Unto Elysium

[Chimeco]

And here's a serious attempt. I'd welcome any criticism. I wrote it awhile back, and spent so much time writing it that I no longer wanted to write poetry. I did the same with java programming one summer semester... But that's another story.

Liquidly, are petals written,
Milk of tea leaves sway,
Palettes carved in honeysuckle
Painting de Calais.
Blush. Such roses are forbidden!
-Garnet tigers pose;
In this garden, maidens chuckle
At my lyric prose.

A glimmer for Elysium:
Sweet innocence in cabaret,
As lissome damsels faintly rise
theatrically, and improvised;
I troll my serenade this day,
This rosy messaline renday
Of rapture loud in sweet repair,
Like nectar from a prickly pear;
Or trilliums, by wintry glare.

Yet I saw:

Within a glinting, feral glare
I cry a garnet tiger nigh,
And there I stand inside his eye,
A troubadour, caught unaware!

Long I fled:

A melody on whispers wake
Behind a laurel tree, bound twice,
A Chinese, liquid-amber grove!
And through it all, a maiden cove
And lovely bird-of-paradise!
With lanquid eyes and ivy hair
And honeysuckle lips in pair;
So softly this, does she declare:

Sing, oh sweetling chevalier
Of incense trees a'bud,
Soft china petals flutter
With our passions tidal flood.
This waterway, sweet gondolier
Is made for you and I,
So hear this breath I utter
Quick! In loving arms I die!

 

[Lacedaemonian]

Not sure that every stanza makes sense but I love the imagery. Do you read a lot of poetry from the Romantic period? This poem is very much like Blake, Keats, Byron etc etc. I love it.

 

[Chimeco]

i used to. i actually got my rhyme count from a shelly poem though. But yeah, I was probably being overly metaphorical when I wrote it. At the time, the forum critiqueing it had the title, very hardcore critiques. Needless to say, they were very ruthless and crushing with their responses. And then one day I found out that the only way to shut them up for good was to confuse the hell out of them. I've been doing it ever since. Works great!

 

[Lacedaemonian]

Yeah well I love it. I think you should write some more.