Reading your work aloud

[HareBrain]

We've all heard the advice to read our work aloud to ourselves, but how many of us actually do it?

What, all of you? Oh.

Well, I didn't (despite having given out the advice myself ). But I'm now a convert. It points up problems like nothing else, including verbosity (good for those trying to keep down wordcount).

As an example, here's the opening of ch1 of my current WIP, as it has stood for several months.

Orc stared ahead from the bow of the fishing-boat as the breeze pulled it through the water, spray slapping from the hull. As the distance shortened to the white-painted barrel that floated on the swell, he saw beneath it a paleness emerge against the blue depth: a patch of sunlight on shallows, perhaps twenty feet across. He peered hard to make out its shape beneath the surface. With thirty yards to go, he was certain.

75 words. A while back I experimented with trying to cut the wordcount, and got this:

Orc stared ahead from the bow of the fishing-boat as the breeze pulled it through the water, spray slapping from the hull. As the boat neared the white-painted barrel that floated on the swell, he saw beneath the buoy a paleness emerge: a patch of sunlight on shallows, twenty feet across. He peered hard to make out its shape beneath the surface.

62 words. This morning, I started with the first version and tried reading it aloud. In fact, I read it aloud in an Irish accent (or my approximation of one) because it came out slower and more "story-teller-like" than my own voice. (Anyone else do this, btw?) It sounded dreadful. I revised. It still sounded poor. So I kept revising until I had something that sounded OK to me read aloud in that voice, and ended up with this:

Orc stared ahead from the bow of the fishing-boat as the breeze pulled it, spray slapping, towards the white-painted barrel. With thirty yards to go, a patch of sunlit shallows became visible beneath the buoy, pale against blue depth. Orc peered hard to make out its shape.

At 46 words, this is less than 2/3 the original, and to my mind is an improvement both when read aloud and when read silently. But I wouldn't have got there without reading aloud - I knew there was something about the first para I wasn't quite happy with, but couldn't nail it down without this exercise.

It's quite daunting to think that when I've finished the draft I should go through and do this for all of it. How many people have polished a whole novel in this way?

And does anyone used to reading their work aloud find that it alters their "silent" writing voice after a while?

 

[Marky Lazer]

I do read my stuff out loud.

 

[Sapheron]

I'm often afriad too, often, simply due to how many mistakes I find. I still force myself from time to time.

 

[The Judge]

I should say I've read about 90% of my stuff out loud at one time or another, at least once, usually at the editing stage (though since I'm editing the beginning of the sentence before I've finished writing the end of it, that could be any time!). But I also ensure that I read out loud internally, if that doesn't sound too odd. That is, I try to make sure I think-read each word as if I am reading it out to someone else, rather than allowing my eyes to skim over the page.

I do alter things, but they tend to be for sentence rhythm or because of unnoticed homophones or jarring combinations of words which I haven't picked up on sight-reading. Even then if the choice is between the right word and a better-sounding one, the right word wins, on the basis that no one but me is likely to read it out loud in that way. (If Sean Bean ever does the audio-book, he can damn well get his tongue around 'recalcitrant child' whether he likes it or not.)

I've never tried reading in an accent, except when I am attempting dialogue. I can then approximate a very clipped, cold RP voice (or my version of it) but the male and American voices tend to be a bit, er, wayward. It is useful, waywardness notwithstanding, because I find it shows up the rhythm of speech better, and the correct punctuation becomes more apparent, particularly for one character's very long sentences.

I wonder if, as well as reading one's own work, it might be advantageous to read other novels out loud too. When my nephew and niece have stayed overnight with us in the past, we used to read a 'Just So' story to them, and I found it very good practice. Those who have children may well be expert at this already, of course, but for those of us who don't, it might be something worth considering.

This will make you scream, HareBrain, but to my ear the first version of your opening para was smoother, and easier to read. You write well, but perhaps you're just not a very good oral story-teller! And a minor point, but when reading aloud you didn't find 'spray slapping' painful, and not simply from the alliteration?

J

 

[HareBrain]

This will make you scream, HareBrain, but to my ear the first version of your opening para was smoother, and easier to read.

Really? Oh, bum. But was it still smoother if you read it aloud in a slow Irish accent?

And a minor point, but when reading aloud you didn't find 'spray slapping' painful, and not simply from the alliteration?

Yes, I was a bit dubious about that. But leaving it out altogether didn't seem to me to get across the boat being on the water - which I know is bleedin obvious, but it felt wrong not mentioning it.

 

[The Judge]

Since I can't do an Irish accent, slow or otherwise, I can't help you there!

I shall have a think about 'spray slapping' and possible alternatives.

J

 

[crystal haven]

I think for me, the first or second works equally well. But the third feels a bit like I am being given facts, rather than being pulled into the story.

I don't read aloud very much. I get embarassed, even though I'm on my own. Daft, I know.

 

[ctg]

I do read when I can, but the problem still is that I often don't know what's most efficient way to convey the words that comes into my mind. So something that reads awful to you, might actually read brilliant to me.

 

[HareBrain]

I think for me, the first or second works equally well. But the third feels a bit like I am being given facts, rather than being pulled into the story.

Hmm, I'm getting the feeling that I might do well to abandon this whole reading-aloud policy ...

Still, that'll save me a lot of time!

 

[fkatona]

On Topic: I definitely read aloud. It doesn't help with grammar, word choice, or content, but it does help me get a feel for the flow.

I know this isn't the critique forum, but I can't help it. I think the third is the best, but it's not without issues of its own:

- J is right; "spray slapping" is jarring. If you want to describe the ocean slapping against the side of the ship, you can probably dedicate a separate sentence to it.

- "peered hard" can be replaced with a stronger verb or an action that is associated with getting a better look at something, like craning a neck or squinting or leaning over the edge of the boat. Be creative!

- "it's shape" is a vague reference. If he is trying to make out an object under the water, then you should say that. Or does he want to see the shape of the shallows? The only noun that I can find that the "it's" can be referring to is "patch" from "patch of sunlit shallows", but if so, the reference doesn't come across clear enough.

It's quite daunting to think that when I've finished the draft I should go through and do this for all of it. How many people have polished a whole novel in this way?

Absolutely, though I've yet to finish my novel. I think some people have more natural talent than others. Similar to any skill, like math or playing an instrument or learning a language... some can pick up quickly and some need to really work at it. I fall into the 'work at it' category, and I envy those who don't.

 

[goldhawk]

So, when are you going to write the real version?

1. Breezes don't pull boats (or ships), they push them.

2. Stray doesn't slap; it's too weak. Waves, however, do.

Orc stood on the bow. The breeze pushed the fishing boat through the waves as they slapped the hull. Half a glass ago, the lookout had called, "Debris ahead." A whitewashed barrel appeared in the middle of a white splash...as if the wash had leached from the barrel. But Orc stared at it; he could see the telltale signs of something deeper.

As for reading your writing out loud, I played around with text-to-speech. I thought it would find problems like the famous, "Paris in the the spring." That's because people read what they expect, not what is written, myself included. But the lack of inflection drove me crazy. (OK, those who know me would insist I was crazy long before that, but that's not important). I would say the best thing is to get a translator, because they are trained to listen, to read your works. They are most likely to read it as it's written.

 

[Sephiroth]

I also ensure that I read out loud internally, if that doesn't sound too odd. That is, I try to make sure I think-read each word as if I am reading it out to someone else, rather than allowing my eyes to skim over the page.

I do this automatically when I read something. I wouldn't benefit from reading out loud, since actually doing so would be less efficient. I 'hear' words as if they're being spoken, anyway.

And yes, the major benefit of this is that it gives a feel for the flow, or cadence, of a piece of writing. For me, this is just as important as spelling, grammar, punctuation and semantic accuracy -- I would almost say it's the most important thing of all, except that if the former things aren't in order, it hardly matters. But the flow of a piece, its ease of reading, the rhythm -- which in the best cases feels analogous to poetry -- is what can elevate something from merely good to truly outstanding.

 

[goldhawk]

Ooooh, somebody else who can spell "cadence". I think I'm in love (Platonic love, none of that touchy-feelie gay stuff; not that I'm against gays, I'm just not one).

But yes, every written work that's worth reading sounds good when spoken.

Examples:

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears,..."

"To be or not to be..."

"Now is the winter of our discontent..."

"We hold these truths to be self evidence..."

 

[Sephiroth]

*waves at goldhawk*





Interesting that three of your examples come from plays, and all four were designed explicitly to be read aloud.

I think the same can be said of great works of prose literature which were designed for internal consumption, however.

 

[goldhawk]

*waves at goldhawk*





Interesting that three of your examples come from plays, and all four were designed explicitly to be read aloud.

I think the same can be said of great works of prose literature which were designed for internal consumption, however.

Not interesting; chosen as such. Good prose sounds good when read aloud. Any blockbuster book sounds good when read aloud.

And yeah, poetry sounds good too:

"Now I lay me down to sleep..."

"The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy...."

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

"Imagine there's no heaven..."

 

[Culhwch]

Isn't it '...self evident'?

I also ensure that I read out loud internally, if that doesn't sound too odd. That is, I try to make sure I think-read each word as if I am reading it out to someone else, rather than allowing my eyes to skim over the page.

I do this automatically when I read something. I wouldn't benefit from reading out loud, since actually doing so would be less efficient. I 'hear' words as if they're being spoken, anyway.

And yes, the major benefit of this is that it gives a feel for the flow, or cadence, of a piece of writing. For me, this is just as important as spelling, grammar, punctuation and semantic accuracy -- I would almost say it's the most important thing of all, except that if the former things aren't in order, it hardly matters. But the flow of a piece, its ease of reading, the rhythm -- which in the best cases feels analogous to poetry -- is what can elevate something from merely good to truly outstanding.

Yeah, this would be me too. I tend to give the 'read it out loud' advice when I come across something that has a lot of flow issues, to which the author is obviously largely oblivious. I don't much follow it myself. Maybe if a sentence is really giving me trouble, I might dash it out under my breath, but I never really read out loud.

On the critique side of things, I tend to agree with the Judge, in that the earlier version worked better. And 'spray slapping' hanging out there all on it's lonesome just don't sit right. I must say it would be amusing to see an author's note saying something along the lines of, 'For maximum effect, I ask you to read the following novel aloud in the best Irish accent you can muster.'

(If Sean Bean ever does the audio-book, he can damn well get his tongue around 'recalcitrant child' whether he likes it or not.)

It would be every kind of awesome if my eventual (read: imaginary) publisher said to me casually, 'Oh, by the way, we've lined up Sean Bean to do the audio version. Is that cool with you?'

 

[HareBrain]

Thanks for the crits, those who've made them - though I wasn't expecting them. I'll go through them again with interest if I ever dare to approach paragraph 1 again.

There seems to be at least one landlubber here:

1. Breezes don't pull boats (or ships), they push them.

The fishing boat is sailing into an onshore breeze (or at about 45 degrees to). Without going into the physics of the Bernoulli effect, I thought "pulled" was the best word to use.

Sailing against the Wind

But now I think about it, it might not be a good idea to alienate non-sailors in the first paragraph by seeming to be an idiot.

 

[Boneman]

by Crystalhaven
I don't read aloud very much. I get embarassed, even though I'm on my own. Daft, I know.

I'm totally with you on that, Crystal... Considering how difficult it is to shut me up once I do start speaking (in everyday terms, I mean) I just cannot abide the sound of my own voice when it's me listening to it. I did some local radio a while back, about being a boneman, and I cringed when I heard it, it sounded 'orrible!

And yet, I used to read stories to my sons when they were small... Maybe I'll get someone to read it to me, see how that sounds. Nah, that wouldn't work, I'd be correcting them all the time. Interesting that the voice I hear in my head when I read my own words is not my own... no idea whose it is, either!

I'm going to give this a go over the xmas break, and it occurs to me that I might actually record it, trying just to read it aloud, non-critically, and then play it back and be critical. Split personality, here I come.

And HB, have you read any of the Artemis Fowl books? I hear those in a soft Irish accent all the way through.

But I liked versions 1&2 more than 3, but there was very little in it.

 

[The Judge]

It would be every kind of awesome if my eventual (read: imaginary) publisher said to me casually, 'Oh, by the way, we've lined up Sean Bean to do the audio version. Is that cool with you?'

To which the answer is, 'Yeah, that's cool. But I think he ought to meet with me so I can help him with some of the difficult passages...'

J

 

[chopper]

well, poetry should be read aloud.

back on-topic, this is why crit groups are a good thing. reading stuff aloud in company makes me change sentences even as i read them.