Terra Nexus - formatted Chapter

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RLSquires

R L Squires
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Jan 10, 2009
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Retired early from AT&T Labs. Downsized our lifest
My Appologies. Didn't realize formatting would be lost. Here is 1st chapter of a completed draft of a novel. Any comments would be appreciated. A PDF version of 3 chapters available at robertlsquires . com
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Chapter 1

Cassandra dropped to her knees, leaned forward and pressed her hands deep into the lush green grass. It still felt warm and wet from the late afternoon rain that had passed over the Tilaran Cordillera of Costa Rica. Her mountain welcomed her home with the mild sweet scent of vanilla orchids mixed with the mist rising to meet the tangerine sunset. She stretched out upon the inviting rainforest bed, too weary to move as it slowly soaked through to her skin.

The lush mountain range was once a young environmental scientist’s dream; and one of the most diverse and complex ecosystems in the world. Now it served as the last stand in a losing battle. Within the distant dense foliage an electrified fence and security cameras guarded the nature sanctuary, and the top secret lab buried deep within the mountainside.

A gentle breeze drifted through the dense shade of the sacred Ceiba tree to caress Cassandra’s body like a caring lover. Waves of honey brown hair with sun infused strawberry gold highlights flowed around a face sculptured by the skilled hands of an ancient artist. Camel colored khaki pants covered her long, lean legs and light cocoa colored skin; genetic gifts from her caring Caribbean mother and athletic Norwegian father.

She barely summoned the energy to brush her hair aside to view the vanishing trail of thin white clouds overhead. A stately Scarlet Macaw, perched on a branch high above, peered curiously into the eyes of the beautiful being below. One could barely make out the subtle sign of fine lines signaling the silent approach of her forty-fifth birthday. But, beware this beauty’s rare lavender blue eyes. Only one of true heart could ever dare again to enter their depth and discover her hidden desire. Cassandra blinked and the Macaw sailed off quietly with the warm wind, in search of a mate he might never find.

She ran her hand through the thick wet blades of grass, and brought her fingers just above her mouth to let the dew drip onto her outstretched tongue. It tasted fresh and slightly sweet; so different than the chemically altered water most drink now, she thought. What once was free and pure now required a complex and costly process to remove the poisons permeating the earth.

This century’s race to develop and shape society’s dreams lost its direction and collided with an environmental nightmare. The incredible pace of progress provided a comfortable existence for most of the world’s population, their wants and needs merely a voice command away from any computer on the worldwide wireless grid. The magical web woven by invisible strands of electrons flowed high above the stale ground level air and those living within the shadows of soaring city towers.

On those streets below, semi-skilled labor do the day work that robots cannot yet do cost effectively. By night they return to the restricted zone, their obedience bought by two free meals a day washed down with tainted secondary water sources that shorten their lifespan with each sip. On scorching city streets across the world, a billion misplaced beings no longer fit the perfect new world order of the year 2054.

While the poor strive, the wide middle class thrive within great suburban stretches surrounding the cities. Speedy and spotless maglev trains take them to elevated platforms providing direct access to shaded steel and glass walkways connecting tower to tower. The walkways contain cool fresh filtered air and safe passage for well-paid professionals to their corporate cubicles inside the hermetically sealed structures.

Roadways paved with polymer and embedded GPS sensors guide private electronic cars past the suburbs and through one hundred and twenty degree summer heat to the secluded oasis of lush rural gated communities. Wealth provides the passkey through the steel security gate into a neighborhood sealed within an immense translucent dome that provides protection within a perfectly controlled climate for the privileged.
Beyond the sight of those sheltered communities are multi-mile long metal buildings where DNA enhanced strains of plants and livestock are grown and processed by untiring robotic workers. Open air farms became rare in most of the modern world due to the unpredictable cycles of summer drought and torrential rains from the massive hurricanes of fall.

The outer circles of centralized civilization are dotted with decaying small towns that slowly died out during the worldwide depression triggered by the Israel-Iran nuclear war of 2012. The war was brief, but the fear and severe economic fallout lasted for a decade. Those surrendering to the economic misery watched from the silence of their rusting steel structures as the subsequent recovery passed them by. The renaissance emerged and expanded around the research of modern universities and well-financed corporations. The unprecedented economic boom was led by breakthroughs in nanotechnology, robotics, and applied DNA research for everything from disease to crop yields.

Economies of most of the world surged while the environment suffered. The growing greenhouse effect triggered soaring temperatures, declining oxygen levels, and a wide variety of new diseases. Most of the modern world moved inside and under the protection of technology straining to replace what nature lost.

The United Nations Environmental Crises (UNEC) committee was finally formed to coordinate worldwide programs. True to the nature of committees, personal politics and conflicting priorities created barriers to meaningful progress. Then the world got a wakeup call in 2030. A highly contagious and deadly disease rose from those dying of famine in a remote region of Africa, worked its way down river to villages, crossed the continent and boarded ships bound for the relatively safe realm of modern city seaports.

Death kicked down locked doorways, introducing fear as his dining companion to feast upon the pain and misery inflicted by an unrelenting disease. Hospitals became the front lines of the viral battlefield and were overwhelmed to the point that euthanasia was promoted as a merciful, morale, and legal surrender. Many a poor parent faced the final responsibility of ensuring the peaceful passing of their family before taking the last of the lethal prescription to join them.

The UNEC’s mission was eventually expanded to coordinate the environmental triage and disease containment mission on a global scale. Nations took the drastic measures demanded to deal with the pandemic and isolate the disease. But over two billion died before the virus was slowly stamped out. Nearly a billion more that were infected survived the plague, but were doomed to carry the dormant and dangerous microbe until their death. Their faces carried the sadness and scars that would condemn them to a restricted and shortened lifespan. Every confirmed patient had a wireless tracking chip implanted under a dark blue tattooed barcode on the side of their neck. At the time, it provided a practical solution to track the death rate from the disease and contain the infected survivors within isolated camps.

After the disease was defeated, there was considerable discussion on what to do with the survivors still carrying the dormant virus. Humanitarians deplored keeping them in the death camps; while fear, pragmatism and politics led to a compromise. They were allowed to return to live and work in the cities, but had to be kept isolated from the general population. Technology as usual, provided a cost-effective solution.

The cities needed skilled workers to augment the robotic work force required to cleanup, rebuild, and maintain. No normal citizen would take a job within the previous danger zones at and below ground level. So the marked were offered those jobs, along with free food and rent. It was an offer they couldn’t refuse since public fear reduced them to social outcasts. Most migrated to the cities and agreed to the rules, while a few escaped to the abandoned rust belt. The rules were simple, stay within the demarcated zones. Those zones were clearly delineated by dark red florescent lines sprayed across the grey cement sidewalks segmenting the city. The implanted wireless chips became invisible chains echoing a signal to the grid of each step they took, bringing on blinding pain from a high-tech robotic taser should they step over the line. The solution proved so cost effective that non-violent criminals and other social misfits were gradually added to the segregated population.

Cassandra and other concerned scientists warned during those transformational decades that the social and environmental dichotomy would ultimately lead to another crisis, dwarfing any that came before it. Historical levels of natural resources were consumed on the subsequent climb to the new summit of civilization. Her beloved planet of Terra strained to provide an ever demanding harvest for her children, while growing gravely ill from the stress.

Cassandra had no time to enjoy a child of her own; the coming crisis consumed her every waking day and haunted her nights. Perhaps it’s for the best, she once thought, to be spared the grief her best friend Carol endured of burying her husband and their only son on the same day. They were riding with a medical relief convoy in Columbia when a road gang sprayed the lead truck with rapid fire and took off with the precious cargo.

She replayed her own life while lying within the comfortable shade and solitude of the Ceiba tree. Her childhood was filled with campfire memories, sleeping under the stars from the African plains to mountains of Alaska, from the Amazon rainforests to the Arabian dessert. Her parents were scientists who dedicated their lives to the research and defense of the environment. By the time she turned thirteen, they insisted she attend a private boarding school to prepare for college. They also recognized she needed some sense of normalcy through the trying teenage years. She went on to thrive in athletic and academic competition with those who lacked the survival skills and self reliance she developed as a child of the world.

Her most cherished prize was the summers spent back with her parents on some new expedition, but by fall she looked forward to returning to friends and the familiar comfort of her dormitory. There were boyfriends of course, but none held her interest for long. They lacked the maturity and vision of something beyond the Friday night dance or Saturday football game. She had her choice of college scholarships and decided on Cal Tech for its environmental studies and intense biology program. And of course, her best friend Carol had also chosen Cal.

She excelled in the intense academic program, graduated Magna Cum Laude, and looked forward to the limitless possibilities before her. Then in her first year of grad school, she got the terrible news. Her parents lost their lives fighting a horrifying virus that emerged while they were in Africa; the same virus that grew to a worldwide pandemic. She took a sabbatical from school and volunteered to help until it was stamped out. She risked her life treating patients within the death camps by day, and bent over a microscope at night to help analyze why every treatment proved only partially effective.
Eventually the disease died out with a new vaccine and the billions who were burned and buried. She returned to school even more dedicated to following the path her parents had paved across the world, a lifelong journey to save the environment. It took the last of her inheritance to pay for her doctorate in Computational and Systems Biology at MIT. Her thesis was considered a breakthrough on macroevolution and earned her a coveted environmental scientist position on the foremost research project to model global changes to the environment. Two years later she led that same team to develop a plausible and predictable connection between the environment and all dominate living organisms; from viral to human.

Unfortunately, no one wanted to believe the dire and dreadful predictions. They just wanted to put the past crises behind them and enjoy the promising progress technology offered. She demonstrated how global warming would soon accelerate, far exceeding the conservative projections made at the turn of the century. However, near-term economic considerations continued to take precedent over ecology, but still she persisted. Her dedicated work was eventually noticed and she was asked to join the coveted Society of Scientists. Together they prepared for a catastrophic future others blindly refused to believe would come. Her persistence paid off and by her mid thirties, was rewarded with an environmental research lab on her Costa Rican mountain; and a diverse and dedicated team to work with. Over the next decade she and the Society worked to save the planet, while planning for the pandemic her environmental model predicted would once again bring the world to the brink of extinction.

Then a month ago the nightmarish prophecy came screaming through the silence of a hot summer night. Near the twentieth anniversary of her parent’s death, the dormant virus returned in an even more aggressive and cruelly mutated form. The UNEC summoned her four days ago, along with the head of every major national disease control center to their New York City headquarters.

The crisis could have been avoided if they had acted when she presented the initial results of her new macro evolutionary model to them nearly ten years ago. The Society of Scientists backed her results, while others debated it. In the end, the UNEC members provided her considerable praise, but recommended more study. She was given a significant budget increase and a new state-of-the-art lab buried deep within the mountainside in Costa Rica. The only non-negotiable condition and reasonable rationale was absolute secrecy to avoid another worldwide economic panic.

She initially believed them, and the then assistant chairperson, Richard Strausen. Richard was a well-known advocate on the issues of global warming. He was handsome, charming, and seemed to really care about the cause. He even charmed her into spending the night with him. That night led to a heated affair over the next six months while she worked in New York until the new lab was built.

Then the day before Richard returned from a two week business trip, she discovered he had really been on his honeymoon on Paradise Island, a recently heavily fortified oasis for the ultra rich. He had married a wealthy socialite back in his hometown of Boston. A trusted friend of her mother told her there was far more to the arranged marriage. The bride’s father introduced Richard to those who could make him, and his new family, wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. All he had to do was direct contracts to certain business contacts for water treatment, drug development, and other projects proposed by the UNEC.

Angered by the betrayal of love and of her cause, Cassandra took a cab to his upscale loft in the city to confront him about the relationship, and the rumors of selling out to the highest bidder. The burley security guard let her in, figuring she was still seeing him on the sly. She slid the plastic passkey through the electronic lock to open the heavy steel reinforced door. The loft was dark and quiet, but the lingering scent of his expensive cologne suggested he had just been there. She figured he must still be at the lavishly equipped gym down in the basement. She checked her watch. Of course, she laughed inside; he was after all the master of routine. It was still ten minutes before his work-out would be completed. Even sex had to fit within his schedule as he started taking her for granted. The last few times she stayed over, he was dressed and gone by the time she finished her early morning shower. She was left to turn out the lights and close the cold steel door behind her. She had wondered how, with a genius level IQ, she could have been so stupid, and so naïve.

The sexy feminine voice of his computer brought her focus back to the empty room. The voice signaled the arrival of a high priority incoming email message. Odd that he would have left his computer unsecured, she thought.

She walked around his high tech titanium and liquid crystal desk to take a peek at the data displayed within its surface. The upper right section of the digital desk displayed a message from a high level executive of a large pharmaceutical firm. The executive thanked Richard for his support, and verified the ten million “consulting fee” would be transferred to his off-shore account. The sender just needed his bank routing code and account number. She had a brilliant idea. She would put that photographic memory inherited from her father to good use. She replied to the message with account information she remembered from her mother’s volunteer work with the Save the Children foundation. Perhaps Richard might make a positive contribution to the world after all, she mused.

A few minutes later Richard showed up, clearly surprised to see her. Her stone-cold expression told him she had somehow gotten word of the marriage. He had been prepared for this eventuality, and was about to lay out another lie to convince her to stay with him, or at the very least not kick him through the window. He learned the hard way she could be as dangerous as she was beautiful when he once joked about her black belt in Hwa Rang Do. She had challenged him to meet her at the gym to demonstrate it was more than just another faddish exercise class. He was fortunate only his male ego was broken; the bruises on his ribs hurt for a week.

Richard started to plead his case, “Cas, let me . . .”

She stopped him before he could get another word out, “Richard, I don’t want to hear another lie cross your cruel lips. I believed in you despite repeated warnings from my closest friends - and that’s my mistake. Cheating on me is one thing, but to cheat all those who depend on our work is another.”

She then glanced down at his desk with a knowing smile. His well tanned face flushed with fire as he raced over and leaned in for a closer look. He rose up fuming with rage, an eerie red glow of the digital display security warning light reflecting off his steel grey eyes. Cassandra wasn’t concerned; her upturned brow and defiant stance told him he would pay dearly for the indiscretion.

Richard rushed over to the desk, “Cas, what have you done!”

“You just made a sizable contribution to a very needy cause,” she replied.

He tried to contain his anger, his mind racing for a plausible exit plan. If she exposed him, he would be ruined, “Cas, I really can explain . . .”

She interrupted him again with an icy calm response, “Don’t bother. I’m sure you can fabricate a plausible reason to submit your resignation to the UNEC. Just do it; and we’ll be done with this whole affair. And life goes on, if we’re lucky.”

Richard could see it was no use to try and defend his actions, so he went on offense.

“Cas, don’t be naïve. You think this all ends with me? I’m just a maintenance man for the money machine that produces the real power in this world. Every member of the committee owes their soul to those who possess that power. It’s not like we’re blocking progress, just redirecting some of the profits. Everyone wins.”

“You know as well as I that is just plain BS,” she replied.

Richard responded with a firm warning, “Well if you know what’s good for you, and your project, you’ll remain quiet. I’ve already been approached by other members to replace you. They are concerned you aren’t a team player.”

Cassandra shook off the warning, “You can’t make that decision. Only the chairperson has that authority . . .”

She stopped mid sentence, as a thin smile crossed his chiseled face. Of course, she thought, they’ve made him the new chair.

“That’s right Cas,” confirming her fear, “Howard retired to focus on his family. In other words, he was fired. With all the recent events in the world, he was developing a conscious. That’s a liability they couldn’t afford. I’m the new chair, as of today.”

“Who are they?” she asked.

He warned, “That knowledge could prove to be very unhealthy. Tomorrow, we’ll review your status report and proposal. Your work will be acknowledged and rewarded with a promotion to head of the research team and the new lab recently completed in Costa Rica. You will be granted an enormous budget and choice of personnel from the top research institutes across the globe.”

Cassandra realized he had control, for now. She would have to take the offer; otherwise they would replace her with someone who would play the game entirely by their rules. She would find a way to get the research completed, and no power on earth would deny, nor hide, the results.

She went on to dedicate the next decade of her life to the research program to prevent the inevitable. The precious years flew by as she built the case for each new connected link in a chain of crises. They took each progress report seriously; as an opportunity for their own profit while praising her team’s work to save the world. They however rejected the truly major changes and programs she recommended as an impractical extravagance and politically unacceptable.

That is until a few days ago when she was summoned to report her team’s analysis of the latest viral outbreak. Cassandra had taken the long journey to New York from her team’s top secret lab in Costa Rica. She knew they didn’t want to hear how horrific the situation was going to get, and the unprecedented plan that would be required to deal with it. She had a strategy, and irrefutable facts that would get their undivided attention. And if they didn’t listen and act quickly, her team was instructed to notify the world press and published everything on the web along with the scientific backing of the Society. It would cause considerable panic, but at least something would be done; and some might survive.

The chaotic conversation hushed as Cassandra walked confidently into the cavernous conference room, with its floor to ceiling window view of the city two hundred stories below. She was a striking figure in a new designer suit she had selected from one of New York’s finest on Fifth Avenue. Might as well go out in style, she thought. She wore a fine custom tailored jacket with a blazing sky blue silk blouse flowing over form fitted black slacks. Soft black syn-leather boots with three inch heels completed the outfit and accentuated her tall five-nine frame.

She hoped the dramatic change of appearance would throw them off guard while her determination wielded a razor sharp edge to cut through their resistance. She took a few seconds to size up the committee members sitting around the long, smoke grey glass conference table. They seemed relaxed, smug, and comfortable in their soft leather chairs. Time to shake them up, she thought.

No one noticed their personal translucent holographic displays rising one by one from the table as she walked by. All eyes were on her. Richard’s jaw dropped at her striking transformation. This wasn’t the same woman he’d known, the brainy scientist who consistently hid her beauty behind jungle khaki.

He wondered if she ever regretted leaving him, his private loft, and the privileged life he offered her as the mistress of one of the most powerful men on the planet. His life had been the envy of his peers, but had recently taken a bitter turn. His wealthy wife caught him late one evening on the office couch with a young new assistant. She retained the most aggressive divorce law firm in Boston, froze his accounts, and had him escorted from her family’s private compound near the Boston bay. He now slept alone in the loft he had kept for overnight meetings in the city, as well as the occasional rendezvous. Fortunately, she had no clue of his well hidden offshore accounts. One of those accounts was soon going to buy him a luxurious view from a fortified high-rise on a private man-made island off Dubai.

An impatient cough from the Russian delegate brought him back to the business at hand.

Richard said, “I believe you all know Cassandra Mitchell. She will brief us on the new viral outbreak in Africa and recommendations on how to deal with it. Miss Mitchell, the floor is yours.”

Cassandra took a deep breath, summoning the strength of conviction and caring her parents had instilled in her.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we face an unstoppable pandemic - and the probable end of the human species within less than two years.”
 
Chapter 1

Cassandra dropped to her knees, leaned forward and pressed her hands deep into the lush green grass. It still felt warm and wet from the late afternoon rain that had passed over the Tilaran Cordillera of Costa Rica. Her mountain welcomed her home with the mild sweet scent of vanilla orchids mixed with the mist rising to meet the tangerine sunset. She stretched out upon the inviting rainforest bed, too weary to move as it slowly soaked through to her skin.

The lush mountain range was once a young environmental scientist’s dream; and one of the most diverse and complex ecosystems in the world. Now it served as the last stand in a losing battle. Within the distant dense foliage an electrified fence and security cameras guarded the nature sanctuary, and the top secret lab buried deep within the mountainside.


You began well building the world around your character but the you relatively quickly start to create a purple prose. To me the top secret lab was the point where I wanted to stop reading as it's an info-dump.

A gentle breeze drifted through the dense shade of the sacred Ceiba tree to caress Cassandra’s body like a caring lover. Waves of honey brown hair with sun infused strawberry gold highlights flowed around a face sculptured by the skilled hands of an ancient artist. Camel colored khaki pants covered her long, lean legs and light cocoa colored skin; genetic gifts from her caring Caribbean mother and athletic Norwegian father.

So many weather systems going in your world at the same time that I start to feel a bit confusing.
Is this all needed for the reader to know, can't you trust that your audience have their own imagination and are every one of these point necessary at this point of the story? Do we need to know the details about her parents? Is there a point why you're telling them at this point.

She barely summoned the energy to brush her hair aside to view the vanishing trail of thin white clouds overhead. A stately Scarlet Macaw, perched on a branch high above, peered curiously into the eyes of the beautiful being below. One could barely make out the subtle sign of fine lines signaling the silent approach of her forty-fifth birthday. But, beware this beauty’s rare lavender blue eyes. Only one of true heart could ever dare again to enter their depth and discover her hidden desire. Cassandra blinked and the Macaw sailed off quietly with the warm wind, in search of a mate he might never find.


She barely summoned the energy ... is she dying? Is she ill? What's the point of giving us this information and hiding it inside the purple prose/info-dump?


She ran her hand through the thick wet blades of grass, and brought her fingers just above her mouth to let the dew drip onto her outstretched tongue. It tasted fresh and slightly sweet; so different than the chemically altered water most drink now, she thought. What once was free and pure now required a complex and costly process to remove the poisons permeating the earth.
This century’s race to develop and shape society’s dreams lost its direction and collided with an environmental nightmare. The incredible pace of progress provided a comfortable existence for most of the world’s population, their wants and needs merely a voice command away from any computer on the worldwide wireless grid. The magical web woven by invisible strands of electrons flowed high above the stale ground level air and those living within the shadows of soaring city towers.

On those streets below, semi-skilled labor do the day work that robots cannot yet do cost effectively. By night they return to the restricted zone, their obedience bought by two free meals a day washed down with tainted secondary water sources that shorten their lifespan with each sip. On scorching city streets across the world, a billion misplaced beings no longer fit the perfect new world order of the year 2054.

While the poor strive, the wide middle class thrive within great suburban stretches surrounding the cities. Speedy and spotless maglev trains take them to elevated platforms providing direct access to shaded steel and glass walkways connecting tower to tower. The walkways contain cool fresh filtered air and safe passage for well-paid professionals to their corporate cubicles inside the hermetically sealed structures.

Roadways paved with polymer and embedded GPS sensors guide private electronic cars past the suburbs and through one hundred and twenty degree summer heat to the secluded oasis of lush rural gated communities. Wealth provides the passkey through the steel security gate into a neighborhood sealed within an immense translucent dome that provides protection within a perfectly controlled climate for the privileged.
Beyond the sight of those sheltered communities are multi-mile long metal buildings where DNA enhanced strains of plants and livestock are grown and processed by untiring robotic workers. Open air farms became rare in most of the modern world due to the unpredictable cycles of summer drought and torrential rains from the massive hurricanes of fall.

The outer circles of centralized civilization are dotted with decaying small towns that slowly died out during the worldwide depression triggered by the Israel-Iran nuclear war of 2012. The war was brief, but the fear and severe economic fallout lasted for a decade. Those surrendering to the economic misery watched from the silence of their rusting steel structures as the subsequent recovery passed them by. The renaissance emerged and expanded around the research of modern universities and well-financed corporations. The unprecedented economic boom was led by breakthroughs in nanotechnology, robotics, and applied DNA research for everything from disease to crop yields.

Economies of most of the world surged while the environment suffered. The growing greenhouse effect triggered soaring temperatures, declining oxygen levels, and a wide variety of new diseases. Most of the modern world moved inside and under the protection of technology straining to replace what nature lost.

The United Nations Environmental Crises (UNEC) committee was finally formed to coordinate worldwide programs. True to the nature of committees, personal politics and conflicting priorities created barriers to meaningful progress. Then the world got a wakeup call in 2030. A highly contagious and deadly disease rose from those dying of famine in a remote region of Africa, worked its way down river to villages, crossed the continent and boarded ships bound for the relatively safe realm of modern city seaports.

Death kicked down locked doorways, introducing fear as his dining companion to feast upon the pain and misery inflicted by an unrelenting disease. Hospitals became the front lines of the viral battlefield and were overwhelmed to the point that euthanasia was promoted as a merciful, morale, and legal surrender. Many a poor parent faced the final responsibility of ensuring the peaceful passing of their family before taking the last of the lethal prescription to join them.

The UNEC’s mission was eventually expanded to coordinate the environmental triage and disease containment mission on a global scale. Nations took the drastic measures demanded to deal with the pandemic and isolate the disease. But over two billion died before the virus was slowly stamped out. Nearly a billion more that were infected survived the plague, but were doomed to carry the dormant and dangerous microbe until their death. Their faces carried the sadness and scars that would condemn them to a restricted and shortened lifespan. Every confirmed patient had a wireless tracking chip implanted under a dark blue tattooed barcode on the side of their neck. At the time, it provided a practical solution to track the death rate from the disease and contain the infected survivors within isolated camps.

After the disease was defeated, there was considerable discussion on what to do with the survivors still carrying the dormant virus. Humanitarians deplored keeping them in the death camps; while fear, pragmatism and politics led to a compromise. They were allowed to return to live and work in the cities, but had to be kept isolated from the general population. Technology as usual, provided a cost-effective solution.

The cities needed skilled workers to augment the robotic work force required to cleanup, rebuild, and maintain. No normal citizen would take a job within the previous danger zones at and below ground level. So the marked were offered those jobs, along with free food and rent. It was an offer they couldn’t refuse since public fear reduced them to social outcasts. Most migrated to the cities and agreed to the rules, while a few escaped to the abandoned rust belt. The rules were simple, stay within the demarcated zones. Those zones were clearly delineated by dark red florescent lines sprayed across the grey cement sidewalks segmenting the city. The implanted wireless chips became invisible chains echoing a signal to the grid of each step they took, bringing on blinding pain from a high-tech robotic taser should they step over the line. The solution proved so cost effective that non-violent criminals and other social misfits were gradually added to the segregated population.


Is this info-dump needed because at the end of the last chapter my brain was going numb. To me I would cut most of it away and start to create the plot because at this point you're in risk of losing your audience.

Where is the hook?
 
I appreciate your candid comments. I had an alternative opening in mind - an action scene built around the lead character on a medical rescue mission. Then later weave in the description of the current world through her POV and thoughts rather than the "author narrorator". Looks like I have some restructuring to do on the first two chapters for a better fit with the pace of action and dialogue contained in the rest of the book.

Thanks!
Rob
 
My Appologies. Didn't realize formatting would be lost. Here is 1st chapter of a completed draft of a novel. Any comments would be appreciated. A PDF version of 3 chapters available at robertlsquires . com
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1

Cassandra dropped to her knees, leaned forward and pressed her hands deep into the lush green grass. It still felt warm and wet from the late afternoon rain that had passed over the Tilaran Cordillera of Costa Rica. Her mountain welcomed her home with the mild sweet scent of vanilla orchids mixed with the mist rising to meet the tangerine sunset. She stretched out upon the inviting rainforest bed, too weary to move as it slowly soaked through to her skin.

The lush mountain range was
had once been
once a young environmental scientist’s dream;
comma rather than a semicolon
and one of the most diverse and complex ecosystems in the world. Now it served as the last stand in a losing battle. Within the distant dense foliage an electrified fence and security cameras guarded the nature sanctuary, and the top secret lab buried deep within the mountainside.
A gentle breeze drifted through the dense shade of the sacred Ceiba tree to caress Cassandra’s body like a caring lover. Waves of honey brown hair with sun infused strawberry gold highlights
hyphens? Honey-brown, sun-infused, strawberry-gold (um, I've heard of strawberry blondes, but golden strawberries?)
flowed around a face sculptured by the skilled hands of an ancient artist. Camel colored khaki pants covered her long, lean legs and light cocoa colored skin; genetic gifts from her caring Caribbean mother and athletic Norwegian father.
She barely summoned the energy to brush her hair aside to view the vanishing trail of thin white clouds overhead. A stately Scarlet Macaw, perched on a branch high above, peered curiously into the eyes of the beautiful being below. One could barely make out the subtle sign of fine lines signaling the silent approach of her forty-fifth birthday. But, beware this beauty’s rare lavender blue eyes. Only one of true heart could ever dare again to enter their depth and discover her hidden desire. Cassandra blinked and the Macaw sailed off quietly with the warm wind, in search of a mate he might never find.

She ran her hand through the thick wet blades of grass, and brought her fingers just above her mouth to let the dew drip onto her outstretched tongue. It tasted fresh and slightly sweet; so different than the chemically altered water most drink now, she thought. What once was free and pure now required a complex and costly process to remove the poisons permeating the earth.

This century’s race to develop and shape society’s dreams
had?
lost its direction and collided with an environmental nightmare. The incredible pace of progress provided a comfortable existence for most of the world’s population, their wants and needs merely a voice command away from any computer on the worldwide wireless grid. The magical web woven by invisible strands of electrons flowed high above the stale ground level air and those living within the shadows of soaring city towers.
shift to present tense
On those streets below, semi-skilled labor do the day work that robots cannot yet do cost effectively. By night they return to the restricted zone, their obedience bought by two free meals a day washed down with tainted secondary water sources that shorten their lifespan with each sip. On scorching city streets across the world, a billion misplaced beings no longer fit the perfect new world order of the year 2054.

While the poor strive, the wide middle class thrive within great suburban stretches surrounding the cities. Speedy and spotless maglev trains take them to elevated platforms providing direct access to shaded steel and glass walkways connecting tower to tower. The walkways contain cool fresh filtered air and safe passage for well-paid professionals to their corporate cubicles inside the hermetically sealed structures.

Roadways paved with polymer and embedded GPS sensors guide private electronic
electronic?
cars past the suburbs and through one hundred and twenty degree summer heat to the secluded oasis
oases of lush rural gated communities. Wealth provides the passkey through the steel security gate into a neighborhood sealed within an immense translucent dome that provides protection within a perfectly controlled climate for the privileged.
Beyond the sight of those sheltered communities are multi-mile long metal buildings where DNA enhanced
why "DNA enhanced" rather than "genetically enhanced"?
strains of plants and livestock are grown and processed by untiring robotic workers. Open air farms became rare in most of the modern world due to the unpredictable cycles of summer drought and torrential rains from the massive hurricanes of fall.
The outer circles of centralized civilization are dotted with decaying small towns that slowly died out during the worldwide depression triggered by the Israel-Iran nuclear war of 2012. The war was brief, but the fear and severe economic fallout lasted for a decade. Those surrendering to the economic misery watched from the silence of their rusting steel structures as the subsequent recovery passed them by. The renaissance emerged
from
and expanded around the research of modern universities and well-financed corporations. The unprecedented economic boom was led by breakthroughs in nanotechnology, robotics, and applied DNA research for everything from disease to crop yields.
Economies of most of the world surged while the environment suffered. The growing greenhouse effect triggered soaring temperatures, declining oxygen levels, and a wide variety of new diseases. Most of the modern world moved inside and under the protection of technology straining to replace what nature lost.

The United Nations Environmental Crises (UNEC)
in UN jargon the word "committee" (or "agency", or "organisation") is always included in it's initials, thus "UNECC"
committee was finally formed to coordinate worldwide programs. True to the nature of committees, personal politics and conflicting priorities created barriers to meaningful progress. Then the world got a wakeup call in 2030. A highly contagious and deadly disease rose from those dying of famine in a remote region of Africa, worked its way down river to villages, crossed the continent and boarded ships bound for the relatively safe realm of modern city seaports.
Death kicked down locked doorways, introducing fear as his dining companion to feast upon the pain and misery inflicted by an unrelenting disease. Hospitals became the front lines of the viral battlefield and were overwhelmed to the point that euthanasia was promoted as a merciful, morale, and legal surrender. Many a poor parent faced the final responsibility of ensuring the peaceful passing of their family before taking the last of the lethal prescription to join them.

The UNEC’s mission was eventually expanded to coordinate the environmental triage and disease containment mission on a global scale. Nations took the drastic measures demanded to deal with the pandemic and isolate the disease. But over two billion died before the virus was slowly stamped out. Nearly a billion more that were infected survived the plague, but were doomed to carry the dormant and dangerous microbe
viruses and microbes are not interchangeable words
until their death. Their faces carried the sadness and scars that would condemn them to a restricted and shortened lifespan. Every confirmed patient had a wireless tracking chip implanted under a dark blue tattooed barcode on the side of their neck. At the time, it provided a practical solution to track the death rate from the disease and contain the infected survivors within isolated camps.
After the disease was defeated, there was considerable discussion on what to do with the survivors still carrying the dormant virus. Humanitarians deplored keeping them in the death camps; while fear, pragmatism and politics led to a compromise. They were allowed to return to live and work in the cities, but had to be kept isolated from the general population. Technology as usual, provided a cost-effective solution.

The cities needed skilled workers to augment the robotic work force required to cleanup, rebuild, and maintain. No normal citizen would take a job within the previous danger zones at and below ground level. So the marked were offered those jobs, along with free food and rent. It was an offer they couldn’t refuse since public fear
had
reduced them to social outcasts. Most migrated to the cities and agreed to the rules, while a few escaped to the abandoned rust belt. The rules were simple, stay within the demarcated zones. Those zones were clearly delineated by dark red florescent
fluorescent
lines sprayed across the grey cement sidewalks
comma, I think, unless it's the sidewalks rather than the lines doing the segmenting
segmenting the city. The implanted wireless chips became invisible chains echoing a signal to the grid of each step they took, bringing on blinding pain from a high-tech robotic taser should they step over the line. The solution proved so cost effective that non-violent criminals and other social misfits were gradually added to the segregated population.
Cassandra and other concerned scientists warned during those transformational decades that the social and environmental dichotomy would ultimately lead to another crisis, dwarfing any that came
had come
before it. Historical levels of natural resources were consumed on the subsequent climb to the new summit of civilization. Her beloved planet of Terra strained to provide an ever demanding
is it really the harvest, rather than the population, which is demanding?
harvest for her children, while growing gravely ill from the stress.
Cassandra had no time to enjoy a child of her own; the coming crisis consumed her every waking day and haunted her nights. Perhaps it’s for the best, she once thought, to be spared the grief her best friend Carol endured of burying her husband and their only son on the same day. They were
had been
riding with a medical relief convoy in Columbia when a road gang sprayed the lead truck with rapid fire and took off with the precious cargo.
and we've come out of the flashback, but are still in past tense
She replayed her own life while lying within the comfortable shade and solitude of the Ceiba tree.
flashback again, without change of tense
Her childhood was filled with campfire memories, sleeping under the stars from the African plains to mountains of Alaska, from the Amazon rainforests to the Arabian dessert.
desert
Her parents were scientists who dedicated their lives to the research and defense of the environment. By the time she turned thirteen, they insisted she attend a private boarding school to prepare for college. They also recognized she needed some sense of normalcy through the trying teenage years. She went on to thrive in athletic and academic competition with those who lacked the survival skills and self reliance she
had
developed as a child of the world.
Her most cherished prize was the summers spent back with her parents on some new expedition, but by fall she looked forward to returning to friends and the familiar comfort of her dormitory. There were boyfriends of course, but none held her interest for long. They lacked the maturity and vision of something beyond the Friday night dance or Saturday football game. She had her choice of college scholarships and decided on Cal Tech for its environmental studies and intense biology program. And of course, her best friend Carol had also chosen Cal.

She excelled in the intense academic program, graduated Magna Cum Laude, and looked forward to the limitless possibilities before her. Then in her first year of grad school, she got the terrible news. Her parents
had
lost their lives fighting a horrifying virus that emerged while they were in Africa; the same virus that grew to a worldwide pandemic. She took a sabbatical from school and volunteered to help until it was stamped out. She risked her life treating patients within the death camps by day, and bent over a microscope at night to help analyze why every treatment proved only partially effective.
Eventually the disease died out with a new vaccine and the billions who were burned and buried. She returned to school even more dedicated to following the path her parents had paved across the world, a lifelong journey to save the environment. It took the last of her inheritance to pay for her doctorate in Computational and Systems Biology at MIT. Her thesis was considered a breakthrough on macroevolution and earned her a coveted environmental scientist position on the foremost research project to model global changes to the environment. Two years later she led that same team to develop a plausible and predictable connection between the environment and all dominate
dominant?
living organisms; from viral to human.
Unfortunately, no one wanted to believe the dire and dreadful predictions. They just wanted to put the past crises behind them and enjoy the promising progress technology offered. She demonstrated how global warming would soon accelerate, far exceeding the conservative projections made at the turn of the century. However, near-term economic considerations continued to take precedent over ecology, but still she persisted. Her dedicated work was eventually noticed and she was asked to join the coveted Society of Scientists. Together they prepared for a catastrophic future others blindly refused to believe would come. Her persistence paid off and by her mid thirties, was rewarded with an environmental research lab on her Costa Rican mountain; and a diverse and dedicated team to work with. Over the next decade she and the Society worked to save the planet, while planning for the pandemic her environmental model predicted would once again bring the world to the brink of extinction.

Then a month ago the nightmarish prophecy came
had come
screaming through the silence of a hot summer night. Near the twentieth anniversary of her parent’s death, the dormant virus returned in an even more aggressive and cruelly mutated form. The UNEC summoned her four days ago, along with the head of every major national disease control center
comma
to their New York City headquarters.
The crisis could have been avoided if they had acted when she presented the initial results of her new macro evolutionary model to them nearly ten years ago. The Society of Scientists backed her results, while others debated it. In the end, the UNEC members provided her considerable praise, but recommended more study. She was given a significant budget increase and a new state-of-the-art lab buried deep within the mountainside in Costa Rica.
is this not repetition of data given a few paragraphs back?
The only non-negotiable condition and reasonable rationale was absolute secrecy to avoid another worldwide economic panic.
She initially believed them, and the then assistant chairperson, Richard Strausen. Richard was a well-known advocate on the issues of global warming. He was handsome, charming, and seemed to really care about the cause. He even charmed her into spending the night with him. That night led to a heated affair over the next six months while she worked in New York until the new lab was built.

Then the day before Richard returned from a two week business trip, she discovered he had really been on his honeymoon on Paradise Island, a recently heavily fortified oasis for the ultra rich. He had married a wealthy socialite back in his hometown of Boston. A trusted friend of her mother told her there was far more to the arranged marriage. The bride’s father introduced Richard to those who could make him, and his new family, wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. All he had to do was direct contracts to certain business contacts for water treatment, drug development, and other projects proposed by the UNEC.

Angered by the betrayal of love and of her cause, Cassandra took a cab to his upscale loft in the city to confront him about the relationship, and the rumors of selling out to the highest bidder. The burley
burly?
security guard let her in, figuring she was still seeing him on the sly. She slid the plastic passkey through the electronic lock to open the heavy steel reinforced door. The loft was dark and quiet, but the lingering scent of his expensive cologne suggested he had just been there. She figured he must still be at the lavishly equipped gym down in the basement. She checked her watch. Of course, she laughed inside; he was
comma
after all
comma
the master of routine. It was still ten minutes before his work-out would be completed. Even sex had to fit within his schedule as he started taking her for granted. The last few times she stayed over, he was dressed and gone by the time she finished her early morning shower. She was left to turn out the lights and close the cold steel door behind her. She had wondered how, with a genius level IQ, she could have been so stupid, and so naïve.
The sexy feminine voice of his computer brought her focus back to the empty room. The voice signaled the arrival of a high priority incoming email message. Odd that he would have left his computer unsecured, she thought.

She walked around his high tech titanium and liquid crystal desk to take a peek at the data displayed within its surface. The upper right section of the digital desk displayed a message from a high level executive of a large pharmaceutical firm. The executive thanked Richard for his support, and verified the ten million “consulting fee” would be transferred to his off-shore account. The sender just needed his bank routing code and account number. She had a brilliant idea. She would put that photographic memory inherited from her father to good use. She replied to the message with account information she remembered from her mother’s volunteer work with the Save the Children foundation. Perhaps Richard might make a positive contribution to the world after all, she mused.

A few minutes later Richard showed up, clearly surprised to see her. Her stone-cold expression told him she had somehow gotten word of the marriage. He had been prepared for this eventuality, and was about to lay out another lie to convince her to stay with him, or at the very least not kick him through the window. He learned the hard way she could be as dangerous as she was beautiful when he once joked about her black belt in Hwa Rang Do. She had challenged him to meet her at the gym to demonstrate it was more than just another faddish exercise class. He was fortunate only his male ego was broken; the bruises on his ribs hurt for a week.

Richard started to plead his case, “Cas, let me . . .”

She stopped him before he could get another word out, “Richard, I don’t want to hear another lie cross your cruel lips. I believed in you despite repeated warnings from my closest friends - and that’s my mistake. Cheating on me is one thing, but to cheat all those who depend on our work is another.”

She then glanced down at his desk with a knowing smile. His well tanned face flushed with fire as he raced over and leaned in for a closer look. He rose up fuming with rage, an eerie red glow of the digital display security warning light reflecting off his steel grey eyes. Cassandra wasn’t concerned; her upturned brow and defiant stance told him he would pay dearly for the indiscretion.

Richard rushed over to the desk, “Cas, what have you done!”

“You just made a sizable contribution to a very needy cause,” she replied.

He tried to contain his anger, his mind racing for a plausible exit plan. If she exposed him, he would be ruined, “Cas, I really can explain . . .”

She interrupted him again with an icy calm response, “Don’t bother. I’m sure you can fabricate a plausible reason to submit your resignation to the UNEC. Just do it; and we’ll be done with this whole affair. And life goes on, if we’re lucky.”

Richard could see it was no use to try and defend
trying to defend?
his actions, so he went on
the offensive?
“Cas, don’t be naïve. You think this all ends with me? I’m just a maintenance man for the money machine that produces the real power in this world. Every member of the committee owes their soul to those who possess that power. It’s not like we’re blocking progress, just redirecting some of the profits. Everyone wins.”

“You know as well as I that is just plain BS,” she replied.

Richard responded with a firm warning, “Well
comma
if you know what’s good for you, and your project, you’ll remain quiet. I’ve already been approached by other members to replace you. They are concerned you aren’t a team player.”
Cassandra shook off the warning, “You can’t make that decision. Only the chairperson has that authority . . .”

She stopped mid sentence, as a thin smile crossed his chiseled face. Of course, she thought, they’ve made him the new chair.

“That’s right Cas,” confirming her fear, “Howard retired to focus on his family. In other words, he was fired. With all the recent events in the world, he was developing a conscious
conscience
. That’s a liability they couldn’t afford. I’m the new chair, as of today.”
“Who are they?” she asked.

He warned, “That knowledge could prove to be very unhealthy. Tomorrow, we’ll review your status report and proposal. Your work will be acknowledged and rewarded with a promotion to head of the research team and the new lab recently completed in Costa Rica. You will be granted an enormous budget and choice of personnel from the top research institutes across the globe.”

Cassandra realized he had control, for now. She would have to take the offer; otherwise they would replace her with someone who would play the game entirely by their rules. She would find a way to get the research completed, and no power on earth would deny, nor hide, the results.

She went on to dedicate the next decade of her life to the research program to prevent the inevitable. The precious years flew by as she built the case for each new connected link in a chain of crises. They took each progress report seriously; as an opportunity for their own profit while praising her team’s work to save the world. They however rejected the truly major changes and programs she recommended as an impractical extravagance and politically unacceptable.

That is until a few days ago when she was summoned to report her team’s analysis of the latest viral outbreak. Cassandra had taken the long journey to New York from her team’s top secret lab in Costa Rica. She knew they didn’t want to hear how horrific the situation was going to get, and the unprecedented plan that would be required to deal with it. She had a strategy, and irrefutable facts that would get their undivided attention. And if they didn’t listen and act quickly, her team was instructed to notify the world press and published everything on the web along with the scientific backing of the Society. It would cause considerable panic, but at least something would be done; and some might survive.

The chaotic conversation hushed as Cassandra walked confidently into the cavernous conference room, with its floor to ceiling window view of the city two hundred stories below. She was a striking figure in a new designer suit she had selected from one of New York’s finest on Fifth Avenue. Might as well go out in style, she thought. She wore a fine custom tailored jacket with a blazing sky blue silk blouse flowing over form fitted black slacks. Soft black syn-leather boots with three inch heels completed the outfit and accentuated her tall five-nine frame.

She hoped the dramatic change of appearance would throw them off guard while her determination wielded a razor sharp edge to cut through their resistance. She took a few seconds to size up the committee members sitting around the long, smoke grey glass conference table. They seemed relaxed, smug, and comfortable in their soft leather chairs. Time to shake them up, she thought.

No one noticed their personal translucent holographic displays rising one by one from the table as she walked by. All eyes were on her. Richard’s jaw dropped at her striking transformation. This wasn’t the same woman he’d known, the brainy scientist who consistently hid her beauty behind jungle khaki.

He wondered if she ever regretted leaving him, his private loft, and the privileged life he offered her as the mistress of one of the most powerful men on the planet. His life had been the envy of his peers, but had recently taken a bitter turn. His wealthy wife caught him late one evening on the office couch with a young new assistant. She retained the most aggressive divorce law firm in Boston, froze his accounts, and had him escorted from her family’s private compound near the Boston bay. He now slept alone in the loft he had kept for overnight meetings in the city, as well as the occasional rendezvous. Fortunately, she had no clue of his well hidden offshore accounts. One of those accounts was soon going to buy him a luxurious view from a fortified high-rise on a private man-made island off Dubai.

An impatient cough from the Russian delegate brought him back to the business at hand.

Richard said, “I believe you all know Cassandra Mitchell. She will brief us on the new viral outbreak in Africa and recommendations on how to deal with it. Miss Mitchell, the floor is yours.”

Cassandra took a deep breath, summoning the strength of conviction and caring her parents had instilled in her.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we face an unstoppable pandemic - and the probable end of the human species within less than two years.”


I've indicated some of the points where the tenses clash, but possibly not all; it would be nice if the piece sat in a consistant time frame, rather than drifting.
 
Thanks for your detailed and helpful comments. I'm strongly considering a total rewrite of this first chapter. It will be written solely in the present tense of a more action based scene where Cassandra is on a medical rescue and research mission to the site of the initial viral outbreak. This should also provide a better opportunity to describe the present state of the world from her POV, rather than the "author as narrator".

Her flashback to the affair with Richard Strausen can then take place on the flight to the UNECC meeting in Chapter two. Chapter 2 covers the active dialogue at the meeting, her findings, and recommendations. That meeting provides the initial setup and basic plot.

The multiple flashbacks make it harder to follow and get connected to the lead character and the plot to unfold across the first 3 chapters. I was too close to realize it - thus the value of this web site. I searched many and this is the first I've come across that offers immediate and detailed feedback. I went through a number of reviews on the site before signing on.

Thank you!
 
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