One_With_No_Name
Novice
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2008
- Messages
- 16
WIP Title: Brant
Official title: obviously unknown at this time haha.
Hey guys, tis me again. You all raised my spirits so high from your comments about my first chapter that I actually continued to write out the second. To my amazement (as this is unusual for me) I am still engaged in my own story.
Often I come up with a story and it entertains me for awhile in my head, then I quickly get bored and moved on. The one time I tried to write before this, I stopped shortly after the first chapter. This story seems to contain so many possibilities for me that I am having so much fun as I go. Anywho, here is Chapter 2, I hope you enjoy it overall as much as the first and as will always be the case with me, critiques on anything will be much appreciated.
I dont care if you think your comments are subjective and minor, or if you think my entire story sucks. I would like to hear it because it's all about improvement! I must admit, I am VERY nervous about this one because, now that you have all said you liked my first chapter, I do not want to flip 180 and disappoint and bore you with this one. Owell, only one way to find out!
Here we go!
So that's it! I am by no means done reviewing chapter one, so feel free to continue to post your thoughts on it as well in the other thread! Thank you for reading!
Official title: obviously unknown at this time haha.
Hey guys, tis me again. You all raised my spirits so high from your comments about my first chapter that I actually continued to write out the second. To my amazement (as this is unusual for me) I am still engaged in my own story.
Often I come up with a story and it entertains me for awhile in my head, then I quickly get bored and moved on. The one time I tried to write before this, I stopped shortly after the first chapter. This story seems to contain so many possibilities for me that I am having so much fun as I go. Anywho, here is Chapter 2, I hope you enjoy it overall as much as the first and as will always be the case with me, critiques on anything will be much appreciated.
I dont care if you think your comments are subjective and minor, or if you think my entire story sucks. I would like to hear it because it's all about improvement! I must admit, I am VERY nervous about this one because, now that you have all said you liked my first chapter, I do not want to flip 180 and disappoint and bore you with this one. Owell, only one way to find out!
Here we go!
Chapter 2
Brant regained his hearing first. Initially, he could make out only muffled noises that bore no resemblance to human speech. As time passed, these sounds became voices and he could make out what they were saying.
“I would swear I know him from somewhere, I just cannot think of where…” someone said, their voice bright and airy, but obviously concerned.
Another rough voice answered. “That’s not important. I want to know how he fought that beast off! It made our job easier for sure, but nobody should be able to take one of those by themselves.”
Then a third voice rang out, this one full of cheer and it gave him strength just hearing it. “He is going to be fine and when he wakes up we will ask him who he is and what happened! Stop being so mean, Grumpy-Dumpy-Wren.” Brant heard the distinct sound of her laughter as she punched the man in the arm and he let out a deep grunt. He could sense the man release a smile at her playfulness.
“Creative Rylee, think of that all on your own?” the man retorted.
“At least it rhymed,” she sneered back attempting to seem offended, but laughter still tinted her voice.
Brant could feel his strength returning and had to decide how best to handle the situation. Should he feign being unconscious longer in order to better understand these strangers, or should he wake up and face them. His choice was decided for him.
“He is awake.” The man said. Many footsteps could be heard, all making their approach to his bedside. Brant opened his eyes.
Wren stood the closest, a black robe flowing down from a superbly crafted mantle. His face was strong and angular with aged eyes that told many stories. His right hand was wrapped firmly around the large staff by his side. It was wrought from what appeared to be wood, but held the unique gloss of reflective metal. Wren peered down at him, his eyes piercing Brants mind looking for answers to his questions. Brant shivered but was distracted by a smile.
Beside Wren stood a gorgeous woman with the brightest smile he had ever seen. She released an energy with her smile that infected everything around her. Her dirty blonde hair was fixed back in a mangled bun, but it gave her a distinct look. She wore a form fitted jacket that had the most curious shade of purple which was pinned to her chest by a strap that held a bag by her side. This must be Rylee, he thought. He smiled back, unable to stop himself.
Brant let his head roll to the other side of the bed, and the smile vanished from his face. Though they all thought something had gone wrong, he paid no attention. He stared intently at the third girl, her very presence seemed to provide mysteries that spoke to all of his desires. She was not as pretty as Rylee, but her eyes held something that Brant valued more than physical beauty, intelligence. He realized he didnt know her name yet, but he didn't care for the moment. A goofy grin spread across his face. She smiled back uncomfortably and Rylee began to giggle.
He snapped out of his daze and apologized. She continued to smile for a moment, then nodded. “How’re you feeling?”
“I am in some pain, nothing too worry about though. Though, I don’t remember…what happened. Where am I?” Brant sat up, trying to see where he was. He must have looked confused, or scared.
“Is something wrong?” Wren asked, curiousity continued to burn wild behind his powerful gaze.
“I…” he struggled to explain himself, still intimidated by the mans eyes “… well I don’t know any of you and everything looks… strange.” He continued to peer around the room, taking in all the odd looking equipment.
He swung his legs around the side of the bed intending to stand, but quickly realized he didn’t have the strength and began to fall back. In an instant Wren's large hands were supporting him as though he weighed nothing. As Wren helped him sit back down, Brant laughed.
“Something funny?” Wren spat, though his expression was a mix of offense and amusement.
“Don’t pester him,” Rylee interupted. "Grumpy Dumpy Wren," she added under her breath but loud enough for him to hear. Then, pushing Wren aside, she exclaimed “Pleased to meet you Brant, my name is Rylee!” Her smile faded as Brant accepted her introduction with a handshake.
She stood still for a moment, looking anxiously at him before bursting. “I tried to hold myself back but I cant help it!” She lunged at him and wrapped her arms around his chest. “I like hugs! Handshakes are so impersonal,” she scoffed, her smile returning.
Brant laughed and hugged her back, glad to have someone around that could take his mind off the pain he was feeling. There was something about this girl that amazed him. Her emotions rolled off on him as if he had no choice in the matter but to share her joy and hug her back with equal enthusiasm. He looked around and found, based on their expressions, that both the others seemed to feel the same emotions as well.
He slid back suddenly, releasing Rylee. They studied his odd reaction, confused. He suddenly held a hand out towards Wren and shouted “Stay back big guy, I can handle her hug, but you might strangle me!”
“The name is Wren” he said, letting out a deep laugh. “and why would I hug you?”
“Because she did, and she made you guys look like you were going to as well!” He was still cautious, but let his shoulders relax. They all stood silent, staring at him.
“Interesting.” The beautiful woman to his left stunned him with her glowing emerald eyes. “You are a strange person…Brant.”
“Um...thanks, I guess.” Normally he would have wondered what she meant, but he was too busy appreciating the features of her face. He didn’t want to look away.
After an awkward moment, Rylee broke the silence. “Okay Mr. Creepy, get dressed,” Rylee laughed, reaching to a pile of clothes on the table. She threw them on the bed. “We will be outside waiting for you.”
As they left, he could hear Wren pestering Rylee about her nicknames again. Before the door closed, Rylee attempted to sound offended once more. Brant shook his head and laughed.
Alone in the small room, he stood up slowly, testing himself as he went. The clothes Rylee had left struck him as unusual, at least by his standards. For a man the vest was tight and yet the pants were wide legged and flowed around him. At least, he thought, the colors were appropriate. The vest was a deep, regal green trimmed with gold. The pants were velvety black and were held up by a golden rope which was too long, causing the ends to hang down off his waist.
He walked to a mirror that stood against the corner of the room and laughed to himself. He thought he looked very formal, despite the way he felt. The pants together with the vest made a very elegant appearance. Shaking his head and laughing, he opened the door and walked through it to join them outside. He had decided it was time to get some answers.
So that's it! I am by no means done reviewing chapter one, so feel free to continue to post your thoughts on it as well in the other thread! Thank you for reading!