flickimp
Well-Known Member
Hi
I have been planning to write a book sicne I was 9...(am now 31, a Senior Manager in the NHS who still holds onto that dream).
I want to wrtie a 100,000 word book with short chapters averaging 1,500 words. Its all planned out, the entire trilogy... but I find getting my thoughts across difficult.
Please read and let me know.
Any tips, criticism, advice would be fantastic....
I have already set up a website to help promote the book as time progresses. the address is simply the name of the book without the "the"
_________________________________________________
Blurb:
Held together by a strong army the Kingdom of Hazhindor watches over the Western and Northern world. They oppose the ravaging beasts from the East. It has been a hundred years since the War of the Dead. A war ended with the glorious removal of the evil lord Ightar.
Though it was not a sword that felled Ightar, but an army of cats that could control the four elements of the world. Fire, Earth, Air and Water. They are no more now, and the attacks from the East grow stronger.
When an ancient Relic is found, fears of a prophecy that tells of Ightar’s return sends grave concern through the Kingdom. The bravest of the King’s Order must seek a way to prevent the evil lord from regaining existence.
One young black cat, who shares the name of the highest order of Elemental Cats must rise and face the challenges that will come upon him.
He is weak, fears the unknown and knows not where his power comes from, yet he must control it before it destroys him and everything he cares for.
He is Strider, the last of the Striders.
He is the first and only Spirit-Elemental
_____________________________________________________
The Last Strider
Prologue
Adominus followed the two native trackers deeper into the MayurasinForest with the sound of smaller animals scurrying away. His two, less armoured companions were not far behind, keeping one eye on the sloping downwards journey and one on their surroundings. The air around them was growing thicker with mist. The Mayuris were primitive to civilisation and did not believe in roads and beaten paths. For them the Forest was the rightful home of their seven Gods. Just one more hill ahead and they would arrive.
Leaving the soldiers at the entrance to the Forest, Adominus placed one hand on his dagger and waved behind the trackers to Inmas and Rodri to flank towards the top of the hill. Surely, they wouldn’t dare set a trap for the skilled soldiers of the King’s Royal Guard. Noticing this, one of the trackers stopped, pointed his decorated spear at the Centurion and slapped his chest to resonate the clicking sounds of his ancient dialect. The other tracker pulled two small knives from under his smooth loin-cloth, but motioned for his friend to lower his spear. He did not want to test his luck against the three before him.
“You are no match for us, let alone me,” said Adominus behind his great helm. He placed his dagger back into its sheath. “Your people called us and we came, yet we know little of why?” He kicked a fallen branch from his side and leaned forward with his arms folder across his knee. “No trouble crossing the KinoBridge, one small skirmish past the Raised Fields and nothing in the Forest for me to slit. Not a word of what you will reveal. Till now, I have trusted you. I just need some assurance over what lies past that hill.”
Thud! Five Mayuri warriors, clad in feathers jumped down from the huge trees, sending pockets of the mist to disperse slightly. They swung their short, broad-shaped clubs once over their head to signal intent.
“A surrounding challenge?” quipped Rodri.
Several birds fluttered across the thick canopy sending all eyes upwards for a brief moment. That was more than enough for the Inmas to spin across the ridge and land behind the first tracker. Placing the cold blade of his dagger against the gasped tracker’s neck and reaching out to prod the second tracker with his long, wide-bladed, sword, he nodded towards his superior.
“Why did you summon us?” said Adominus.
“Ah, Centurion!” said an old voice from atop of the hill. Feli’op, one of the Mayuri priests, helped by a younger aid taking some steps down the hill, clicked his fingers at the warriors that moved back disappearing into the mist. He was of the few that had tried to learn the language of the South. “You are here. Good.”
Inmas swiftly removed his weapons and slid down the hill to be back beside Adominus. He had seen the concern in the faces of the warriors and could sense that something deeper was troubling them all. A soft smell of decay was beginning to linger.
“Three of you?” said Feli’op. His eyes squinted into the non-penetrable forest. “More of you there are?”
“Priest of Mayuri,” said Adominus bowing with respect. “I travel with fifty soldiers and they stand watch outside the forest. The most loyal stand with me now. I was ordered to aid your people with misfortune?”
“Misfortune? They said that?” queried Feli’op.
“I was told to come with haste and not ponder over the details. No warning from the villages on our way here leads me to suspect there is no real threat.”
“Centurion, we have been good to keep quiet. We know some things are only for the ears that must listen.” His grin turned to worry and his voice lowered in tone to a whisper. “We came across something that does not belong here.”
Taking two steps up the hill, Rodri paused to pull off his one-braided helmet and spat downwards as the putrid stench intensified.
“You get used … used to,” said the young Mayuri aid making sniffing motions as he helped the priest back up the hill with the other two soldiers.
Suddenly, the ground shook for a few seconds followed by screams of hatred from the other side of the hill. The soldiers and trackers rushed upwards. The mist halted as they reached the top and dozens of warriors stood facing forwards. Some with their spears aimed chanting angrily. Separating on appearance of the priest the soldiers finally saw it. A large, iron coated boulder engraved with circling markings. Shaped parts protruded and extruded randomly along two of its sides. Adjacent to it were two dead warriors, burnt and distorted.
Continuing his approach and carefully stopping a body length from the boulder, Adominus removed his great helm and knelt down. He tried to reason with his thoughts. This is a Relic? The last Relic? Here? So far from the EasternMountains.
Some of the warriors continued to chant as Feli’op silently stepped behind Adominus.
“Heard much of the Relic’s importance when I was young,” he said. “Three days it appeared here. We keep watch. Now you are here.” He pointed to the remains of eight other burned bodies, laid atop one another on the far side of the boulder and spoke through his teeth. “You take it away.”
“It just appeared?” retorted Rodri half-sliding down the hill with his helmet hooked onto his belt.
“It is a Relic!” snapped Feli’op, waving his finger. “Ah! Tayakkiki rasitalin! My people come to hunt. This! Come from no-where!” Murmurs of agreement swept past the warriors. “They don’t know what to do.” He held his head after glancing for a second time at the burned bodies. “It shakes more now today than before.”
“It longs to be with the other three?” said Inmas. Even he could not understand how an important object as this could be discovered so far from its origin and the resting place of the first three Relics.
“They don’t shake,” shrugged Rodri.
Walking around the Relic making note of the small trench caused by its impact onto the forest ground, and movement along the ground in a circular wave, Adominus looked at his two soldiers. “Bring back all of the men. We will need to make a strong cage to transport this back to Hazhindor.” Picking up his helm, he placed a clenched fist along his red breast-plate and said to the priest. “You have my King’s honour for loyally guarding that which is of no concern to your people. I give you my word, that it will be gone.”
“Sayaki!” screamed one of the warriors as the Relic span forwards, spinning with the vibrant sound of an overheated furnace.
Almost all of the warriors stabbed their spears down and held onto their closest ally; even Inmas grabbed the first tracker back away from the steep decline of the hill. Adominus fell back seizing the falling priest but could not prevent the young aid from hitting the rough, iron exterior of the Relic. The priest’s eyes glowed with anguish as the aid’s body jerked back and forth with suffering screams, and then lit up in flames that dispersed on their own accord. His limbs were bent and his eye-sockets empty.
“Hurry,” said Adominus to his soldiers as the mist began to build again.
I have been planning to write a book sicne I was 9...(am now 31, a Senior Manager in the NHS who still holds onto that dream).
I want to wrtie a 100,000 word book with short chapters averaging 1,500 words. Its all planned out, the entire trilogy... but I find getting my thoughts across difficult.
Please read and let me know.
Any tips, criticism, advice would be fantastic....
I have already set up a website to help promote the book as time progresses. the address is simply the name of the book without the "the"
_________________________________________________
Blurb:
Held together by a strong army the Kingdom of Hazhindor watches over the Western and Northern world. They oppose the ravaging beasts from the East. It has been a hundred years since the War of the Dead. A war ended with the glorious removal of the evil lord Ightar.
Though it was not a sword that felled Ightar, but an army of cats that could control the four elements of the world. Fire, Earth, Air and Water. They are no more now, and the attacks from the East grow stronger.
When an ancient Relic is found, fears of a prophecy that tells of Ightar’s return sends grave concern through the Kingdom. The bravest of the King’s Order must seek a way to prevent the evil lord from regaining existence.
One young black cat, who shares the name of the highest order of Elemental Cats must rise and face the challenges that will come upon him.
He is weak, fears the unknown and knows not where his power comes from, yet he must control it before it destroys him and everything he cares for.
He is Strider, the last of the Striders.
He is the first and only Spirit-Elemental
_____________________________________________________
The Last Strider
Prologue
Adominus followed the two native trackers deeper into the MayurasinForest with the sound of smaller animals scurrying away. His two, less armoured companions were not far behind, keeping one eye on the sloping downwards journey and one on their surroundings. The air around them was growing thicker with mist. The Mayuris were primitive to civilisation and did not believe in roads and beaten paths. For them the Forest was the rightful home of their seven Gods. Just one more hill ahead and they would arrive.
Leaving the soldiers at the entrance to the Forest, Adominus placed one hand on his dagger and waved behind the trackers to Inmas and Rodri to flank towards the top of the hill. Surely, they wouldn’t dare set a trap for the skilled soldiers of the King’s Royal Guard. Noticing this, one of the trackers stopped, pointed his decorated spear at the Centurion and slapped his chest to resonate the clicking sounds of his ancient dialect. The other tracker pulled two small knives from under his smooth loin-cloth, but motioned for his friend to lower his spear. He did not want to test his luck against the three before him.
“You are no match for us, let alone me,” said Adominus behind his great helm. He placed his dagger back into its sheath. “Your people called us and we came, yet we know little of why?” He kicked a fallen branch from his side and leaned forward with his arms folder across his knee. “No trouble crossing the KinoBridge, one small skirmish past the Raised Fields and nothing in the Forest for me to slit. Not a word of what you will reveal. Till now, I have trusted you. I just need some assurance over what lies past that hill.”
Thud! Five Mayuri warriors, clad in feathers jumped down from the huge trees, sending pockets of the mist to disperse slightly. They swung their short, broad-shaped clubs once over their head to signal intent.
“A surrounding challenge?” quipped Rodri.
Several birds fluttered across the thick canopy sending all eyes upwards for a brief moment. That was more than enough for the Inmas to spin across the ridge and land behind the first tracker. Placing the cold blade of his dagger against the gasped tracker’s neck and reaching out to prod the second tracker with his long, wide-bladed, sword, he nodded towards his superior.
“Why did you summon us?” said Adominus.
“Ah, Centurion!” said an old voice from atop of the hill. Feli’op, one of the Mayuri priests, helped by a younger aid taking some steps down the hill, clicked his fingers at the warriors that moved back disappearing into the mist. He was of the few that had tried to learn the language of the South. “You are here. Good.”
Inmas swiftly removed his weapons and slid down the hill to be back beside Adominus. He had seen the concern in the faces of the warriors and could sense that something deeper was troubling them all. A soft smell of decay was beginning to linger.
“Three of you?” said Feli’op. His eyes squinted into the non-penetrable forest. “More of you there are?”
“Priest of Mayuri,” said Adominus bowing with respect. “I travel with fifty soldiers and they stand watch outside the forest. The most loyal stand with me now. I was ordered to aid your people with misfortune?”
“Misfortune? They said that?” queried Feli’op.
“I was told to come with haste and not ponder over the details. No warning from the villages on our way here leads me to suspect there is no real threat.”
“Centurion, we have been good to keep quiet. We know some things are only for the ears that must listen.” His grin turned to worry and his voice lowered in tone to a whisper. “We came across something that does not belong here.”
Taking two steps up the hill, Rodri paused to pull off his one-braided helmet and spat downwards as the putrid stench intensified.
“You get used … used to,” said the young Mayuri aid making sniffing motions as he helped the priest back up the hill with the other two soldiers.
Suddenly, the ground shook for a few seconds followed by screams of hatred from the other side of the hill. The soldiers and trackers rushed upwards. The mist halted as they reached the top and dozens of warriors stood facing forwards. Some with their spears aimed chanting angrily. Separating on appearance of the priest the soldiers finally saw it. A large, iron coated boulder engraved with circling markings. Shaped parts protruded and extruded randomly along two of its sides. Adjacent to it were two dead warriors, burnt and distorted.
Continuing his approach and carefully stopping a body length from the boulder, Adominus removed his great helm and knelt down. He tried to reason with his thoughts. This is a Relic? The last Relic? Here? So far from the EasternMountains.
Some of the warriors continued to chant as Feli’op silently stepped behind Adominus.
“Heard much of the Relic’s importance when I was young,” he said. “Three days it appeared here. We keep watch. Now you are here.” He pointed to the remains of eight other burned bodies, laid atop one another on the far side of the boulder and spoke through his teeth. “You take it away.”
“It just appeared?” retorted Rodri half-sliding down the hill with his helmet hooked onto his belt.
“It is a Relic!” snapped Feli’op, waving his finger. “Ah! Tayakkiki rasitalin! My people come to hunt. This! Come from no-where!” Murmurs of agreement swept past the warriors. “They don’t know what to do.” He held his head after glancing for a second time at the burned bodies. “It shakes more now today than before.”
“It longs to be with the other three?” said Inmas. Even he could not understand how an important object as this could be discovered so far from its origin and the resting place of the first three Relics.
“They don’t shake,” shrugged Rodri.
Walking around the Relic making note of the small trench caused by its impact onto the forest ground, and movement along the ground in a circular wave, Adominus looked at his two soldiers. “Bring back all of the men. We will need to make a strong cage to transport this back to Hazhindor.” Picking up his helm, he placed a clenched fist along his red breast-plate and said to the priest. “You have my King’s honour for loyally guarding that which is of no concern to your people. I give you my word, that it will be gone.”
“Sayaki!” screamed one of the warriors as the Relic span forwards, spinning with the vibrant sound of an overheated furnace.
Almost all of the warriors stabbed their spears down and held onto their closest ally; even Inmas grabbed the first tracker back away from the steep decline of the hill. Adominus fell back seizing the falling priest but could not prevent the young aid from hitting the rough, iron exterior of the Relic. The priest’s eyes glowed with anguish as the aid’s body jerked back and forth with suffering screams, and then lit up in flames that dispersed on their own accord. His limbs were bent and his eye-sockets empty.
“Hurry,” said Adominus to his soldiers as the mist began to build again.
