sauve123]

Bump... looking to get more opinions, praises, criticisms, etc... Any new readers should read the second excerpt I posted, I think it's better to just jump in to because it's an action scene.

 

[BookStop]

So, the ball is an orb of energy raised on a short pedistal, but he can pass through it? No door, right? Just trying to get the picture right. And a path edged in darkness leads to a huge doorway, that is the academy, five miles away? The path is wide enough to allow carriages?

. On top of it all was a dome made of stained glass, displaying animals, people, and landscapes from nearly all of the Planes.

He can see this from 5 miles out?

to run out

odd descript

Naberious suddenly realized that he felt lightheaded.

why - ah wait, now I see. He's injured - may want to reinforce that fact at this point.

The iron head cart wheeled away and disappeared into the underbrush

Is this an arrowhead or a wheeled cart of some sort?

Otherwise - nice. Glad you posted the previous section too. It made everything flow a bit better.

 

[Jon_Sauve123]

So, the ball is an orb of energy raised on a short pedistal, but he can pass through it? No door, right? Just trying to get the picture right. And a path edged in darkness leads to a huge doorway, that is the academy, five miles away? The path is wide enough to allow carriages?

Is this an arrowhead or a wheeled cart of some sort?

1. That's exactly right. And when you are on one of the Planes, the Ball has a many different remote locations that it moves to. To get to it, you have to climb a set of floating steps into the sky. Neither the stairs or the Ball are visible at a distance usually, because A. They are small and B. They are usually located in dense vegetation or hidden by some other natural barrier, a hill, a mountain pass, a boulder...

2. I was describing the motion of a cart wheel. He kicked the arrow and it rolled away vertically, like a wheel. Maybe I shouldn't have the space between "cart" and "wheel".

 

[BookStop]

He kicked the arrow and it rolled away vertically, like a wheel.

Duh - I see it now. No space between words is correct.