Starting sentences with 'then'

[Mouse]

Ok, so I had a writer friend look at my work and she told me that I tend to start sentences a lot with 'and' or 'then.' I did a search and I start a sentence with 'and' 17 times in a 187 page document (which I didn't think was too bad!) but I use 'then' 60 times.

Is that bad, do you think?!

 

[Teresa Edgerton]

In an 187 page document? Not necessarily bad. Probably you caught your friend's attention by starting too many sentences with those words over the course of a few pages. Once readers get sensitive to that sort of thing, they can start obsessing over it, and notice every single time you do it.

I don't think you should worry how many times you start sentences with those words, but you might look for clumps of sentences beginning with "and" and "then."

 

[snoopy369]

Then should not, in general, start sentences very frequently. It's often a sign of 'stream of consciousness' writing, where you're writing down as you think, instead of writing with proper form.

'First, he went to the store and bought some eggs. Then, he came home and made cookies with the eggs. And on top of that, he built a gingerbread house.'

That's basically writing down what you think about the process, right? 'Then' in the above sentence is technically acceptable, but it's pretty darned boring. You can use more interesting constructions to write the sentence, that increase the description of the surroundings.

Try:
'The baking process began when he went to the store and bought some eggs. After he checked out and loaded the eggs in the trunk, he drove home and made cookies with the eggs. Once the cookies came out of the oven, he used the remaining eggs, along with some graham flour that he found in the cupboard, to build a gingerbread house. '

Still not amazing writing, but it does draw the reader in more with detail. It's not a bad idea to use 'Then' when you're just chugging out words, but when you go back and edit, one good pass is to replace meaningless flow-directors like 'First' and 'Then' etc. with more meaningful descriptions that flush out the surrounding details.

And really shouldn't start sentences at all, IMO; 'and' should appear in between two related concepts/thoughts, and should usually be used after a comma, not a period. Use a more interesting word to start sentences that you create from splitting runon sentences at 'and' points.

If you really want to know, though, go back and read from start to finish one of your favorite authors [one that's highly successful and published by a major publisher, and writes in the same general style as you - ie, unless you're trying to write in slang, don't use an author whose books are written in slang]. How often does Mercedes Lackey start a sentence with 'And' or 'Then'? I don't have an electronic copy to run a wordcounter on, but I doubt it's all that frequently.

 

[The Judge]

I agree with Teresa - it isn't necessarily bad, but I don't think 'then' is usually the best way to begin a sentence, so I'd suggest you look for ways to avoid it if possible. For myself, I'm semi-addicted to 'and' at the start of a sentence -- and I think it can be highly effective when used properly (but then, I would say that, wouldn't I). Again, though, check through and see whether all of them are necessary, particularly in narrative. In dialogue, of course, it's a different matter - you write it as the character would say it, whether grammatical or not, though even there, you want to watch too much repetition as that can make for boring prose.

J

 

[Sapheron]

Is 'and' really meant to be found at the beginning of setences?

 

[The Judge]

Depends where you lost it, I suppose.

 

[Sapheron]

Anyone who's on this forum 'lost it' ages ago, and I'm tempted to say where is quite irrelevent. You're still insane at the end of the day.

 

[goldhawk]

Anyone who's on this forum 'lost it' ages ago, and I'm tempted to say where is quite irrelevent. You're still insane at the end of the day.

Sanity is like virginity: life's a lot more fun after you loose it.

 

[TheEndIsNigh]

I always find 'Then' at the beginning of a sentence a bit strange.

To me 'then' is always implied in that whatever comes after what went before happens then.

Similarly - Suddenly -

Suddenly there was a bullet in his brain

Well it would be sudden wouldn't it.

Then, suddenly, the universe came to an end...

Well it will, though it shouldn't be sudden cos you've all been warned

 

[Sapheron]

At the same time though, saying

Bob was walking along. There was a bullet in his brain.

is quite different to to

Bob was walking along. Suddenly there was a bullet in his brain.

The former suggests the bullet has been there a while; the latter (which you could also put a 'then' at the front of instead of the 'suddenly') makes it appear that it has just arrived.

 

[TheEndIsNigh]

Sapheron:

Yes I agree but the sudden nature of it's appearance would suggest a little more than just an awareness of it's arrival.

As in the collateral damage in his ability to be aware of anything at all.

Bob was walking along. He never registered the presence of the bullet as it exploded into his skull, liquefying his brain before exiting suddenly* from his frontal lobe.

suddenly* not really required IMO

 

[Sapheron]

Yes, I'd agree that it's not needed in that case; the 'exploding into' shows that this is happening, not a previous state that was continued. It all just depends on the rest of the sentence. Sometimes I think suddenly or then can both add quite well to a simple sentenc, especially where you don't wish to go into great detail and want to keep it short and snappy.

 

[dreamhunter]

So many don'ts on starting a sentence.

Suddenly (and) (then) I wonder how a sentence ever got started at all.

 

[Purdy Bear]

Im new so I might be wrong but I believe its the following:

Then and And are conjunctives, so they join sentences and phrases. I believe that if you begin a sentence with a conjunctive you then have to follow it with one main sentence and one or more subsentences.

I could be wrong though.

 

[Ursa major]

And then, suddenly, we were allowed to start sentences however we wished; as long as they worked.


As Teresa has pointed out elsewhere**, rules are useful in determining why a piece of writing doesn't work. (They are of only academic interest when the writing does work, but it must work for more than just the writer, who may be somewhat biased.)




** - And I hope I'm not misremembering, or grabbing the wrong end of the stick.

 

[Peter Graham]

As ever, I don't think that there are any hard and fast rules as such - or, at least, not rules that aren't there to be broken if you are so minded:-

And so it came to pass in the land of the Westmeringas that the roads did freeze and the gritters did run out of salt. And the snow did lay so thickly upon the ground that no man or woman could struggle the three miles to the shop without freezing to the spot and being urinated on by passing foxes. And lo! There was wailing, weeping and gnashing of teeth as the residents turned first on their livestock and then on one another.

Then it came to pass that an angel clothed in robes of many hues did come to the hapless Westmeringas in a dream. And then he said unto them, "be still with your wailing. whining and gnashing of teeth. For we are watching the final of 'Heaven's Got Talent' and your constant twining is starting to cheese us off mightily."

Regards,

Peter

 

[dustinzgirl]

In school, I used to always get marked down for starting sentences with ands and buts.

But, this post makes me think of that movie Dude Where's My Car.....

Specifically this part

YouTube - Dude Where's My Car (And Then?)

And then...and then...

 

[The Judge]

You've got it bad up there, then, Peter?

But the Southron folk did eschew the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth over the failing of the gritting, at least until the hearing, but did instead consult their lawyers...

J

 

[Mouse]

In school, I used to always get marked down for starting sentences with ands and buts.

But, this post makes me think of that movie Dude Where's My Car.....

Specifically this part

YouTube - Dude Where's My Car (And Then?)

And then...and then...

That's been in my brain for days!!

Thanks everyone. I agree with those who've said 'and' is ok. I actually don't mind it. I'm just going to go back and look at my 'thens.' I think a fair few of them are in dialogue.

 

[Sapheron]

Ah, dialogue is a whole other kettle of fish. (Or kettle of anything else... who puts fish in a kettle?!) Most people have words they say more than they need to; we all have our mannerisms and habits. Using particular words often in a characters speech could be a good thing if it defines their speech patterns and helps set charactes apart for the reader.