Synopsis- Kroniikles

[BSCVadhan]

Refurbished synopsis, after fantastic critiques by you guys.


_____________________________________________

[FONT=&quot]Synopsis[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]The Characters:[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Aswathaman failed to kill the royal foetus at the end of the war. When he was captured, he expected to be executed. He was wrong. They made him live an unnaturally long life; worse, his wounds from the war never did heal. He existed like a wild animal, hiding from the world and killing the few he chose to; that was until ‘the other’ almost broke free from a hellish prison. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]His name is Kroni, a beast more powerful than all the worlds of power put together. He’s going to destroy the worlds; his revenge for being held a prisoner, for being turned into a bloodless anaerobe, a creature surviving without air and water. His cloak of shadows shrouds him from everyone, no one really knows he exists and absolutely no one can stop him, except Aswathaman that is. Succeeding in saving the worlds of power assures Aswathaman’s redemption, if he fails, we die.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Four men, two women, a child and a dragon join hands with Aswathaman. They are:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Mrihir is a Demi-God, a Deva High-Lord and assassin let loose to pasture after a humiliating defeat. His one chance to redeem his honour is to join Aswathaman.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Kashyap, professor of mythology doesn’t know of his metamorphosis. He is fast changing into an Asura warlord, to him a mythical being, in reality, the arch enemy of the Deva, Mrihir. He is the most powerful and unwilling of Aswathaman’s Guardians.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Rap Sage is an ageless seer whose passion for a good fight and the art of healing is only matched by horrific rendition of Rap music. The Sage has a dark secret and a personal reason for the quest.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Ahilya, the Rap Sage’s long lost sister, captive in a desolate world, is a powerful mage and is the lady love of Professor Kashyap. She is also the tenth guardian of Eternal flame and is suspected to be the one Guardian that can wield the Vel, a super weapon.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Vikas is in the secret police. Having lost his little daughter to a paedophile and a murderer, he is vengeful and vicious but exceptionally loyal and so is his lover, Asha, a policewoman herself. Their love has to be fulfilled for them to unlock a world-saving secret. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Their six month old daughter, ‘the confluence child’ is a powerful guardian having both Asura and Deva traits. She maybe the link that could lead to the spear or so some believe.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Upakarma is a Gandharva, a nature spirit locked inside the body of a dragon snake. Upakarma doesn’t know that he holds the most important piece of the puzzle. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Together, they are the destined nine, chosen to stand against Kroni and his translucent minion, Trigund the Anomaly. Trigund is neither man nor woman, neither dead nor alive; a deadly negative aura is all it is. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]They are supported by Deeksh, a Gandharva prince with a tragic love story and a destiny he has no clue about and Krusan-Asur, once an elite commando for a powerful Asura Warlord, the alter ego of Professor Kashyap. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Last but not the least is a twelve foot Bull God with a short temper and a love for juicy plums who has to tolerate the excesses of the incorrigible Rap Sage. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Plot:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Kroni’s bid to escape was unwittingly instigated by the people of Earth, the seventh of the High Worlds of power, when they almost destroyed the natural elements that bind creation through wanton exploitation of their planet. The elemental locks of Asatya, Kroni’s prison, were left hanging by a thread. The Unison of Light, a process to streamline the Worlds of power to offset the destruction of earth’s valencies is set to be misaligned by Kroni. If the Unison is foiled, the elemental locks will be completely destroyed, the one consciousness, Kroni’s nemesis, will no longer exist. Creation, the handiwork of the one consciousness, will cease to be. In short, life will give way to power and Kroni will have had his way.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Story:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The destined nine and their small army of Kailashians, holding allegiance to the one consciousness, have to face the countless Raakshas minions of Trigund and safeguard the Unison of Light. Their one chance to even survive the conflict is to find the Spear, the super weapon used to defeat Trigund once before. All that they have to lead them to the Spear is a prophecy that keeps changing time and again and ninety days and counting to the Unison of Light. The Guardians will have to unite, settle their differences, trace the prophecy, find the Spear and save the worlds of power from certain destruction. The question is, even if they are able to do all of it, can they stop Kroni at all? [/FONT]

 

[The Bloated One]

BSCVadhan,

I am probably not the best person to offer suggestions, but here goes;

For me it doesn't come alive, there is a lot of information that is well, boring? Can you enliven the whole piece somehow?

Where's the hook? you need something in the first paragraph that grabs attention and makes the reader wonder and read on.

Here is an example of a short synopsis I wrote for my own draft novel;

Short Synopsis – The Adventures of Tarquin Jenkins


TARQUIN JENKINS loves jumping from a narrow boat, but instead of water, he splashes through time to visit dead people.

On his latest adventure, Tarquin finds a journal and joins the BRITISH INTERGALACTIC FOREIGN SERVICE based in 2340 fighting the GRIDDLEBACKS, a race of world-pillaging aliens throughout the present, past and future.

His girlfriend RHIA is killed, but by using the journal he finds an ancient time amulet that could save her life.

His colleagues are captured and he has 48 hours to decide whether to fight to save them, or save his girlfriend from being killed. He decides to fight. Now, he must take on an army of well-armed aliens in their own backyard with nothing but a disparate bunch of office clerks and wacky scientists.

He rescues his colleagues, but is trapped. If they are all to escape, he has to trade the only means of getting his girlfriend back, the amulet.

Tarquin lives in a world where time was always on his side, but things have changed and it looks like his time is running out.

The genre is an anarchic mix of history & science fiction.

The word count: 110,000

It's in your face, throwing information at you as it runs the story through to the end.

Every story is different but I really want to see the bite in yours.

These are only my thoughts, others will have more substantive comments.

All the best,

TBO

 

[scalem X]

I wonder:

Have you written it yet? I mean, I see a character outline and a plot-line, but I don't see any writing. Depending on how you write it, some things will change and be less probable, some new things will pop up...

If you are looking for critiques: ask us what you like. You just post something, but we have no idea what you're planning to do with it.
Did you write the story and need a synopsis to send to an agent or do you still have to write the story or...

If you have the story and this is a synopsis to send to someone: less info and more fluent transitions.(unless it's for a game or a movie or soap series).

If you haven't written the story:
depending on who you ask, you've outlined lots of plot-twists, before you even started. If you can write it well and fit all in, you're a genius, but it will be harder than it seems now. You will have to adapt the plot-line to your writing, which is a better tactic than sticking to what you have now and try to fit everything in anyway. In any case, start writing and keep writing.

Best of luck.

 

[BSCVadhan]

Err...I finished the book at 1,80,000 words. Its the first of a trilogy. I am working on the second book right now. What I intend is for your critique on how interesting you think the book would be from the synopsis. I am preparing a synopsis to send to an agent. the book has gone through several levels of editing and some of it here on chronicles.

I wonder:

Have you written it yet? I mean, I see a character outline and a plot-line, but I don't see any writing. Depending on how you write it, some things will change and be less probable, some new things will pop up...

If you are looking for critiques: ask us what you like. You just post something, but we have no idea what you're planning to do with it.
Did you write the story and need a synopsis to send to an agent or do you still have to write the story or...

If you have the story and this is a synopsis to send to someone: less info and more fluent transitions.(unless it's for a game or a movie or soap series).

If you haven't written the story:
depending on who you ask, you've outlined lots of plot-twists, before you even started. If you can write it well and fit all in, you're a genius, but it will be harder than it seems now. You will have to adapt the plot-line to your writing, which is a better tactic than sticking to what you have now and try to fit everything in anyway. In any case, start writing and keep writing.

Best of luck.

 

[BSCVadhan]

Thanks, exactly what I wanted to hear. I have been posting a few of my chapters. I'll go back to the drawing board.

BSCVadhan,

I am probably not the best person to offer suggestions, but here goes;

For me it doesn't come alive, there is a lot of information that is well, boring? Can you enliven the whole piece somehow?

Where's the hook? you need something in the first paragraph that grabs attention and makes the reader wonder and read on.

Here is an example of a short synopsis I wrote for my own draft novel;

Short Synopsis – The Adventures of Tarquin Jenkins


TARQUIN JENKINS loves jumping from a narrow boat, but instead of water, he splashes through time to visit dead people.

On his latest adventure, Tarquin finds a journal and joins the BRITISH INTERGALACTIC FOREIGN SERVICE based in 2340 fighting the GRIDDLEBACKS, a race of world-pillaging aliens throughout the present, past and future.

His girlfriend RHIA is killed, but by using the journal he finds an ancient time amulet that could save her life.

His colleagues are captured and he has 48 hours to decide whether to fight to save them, or save his girlfriend from being killed. He decides to fight. Now, he must take on an army of well-armed aliens in their own backyard with nothing but a disparate bunch of office clerks and wacky scientists.

He rescues his colleagues, but is trapped. If they are all to escape, he has to trade the only means of getting his girlfriend back, the amulet.

Tarquin lives in a world where time was always on his side, but things have changed and it looks like his time is running out.

The genre is an anarchic mix of history & science fiction.

The word count: 110,000

It's in your face, throwing information at you as it runs the story through to the end.

Every story is different but I really want to see the bite in yours.

These are only my thoughts, others will have more substantive comments.

All the best,

TBO

 

[zachariah]

Hmm. This doesn't really work as a traditional synopsis. Although I hate to pimp another forum here, I'd strongly recommend you have a look here and then read through some of the synopses others have posted.

 

[chrispenycate]

Just so you don't think I'm going soft...

Yes, that is closer to a synopsis, but not quite there, yet; still a little too much space on character description (important, but not the only thing you're telling them, and not quite enough on story (without going overboard, obviously). And now it needs to sparkle, tease them into wanting to open the manuscript. More than just 'now read on' you want them to want more.

Refurbished synopsis, after fantastic critiques by you guys.



___________________________________________

[FONT=&quot]Synopsis[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]The Characters:[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Aswathaman[/FONT]

had?

[FONT=&quot] failed to kill the royal foetus at the end of the war. When he was captured, he expected to be executed. He was wrong. They made him live an unnaturally long life; worse, his wounds from the war never did heal. He existed like a wild animal, hiding from the world and killing the few he chose to;[/FONT]

I don't think that's a semicolon situation. Not grammatically wrong, no, but an entire concept break, amost a new paragraph.

[FONT=&quot] that was until ‘the other’ almost broke free from a hellish prison. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]His name is Kroni, a beast more powerful than all the worlds of power put together. He’s going to destroy the worlds;[/FONT]

this semicolon isn't essential

[FONT=&quot] his revenge for being held a prisoner, for being turned into a bloodless anaerobe, a creature surviving without air and water. His cloak of shadows shrouds him from everyone,[/FONT]

here should be a semicolon, or an "as"

[FONT=&quot] no one really knows he exists and absolutely no one can stop him, except Aswathaman that is. Succeeding in saving the worlds of power assures Aswathaman’s redemption,[/FONT]

semicolon

[FONT=&quot] if he fails, we die.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Four men, two women, a child and a dragon join hands with Aswathaman. They are:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Mrihir is[/FONT]

would flow better without the "is"

[FONT=&quot] a Demi-God, a Deva High-Lord and assassin let[/FONT]

possibly "set" rather than "let" (I suspect it was rather more dynamic even than that)

[FONT=&quot]loose to pasture after a humiliating defeat. His one chance to redeem his honour is to join Aswathaman.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Kashyap, professor of mythology[/FONT]

comma

[FONT=&quot] doesn’t know of his metamorphosis. He is fast changing into an Asura warlord, to him a mythical being, in reality,[/FONT]

no comma

[FONT=&quot] the arch enemy of the Deva, Mrihir. He is the most powerful and unwilling of Aswathaman’s Guardians.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Rap Sage is an ageless seer whose passion for a good fight and the art of healing is only matched by[/FONT]

his

[FONT=&quot]horrific rendition of Rap music. The Sage has a dark secret and a personal reason for the quest.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Ahilya, the Rap Sage’s long lost sister, captive in a desolate world, is a powerful mage and is the lady love of Professor Kashyap. She is also the tenth guardian of Eternal flame and is suspected to be the one Guardian that can wield the Vel, a super weapon.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Vikas is in the secret police. Having lost his little daughter to a paedophile and a murderer, he is vengeful and vicious but exceptionally loyal and so is his lover, Asha, a policewoman herself. Their love has to be fulfilled for them to unlock a world-saving secret. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Their six month old daughter, ‘the confluence child’ is a powerful guardian having both Asura and Deva traits. She maybe [/FONT]

may be (in two words)

[FONT=&quot]the link that could lead to the spear [/FONT]

comma

[FONT=&quot]or so some believe.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Upakarma is a Gandharva, a nature spirit locked inside the body of a dragon snake. Upakarma doesn’t know that he holds the most important piece of the puzzle. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Together, they are the destined nine, chosen to stand against Kroni and his translucent[/FONT]

translucent? Letting light through?

[FONT=&quot] minion, Trigund the Anomaly. Trigund is neither man nor woman, neither dead nor alive; a deadly negative aura is all it is. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]They are supported by Deeksh, a Gandharva prince with a tragic love story and a destiny he has no clue about and Krusan-Asur, once an elite commando for a powerful Asura Warlord, the alter ego of Professor Kashyap. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Last but not the least is a twelve foot Bull God with a short temper and a love for juicy plums[/FONT]

comma

[FONT=&quot] who has to tolerate the excesses of the incorrigible Rap Sage. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Plot:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Kroni’s bid to escape was unwittingly instigated by the people of Earth, the seventh of the High Worlds of power, when they almost destroyed the natural elements that bind creation [/FONT]

comma

[FONT=&quot]through wanton exploitation of their planet. The elemental locks of Asatya, Kroni’s prison, were left hanging by a thread. The Unison of Light, a process to streamline the Worlds of power to offset the destruction of [/FONT]

capital "E"

[FONT=&quot]earth’s valencies is set to be misaligned by Kroni. If the Unison is foiled, the elemental locks will be completely destroyed, the one consciousness, Kroni’s nemesis, will no longer exist. Creation, the handiwork of the one consciousness, will cease to be. In short, life will give way to power and Kroni will have had his way.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Story:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The destined nine and their small army of Kailashians, holding allegiance to the one consciousness, have to face the countless Raakshas minions of Trigund and safeguard the Unison of Light. Their one chance to even survive the conflict is to find the Spear, the super weapon used to defeat Trigund once before. All that they have to lead them to the Spear is a prophecy that keeps changing time and again and ninety days and counting to the Unison of Light. The Guardians will have to unite, settle their differences, trace the prophecy, find the Spear and save the worlds of power from certain destruction. The question is, even if they are able to do all of it, can they stop Kroni at all? [/FONT]

 

[BSCVadhan]

Thanks Chris. Believe me, you aren't going soft.