Unusual Problem.

[mosaix]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, if any mods want to move it elsewhere - feel free.

I'm writing a sort SF story. A criminal has dreamt up the perfect crime - he's going to do it using another person's body.

His idea is to swap minds with a victim (it's SF don't forget), commit the crime in the victim's body, stash the loot and swap back. There are several 'swap events' over a period of time whilst the criminal sets up both the crime and the victim.

Here's the problem. There are two POV's, the criminal's and the victim's and, at any one time, either of them can be in either body.

Say one is called Smith and the other Jones, just how do I refer to the current POV. By name? And if so by the name of the body or the name of the mind?

 

[chopper]

i'd say by mind - it's Point Of View, after all.

this would be ideal for two first-person POVs - giving each one a slightly different "voice" to separate them out.

 

[Dave]

You need to make one of the voices have some distinctive difference, for example a stammer or stutter. If it was a film they would give one an regional accent, but that doesn't work as well when written.

 

[The Judge]

I agree with Chopper - go with the mind.

All you need to do is to make it clear at the beginning of each section which mind is in which body, as it were eg something like 'Smith felt awkward in Jones's body' or 'Smith was glad to be back as a woman' if you're writing in third person, and then just carry on with 'Smith' until the POV change; or heading of 'Smith' and 'It felt strange being in Jones's body' or 'I was thankful to be a woman again' if in first person.

Good luck with it - it sounds to be a winner.

J

 

[zaelyel]

I'm thinking the distinction could be the way the criminal thinks, perhaps he has darker thoughts that clearly are not that of the average person.

 

[Ursa major]

I agree with Chopper: the POV must relate to who is doing the viewing, i.e. the mind inhabiting the body.

Does the person whose body is being "stolen" know what is going on (from the start or before the end of the story)? If not, their sense of bewilderment can be used to differentiate them from the active swapper's POV. (Okay, the active swapper may also be discomforted by the process, but they are expecting it, so they ought to deal with it in a different manner.) The active swapper's purpose is the theft; the passive swapper's purpose is to work out what is going on and, if possible, to get "home", prevent them leaving again, work out why it's happening and, possibly, prevent the theft. (I suppose the short story might be getting rather long by this stage.)

Also: one's narrative voice (as opposed to their dialogue voice) might be casual - full of contractions, etc. - whereas the other may be more formal. (If nothing else, the increase in the number of apostrophes in one of the POVs should give a visual clue to the reader.)

 

[mosaix]

Thank for all the suggestions and ideas everyone.

I've decided Chopper and UM are right and the POV will be in the name of the 'viewer' - the mind.

Dave, would the stutter be a function of the mind or the body? Is it transferred or acquired?

Judge - good ideas. I've decided that one will wear glasses and the other has a limp. Each of them will find this annoying when in the other body. Irritating comments from time to time about this will help to establish 'who' is 'where'.

Zaelyel and UM - excellent. Style of thought and speech will give an extra interest in the writing process.

UM - The victim gradually realises what is happening and the story is really about his attempt to turn the tables on the criminal - to is own advantage. There are some things he can only do as himself and some things he can only do in the criminal's body.

 

[Parson]

Mosaix,

This sounds interesting. One of Jack Chalker's "Four Lords of the Diamond" had this as a major part of its plot. Old age refused to let me remember which one.

I would also use the print media to an advantage. I would do headings over each piece (assuming they are extended pieces) saying something like "Smith wearing Jones" or "Smith wearing Smith."

Happy writing!

 

[mosaix]

I would also use the print media to an advantage. I would do headings over each piece (assuming they are extended pieces) saying something like "Smith wearing Jones" or "Smith wearing Smith."

Thanks for the suggestion, Parson. I was hoping to avoid something so direct, but it may come to that.

 

[dustinzgirl]

This might not help, but maybe watching Xchange? I really like that movie. Anyways, you'd also want to make sure that you changed their mannerisms, since everyone has their subconscious ticks, like tapping their teeth or chewing on their hair or finger nails or rolling their eyes instead of sighing, and so forth and so on.

I think stuttering is a problem of the mind, since it can and often is cured by therapy and practice. But stuttering also, as far as I know, shows some deep form of low self actualization or esteem, nervousness, fear, social awkwardness. Good guys never stutter. At least I've never seen one. Bad guys stutter sometimes because they are pissed off at being a stutterer and take all that inner angst out on the rest of the world.

Have you worked out how the mind switch will occur? And how does he keep from leaving behind DNA (or whatever you use in your world) evidence when he stashes the victim's body, or does he just hop into a nother victim?

I love, love the idea!

 

[Dave]

Dave, would the stutter be a function of the mind or the body? Is it transferred or acquired?

I hadn't considered that - it was the only suggestion I could think of at the time - a limp or bad eyesight would certainly be more functions of the body, but don't you need something that instantly identifies the mind/body combination from the words spoken?

I've read a few of these aspiring writers/workshop threads and I've come to the conclusion that science fiction writers have the hardest task of any writer in terms of grammer and first person pronouns.

Where else do you have clones, mind-transference and time-travel? Time travel means that you can not only meet yourself, but you can meet them yesterday in the future, and tomorrow in the past.

Good luck!

 

[Interference]

Section 1: Victim's POV - Lovely life, lovely wife.

Section 2: Crim's POV - I just had a great idea.

Section 3: Vic - Something's happening! Who are you? What are you doing?

Section 4: Crim - The crime in the Vic's body and set-up.

Section 5: Vic - I'm innocent I tell you, even though my lovely wife won't give me an alibi.

Section 6: Crim - Home free and rich as can be ... who's that at the door?

Section 7: Cop - He'd have got away with it, too, if it hadn't been for ....

That's probably how I'd approach it.

 

[dustinzgirl]

Section 7: Cop - He'd have got away with it, too, if it hadn't been for ....

Those meddling kids?

 

[Interference]

you read my mind, Dusty - rooby-rooby-rooooooooo

 

[mosaix]

Have you worked out how the mind switch will occur? And how does he keep from leaving behind DNA (or whatever you use in your world) evidence when he stashes the victim's body, or does he just hop into a another victim?

Okay, the guy is a scientist and he's invented a mind-swap machine. He locks himself up and swaps minds - so his mind is in the target's body and the target's mind is in the scientists body - locked up.

The scientist (whilst in the target's body) not only plans and executes the crime but is eager to leave traces and evidence so that, after he has switched back to his own body, the target is easily traced and gets the blame.

This all takes several 'swap' episodes and the target gradually realises what is going on (he has been chosen by the scientist because he is recovering from a nervous breakdown and so not only will he doubt his own sanity but also not be believed by the authorities) and plans to turn the tables on the scientist.

DG and Interference - thanks for your suggestions.

BTW - unusually for me I've even thought of a title - Identity Fraud

 

[FionaW]

Crim in first person, victim in third?

Or do you need first for both?

 

[Peter Graham]

Up to you. There are no hard and fast rules. For my money, it would depend on whose story it is. Put that person in the first person.

If you are writing multiple p.o.v, put them both in the third and watch for head hopping.

If you are writing "the Instance of the Finger Post", put them both in first but flag it clearly so that the numpties don't lose track.

Regards,

Peter

 

[Parson]

BTW - unusually for me I've even thought of a title - Identity Fraud

"Identity Fraud" --- Brilliant!

You've peaked my interest!

 

[mosaix]

Crim in first person, victim in third?

Or do you need first for both?

Thanks for the suggestion. I have had problems before writing both first and third in the same story, but it's worth considering.

 

[mosaix]

Up to you. There are no hard and fast rules. For my money, it would depend on whose story it is. Put that person in the first person.

If you are writing multiple p.o.v, put them both in the third and watch for head hopping.

If you are writing "the Instance of the Finger Post", put them both in first but flag it clearly so that the numpties don't lose track.

Regards,

Peter

It's definitely the 'victims' story. But if I put that in first person then the perpetrator has to be in third as Fiona suggested.

They're both going to have to be in third person. It's not an "Instance of the Finger Post" type story. There will be a deal of head hopping, back and forth. I'm just going to have to take care.

Thanks, Peter and everyone else for your help.