April 1, 2005
LONDON The literary world was shocked today when poet and playwright William "the Bard" Shakespeare announced at a press conference that he was the true author (or "onlie begetter") of The Hidden Stars, a fantasy novel which has been widely ascribed to California author Madeline Howard.
When asked why he chose to publish the highly-regarded epic fantasy under a pseudonym, Shakespeare replied, "Well, these are difficult times for midlist writers, and frankly I haven't produced a bestseller since the early 1600's. Buyers at the big chain bookstores would never have touched the book if it had had my name on it."
Opinion is divided on whether or not the Stratfordian's claim is credible.
"Bill Shakespeare never composed a coherent line of prose or poetry in his life," declared Edward de Vere (aka "Earl" Oxford), when contacted by the Chronicles Network. "Everyone knows that I'm the one who ghosted all of his previous so-called works. The fact is, I'm sick to death of that faker taking credit for things he never wrote. As my good friend the late Bob Greene always used to say, 'he's nothing but an upstart player beautifying his tiger's heart with our borrowed feathers.' Or ... um, words to that effect."
Noted philosopher and amateur scientist Francis Bacon had this to say: "It's really just a matter of deciphering messages the author coded into the text of The Hidden Stars at the time it was written. If you take the first letter of the last word in each of the numbered chapters, apply the Plain Cypher, multiple by the total page count minus five, and unscramble the resulting anagram, you'll find the entirely clear and unambiguous message, 'I, ELzbetth i, wrte a boke.' I don't see how the real author could have been any more forthright. But if anything more is needed, the title itself is another clue that makes it pretty obvious there is more to this 'Madeline Howard' than anyone guessed until now.
"That book is a remarkably fine piece of writing," he went on. "Any author would be proud to claim it."
Christopher Marlowe, a writer whose name has often been associated with Howard's work, was unavailable for comment. His representative would only say that the feisty Canterbury native is currently residing in a long-term health care facility at an undisclosed location, recovering from injuries suffered during a recent tavern brawl. "I've never read The Hidden Stars," Marlowe's agent revealed. "But my friends who have say that it's a fast and exciting read."
When contacted at her California residence, Howard herself seemed highly amused by the whole controversy. "Who makes these things up?" she asked with a laugh.
"It looks like someone in the publicity department has been working overtime to get my name in the paper and the title of my book before the public eye," she added with a mischievous grin.
LONDON The literary world was shocked today when poet and playwright William "the Bard" Shakespeare announced at a press conference that he was the true author (or "onlie begetter") of The Hidden Stars, a fantasy novel which has been widely ascribed to California author Madeline Howard.
When asked why he chose to publish the highly-regarded epic fantasy under a pseudonym, Shakespeare replied, "Well, these are difficult times for midlist writers, and frankly I haven't produced a bestseller since the early 1600's. Buyers at the big chain bookstores would never have touched the book if it had had my name on it."
Opinion is divided on whether or not the Stratfordian's claim is credible.
"Bill Shakespeare never composed a coherent line of prose or poetry in his life," declared Edward de Vere (aka "Earl" Oxford), when contacted by the Chronicles Network. "Everyone knows that I'm the one who ghosted all of his previous so-called works. The fact is, I'm sick to death of that faker taking credit for things he never wrote. As my good friend the late Bob Greene always used to say, 'he's nothing but an upstart player beautifying his tiger's heart with our borrowed feathers.' Or ... um, words to that effect."
Noted philosopher and amateur scientist Francis Bacon had this to say: "It's really just a matter of deciphering messages the author coded into the text of The Hidden Stars at the time it was written. If you take the first letter of the last word in each of the numbered chapters, apply the Plain Cypher, multiple by the total page count minus five, and unscramble the resulting anagram, you'll find the entirely clear and unambiguous message, 'I, ELzbetth i, wrte a boke.' I don't see how the real author could have been any more forthright. But if anything more is needed, the title itself is another clue that makes it pretty obvious there is more to this 'Madeline Howard' than anyone guessed until now.
"That book is a remarkably fine piece of writing," he went on. "Any author would be proud to claim it."
Christopher Marlowe, a writer whose name has often been associated with Howard's work, was unavailable for comment. His representative would only say that the feisty Canterbury native is currently residing in a long-term health care facility at an undisclosed location, recovering from injuries suffered during a recent tavern brawl. "I've never read The Hidden Stars," Marlowe's agent revealed. "But my friends who have say that it's a fast and exciting read."
When contacted at her California residence, Howard herself seemed highly amused by the whole controversy. "Who makes these things up?" she asked with a laugh.
"It looks like someone in the publicity department has been working overtime to get my name in the paper and the title of my book before the public eye," she added with a mischievous grin.
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