hey, i am new to this forum and have never posted here before. anyway i am an aspiring writer and have been working on a current project and need to be critiqued so i am posting the first chapter here. please, hit me with everything you got. i have no idea if i completely suck or am better than tolkien, lewis, etc. So grammer errors, storyline, main character, vividness, attention to detaiil, spelling i mean everything. i will gladly except and appreciate any and all ideas,opinions,constructive critisism, flat out critisism or anything else you want to add. my thanks ahead of time. anyway here it is.
P.S it is to long to post on one so i am goingt to post it and then reply with the second half.
General Humal woke from his private quarters with a start. He was dreaming of actually getting to fight in an epic battle. Instead now he had to go to a boring council meeting. He yearned for action but all he ever got to do was run drills and fill out status reports.
“General Homal.” Said one of the kings messengers who had just entered the room. “The king sends word that the council meeting will start in an hour.”
“I know I got yesterdays dispatch.” He replied heavily.
“Yes, but the king just wants to make sure you are not late like the last four.”
Humal just stared still half asleep.
He dragged himself out of bed and started to get into his uniform. He had been dreading this all week, as he had done every other council meeting. He knew this month, just like every other month he and his men would be put on guard duty, guarding the treasuries of the great city of Baylik while the other generals got to fend off raiders or at the very least run Recon missions. The only person the treasuries really needed guarding from anyway was the king himself. noeone was stupid enough to try to steal anything from the armies of Baylik. The king however practicily lived down there. he was a very greedy man who humal hated. in his opinion he had no honor, self dignity, or any loyalty to his country what soever. anytrhing he did he did for himself, and expanding his already enormuos supply of wealth. the only reason humal handnt left yet was that Baylik was were his family had grown up for centuries and all of his forefathers had served as a general in the once proud baylik army. and the fact that he liked his supreme commader. The supreme commander,the commander of all armed forces, was second to none besides the king himself. He was known as commander Hepkin,noeone knowing his first name, and he was half elf all though you couldnt tell it from looking at him. He was also the only one from keeping the king from banning humal into exile. Humal liked him because although he was somewhat greedy like the king, he had a sense of honor, and self respect. Commader Hepkin had five generals, one of which was humal, and each general had a lieutenant.
On his way to the council meeting General humal ran into his first liutenant, lieutenant Vexon. his name descended from his ancestors on his fathers side who were lizardmen, a race that is now extinct except for a few such as Vexon who had a little of their ancestors blood left in them. He looked mostly human except that he did have a somewhat green skin to him that made him look deathly sick to anyone that did not know his of his origion.
"lieutenant" Humal said returning the salute that vexon had given him. "prepare the men at the second courtyard. after getting back from the council meeting i will instruct them on what there orders are for the month. not that it will be anything new i just feel like giving them false hope for action is better than giving them no hope at all. My men grow tiresome from sitting around playing dice games while trying to stay awake for their guard duty. they grow out of shape and our rusty from lack of combat."
"I know what you mean." said vexon. he did not usually say sir or general like he was supposed to because he and humal had a good relationship and thought more of each other as friends then mere colleagues.
"Maybe Hepkin will put in a good word for you."
"im sure he would but it would do no good. the king hates me and my men and it is all hepkin can do just to persuade him not to throw us out."
"Well as you said, false hope is better than no hope at all. Vexon said walking away. Humal continued down the great hall toward the council meeting.
The great hall was magnificently decorated with rare and priceless tapestries. the floor was dark marble with golden specks that humal knew cost more than most kings had. the place was adorned with dark green and silver checkered banners which was the Baylik knights standard. As he walked through the huge hall he felt a sense of pride for what he had, always washed away by a feeling of guilt for those they had taken it from. most were vile creatures such as the ogre tribes or dark elves which were elves that had abandoned their homeland to learn the black magics and to raid trade caravans and such. but some were just inocent little fishing villages and towns who had lost everything that was theres.
P.S it is to long to post on one so i am goingt to post it and then reply with the second half.
General Humal woke from his private quarters with a start. He was dreaming of actually getting to fight in an epic battle. Instead now he had to go to a boring council meeting. He yearned for action but all he ever got to do was run drills and fill out status reports.
“General Homal.” Said one of the kings messengers who had just entered the room. “The king sends word that the council meeting will start in an hour.”
“I know I got yesterdays dispatch.” He replied heavily.
“Yes, but the king just wants to make sure you are not late like the last four.”
Humal just stared still half asleep.
He dragged himself out of bed and started to get into his uniform. He had been dreading this all week, as he had done every other council meeting. He knew this month, just like every other month he and his men would be put on guard duty, guarding the treasuries of the great city of Baylik while the other generals got to fend off raiders or at the very least run Recon missions. The only person the treasuries really needed guarding from anyway was the king himself. noeone was stupid enough to try to steal anything from the armies of Baylik. The king however practicily lived down there. he was a very greedy man who humal hated. in his opinion he had no honor, self dignity, or any loyalty to his country what soever. anytrhing he did he did for himself, and expanding his already enormuos supply of wealth. the only reason humal handnt left yet was that Baylik was were his family had grown up for centuries and all of his forefathers had served as a general in the once proud baylik army. and the fact that he liked his supreme commader. The supreme commander,the commander of all armed forces, was second to none besides the king himself. He was known as commander Hepkin,noeone knowing his first name, and he was half elf all though you couldnt tell it from looking at him. He was also the only one from keeping the king from banning humal into exile. Humal liked him because although he was somewhat greedy like the king, he had a sense of honor, and self respect. Commader Hepkin had five generals, one of which was humal, and each general had a lieutenant.
On his way to the council meeting General humal ran into his first liutenant, lieutenant Vexon. his name descended from his ancestors on his fathers side who were lizardmen, a race that is now extinct except for a few such as Vexon who had a little of their ancestors blood left in them. He looked mostly human except that he did have a somewhat green skin to him that made him look deathly sick to anyone that did not know his of his origion.
"lieutenant" Humal said returning the salute that vexon had given him. "prepare the men at the second courtyard. after getting back from the council meeting i will instruct them on what there orders are for the month. not that it will be anything new i just feel like giving them false hope for action is better than giving them no hope at all. My men grow tiresome from sitting around playing dice games while trying to stay awake for their guard duty. they grow out of shape and our rusty from lack of combat."
"I know what you mean." said vexon. he did not usually say sir or general like he was supposed to because he and humal had a good relationship and thought more of each other as friends then mere colleagues.
"Maybe Hepkin will put in a good word for you."
"im sure he would but it would do no good. the king hates me and my men and it is all hepkin can do just to persuade him not to throw us out."
"Well as you said, false hope is better than no hope at all. Vexon said walking away. Humal continued down the great hall toward the council meeting.
The great hall was magnificently decorated with rare and priceless tapestries. the floor was dark marble with golden specks that humal knew cost more than most kings had. the place was adorned with dark green and silver checkered banners which was the Baylik knights standard. As he walked through the huge hall he felt a sense of pride for what he had, always washed away by a feeling of guilt for those they had taken it from. most were vile creatures such as the ogre tribes or dark elves which were elves that had abandoned their homeland to learn the black magics and to raid trade caravans and such. but some were just inocent little fishing villages and towns who had lost everything that was theres.
I think the reader can immediately identify with the general. 
