The Backcover of the book Amoretoria

[Asmer20]

Well, Thanks to another similar thread I got my inspiration. I think this is sort of a short summary that could help me fill in the details.

At the beginning of human history, a caveman named Lesito foresaw the world through the centuries. One of the worst visions he had propelled him to create a force in which Love was the tool to overcome violence and war. However, Lesito also saw that there would be a need for a highly developed spiritual leader who could transform the world. His brother would not stop Lesito from saving the world, as it crumbled into pollution and fear.

Cebera, a young teenager had no idea who the Asmers were, until she found Jamie. She was predicted to be the highly developed spiritual leader Lesito had foreseen. In a world full of war, starvation, pollution, and consumption, will Cebera be able to lead the world to peace?

 

[Boneman]

Asmer...breathe....breathe....

Erm, well..... at the moment I feel it's a cross between a synopsis and a book jacket, and it probably wouldn't compel me to read any further as it's too dry. The way I understand it, the book blurb is the advert, the bit that should intrigue us, draw us in, but there's no drama in your words on a personal level. Sure, violence and war, starvation, pollution, consumption mean all that, but until they happen to someone we're interested in, it's just too flat.

I'd be more interested if the personal aspect of your story hit me between the eyes.........

"Thousands of years ago Lesito foresaw a world of violence, death and destruction, and drew power to him, setting in motion a chain of events that would release the power to the spiritual leader who could change everything.

When the signs show the leader has been born, the two opposing sides seek out the one whose actions will ultimately lead to the salvation or destruction of all living things. The fate of the world now rests on the shoulders of a teenage girl, Cebera, who is unaware of her power."

Okay, it's nowhere near good enough, but do you think it has more urgency? More immediacy? More engaging? It's a first attempt, and I'd say more about the girl, like 'if she's not taught to use her power......' or 'both sides try to bend her to their will, and all the time she attempts to find the power within her...' summat like that, only I don't know the story....!

 

[Sonshu]

My thoughts (with respect) are it sounds rather slow going.

If the caveman is a caveman as we expect them how would he understand the context of time? To me caveman conjures up something like (real) human evolution. Historically the beginning of human evolution a few centuries nothing will have changed your talking few hundred millennia before much evolves not centuries.

On this basis the term of “caveman” would turn me off. Your text gives indication of 2 caveman brothers who don't agree on how things should be done and one can see into the future this really is it..... Seeing does not imply they can do anything about it and so to me the text sounds bland no indication as to what either could do about it. (Sorry just my 2p worth and it’s only worth 1p at that as I am new to this.)

If its real type cavemen they would have little resources and language BUT if its fantasy types then perhaps the term savage or tribesman may work better as poloution would to me imply machinery and industry which our “caveman” could not comprehend.

If you give a little more of the plot away it may help a bit.

 

[BSCVadhan]

Well, Thanks to another similar thread I got my inspiration. I think this is sort of a short summary that could help me fill in the details.

At the beginning of human history, a caveman named Lesito foresaw the world through the centuries. One of the worst visions he had propelled him to create a force in which Love was the tool to overcome violence and war. However, Lesito also saw that there would be a need for a highly developed spiritual leader who could transform the world. His brother would not stop Lesito from saving the world, as it crumbled into pollution and fear.

Cebera, a young teenager had no idea who the Asmers were, until she found Jamie. She was predicted to be the highly developed spiritual leader Lesito had foreseen. In a world full of war, starvation, pollution, and consumption, will Cebera be able to lead the world to peace?

______________________________________________________________

Just see if you like this! I dont know your plot in full nor am I able to make out who the Asmers are or for that matter the relevance Jamie has in this tale. Maybe you can improve on it!

Lesito foresaw the future. It was a future so bleak and direful, it propelled him to invoke the raw essence of sorcery to pull together a healing force. He kindled a trigger to unleash the force. The trigger was a leader of men, a being so sublime that the force would flow through the trigger, into the world, cleansing it. But the trigger did not come to be, not during Lesito's time and the one person to stop the carnage, Lesito's brother, did not heed his call.

Eons passed, Cebera, born with a sign, thrilled the elders when they found out she was the trigger delegated by Lesito to invoke the force. She was the one person who could harness it, wield it, unleash it into a world that was polluted and starving. But, did Cebera, who was born with the sign believe in it? Could she realise herself? Could Cebera harness her powers and unleash the much vaunted force of love onto her brethren or will she fail to live up to her potential...after all Prophecies predict they do not deal with consequences.

Sai

 

[Asmer20]

I'm trying not to reveal too much of the story so I'm trying not to put too much of the plot here or it will be a SPOILER!!!! Well, I must affirm, I really appreciate your feedback. To be a little more clear, Cebera is Lesito's adopted daughter during his lifetime. Her real father from the time Amoretoria was created is really Lesito's evil brother Formon. So Cebera has a past life where she was Formon's biological daughter and Lesito raised her because Formon wanted sons and his brother had them, but his wife gave Formon daughters.

The other twist is that Cebera finally decides to become an Asmer when she becomes overwhelmed at her birthday party and takes a walk where she meets Jamie (male).

I'd love to say that Lesito was a God, maybe Jesus or moses, but Amoretoria was founded way before their times. Lesito learned how to craft tools that were not known to the people of his time.