Use of word golem

[ctg]

I have yet another problem, particularly with a word golem, but it's the only one that I can think of to describe 'Frankenstein' like monstrosity. Can you guys think a better word? Or should cut in a bit more description in the action?

Barrett snapped off the shotgun safety and nod to Dee holding the door handle. He turned on the wired reflexes as Dee pushed down the handle, and immediately felt the time slowing down, while adrenaline rushed in his veins.

With the metal door half way open, he peeked in. A stench of blood flashed on his face. Then he saw a dimly lit corridor, and a two and half meter tall monster waiting for him. It was not a cyborg nor a transgen, but a flesh and blood knitted-together golem.

How it was alive, he didn’t know, nor he was going to wait it to answer.

Barrett squeezed the trigger, and pulled back the lever to reload, while the flash was still in the air. As the pellets tore the monster's hide, he sent in another load. This one hit the outreaching hand as first one trashed belly. While he repeated the action, the golem wrapped its torn hand around the barrel and yanked.

 

[Bontemps]

How about you just re-word the sentence to "but a golem, flesh and blood knitted-together." ?

Or you could describe it as an 'animated corpse' but make the distinction between that and a zombie,
or a creature created from dead flesh.

Hope any of this is useful.

 

[Sapheron]

Monstrosity would do, if you ask me. Once you've established that it's made of bits and pieces of people, you can call it pretty much whatever; it doesn't need a specific name. Golem would probably do if you want to call it that. Personally, I'm not as keen though. In my head a golem is something less 'organic' than bits of people; something more like stone or clay or wood.

Anywho, any synonym of 'disgusting monster' should fit as an alternative to golem if you so wish.

 

[ctg]

hhhrrrmmmm, still don't like it. I use 'zombie' elsewhere, and golem straight away takes me to fantasy mindset.

 

[HareBrain]

Yeah, I'm not sure about golem either, its meaning is too specific to Jewish lore (unless you've played D&D or similar, in which case it sounds like a standard fantasy monster).

How about "construct"?

 

[FionaW]

revenant or bogle?

 

[ctg]

How about 'animasity'? It's a made up word like a 'transgen', but thing is, would it work in the narrative of 22nd century man, who might never even read about golems or frankenmontrosities?

I need to shoot off to hospital, but any input is appreciated.

 

[j d worthington]

The problem with a word like that is that it is an entirely invented word, without any real basis in natural etymology. Like invented slang, it tends to stick out like the proverbial sore thumb, and a) can yank a reader right out of the narrative, destroying any carefully-built-up atmosphere or convincingness; and b) quickly dates and sounds as phony as George Bush trying to be "hip". Avoid such things wherever you can; they are pitfalls for even the most talented out there. Use a good thesaurus, go to the roots of words and learn their meanings and subtle connotations, and go with the one which best suits what you are trying to convey....

 

[Ursa major]

It depends on how often this creature appears. If this is the only time, you don't really need a name, in which case, you might try something like this the following (where your original text is in grey).

With the metal door half way open, he peeked in. A stench of blood flashed on his face. Then he saw a dimly lit corridor, and a two and half meter tall monster waiting for him. It was not a cyborg nor a transgen, but a being of bonded flesh; a modern-day chimera**.

How it was alive, he didn’t know, nor he was going to wait it to answer.

Barrett squeezed the trigger, and pulled back the lever to reload, while the flash was still in the air. As the pellets tore the monster's hide, he sent in another load. This one hit the outreaching hand as first one trashed belly. While he repeated the action, the torn hand wrapped around the barrel and yanked.

** - or "Frankenstein's monster", depending on the context.

 

[Nik]

Um, your hero needs a Bigger Hammer...

'Chimera' sounds good, but doesn't address the technical issues.

Calling it a 'Steiner gets closer, IMHO, but implies 'human' origins.

'Moreau', IIRC, melds animal and human attributes, still misses the cyborg aspects.

A Techno-'Steiner ? A Cyber-Moreau ?

 

[Ursa major]

If a name was required, I wouldn't suggest chimera, because whatever-it-is (WII) isn't one.

But before we continue with names, we need to know how many names we need.

(In the following, I'm assuming a close 3rd person narrative.)





Do we have no name (i.e. it's "like something" and that's the last we hear of it), or one or more of the following:

• the one that Barrett - or one of his companions - invents for the WII;
• the name its creator gives it;
• the name the WII gives itself (although it may not be capable of giving itself descriptive name);
• the name other POVs give it.

Some of these may be the same, but isn't it unlikely that they all will be?
(Perhaps I'm asking another question: how pure should close 3rd person be? The above list assume very pure.)


EDIT: Oh, and you can't use Wii.

 

[ctg]

Ursa, you are brilliant and so close to the truth. This is something that the creator (psycho) created from the parts it has either bought from the black market or gathered from the people he murdered.

Barrett or his companions have absolutely no clue what 'he' is facing. Which leaves the invention of the 'name' or adjective to the 'POV', in this case to Barrett.

Now, he has being through two wars already. In first he blew up cybernetically enhanced soldiers and robots, and in second, transgenics. Therefore he has some sort of clue about what he is facing, although he has never seen a 'stiched together' monstrosity, but he has encounter cyber-zombies (undead cyborgs that follows the commands of a slave AI) during his time in battlefield and in course of this book.

So in kind of way he has clue that these sort of creatures are animated entitites. In his warrior mind, he wouldn't nessacarily use such a scientific name unless it would have been uttered by someone.

This scietific name would definitely be in the mind of the creator, but the 'psycho' doctor isn't now on the scene. Nor he isn't narrating. Neither does Barrett companions have access to his notes in the moment of the action.

Which leaves me few choises, a) do the scene by leaving out the name of monster or b) redo the scene and make the psycho to yell the name in a command. What do ...

well I take couple of shots of whisky and mull it over.

PS. Nik, there's no cybernetic implants in this creature. Nor does the narrator have any clue about literature or culture beyond his own time. But in away, he could refer the creature as an movie monster, but that would need a bit more explaining to do then I have in the current action ... unless I want to stall it.

 

[dustinzgirl]

Frankenstein, abnormality, barbarian, beast, behemoth, brute, centaur, colossus, demon, devil, dragon, fiend, freak, giant, hellion, horror, leviathan, lusus naturae, mammoth, miscreation, monstrosity, mutant, ogre, phoenix, savage, titan, villain, werewolf, whale

Frankenstein Synonym | Synonym of Frankenstein and Antonym of Frankenstein at Thesaurus.com

 

[ctg]

Abnormality, abomination, horror ... I can use those. Thank you dustinzgirl.

 

[Sapheron]

How on Earth did 'whale' get into that list? Somehow a big fishy mammal in the sea and Frankenstein's monster don't quite connect in one line of thought for me.

I think I'd go the route of whoever seeing it first giving it a name (Holy Jesus, it's a thingymajiggy!) and from then on use that.

 

[Ursa major]

Abnormality, abomination, horror ... I can use those. Thank you dustinzgirl.

Abomination seems - to me at least - to have the implication of something outside normal morality or cultural norms, something taboo. It sounds to be a very good word for what you want; but only provided Barrett is not an amoral sort of person who doesn't care about social norms and the breaking of taboos.