Critiquing Ideas That Pass My Mind [Read First Post]

Rinman

More Machine than Human
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I'm a very picky novel reader, yet I have endless
Alright to start out, I know there's already a thread I created, and mods you can go ahead and delete that one if you wish. The reason why I created this one is because I was trying to start some new ideas but discussions on the first one were still continuing. Nonetheless...


The way I'd like this one to work is if the last post in this thread appears to be "discussion like" rewind back to where an idea pops up, which most likely I'll have it look like this:
  • Idea in a list format to make it look easy.
But enough with the gibber gabber, starting out I've got a few going:
  • You'll notice this was posted in the other thread, but I still want to write something like this. It has nothing to do with the Dark Tower series by Stephen King I'll mention first, I got the idea from a game that I own (and have beaten over half a dozen times - and still play it) called Ys: Book I and II for the Turbografx-16. A while ago when I posted that in the other thread I also found a walkthrough for the game and grabbed part of it to give people a better idea of what the game is about, and what the piece is that I'd like to write about - but of course my ideas and content. This is the quoted part:
Adol remembering that Goban was none other than Goban Toba, leader of the thieves he headed up the mountain and straight to his hideout on the ridge. Once inside Goban Toba speaks to you and says that he has heard of Adol's bravery and that he was looking for the other Books of Ys. He notes that the locals fear Darm Tower and have so named it the Tower of Death. He goes on as saying that because of the evils and creeps inside the tower that a one way door was installed and that once he enters he can not exit again. Goban Toba then notices that you have a Wing(if you do) and he takes it from you offering to hold it until you exit because you can't use it inside to escape. And with this he opens the back door to his home which leads into a short cave and at the end, the one way door into Darm Tower.

Once inside, as he was warned it would happen, the door slammed shut and sealed itself from the outside, there was no going back now. Walking along Adol didn't find any real resistance on the first floor, just one enemy, a row of jail cells to the west, and to the south of the entrance a door which would take him out and around to the next floor. Here there were more enemies, but there were also four chests in this area. One was though already open and whatever was inside was gone, but in the other chests were the Evil Ring, a Healing Potion, and the other a Mirror. As Adol continued along her came into a room with three statues made of stone, and suddenly there was a large flash. When Adol came to his senses he found he was in a cell and that all his Silver Items were gone. Adol tried to talk to a man in the room but got no where so he began to search for a way out. When he touched the prison door a large hole was blown in the wall scattering brick everywhere and a person immerged.
You find that this person is Colin, the person the Old Man outside had told you was lost inside, but he doesn't look too lost to you. He gives you the Eagle Statue and tells you that you must seek out a man named Rasta and that the key to finding him is to search for a long room with statues along the wall. Adol then departed back up the tower again and not much later he came across such a room. Not seeing a door he felt it would be wise to try on the Mask of Eyes and see what might turn up, and something did, a door, and Adol proceeded inside. Heading south in this room with no enemies he came upon the old man Rasta. Rasta once he listed to your tale and that you had been given an item by Colin and showed him the Eagle Statue he thanks you for returning it. Rasta is so thankful even that he bestows upon you the Blue Necklace which Adol is told is vital for his mission and it will be required later. Adol then decided to slip the Blue Necklace over his neck, and put the Evil Ring on his finger and proceeded on. Lucky for him that he did because this time when he got back to the floor where he lost his Silver Items and was transported to that cell he wasn't sent back.

As he proceeded onto the seventh floor of Darm Tower Adol found a lone chest and inside, his stolen Silver Sword! Proceeding on in contentment he went to the west and found a set of stairs heading up to the eighth floor to a green door. Suspicious that something could be awaiting inside he headed in slowly. As he entered he was jumped by a large mantis like creature. Examining the attack pattern of this monster Adol found that it could only throw three boomerang like claws at one time and that when they were out it was vunerable to a few sword attacks. Seeing this weakness Adol continued to attack in this manner until the monster gave up and died. When it vanished Adol found that two chests appeared and proceeded to open them. One of the chest held a small hammer, and the other had a great treasure, the fourth Book of Ys.

Proceeding to the stairs Adol headed up to the ninth floor and found himself surrounded by four dangerous statues, and to save himself Adol froze them with the Mirror. Adol quickly headed east and found stairs that went up to the tenth floor and when there found that on this floor there were two stairwells. He noticed that the west door went outside the tower and the eastern door went up to the eleventh floor, and that's where Adol went. Inside Adol was all of a sudden being quickly poisoned to death by gas and made a run for the first door he could find on the right, and inside found a man to talk to. Adol then ran back into the poison room and out the door he first came in and took the other door outside. Adol then examined the area around him and decided to try to crack a hole in the tower with the hammer to release the poison gas. Adol decided to start cracking pillars and worked his way west of the door. When Adol finally made it to the fifth pillar it seemed different in the way it broke, and all of a sudden the gas began to vent out. A pleased Adol then headed back to the room that was poisonous and continued on and entered the next door on the right where he found a man, Luta Gemma, had a talk with him and put it in his mind to remember where he is. Heading out back into the once poisonous room and found a set of stairs that headed up to the thirteenth floor which quickly lead to steps up to the fourteenth floor of Darm Tower. Once inside the fourteenth floor he found another one of those large greenish doors and remembering what happened last time entered slowly. Suddenly this large eyeball monster appeared, and after studying its movements decided the best course of action was to just hit and run, once it was dead Adol was then rewarded with the fifth Book of Ys, Gemma's Volume and a brooch.

Returning to the thirteenth floor Adol proceeded down to a mirror, and used in conjuntion with the brooch. He found that it would transport him places, and he found himself in a mirror maze. Following the mirrors and doorways ahead of him, Adol eventually stumbled upon a chest and when opened he was able to regain his Silver Armor. Now looking for a way out of the mirror maze Adol ended up in a room with mirrors that were side by side, and touching the mirror on the right transported him to the place which had the stairs that led him out of that awful maze. Taking the stairs up Adol made it up to the fifteenth floor of Darm Tower were he found a chest holding a powerful Battle Shield. Once he had it he looked for a way to exit and end up on the next floor. He found that when he headed west there was the exit that lead up to the sixteenth floor which ended up being a crossway to an extension tower off to the side of Darm Tower and proceed until he came to a green door. Since he still had his Blue Necklace and Evil Ring equipped the door easily opened and inside to his amazement he found Lair, the poetess! She explains to you that she wanted to be caught and sealed in the tower because she had something to give to you that you had to have on your journey up the tower, a pair of Glasses. She explained further that with these special Glasses Adol can read any of the six Books of Ys.

Curious Adol pulled out the fourth Book of Ys, Messa's Volume and read a small part. The book said that the evil powers had shown their force. A dark and eerie stranger had been following us and began closing in. All the village people were terrified and could offer no defense against this vile devil and the creatures who stalked the neighborhoods. Finally, we escaped into Solomon Shrine after being chased by six hatchet men. Soon after this, the Goddesses disappeared and have long ever since. The next day the attacks suddenly stopped. We haven't seen the dark stranger since. Then a more curious Adol put away the book and then opened the fifth Book of Ys, Gemma's Volume and continued to read on. He read that a special amulat has been handed down for generations within the Gemma family. This deep blue amulat has the unique power to break the wicked curse of the evil intruders. With this new found information Adol headed back out of the room and headed back down to the eleventh floor where Luta Gemma was to talk with him, and once Adol spoke with him he was rewarded with the Blue Amulet.

Adol then proceeded back from there up to the fifteenth floor and then took the other set of stairs to the seventeenth floor of Darm Tower where he found a chest with a Healing Potion inside to restore his "HPs" and looked for a way out and up again. From there he found to the west and found the stairs that headed up to the eighteenth floor. Once there he found the floor had two sets of stairs and decided to take the one on right and ended up in a room on the nineteenth floor which had a chest surrounded by four statues. Remembering all his occurances before he made sure to have the Blue Necklace and the Evil Ring equipped and proceeded over and opened the chest and received the Battle Armor. Then returning to the floor before he went to the left door and up a long flight of steps up to the twentieth floor. Going west through this floor a hole suddenly appeared in the wall and Adol stepped inside. In there he found a chest with two guards protecting it. Taking one on at a time and using a combination of different ring powers from the Heal, Armor, and Timer Rings he was able to win the battle. When he approached the chest and opened it he received the Flame Sword and then he exited the hole and proceeded west until he approached the stairs to the next floor and went up.

On the twenty-first floor he entered yet another tiring hall of mirrors again. Wandering around for awhile checking all his surroundings Adol came across a place with three doorways. After some hard thinking Adol chose to start with the right and if need be, work his way back to the left. He then found he was in a passage that headed to the east and followed it to the end where there were steps to the next floor. On the twenty-second floor there was also many mirrors, Adol touched them and appeared near another green door. Inside Adol was attacked by a pair of faces. Adol noticed that besides obviously having to avoid fireballs floating around the heads that he could walk on them and be unharmed. So when they began to come close together Adol ran between them to try to keep them separate. This seemed to weaken the creature and so he then continued the attack and noticed the creature began to weaken by the fact the fireballs became fewer and fewer. Eventually the fire burned out, and so did the odd creatures life force.

Adol then proceeded to go west and then north up a a few long flights of steps and came upon yet another green door. This time it didn't open using the Blue Necklace and Evil Ring so Adol thought to himself what would work and remembered the Blue Amulet he got from Luta Gemma that was mentioned in the Book of Ys, Gemma's Volume. When he placed it around his neck and pushed at the door it creaked open, and inside to his surprise he found the keeper of the sixth Book of Ys, Dark Fact. Adol could tell he wasn't going to give it up without a fight and Dark Fact made that quite clear by attacking Adol to protect his possession. Adol then remembering Silver can hurt Dark Fact he can protect himself with Silver too he equipped the Silver Sword, Shield, and Armor. Suddenly the platform they were on arose into the air and Dark Fact pressed the attack. Dark Fact moved around the platform flailing fireballs at Adol while trying to keep some distance. Adol though hit him with the Silver Sword and found that the floor would break away under that area when he did so. So Adol waited until he would run around the outside of the platform and would chase after Dark Fact and just kept sticking his sword into him, further damaging Dark Fact, but also making the floor collapse leaving less room to maneuver. Dark Fact after awhile was beginning to look pretty sorry and worn
out, but so did Adol. Eventually though Adol triumphed over the evil Dark Fact and he collapsed.



I'm pretty much stuck on this one, but occasionally there's a few more that pop in my head.
  • I just saw this commercial for a movie coming out entitled, Orphan, and at first I thought it was Carrie when it first started (the commercial). The idea is that the commercial kept showing one of those tree car air fresheners in the ad, and then King's Cell came to mind. I was thinking of working with that a bit too.
I have another I was writing that's on the tip of my tongue but it just doesn't look right when I describe it...

I'd also like to mention I'm now talking to a University Professor about taking an English course in 2010. I just can't take it now because of financial issues - and before someone mentions fiancial aid, I already owe money school-wise. I want to take care of that first. All I need is to owe another $1000+.
 
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Pfft, your quote is pretty heavy, what you got the idea on how the story can go forward. What you now need to learn is to put it in written form. All I can advice to you is to start with and learn on how to use the given tools to make it better. Think about who is your main character and use him, her or it to get into the narration.

In there forget that you were a game-master, you don't need such a strong voice, but what you need is to get into the character voice and use it to go through the events that your game-master head is throwing on the table.

I hope that helps you on start.

But if it doesn't then just focus on your school work and get your degree.
 
Pfft, your quote is pretty heavy, what you got the idea on how the story can go forward. What you now need to learn is to put it in written form. All I can advice to you is to start with and learn on how to use the given tools to make it better. Think about who is your main character and use him, her or it to get into the narration.

In there forget that you were a game-master, you don't need such a strong voice, but what you need is to get into the character voice and use it to go through the events that your game-master head is throwing on the table.

I hope that helps you on start.

But if it doesn't then just focus on your school work and get your degree.

Remember that quote is from someone else's game walkthrough ctg. And like I mentioned, I can't go to school until 2010. I'll just say this, I'm bankrupt for other reasons which basically means I won't be able to get funding for schooling until I'm caught up which won't be at least until circa January.
 
I'm skint as well, also note that I've never attended on fancy writing classes and even the English is my second language. So whatever I do, you should be able to do as well.
 
If I may ask, what is your first language? My first is English, second is German...I can speak very, very basic phrases of it, but I want my second language to be Japanese, then German as I'm planning to move to Japan after I finish school.
 
For what it is worth, I have no formal English language training, either; I was scientific/technical track during all my secondary schooling. And I'm generally considered a reasonable standard. Mind you, I did have an English teacher as a father, and I've read lots of books.

But if you are going to write – and it's not going to be easy without being an enthusiastic reader – please don't try and emulate the article you quoted. That is seriously some of the worst writing I have seen here. I'm not saying you should write like me; I don't really think anyone should write like me, one of the reasons I'm very cautious about making any suggestions apart from punctuation and grammar, but at least try to be grammatical and relatively comprehensible.
 
If I may ask, what is your first language? My first is English, second is German...I can speak very, very basic phrases of it, but I want my second language to be Japanese, then German as I'm planning to move to Japan after I finish school.

Finnish, like Chris above, I received an technical training and they thought there on how to write technical texts. Nothing on the creative front. That we had to do with programming.
After I finished my third degree (BSc on Software Engineering) I did ten years in IT. Then one day, I had enough. Started to write. And here I am, four years later and I still haven't published anything. But I have taken my time. I've learned how to write and how to write on second language. Yet, every single day I miss my home, or think that it would be so much easier to write in Finnish than in English. But I keep going and teaching others on what I've learned. Because in a way it also helps me to solve the problems that I face in my work.

You got a life ahead of you. You're still in school, still full of dreams. Use that time to do what you want, because in later in your life you can take that step back and do your own story.

Go to Japan. Be humble. Get a wife. Make babies. Write a book about your experiences.
 
Alrighty I guess I have to clear some things...
  • I'm done high school.
  • I'm 21.
  • The quoted text was not written by me at all. It wasn't edited by me. If you want to see the original article, the original article can be seen here: GameFAQs: Ys Book I & II (TCD) FAQ/Walkthrough by VmprHntrD I simply went down to where the Darm Tower area starts, copied the text from where it begins to where it ends, and pasted it here. I only used it to give you guys a sense of the idea from which I want to write about.
  • Why am I going to Japan? To be a game designer. Not a programmer. Not an English teacher.

But yeah back to the topic...just clearing some things. I have a feeling I'll have to clear a few more things too again.
 
I think when ctg referred to still being in school the reference was to college.
Anyway, I never thought you were less than 21.

Not an enormous age, though. As ctg says, you have your life before you (unless there is something we don't know about). In that respect, you're in an enviable position.
 
Alright to start out, I know there's already a thread I created, and mods you can go ahead and delete that one if you wish. The reason why I created this one is because I was trying to start some new ideas but discussions on the first one were still continuing. Nonetheless...


The way I'd like this one to work is if the last post in this thread appears to be "discussion like" rewind back to where an idea pops up, which most likely I'll have it look like this:

  • Idea in a list format to make it look easy.
But enough with the gibber gabber, starting out I've got a few going:
  • You'll notice this was posted in the other thread, but I still want to write something like this. It has nothing to do with the Dark Tower series by Stephen King I'll mention first, I got the idea from a game that I own (and have beaten over half a dozen times - and still play it) called Ys: Book I and II for the Turbografx-16. A while ago when I posted that in the other thread I also found a walkthrough for the game and grabbed part of it to give people a better idea of what the game is about, and what the piece is that I'd like to write about - but of course my ideas and content. This is the quoted part:

Is it me?

I don't get what the idea of this thread is at all.

Maybe I should just go to bed
 
In the end, Rinman, ideas are just ideas. We could spend a lifetime here banging an 'idea' into shape but it means absolutely nothing if a) it's never actually written, or b) it gets written but it's executed poorly. Because not even the best idea is going to save a poorly written book.

So you have the right attitude there - just write something! Do it! Do it now!
 
Why are you quoting things that you didn't write for critiques and not saying where/who it was written by?

That is, for all effective purposes, plagiarism.

That being said, critiques is where you post work that YOU have written to gain advice on writing for sff.

Otherwise, it belongs in Aspiring Writers WORKSHOP and not in CRITIQUES, and so I have moved it.

Please, do not quote material that is not yours without specifying whose material it is in the SAME post that you are quoting it in.

I am unsure of what you want us to do...critique your ideas? How can we critique your ideas? We can't tell you if an IDEA is good or bad, because it is often the writing of the idea that is important. That's how Danielle Steel has made so much money, she has terrible ideas (LOL, sorry, I hate romance novels) but is an absolutely awesome writer. Others are poor writers with awesome ideas.
 

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