Just thought I'd post up the first little part of my current novel. I'm currently in my latest editing phase and I THINK this actually might be the start now. All crits; picky or not picky, grammatical or otherwise welcome!
I am trying to start critique others' work too. If you take the time to critique me I am more than willing to have a look at something you have in the pipeline if you wish. Just PM me.
Thanks,
Simon
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There was an uneasiness clouding Vincent Atrayu's thoughts.
Palms flat against the windowsill, he stared out at the finely cut lawns of the palace, illuminated by the twin moons at their zenith.
He was struck by the ominous silence here.
This place is positively ghostly. The hour was late, but not that late. Since his entrance to Governor Lyuil Buyani's residence though, he had not seen another soul.
Not only that, but something in the Ether was wrong. Vincent felt it in the core, right there, the place at which all Force flooded into him. His Vajui Force Stream told him nothing of impending danger; the ethereal whispering having fallen strangely silent. But it's there; as if the realms are bracing themselves for an onslaught. The calm before the storm.
Vincent detected the individual's approach shortly before he heard the clicking of heels echoing against the atrium's ceramic tiles.
"Good evening Mr Atrayu, sir. My name is Talia. If you’d like to follow me?" A human. That surprised him. Very well spoken, almost aristocratic. Finally, the presence of fellow sentience. Still, the woman's arrival had done little to quell his sense of foreboding.
Vincent, now moving his hands behind his back, pulled himself away from the window: Young, but not too young, the crystal chandeliers casting flickering shadows over her pretty face. Lavishly dressed. The Governor had taste. Adjusting his black leather overcoat with a sharp tug, he gestured for the aide to proceed. "After you madam." It was a warm evening, but he liked the coat.
She bowed slightly and led him swiftly across the hallway, and up the left hand staircase, its gleaming banisters curving around to the right and meeting it's counterpart on a central staircase, overlooking the impressive entranceway to the residence. The aide took a left at the top, almost quick stepping her way down the corridor, exquisite oil paintings fading past in a blur.
As they walked, Vincent fiddled with his eyebrow stud, trying to relax. He’d had to leave both his sword and his pistol at the gates, so instead he caressed the raw power of his Force for comfort. Neither action helped.
Talia zig-zagged through a number of corridors and ante-chambers on their journey to the meeting room. Still he met no-one.
Finally, pushing her way through oak panelled doors, the aide led Vincent into a cavernous room, dimly lit. The heat here threatened to overwhelm him, it was almost unbearable; a crackling fire burned in the hearth off to his right, the sweet smell of Nectarwood filled his nostrils. Time to lose the coat.
"May I take that for you sir?" said Talia.
Vincent was already easing the coat from his shoulders. "Thank you."
"Would sir like a drink?" asked the aide, taking his coat and carefully folding it over one arm.
"I'll have one of whatever the Governor is having if you don't mind." He smiled.
She returned the gesture, with interest. "Certainly sir. Please do make yourself comfortable." Talia gestured to a couch full of plumped up pillows and bowed on her way out of the room.
He wandered around the room trying to soak up its ambiance, his usual calm interior still evading him. Come on Vincent, you were trained better than this. Surrealist paintings adorned the walls; works by the 9th century Hin expressionist painter Gunev. A cursory examination of the nearest piece; a butchered animal carcass, was enough to verify that they were not prints. Yes the Governor does have very good taste.
"Mr Atrayu! So good to finally meet you!" Vincent started at the voice which came from his left. That was odd, he had not sensed anyone approach. When he turned, he got even more of a shock. He had been expecting Lyuil Buyani, Governor of Yaujistan Province. This was not Lyuil Buyani. The individual wasn't even Hin, but human, and judging by the crackle that surrounded him, a Mage. A powerful one. Evidently he had cloaked his aura for effect.
This demanded a new approach.
I am trying to start critique others' work too. If you take the time to critique me I am more than willing to have a look at something you have in the pipeline if you wish. Just PM me.
Thanks,
Simon
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
There was an uneasiness clouding Vincent Atrayu's thoughts.
Palms flat against the windowsill, he stared out at the finely cut lawns of the palace, illuminated by the twin moons at their zenith.
He was struck by the ominous silence here.
This place is positively ghostly. The hour was late, but not that late. Since his entrance to Governor Lyuil Buyani's residence though, he had not seen another soul.
Not only that, but something in the Ether was wrong. Vincent felt it in the core, right there, the place at which all Force flooded into him. His Vajui Force Stream told him nothing of impending danger; the ethereal whispering having fallen strangely silent. But it's there; as if the realms are bracing themselves for an onslaught. The calm before the storm.
Vincent detected the individual's approach shortly before he heard the clicking of heels echoing against the atrium's ceramic tiles.
"Good evening Mr Atrayu, sir. My name is Talia. If you’d like to follow me?" A human. That surprised him. Very well spoken, almost aristocratic. Finally, the presence of fellow sentience. Still, the woman's arrival had done little to quell his sense of foreboding.
Vincent, now moving his hands behind his back, pulled himself away from the window: Young, but not too young, the crystal chandeliers casting flickering shadows over her pretty face. Lavishly dressed. The Governor had taste. Adjusting his black leather overcoat with a sharp tug, he gestured for the aide to proceed. "After you madam." It was a warm evening, but he liked the coat.
She bowed slightly and led him swiftly across the hallway, and up the left hand staircase, its gleaming banisters curving around to the right and meeting it's counterpart on a central staircase, overlooking the impressive entranceway to the residence. The aide took a left at the top, almost quick stepping her way down the corridor, exquisite oil paintings fading past in a blur.
As they walked, Vincent fiddled with his eyebrow stud, trying to relax. He’d had to leave both his sword and his pistol at the gates, so instead he caressed the raw power of his Force for comfort. Neither action helped.
Talia zig-zagged through a number of corridors and ante-chambers on their journey to the meeting room. Still he met no-one.
Finally, pushing her way through oak panelled doors, the aide led Vincent into a cavernous room, dimly lit. The heat here threatened to overwhelm him, it was almost unbearable; a crackling fire burned in the hearth off to his right, the sweet smell of Nectarwood filled his nostrils. Time to lose the coat.
"May I take that for you sir?" said Talia.
Vincent was already easing the coat from his shoulders. "Thank you."
"Would sir like a drink?" asked the aide, taking his coat and carefully folding it over one arm.
"I'll have one of whatever the Governor is having if you don't mind." He smiled.
She returned the gesture, with interest. "Certainly sir. Please do make yourself comfortable." Talia gestured to a couch full of plumped up pillows and bowed on her way out of the room.
He wandered around the room trying to soak up its ambiance, his usual calm interior still evading him. Come on Vincent, you were trained better than this. Surrealist paintings adorned the walls; works by the 9th century Hin expressionist painter Gunev. A cursory examination of the nearest piece; a butchered animal carcass, was enough to verify that they were not prints. Yes the Governor does have very good taste.
"Mr Atrayu! So good to finally meet you!" Vincent started at the voice which came from his left. That was odd, he had not sensed anyone approach. When he turned, he got even more of a shock. He had been expecting Lyuil Buyani, Governor of Yaujistan Province. This was not Lyuil Buyani. The individual wasn't even Hin, but human, and judging by the crackle that surrounded him, a Mage. A powerful one. Evidently he had cloaked his aura for effect.
This demanded a new approach.
