Descriptive writing exercise: feelings

[Talysia]

Okay, so we've had exercises like this before, but since we haven't had one for a while so I hope no-one minds if I start another thread. Basically, all you have to do is write a passage which evokes one of the following words/feelings.

Challenge one: write a passage describing claustrophobia

Challenge two: write a passage describing loneliness

Challenge three: write a passage describing apprehension/nervousness


I'll start the ball rolling with challenge one.

There were so many people. The crowd bumped into me; a multicoloured sea of people pushing me from side to side and making it difficult to breathe. It was uncomfortably warm, too, cramped as I was between so many impatient people, and it was noisy. Snatches of conversation battered at my ears: one person needed to hurry to meet an appointment on time, whilst another was furious at how many people were trying to push him around. Their voices washed over me, even as I was forced to move with the tide of people. Yet another elbow not-too-gently tried to push me out of the way. I just wanted to get home.

Hmm, it didn't work out quite as well as I'd hoped. I'll give it another try later on.

 

[Precision Grace]

apprehension

Mildred's upper lip was perspiring. The tunnel was dark and cold, the end invisible in the distance. Was there an end? She wanted to steady herself against the wall but the thought of insects crawling on her hand made her insides spasm. She needed to make another step but her whole body convulsed in protest. Her palms were sweaty with effort of trying to keep calm. She wrung them desperately, for something to do.

Was there a movement in the distance? Mildred gasped and took an involuntary step back. No. It couldn't have been. They assured her the tunnel would be empty; just a dry, empty shell, abandoned and forgotten.
The thought didn't comfort her. She felt like all the liquid in her body had been drained away and she was slowly collapsing in on herself, folding up like a leaf on the fire.

Er. Ok, I gave it a try but I think what I describe is more like terror than apprehension.

 

[dustinzgirl]

There is a tight, bright blackness, if such a thing could exist, that seeps into my skin and threatens to destroy me. My skin crawls, tightens, burns. It chokes me. The air is heavy and thumps against my chest, a complete reversal of how breathing is supposed to work. My muscles refuse the furious instructions from my brain. Run. Get up. Move. Nothing happens. I shout in a great and echoing valley of dust. There is no response.

Thats pretty much what claustrophobia is like.

 

[Lysalis]

There was a crowd filling up the whole marketplace watching the play, and she needed to cross it, they were waiting. She decided to remain near the walls of the buildings; and dove into the sea of people. Pushing with her ellbows and shoulders she made it a good part of the way. Then nothing moved anymore, as much as she was pushing and telling the people, she was sorry but just needed to pass. They didn't responded. She looked at the expressionless faces and became aware of her small height and that she couldn't see anything else than this shoving mob around her. She couldn't see the end, she would loose direction. She started to breathe harder, they wouldn't see her, they would trample her. She was trapped. She wanted to scream, but no sound escaped her. In her agitiation she pushed even harder - that got her a reaction - the mob pushed back. And that was almost enough to let her faint from the arising panic. They would crush her, and there was absolutly nothing she could do about it.

Hope, it's not bad. It's actually the first time I tried to write something in english

 

[shadowbox]

Claustrophobia

Rough hands grabbed me, forcing me backwards into the makeshift casket. Without a word, he shut the lid, taking with him my last hope. Panic consumed me, intensifying with every piercing splinter of wood beneath my nails, as I scratched helplessly against the lid. I will die here, I thought, banging my raw fists against the wood. I will die. So far I had come, to die here in this box, at the hands of my husband, and as I had feared, my father. Struggling against my heaving chest, I fought to calm my nerves, vying for time. Every shallow breath bought me one more moment of life, one more moment to plan another escape. How then, had I reached my many escapes? Luck, I thought, not cunning. I felt the wooden walls push in on me, as if to grow smaller, shrinking with ever tiny gasp. With strength belying my state, I pushed against the lid, now no doubt buried beneath six feet of earth. Panic filled me, breaking like a damn, and I surrendered to a state of flickering madness, illuminated by the reality of my situation. I would die in this box.

 

[shadowbox]

lonliness

I tossed the purse on the night stand, slipping silently from the room. It hurt to leave him, after all he had done, but asking him to come felt selfish. It was not that I was ungrateful for his companionship, for it was true I had been alone a long time, surrounded by people, but still alone. I spoke to no one, I made no friends, and when night fell upon me, I lay in my bed with no pleasant thoughts of the people I cherished. I had nothing to cherish. Born alone, I had been plucked from an orphanage by a failing baron, bent on restoring his glory. Raised like cattle, born to be bought by some wealthy man, I grew weary of the tedium, life as an investment. I chosen to leave one lonely life for another, and like cattle, they would hunt me when I ran. I could not risk his life for my foolish choice. So few things fell upon my decision, when they did, I took them with caution. Cold wind bit at my heels as I trekked across the frosty ground. I made a solem sight, but it was my lonely choice.



*this one didn't really go as planned.

 

[ratsy]

Lonliness

The alarm went off as it did every day at 6:15 am. I rolled over to turn it off but decided today to listen to the radio banter on the local rock stations morning show. They werent saying anything new, just the regular dribble that comes between the traffic updates and sports scores. After a few minutes I sat up and rested my head in my hands. Was it worth getting up today? This is a question I had asked myself everyday for the past two years. Every day I had the same answer. No. But I forced myself to get up anyways.

A breakfast alone. A car ride alone. A life alone.

Why did she have to die...

 

[Saeltari]

Loneliness:

I held the rose cupped loosely in my hand as I watched the dust motes dance in the silence of the sun beam falling into the empty church through the broken mosaic above. Stone shifted gently somewhere off in the broken remnants of this once great edifice as I knelt. A stiffled groan escaped me as my tears began to roll down. I listened to the music only I could hear, the happiness and the dancing, the voice of the magistrate as he began the ceremony, hidden in my memories. The only part of me that still felt a part of life, though it tortured me I held to it. I heard her voice once again as she said I do, and I heard her gasp as the arrow drove into her chest and she fell into my arms. The warm breeze brought me back and my head dropped down just letting the tears flow. Letting them gently drop to the floor like all those i'd known when death danced in this church so many years ago. I let the rose fall from my fingers, and her heartbeat faded from memory as it had faded beneath my hands. Once again the emptiness inside echoed the emptiness of the shattered church around me. I touched the floor beside the rose, trying to draw strength from the stone. Finally I sighed and stood, settling my sword. I made my way out of the old church, back to the world of people, but I still walked alone.

 

[crystal haven]

Loneliness

Do you have to walk down the same street as I walk? Is this a deliberate act on your part? You hold his hand, as I used to hold your hand. I remember the touch of you, the smell of your hair as you slept in my bed; in my arms.

My bed is empty now, my heart full of pain. My house is desolate and cold, and, my love, I cannot live like this for long. I am watching you. I will watch you forever; I cannot continue with this pain of loneliness in my life. Remember I suffer. You will not be forgotten. Yes, I grieve. Look over your shoulder when you walk away from me. I will not grieve alone.

 

[daisybee]

Sunday night I sneezed, and blessed myself. The room swallowed my voice, and I realise I haven't heard a word from a real living person since Friday morning.

The tv sings above the silence; but it lives in the walls, cold and hard and I wonder suddenly, when I got used to such isolation. The phone is a false hope, for no wires trail from the base, leading to the outside world, to other voices.

I grab my shoes, and keys. Milk, I must buy milk. The lady in the corner shop is kind, and quite suddenly, I need a kind face and conversation.

I return with a loaf of bread and a smile, and the walls welcome me back; a little warmer than before.

 

[Michael01]

I only came into the boiler room to avoid the jocks in their varsity jackets and their sneers of amusement, but now it seemed so dark and ... stuffy. The recurring whoosh of air from the furnace sounded like the slam of a massive vault in my ears. The walls seemed much closer than they were in the dim, reddish glare. I tried to stay away from them. Sweat tickled my ear and rolled down to my chin. Even if the jocks were still out there, I didn't want to stay here.

 

[crystal haven]

I will die here.

No. I mustn’t think like that; if I’m going to survive I have to keep control of my mind and not panic. How long is it though? How many hours have passed since that terrifying sound of rock against rock, and screams of men now silent in death? I know I am the only one left. Perhaps outside they have given up - abandoned me to my black tomb. It is strange to find I’m holding my breath, only to gasp for air a moment after. Why am I doing that? I will use up the air eventually, however I breath. Suffocation will follow. How many hours is it now? I don’t need to see a watch, to tell me the answer to that; I have been here far too long.

 

[Interference]

Alone I can handle. Aloneness. Books, music, I have a world and I know how to fill it.

But loneliness. That's new.

There was a girl, of course, it's always a girl. Closeness developed, surprisingly and quickly, so that it was all about us. All about how much time we could spend together, even when apart. She was there when I woke, when I fell asleep, she was in my dreams when we weren't in each other's arms, in my arms when we were awake together.

Then today.

I know where she is, I even have an idea what she's doing, who she's with, all those things that a phone call told me, that an e-mail told me again much later in more detail. It was in the gap between the messages when I realised how loneliness feels. The gap that I filled with missing her, thinking how I was missing her and missing her again.

Aloneness. Yeah. I can cope with that.

 

[bluerayarchangel]

~Alone~

Summer is the worst, sweetheart's holding hands, out in there numbers. I walk along the road with my head down, so that I
don't have to see them. My heart feels like a giant hole, so empty
so painful. Why can't I find a sweetie? Buying food for one again,
I feel so alone. I wander around my empty flat, not knowing what
to do with myself. Never have been a big fan of doing things on
my own. It's not as fun. I stare out of my window, lovers going
by laughing, my heart pains me so. I go to the park, wish I hadn't
it's full of happy lovers, hugging kissing, never felt so alone in

all my life. I hope I find someone one day, so that I to can live again.​

 

[Dexter]

It is just so hard to breathe. My chest is heaving and I'm sweating from the effort. There's no air, the room's too small. Looking at the walls the angles are alarming, they seem to be toppling slowly inward. The others must be afraid of the walls, they're pressing against me, smothering me in the center of this airless room. I try to get away. I push against them, but my hands are shaking and I have no strength. I need to breathe! People! Get out of my way! Why won't you get out of my way!

 

[Dexter]

I walk among them every day and I play my little game. I walk as close as I can to a clump of talkers without breaking their conversation. I listen to them. I pay more mind to them than their friends and lovers do. I can retell their stories, recite their names, but I have to imagine the faces of those they talk about. When I do, when I make lazy Gary a chubby denim-jacketed red-head with a battered baseball cap and a hair-lip, I think of him as my brother-in-law too. I feel that I know him. Sometimes I get too caught up in my game though. Sometimes I blurt out my imaginings and I get those stupid looks and the talkers stop talking. Usually, though, the talkers never discover they were part of a bigger community. Part of a secret community. My community.

 

[BrianRigglesby]

"What am I doing here; it smells like pastries. This cake smells like lacquer and sweat though, blech, it's awful. What song is that?" She peeked out through small eye-level holes, no doubt routed out over the years by many a young girls curiosity.

She could make out a group of white coated middle-aged men pinky drinking from their teacups and sharing candid reaccounts of situations past. Occasionly one skinny fellow turns the full around and gazes at the cake with a lustful eye.

"Oh yeah honey, your gonna get it," whispering herself a joke.

A thick fog settled upon the room, it was heavy. Her mind began to cloud. At first it was a matter of where she was, but quickly her memories became lost to things much more near and dear. A placid set of eyes now loomed over the peep holes. There was a thrust, and a shove, she was jostled to and from; the men under strife, bellowing and belligerent. They set her down in the glare of a humming stainless steel wall.

The door creaked and cringed to a sweltering welcome.

"what, is that, what is that, what is tha-at; no; they wouldn't; Fuckers!" She began throwing her limping wrist against the thick paperboard. "They are; why," crying to herself, "look at me; where is my hair, oh please wher... s... m..." her sob turns to one last chance.

"I'm in the ca..."



B. Rigglesby

 

[Interference]

Hope

Time is all around us, behind us and before us. Clocks signify its progress, measuring it out for us so that we can lament its passing or encourage it to swiftness. The moment is gone once it's here, whether it was bad or good it's not coming back. Consolation and despair alternate depending on the moment that's been lost.

Moments stacked, one on the other, a complex structure representing the lives of all who have lived and all they've thought and wondered and done and left undone. Now and then, now is then.

Moments teetering on the brink of collapse as lives end and the promises of existence are fulfilled. Each moment reaches into each person and debates the completion that must be made, the purposes served already and still to serve and the contracts nearly or finally honoured.

Completion is closure. When all is done, all said and all fulfilled, the final moment can at last be placed at the pinnacle of the tower of moments. This is the end that all will know as each fragment of our lives falls and is dispersed through time to inspire and encourage, to warn and to guide all others in their quests.

No life is ever lost.

All life is eventually absorbed into The All.

 

[clippedwolf]

loneliness: warning: mature themes
I walk among them, those who I used to be like. They open their mouths and speak words that are hollow and meaningless to me. I will open my mouth and respond in kind. I will laugh with them because the burst of endorphins feels better than the haze of nothingness that has become my existence.
They don't know what they are capable of, but I do. I've seen it. I still see it sometimes, especially at night when the lights go out and everything is quiet. I know what I am capable of because I have done it. I watched my enemies go limp, dead by my hand, and I felt nothing for them. I still feel nothing, they deserved it, but the images haunt me.
Did you know the human body has seven liters of fluid? When you spread that much liquid around it makes a terrible mess. You would be amazed.
I tried telling those I held dearest what is in my heart, but they do not understand. They patronize me and tell me inanities when they do not, can not understand what I feel. The doctor who tells me to take my pills once a day has never even smelled gun powder--a sweet smell. Somehow I miss it.
I play with my daughter and I feel distant from her. I laugh at what she says though in my heart I don't know if I care. I wish I did. So, so badly. "Fake it till you make it" is the mantra I live by. But how long will it take for me. I feel so alone.

 

[clippedwolf]

claustrophobia
I can't breath. It's so hot. I can't move.
Let me out. Oh god, please someone let me out of here.
Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm taking breaths. Deep breaths. Deep, deep calming breaths. I'm getting dizzy. It's like there is not enough air in here.
Oh no.
I'm suffocating!
I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here.
I need to calm down. It's so hard, I can't breath!