Dear Mr. Robertson,
-- sorry, Robson.
They claim that your imprisonment is entirely self-imposed; all you need to do is state publically in some print or broadcast medium that actually some monsters are jolly good chaps, and that there are adolescent human beings who are ten times more disagreeable, and a hundred times more numerous (he, she or it seemed to have something against adolescent human beings, for some reason) And that, while you are incarcerated, you are being given conditions they would like to be able to give all their offspring; hardly dank at all, and choice food they were starving themselves to give you. They had even offered each of you a change of clothing, which had been universally rejected, an obvious insult to their attempts at friendship.
If this seems like standard terrorist propagander; indeed, they could well have hired the same attaché de presse as did the Basque separatist group, but I will admit I agrred fairly rapidly to their commission, as the leader was fairly fragrant while his two assistants were seriously aromatically challenged; I feared Airwick would be no match for the odours impregnating themselves into the furnishings. Our next meeting, if there should be one, will be in one of Geneva's 'smokers' clubs', where olfactory pollution should pass unnoticed.
I would like to add that nothing I do will be financially rewarded, nor will it have any solid legal basis; lawyers generally feature in my stories as considerably worse beings in the long run than the innocently violent monsters. But if you should desire to pursue this matter I remain at your, and their service to attempt to negotiate an end to this regrettable situation.
Your very humble servant,
Chrispy.
