More Dragon's Eye

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Damiynn

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I am a fantasy author, who has traveled the world.

After what seemed like hours, Noraxxis finally descended out of the clouds. A mighty skyfortress sat on top of a mountain. The palace seemed to be in the clouds but that was an illusion. In fact, Micah realized, gaping wide-eyed, it looked like it had been built out of the craggy top. Stone walls thrust up out of the mountain and rose high into the air and Micah could see battlements and fortifications filling almost every surface. The air was cold and crystal clear and Micah studied the tops of the other mountains as they descended looking for the other fortresses Noraxxis had told him about. Without having to be told, he knew from the description that they had reached Windermere. Even to his untrained eye, Micah recognized the battle scars covering the walls of the mighty abandoned fortress.

The sky around them seemed empty except for themselves. then Micah heard Noraxxis growl, “There they are.”

“There who are?” Jerking his head around, Micah scanned the sky and spotted movement. Just under another cloudbank, two winged shapes knifed across the air making their way toward them. Even from this distance, Micah could make out the reflecting green and blue scales.

Noraxxis’ voice rolled back to his ears, “Are your cinches tight?”
Shouting out yes, Micah knew he wasn’t going to check them again, he had already a hundred times during their flight.

“Good.” And suddenly they were hurtling across the sky. Wind whistled through his ears as Micah realized the dragon had been deliberately traveling slowly. As Noraxxis burst into full flight, he was flung back hard against the bracers.

Throwing a quick glance over his shoulder, Micah saw the two dragons hastily begin the chase. They weren’t as large as Noraxxis, Micah realized as he kept his eyes glued to them, but they did seem to be gaining.

“I don’t think we can outrun them,” he called out and heard Noraxxis chuckle, “What makes you think I want too?”

Without any warning, Noraxxis pulled sideways and Micah found himself holding on for dear life as the dragon rolled through the air like a jet fighter avoiding a missile. Bright flame filled the spot where they had been, passing so close that Micah saw Noraxxis’ scales turn orange. He knew he should have been incinerated by the blast, but wasn’t. All he felt was a tingle sensation from the Dragon’s eye medallion, something seemed to be covering his skin.

“I thought you said that dragons couldn’t harm me as long as I wore the eye,” he screamed.

Noraxxis dipped his body and folded his wings in tight as the green dragon’s claws cut like scythes through the empty air with a hiss.

Suddenly as if he couldn’t regain flight, Noraxxis plummeted uncontrollably out of the sky.

“It seems that they have found another way of doing that without touching you.”

“And what is that!” demanded Micah, watching the earth come closer to them in rapidly spinning circles as the dragon fell.

“The younglings dare to attack me,” snapped out Noraxxis peevishly.

Suddenly giant leather wings shot out wide. Noraxxis gathered air into them. Looking up at the two diving dragons, thinking he was out of control, a small sneer curled his lip.

Noraxxis knew their inexperience made it impossible to avoid what came next. A bright swathe of flame filled the air as Noraxxis let loose with an explosive blast.

Shaking his head from side to side, he filled the whole sky with flame. Micah watched wide-eyed as the flame cut a hole through the pursuing green dragon’s wing and suddenly it spun out of control. The rest of the blast caught the blue dragon full in the face. Flames encased its whole head. Both dragons screamed in pain as they plummeted past Noraxxis. Spinning a final time, Noraxxis righted himself and they both watched the two dragons crash into the earth. Dusty explosions filled the air and Micah was sure by the size of the clouds that there were two crater sized holes in the earth.

Noraxxis shook his head from side to side, and said in a scolding tone, “Younglings should know better than to play with adults.”
 
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After what seemed like hours, Noraxxis finally descended out of the clouds. (firstly I think there's a problem with what seemed like hours in that we have nothing to reference it by. If things seem like hours but are actually seconds then it makes sense but if it seemed like hours because it was then we need to know. Adding the finally dose indeed suggest that the time was longer than a few minutes adding to the confusion IMO) A mighty skyfortress sat on top of a mountain. The palace seemed to be in the clouds (Position problem: if he is below the clouds then it wouldn't seem that way as he wouldn't be able to see it if it was also if the clouds are patchy then descending from them above is wrong as he would have been in out out of the clouds fairly often) but that was an illusion. In fact, Micah realized, gaping wide-eyed, it looked like it had been built out of the craggy top. (well it is sat atop a mountain) Stone walls thrust up out of the mountain and rose high into the air and Micah could see battlements and fortifications filling almost every surface (how close are we). The air was cold and crystal clear (what happened to the clouds) and Micah studied the tops of the other mountains as they descended looking for the other fortresses Noraxxis had told him about. Without having to be told, he knew from the description that they had reached Windermere (? Our windermere). Even to his untrained eye, Micah recognized the battle scars covering the walls of the mighty abandoned fortress. (seems out of place and a bit late to mention)

The sky around them seemed empty except for themselves (clouds?). then Micah heard Noraxxis growl, “There they are.”

“There who are?” Jerking his head around, Micah scanned the sky and spotted movement. Just under another cloudbank, two winged shapes knifed across the air making their way toward them. Even from this distance, Micah could make out the reflecting green and blue scales.

Noraxxis’ voice rolled (?) back to his ears, “Are your cinches tight?”
Shouting out yes, Micah knew he wasn’t going to check them again, he had already a hundred times during their flight.

“Good.” And suddenly they were hurtling across the sky. Wind whistled through his ears (round surely, or has he more than the standard issue?:)) as Micah realized the dragon had been deliberately traveling slowly. As Noraxxis burst into full flight, he was flung back hard against the bracers.

Throwing a quick glance over his shoulder, Micah saw the two dragons hastily begin (well they started knifing toward them - it seem pretty desperate then) the chase. They weren’t as large as Noraxxis,(no comma IMO) Micah realized as he kept his eyes glued to them,( them. They seemed to be gaining) but they did seem to be gaining.

“I don’t think we can outrun them,” he called out and heard Noraxxis chuckle, “What makes you think I want too?”

Without any warning, Noraxxis pulled sideways and Micah found himself holding on ( for dear life seems a bit cleche ish desperately maybe ) as the dragon rolled through the air like a jet fighter (are there jet fighters in this world. If not then don't drag reality into it.) avoiding a missile. Bright flame filled the spot where they had been, passing so close that Micah saw Noraxxis’ scales turn orange. He knew he should have been incinerated by the blast, but wasn’t. All he felt was a tingle sensation from the Dragon’s eye medallion, something seemed to be covering his skin.

“I thought you said that dragons couldn’t harm me as long as I wore the eye,” he screamed. (a bit distracting both for the story and the dragon)

Noraxxis dipped his body and folded his wings in tight as the green dragon’s claws cut like scythes through the empty air with a hiss.

Suddenly (Noraxxis, as if he couldn’t regain flight, Noraxxis plummeted down. uncontrollably (If it's as if then it is controlled) out of the sky. (out of the sky is land)

“It seems that they have found another way of doing that without touching you.”

“And what is that!” demanded Micah, watching the earth come closer to them in rapidly spinning circles as the dragon fell.

“The younglings dare to attack me,” snapped out Noraxxis peevishly.

Suddenly giant leather wings shot out wide. Noraxxis gathered air into them. Looking up at the two diving dragons, thinking he was out of control, a small sneer curled his lip.

Noraxxis knew their inexperience made it impossible to avoid what came next. A bright swathe of flame filled the air as Noraxxis let loose with an intensive explosive blast.

Shaking (Swaying) his head from side to side, he filled the path in front of the two dragons whole sky with flame. Micah watched wide-eyed as the flame cut a hole through the pursuing green dragon’s wing and suddenly it spun out of control. The rest of the blast caught the blue dragon full in the face. Flames encased its whole head. Both dragons screamed in pain as they plummeted past Noraxxis. Spinning a final time, Noraxxis righted himself and they both watched the two dragons crash into the earth. Dusty (Why?) explosions filled the air and Micah was sure by the size of the clouds that there were two crater sized holes in the earth.

Noraxxis shook his head from side to side, and said in a scolding tone, “Younglings should know better than to play with adults.”

Hope I helped

TEiN
 
"...like a jet fighter avoiding a missile."

If so, then assorted hi-tech is allowed, including counter-measures.

Or specifically disallowed per some arcane Treaty, like the Chinese edicts that cut nation off from Western Influence, or the millenium-earlier proscription against Greek Fire. D'uh, modern analogue may be the 'Fogbank' aerogel filling for thermonukes which reportedly had to be expensively re-researched because it was too dangerous a secret to document fully...

Alternative is to retcon tale, idly comment on a nimble pigeon-analogue avoiding a stoop by a hawk-analogue. Then, with analogues established in previous chapter...

Uh, if approach had the castle apparently perched on cloud, how did combatants find each other in the cloud ? How far down did the cloud extend ??
 
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